What the F*%k is Self-Care
Hot Takes on Self Care & Unicorn Space in Midlife
The phrase “self-care” is not just a buzzword or a hashtag. For many moms and women in midlife, we use it as the permission we need to just take basic care of ourselves. If that’s you, just FYI drinking water and getting proper sleep is not self-care…that’s meeting your basic human needs in order to function. Women in midlife deserve better than that. It’s time to remix self-care and really define it for ourselves in midlife.
If you’re not sure exactly what self-care is, don’t worry! I’ve got my golden sh*t shovel and some wisdom from my amazing podcast guests to help you out. We’re going to break this whole “self-care” thing down and find out what it is and how we do it.
Are we digging deep? YES! Are there actionable items? YES!
Start at the beginning: SELF
If we’ve spent so much of our lives caring for everyone else or living according to everyone else’s expectations, it can be hard to even know who we are by midlife. If you struggle with knowing who you are and what you want, you’re not alone. In Episode 5 with Eve Rodsky, she helped us understand why we as women struggle to know what we need. Since women’s time is often dominated by a never-ending to-do list, we lose what Eve calls the “unicorn space” - the time where we can invest our energy into our passions, uninterrupted. She walks us through how to re-evaluate all of the “to-do’s” in the house, and how to communicate with our partner as we rearrange our time and take back our unicorn space. Reclaiming our unicorn space is not “self-care” (like a mani/pedi), but it can help us understand who we are now and what we actually need to feel elevated and cared for...Unicorn Space is “the active pursuit of something you love, something that brings you joy and makes you who you are. For example, Eve loves eating baked goods, but just eating them doesn’t count as her unicorn space while making them does.”
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to take back some unicorn space and get clear on who you are in midlife:
Who were you before you became a mom, wife, business owner, employee, etc.? What makes you truly happy?
What can you do to constantly be in a relationship with yourself? What are the activities that make you feel the most joy? What do you enjoy that is just for you and not about being productive? For inspo, check out Episode 32 with Jen Szpigiel. She talks all about dating and romancing yourself.
What are you passionate about? Think about the time, energy, and love you give to your family and your work…now, imagine what it could be like if you gave even a nugget of that to the things that light you up. For additional inspo, check out my solo episode about midlife self-obsession, Being Your Own WHY in the Second Half of Life.
Get to the good part: Self pampering & rituals
Once you get clear about who you are, it’s time to get curious about what really makes you feel good. Start by investing in the things that feel like “care” to you, whether that’s a weekly facial, a weekly luncheon at your favorite cafe, or buying and wearing a silk robe.
Here are some fun and sexy ways to get started:
When you drink your coffee or matcha in the morning (just an example)…create a simple, yet luxurious ritual for yourself. You might want to put on a silk robe and light some candles. Think about how you want to feel and what can get you there.
When was the last time you truly treated and pampered yourself? Think about the things that not only relieve stress (like a massage) but also give you pleasure.
Get curious about your capacity for pleasure. Maybe it’s time to try those things you think are too luxurious, too indulgent, whatever. Give yourself permission to scratch those midlife itchies!
I hope these hot takes have got you feeling curious about YOU and how to love yourself. Life is too short to think about the “when I achieve this, I’ll get that.” They’re just excuses and roadblocks that we make for ourselves. Give yourself something sweet today! It’s time to start living now. Midlife is the time. Once you start putting yourself first and treating yourself like gold, you’ll start feeling it too. Midlife self obsession is approved. Just do you!
Finding Jen Szpigiel
Finding Eve Rodsky: