Your Midlife Personal Rebrand

Aliza Licht (00:00:00) - When we talk about being on brand or your personal brand, it's like what you say, what you don't say, what you choose to align with your energy, your mannerisms. It's how people perceive you. So everyone is being judged on a daily basis, right? Everyone is putting out messaging on a daily basis in any medium. So the question is, is your self reflection matching their public perception?

*Sarah Milken * (00:00:30) - Hey peeps, welcome to the Flexible Neurotic Podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Sarah Milken. Yeah, you heard that right. I'm a real PhD doctor. Long, long ago, like last fucking year, I was sitting in the midlife funk wondering, was this it for me? That day, I realized I needed to get off my ass and start my midlife remix. I dusted off my PhD, wiped the menopause sweat off my forehead, grabbed my golden shit shovel, and started digging deep to all my midlife bitches. It's not just luck, coffee, and hormones that get you through your midlife remix.

*Sarah Milken * (00:01:07) - It's action steps. Let's do this. Hi good peeps, this is the next episode of the Flexible Neurotic Podcast. I'm Dr. Sarah Milken, the flexible neurotic.

Aliza Licht (00:01:18) - Today I have a cool guest.

*Sarah Milken * (00:01:20) - This midlife.

Aliza Licht (00:01:21) - Hottie thought she was headed for.

*Sarah Milken * (00:01:23) - Medical school as an undergrad when she decided her true passion was.

Aliza Licht (00:01:27) - Really fashion.

*Sarah Milken * (00:01:29) - She became the creator and voice behind the anonymous Twitter account at PR girl. You know that fab Gossip Girl voice and personality? It was one of the first popular fashion accounts on Twitter. I don't even fucking have Twitter. She left. Why? After almost two decades with tremendous success and notoriety to go out on her own, when she left, she felt like she didn't know who she was anymore. Without that label and title, you might be thinking, I don't have a job like that. So how does this pertain to me? Well, listen up, it does this feeling of oh shit, who am I? Now is something that 99.9% of us midlife women face, whether we're working moms, stay at home moms, or whatever you call yourself.

*Sarah Milken * (00:02:16) - So buckle up. This podcaster, two time author and speaker, is going to take us through How to Create a Personal brand. Even if you don't have a business. We're going to dive into her fab new book called On Brand Shape your narratives, share your vision, shift their perception. Her name is Elisa Licht. Hi, Elisa, how are you?

Aliza Licht (00:02:38) - Hi, Sarah, thank you so much. That was probably the best introduction I've ever heard. And that's such a fucking compliment from someone like you deserve it. You deserve it. You really weaved it together and made it perfectly relevant for your audience. So thank you, thank you.

*Sarah Milken * (00:02:54) - I feel like I have to I feel like when people send me bios, I'm like, this is not my like, irreverent, sassy voice. I have to, like, make this a little bit more me and the person don't know. Was it Jennifer Fisher who introduced us?

Aliza Licht (00:03:08) - Yes.

*Sarah Milken * (00:03:09) - In like the mom Jewish geography. I think this woman's son is going to the same college as your son, right?

Aliza Licht (00:03:16) - Yes, yes.

Aliza Licht (00:03:17) - And I sat next to each other at a lunch at Saks, and she was like, you have to meet my friend Sarah. It's great. I would love to.

*Sarah Milken * (00:03:26) - Oh my God. And then we did, like, whole, like Jewish geography. And then our sons end up in the same college. The whole.

Aliza Licht (00:03:32) - Thing. Yes.

*Sarah Milken * (00:03:34) - I'm so happy you're here. I know we've been playing a lot of, like, phone tag. Text tag. You've had the flu this week. I've had an allergic bee sting. We're recording this. What are we, six weeks out from October 7th? Yeah, I have not been recording that much. I know that you have taken a pause on recording your podcast, so I don't know. Sometimes it feels weird to to go back to your regular life, doesn't it?

Aliza Licht (00:04:00) - I started dipping my toes in it, but I still we're not in a normal place. We're just not.

*Sarah Milken * (00:04:09) - It's so strange. I'm like, wait, can I record? And then every podcast episode that I put out, I'm like, this was recorded before October 7th because I don't want people to be like, how did she have a whole conversation? And like, not even reference that.

Aliza Licht (00:04:21) - I think that's a really good point, and I probably have to do the same thing when I start airing again, because the whole world has changed.

*Sarah Milken * (00:04:29) - The whole world, and it's like, you don't want to be tone deaf. And then there are certain conversations where it doesn't 100% weave in. So it's just kind of like figuring out where you are. I'm so happy you're here. I feel like you and I could probably spend 35 hours talking about midlife women branding, two freshman in college, half empty nest. Of course, the world saga, Jews, Israel, all of it. For today, we're going to do the midlife rebrand.

Aliza Licht (00:04:57) - Great. Amazing. Love it.

*Sarah Milken * (00:04:58) - I can't wait. So little quick background on you. Part of it was in your intro. You were college student thinking pre-med, obviously smart nerd and doing all the pre-med. A hot nerd though. That's what we say. A hot nerd doing all the pre-med coursework. Then you jump ship for real fashion and passion. And you started at Marie Claire magazine, launched your career, and became the creator and anonymous voice behind and PR girl Twitter.

*Sarah Milken * (00:05:28) - You were like the Carrie Bradshaw for NY. Yeah. Mean old were you mean?

Aliza Licht (00:05:35) - I was in my early 30s. But I mean, the idea was really stolen from Gossip Girl, right? Yeah. Yeah, really, it really was. But but from a journalistic perspective, yes. Carrie Bradshaw being a writer, because Twitter is so based on word. It wasn't about pictures. It really was based on what you wrote. Yeah, it was really in the early days. It was 2009. It just didn't even have.

*Sarah Milken * (00:05:59) - Social media till three years ago. Liza. Like how?

Aliza Licht (00:06:02) - Like, hey.

*Sarah Milken * (00:06:03) - You were like a Twitter expert, like 20 years.

Aliza Licht (00:06:06) - Ago.

*Sarah Milken * (00:06:07) - And happening, you.

Aliza Licht (00:06:09) - Know, it's funny. I mean, it was at a time in fashion where, like, brands were not on social media. So I didn't even realize, you know, we'd be talking about this so many years later. At the time, it was just like very gut intuitive.

*Sarah Milken * (00:06:23) - So interesting. You were like, so ahead of your time.

*Sarah Milken * (00:06:26) - And I was apparently like, in the fucking Flintstone ages. So people who are listening are probably thinking like, well, why? Why are we talking to her? Like, I don't have a business, I don't need a personal brand. And you're like, no, no, no, no, no. Everyone needs a personal brand. Even if you don't have a career or a big job title. Tell us why.

Aliza Licht (00:06:48) - Because you're human and every single person has some version of a personal brand. It starts with what makes you you. So the easiest way for me to explain what it means to be on brand, right? If everyone who's listening thought of a font, they go to write something and they choose the font, there are certain fonts that you're like, that's my font. That is the go to font. And then sometimes you see a font and you're like, oh my God, I would never type in that font. That is so not me. It's either on brand for you or it's not.

Aliza Licht (00:07:23) - And when we talk about being on brand or your personal brand, it's like what you say, what you don't say, what you choose to align with your energy, your mannerisms. It's how people perceive you. So everyone is being judged on a daily basis, right? Everyone is putting out messaging on a daily basis in any medium. So the question is, is your self reflection matching their public perception? And that is really the conversation here. So what I'm saying in on brand is be proactive about it. Shape the narrative you want other people to consume.

*Sarah Milken * (00:07:59) - I think it's interesting too, because obviously I'm new to social media. Within the past three years, my podcast and public persona, which I've never done before, and a lot of people are like, but I don't have a social media presence. I'm not trying to start a business, but you're basically saying, like, even if you're a mom who drives carpool, you still need a brand.

Aliza Licht (00:08:22) - So it's actually something that I very, I was very intentional about and in on brand, I'm very equitable between advice for people who are all in on social media and then those people who are like, I don't do social media, that's not for me, because when you think about it like, I'll go back to my days when I was PR president, okay, I was PR president, I was leading a lot of meetings.

Aliza Licht (00:08:47) - I was leading a lot of moms who were not working moms. The idea of how you are able to motivate people to work in a certain direction, right. It matters how you show up in personal, one on one meetings. It matters how you show up on a zoom call. It matters the way that you're able to carry weight in a room. It matters even to your kids, right? It's like they're they're actually judging you as a person, too. It's like every way that you show up needs to be thoughtful. And this is just really to say that we go through life sometimes not realizing that we're actually in control of shaping the narrative. The way that I describe a strong personal brand is that your name is dropped in rooms you're not in, and the reason why you can be recommended for opportunities other people haven't heard of yet is because you've done the work to shape the narrative. You've communicated it to the people around you in any circle, and then they can speak about you when you're not there.

*Sarah Milken * (00:09:52) - I love that because I think so many of us get caught in this, like, but like the working or not working or huge career or, you know, kind of taking a break or whatever, and you're saying, no, you guys, this is like a 24 hour, this is your life situation. Like, what do you what do you want people to know you for? Like, what's your legacy? What's the feeling you bring to the room? And it's not always 100%. And sometimes we make mistakes and things are off brand or whatever, but generally speaking, that we do control our narrative. And I think so many of us get caught up in, well, what is she going to think? What are they going to think? And you're saying, yeah, they might think this, that or the other, but the person who controls that is you.

Aliza Licht (00:10:37) - Correct. And it's also understanding your own brand guardrails. Right. What are things that you should not talk about or be involved in.

Aliza Licht (00:10:47) - Right. Just as much as the things you want to get behind. And I think people really don't realize how much control they have over it until they actually do the work. Which is why, you know, when I wrote on brand, I made like workbook pages so people can added them and actually.

*Sarah Milken * (00:11:04) - Wrote in the book. I heard you talk.

Aliza Licht (00:11:06) - So proud of you.

*Sarah Milken * (00:11:08) - I'm a writer. In the book, I'm like.

Aliza Licht (00:11:10) - The only one.

*Sarah Milken * (00:11:11) - The own different color pens. I'll show you. I have pictures and I have the book sitting right here. And then I have this for colored pen.

Aliza Licht (00:11:19) - Oh my God, that is so my childhood right there, right? Isn't it?

*Sarah Milken * (00:11:22) - This was like my whole high school experience. And I found the pink glitter ones on Amazon. But like I read in the book and I loved your exercises. I never fucking do exercises in a book. But yours. I did, and I filled them out and I was like, okay, that makes sense.

*Sarah Milken * (00:11:37) - I think I'm on brand with myself. What would my family say about me? What would my friends say about me? It's it's an interesting exercise, and I like how you talk about how it's creating. Your brand is a process of self-discovery, too. And I think midlife rebrands for ourselves right now. Whether you're a working mom and non-working mom or you're just a mom who's like, I, I'm an empty nester now who am I? My labels gone, like my kids are gone. And where do I fit into this world? And it's so scary. But it's also such an amazing opportunity that we have to take personal responsibility for and really dive into and create.

Aliza Licht (00:12:21) - Mean, I think you hit the nail on the head, Sarah. And just going back to your intro, you know, after I left on a Karen after 17 years and was so synonymous with this character that became hugely famous, got me my first book deal, all the things that first Monday of like, okay, now I'm I'm not working anymore.

Aliza Licht (00:12:42) - I'm not. I don't have that title anymore. It was like an existential crisis. And asking yourself that question of like, okay, who am I now? Like, what do I want to be known for now? That's what I had to ask myself. And if someone is even not, you don't even have to be an empty nester. You could be at the point where you're like, you know what? My kids are old enough for me to start thinking about me again. What am I passionate about? What is interesting to me? What do I want to dig into? This is this is a book that will help you get clear on that, because I think there's so much opportunity for people who have so much experience and maybe just haven't had the time to really get back into the things that they really enjoy doing.

*Sarah Milken * (00:13:32) - Yeah. And I, as you know, like all the listeners of this podcast and the followers of my platform, it's all of us are in the same boat of trying to figure it out, and there's no shame in it.

*Sarah Milken * (00:13:42) - And I think a lot of women come to this and they're like, but I don't have this old passion that I used to love that I can go back to. And I don't think everyone does. I think a lot of times it's like getting in the trenches today, here and now. And maybe you weren't once a flamenco dancer and you're going back to that, and it feels really hard to like, think of it now. But the reality is, is if you don't do the work and take that self responsibility, no one's coming to fucking rescue you.

Aliza Licht (00:14:12) - Yeah, and you know what? I think we're both friends with Brodsky, right? Yes. Okay, so Eve's book Find Your Unicorn.

*Sarah Milken * (00:14:19) - Save that I did a whole episode on that. Yeah.

Aliza Licht (00:14:21) - So did. I mean, it's really the perfect thing. It's like you don't have to. Like you just said perfectly. You don't have to necessarily go back to something. But everyone has a passion for something, or they can have the luxury of time to figure out what that could be.

Aliza Licht (00:14:38) - I just think it's it's so important for us, especially at this stage of our lives, to make time for that. We've given so much of our time to like raising our children. We need our own time too.

*Sarah Milken * (00:14:52) - I love that, and I think it's particularly interesting right now, seeing mean everyone's standing up. But like, there's a lot of women, midlife women who are standing up in this whole sort of world saga, standing up for the Jews, standing up for Israel, and really finding their voice in that. Topic. And I really love that.

Aliza Licht (00:15:17) - You know, I wrote a whole piece on how being a Jewish activist wasn't on brand for me.

*Sarah Milken * (00:15:24) - I know I read it.

Aliza Licht (00:15:26) - Thank you for reading it. I mean, I think that when you go back to, you know, and in the book, you know, you do your Venn diagram and you're like, you know, these are the circles. This is this is what's important to me, whether it's work or a side hustle, your family or your causes and trying to understand the visualization of all of that.

Aliza Licht (00:15:45) - Being an activist, I have never cared about being an activist on any single subject. But then you go back to your core values and your belief system, and that that has spoken louder to me personally. I'm not saying it's for everyone. After October 7th, you know, I'm the granddaughter of four Holocaust survivors. I am of the belief that they did not survive the Holocaust. For me to sit around and be, like, scared to speak out. So I have hijacked my own personal brand for this cause right now. But that's not for everyone. And I think everyone should do what feels right to them.

*Sarah Milken * (00:16:22) - And I think there's there's different scales of it too. So you've taken over your whole platform, you've come out strong, you're posting reels, you're very public. Then there's me and I've come out pretty publicly, probably not as strong as you, but it's more about finding where your comfort zone is and really going with that. I know that like some women are hosting holla making some women are doing photography.

*Sarah Milken * (00:16:50) - A bunch of women went to the march in Washington, DC, and it's not that one is more splashy or cooler than another, or this one is a whole social media presence and this one's smaller. It's just finding that little spark of energy that you feel aligned and connected to. It doesn't matter how big or small. And that's what I really want women to understand.

Aliza Licht (00:17:13) - Yes. And I think you can do your entire activism behind the scenes and quiet. I know plenty of people who do not have social media accounts, who are doing a lot of work behind the scenes that no one would know about. So I think just like the point is, though, believing in something, right? Having a perspective, do I think now is not the time for apathy? It's like you have to have a point of view.

*Sarah Milken * (00:17:37) - Yeah, and I think that giving yourself a point of view also makes you feel relevant.

Aliza Licht (00:17:43) - Yeah, I think I mean, I agree, I mean it's it's it's critical actually.

*Sarah Milken * (00:17:50) - Now in your book you say I'm going to read this quote.

*Sarah Milken * (00:17:53) - It says you, you write what makes you you. It is the impression others have have of you that stems from how you tell your story and express your unique combination of personality, experience and skills. It lies in both the spoken and unspoken and in your mannerisms, every and every attitude, whether in person, online, in the media, by word or by mouth. It's your visual identity and the things you choose to surround yourself with. It's what people think you do, who you are and what you stand for. Saying something is on brand for you means that it aligns with you aesthetically or in concept. People's perception of you becomes a reality of you whether you like it or not. Boom! So good.

Aliza Licht (00:18:36) - Thank you.

*Sarah Milken * (00:18:37) - So true. And I think it's interesting because even in this process of standing up for Israel and the Jews, even on my platform, at first I was like, well. Are people going to be turned off by this? And I thought about it for like a nanosecond.

*Sarah Milken * (00:18:53) - And then I was like, you know what? Fuck it. No, my platform is about midlife women saying what you believe, doing what you say you're going to do. For me, it's a lot of TMI. It's talking about my teenagers, talking about my husband, all the things and being a real person. And this topic, this cause of Jews and the modern day Holocaust and all of this. It's part of my life. So for me not to share it did not feel on brand for me.

Aliza Licht (00:19:23) - I think that's completely accurate and I commend you for it. But you have to be strong enough to do that, right? And you clearly.

*Sarah Milken * (00:19:32) - And look, do I have hate people? I hate trollers yes, of course I do. Do I go as public as you do? No, but I have enough of it for it to be like, you know what? That kind of hurts. That kind of sucks. But you know what? It's worth it to me.

Aliza Licht (00:19:49) - Yeah.

Aliza Licht (00:19:49) - I mean, I got to tell you, I stopped reading most of my comments like, don't even I don't even care. But, you know, it's so funny. There's been some comments like, I'll scroll through and I'll just like, glaze over them and they'll be one comment that I'm like, oh, I'm going to write a really good response to this, and I'll write this like brilliant, like response that has facts and statistics, and I'll Google and I'll get all the information. And then I go to reply, and I can't reply because it's a freaking bus.

*Sarah Milken * (00:20:20) - That's happened to me too.

Aliza Licht (00:20:22) - It's so painful. No, it's so bad. I just said, you know what?

*Sarah Milken * (00:20:29) - You know what? I think the number of messages I get thanking me for speaking up on my platform or it's so moving and I don't do it for that. But even women who are non-Jews, yes, they're like, Sarah, thank you. We didn't see it that way.

Aliza Licht (00:20:48) - Because when you're. Yeah.

*Sarah Milken * (00:20:50) - And when you're posting things on your feet and the comments that you write on the story or whatever, you are positioning how people view that because we all see the same shit all day long. Yes. But it's sort of like, what is what did Eliza what did Sarah, what did they have to say about that particular item? It's not just about throwing random shit up.

Aliza Licht (00:21:12) - For sure. And also when you when you've built a community, you have built that community because they trust you and they appreciate your point of view. So when you're actually delivering back information and helping people understand a really horrible situation, you're really doing a service to everyone who's following them.

*Sarah Milken * (00:21:36) - Totally. And I do, and I and I for the people who don't think that they're doing anything but because they're not speaking up on social media platforms or whatever, I will say to them, just you're taking the time to thoughtfully thank me for my information is enough good energy for me to say thank you and you're doing your part.

Aliza Licht (00:21:59) - Yeah.

Aliza Licht (00:22:00) - I mean, I'll take it one step further. I actually think that we are both giving voice to people who maybe don't know what to say. So I would suggest if you find a post, Sarah's post, my post, anyone's post that you feel good about that you feel is speaking the same way you're thinking, share it. Let someone else speak. You know and share somebody else's voice.

*Sarah Milken * (00:22:28) - And I will also say that a lot of people in the comments will say, thank you for just saying exactly how I felt, but I didn't know how to say it exactly.

Aliza Licht (00:22:37) - Exactly. Because it is.

*Sarah Milken * (00:22:38) - Yeah, it is really hard. And I'm like, is this going to come out right? Is this going to come out right? And then at the end of the day, I just realized the only thing I can do is speak from my heart like I'm not a historical land facts expert on Israel and Palestine. Like I'm just not. Could I google every single year that this happened with this accord and that? Yes, of course I could.

*Sarah Milken * (00:23:00) - But I'm not claiming to be that. I'm claiming to be a Jewish mom, woman, podcast or midlife platform who is really upset about what's going on.

Aliza Licht (00:23:13) - Yeah. And I also think, most importantly, you're a mom and you have kids that you have educated properly. And like I posted today, like, where are all the American parents who are letting their kids consume this insanity on TikTok? Like, how where are they?

*Sarah Milken * (00:23:33) - Where are they? I don't know.

Aliza Licht (00:23:35) - I don't know either.

*Sarah Milken * (00:23:36) - It's but it's like we're literally these kids are being raised by TikTok.

Aliza Licht (00:23:41) - No, it's it's really it's so scary. Scary. It's really scary.

*Sarah Milken * (00:23:45) - Now in terms of being a midlife woman and wanting to rebrand yourself, I find and I know that you talk about in your book that like one of the biggest obstacles is ourselves. And self-judgment. And I want you to talk about kind of what your strategies were when you came out of NY with this huge role, and then you were just like, okay, I'm sitting in my house and like, who am I now without this label? And how do I get around this, what I call the inner bitch? She just keeps talking and talking and won't shut up.

Aliza Licht (00:24:20) - So that is all so real. I think you have to surround yourself with people who see a better version of you than you see for yourself. So I met with my friend Ross Martin, who? He is a brilliant marketer who were not where we weren't super close, but he knew my work and I said, like, I'm like a little lost here. Like I did all of these things and now it's like just this blank canvas and I kind of don't know what to do with it. And I think the best thing he said was like, well, that's just like one thing you did, like all these skills, all your experiences, they're yours. Right? It doesn't matter where you take them, where one company, another company. So I think first and foremost, you know, it starts with changing how you think about yourself, right? Because you can't you can't shape the right narrative and communicate that to others if you don't believe it first. So I sat down and I literally took out a piece of paper and I was like, okay, if I'm going to like, start consulting, like.

Aliza Licht (00:25:31) - What are my capabilities? And then I crossed out all the things I didn't want to do anymore and happened to be one of them. So I was called a PR girl for my entire career. I basically created the idea of a PR girl through PR girl, and then I no longer wanted to be a PR girl. But like the internet says, I'm a PR girl, so how do I make sense of that? So it started with just like really one on one conversations of like saying, okay, I want to be known as a marketer. So I'm going to communicate this out. And I think the first step is deciding what you want to be known for or what you're trying to do, and then start having those conversations with people in your network. And every time someone came to me and started talking about PR, I stopped them and I said, hey, I totally get that. You know, you think of me as a PR girl, but actually I don't want to do that anymore.

Aliza Licht (00:26:26) - Here's where I really want to focus now. So when I was arming people with the information that I wanted to work on marketing and I wanted to work on digital strategy, maybe there wasn't something right then and there, but I was arming them with the information to speak about me when I'm not in the room in case there was an opportunity. So it really is just about shaping your own story and then making sure people know it. Because without you doing that, people will make up their own version of your story.

*Sarah Milken * (00:26:57) - You know what this kind of reminds me of? Since you and I just went through the college application process with our kids, I'm like, oh my God, this is like a fucking college narrative, you know what I mean? It's like, everything you've done, how much should you do it? What did you like about it? But it kind of is true. It's sort of like kind of looking back at your life and putting a whole story together and kind of creating a brand around that.

*Sarah Milken * (00:27:22) - And whether it's a brand or a business or just yourself, maybe you're just like, you know, the woman who is a really good chef and plays pickleball and all, all the things that I'm terrible at.

Aliza Licht (00:27:35) - But whatever it is.

*Sarah Milken * (00:27:39) - Yeah. Whatever it is, it's like building this whole story narrative around yourself.

Aliza Licht (00:27:44) - Yeah. And don't think it it has to be intimidating, right? Think this is like. Well, first of all, my writing is not intimidating, number one. I mean, I do write like a teenager, essentially.

*Sarah Milken * (00:27:55) - I'm like stream of consciousness.

Aliza Licht (00:27:57) - Me too.

*Sarah Milken * (00:27:58) - It's like it's like fart, fart, fart, fart.

Aliza Licht (00:28:01) - But but I think I think that makes it easy to understand. So like and also you don't have to have all the answers in one moment. Right. You can sort of just like think about it like just, you know, dig into the work and then think about it and come back to it.

*Sarah Milken * (00:28:18) - Do you think that women like, how would you convince women who are in that super stuck like zone? And they're like, but it's not going to be perfect, and I'm not the website's not going to look amazing.

*Sarah Milken * (00:28:31) - And like, what if it doesn't look like her website? Like, how do you get out of just, you know, kind of getting out of perfection, focus into just fucking start. And I know you're a perfectionist too, and you like everything to be a certain way. And you check all of your Instagram bios and social media platform bios every quarter. And I was like, fuck, I need to do that.

Aliza Licht (00:28:53) - Yeah. So how do you.

*Sarah Milken * (00:28:54) - How do you shut the perfectionist down and kind of just go all in?

Aliza Licht (00:28:58) - So but that's an example of of not being obsessed with perfection because I know every time I check one of those bios or I check my website, I literally am going to find a typo, and I'm going to find a sentence that I'm like, who the hell wrote that? So I, I'm not a planner. I do not have a strategy. I have never had a strategy. I am very much like, let's throw a lot of shit at the wall and see what sticks.

Aliza Licht (00:29:27) - I'm not saying that's good. That's who I am, though. It's just it's just how I function because I am very fly by the seat of your pants. So I literally with my podcast, Leave Your Mark, I'm like, oh, I want to start a podcast googling how to start a podcast, start a podcast the next day. Like that's how I function. So I think it's never about perfection. And also these things are never final. The reason why I say to check it every quarter is because every time you look at it, you're going to hate it. You're going to hate it.

*Sarah Milken * (00:29:59) - I know I sent someone my bio this morning and I was like, should I change that? And I was like, okay, Sarah, stop. Like.

Aliza Licht (00:30:06) - But but it's not final, but it's not final ever. And it shouldn't be final. So there's never going to be a point where you're like, this is perfect because your tastes change, your interests change, your goals change. So having that moment to check in with yourself and and say, is everything I'm putting out there, messaging to that North Star goal, whatever that goal is.

Aliza Licht (00:30:30) - And if it's not crazy, tweak it. It's not even.

*Sarah Milken * (00:30:34) - Think you have to have a goal. That's what I think is interesting about it. Like people will say to me, well, I don't understand, like you just started a podcast like Out of Thin Air and you didn't even have social media and you didn't have an Instagram account. And I was like, yeah, but did you have a strategy? Did you have a PR person? Did you have a social media person? No. And I just said I had no idea what I was doing. Like you, I googled, how do you do a podcast?

Aliza Licht (00:30:59) - Yeah, yeah.

*Sarah Milken * (00:31:00) - But.

Aliza Licht (00:31:01) - That's the best way. I don't know how.

*Sarah Milken * (00:31:02) - Else to do it. And then I talk about how, like, I at first I was like, oh, I should have a social media company. And I did an interview with them and they sent me like a deck or whatever. And I was like, what? This is like, not me.

*Sarah Milken * (00:31:15) - Like, this is. And I realized in that moment that the only person who could do that job was me. Yes.

Aliza Licht (00:31:25) - And I talk about this a lot in my no.

*Sarah Milken * (00:31:28) - That's why when I was reading it, I was like, oh my God. Like, this is exactly what happened to me.

Aliza Licht (00:31:34) - It. Because first of all, the reason why your podcast is so successful and you had no strategy is because you went into it from a very authentic place. You went in personally feeling something and saying, wait, if I feel this way, other people are going to feel this way. And when you have that core, foundational reason for being, you're going to find your audience when it starts there and you know that people are attracted to you and the way that you're thinking and the way that you're telling your story, no one else can do that. Social media for you. It's not possible. It's not, it's not. It's an.

*Sarah Milken * (00:32:15) - Unfortunate. It's such a tough pill to swallow.

*Sarah Milken * (00:32:17) - I just want to pay someone to do it for me.

Aliza Licht (00:32:20) - I know, but you. It's like nails on a chalkboard.

*Sarah Milken * (00:32:25) - I'm sorry. No. Believe me, I've been doing it for three years. And the whole. This whole time, it's just like me and my phone, let's say, just how it works. It's like I want to have a certain thing work for you. A certain energy, a certain identity. The only way that that can be done is by you. Because no one else can do you except for you. Can someone change a font or fill something out on a website to make it work? Yes, but no one else can put in the same energy. People would know if somebody else was doing all my posts and my stories.

Aliza Licht (00:33:05) - I mean, I don't think you could even mentally handle that. I couldn't, I mean, I couldn't, I couldn't.

*Sarah Milken * (00:33:12) - I can't even get someone to help me to do the notes to prepare for a podcast because I'm such a freak.

Aliza Licht (00:33:17) - But you know what, though? That's also why people love you. Because they know you're really doing it. And when when you're responding to someone they know it's not some assistant or an intern responding. And I think that that's really important for people to know.

*Sarah Milken * (00:33:31) - And I also think that's another part in your book that you talk about is you're not just a face or just a podcast or just this like you're a real person, and when you're online or you're on a podcast, you a it's your responsibility to create a social community. And communities go both ways. And I know you talk about this. So for me, if somebody messages me or comments, I'm the one responding, even if it takes me a day or two to get back, it's not someone else. And I know people who have a million followers or whatever can't do that, and I totally get it. But I think for me, my commitment since the beginning was if you're a human being and you're going to take the time to interact with me, I'm going to take that time to interact back with you.

Aliza Licht (00:34:19) - Yes. And I think that that's great. I think that I mean, that's it's called social media for a reason. I know.

*Sarah Milken * (00:34:27) - But it's not always easy because it's a huge responsibility.

Aliza Licht (00:34:30) - Oh, I will be honest. I pride myself on my communication skills. I have thousands of unanswered DM's in there right now because I can't keep up. It's not possible to keep up, but this is a very specific time.

*Sarah Milken * (00:34:44) - This is a very strange time. Yeah, it would take it would take you like months and years to get through all that. Now in terms of like going back to the mid-life rebrand for a second, a lot of us get stuck in like social comparison. She's doing it better, she's doing it bigger. She's been doing it for longer or whatever. How do you help women, or what would your recommendations be for kind of putting guardrails on how you define success? Because I know a lot of us don't want to start Instagram accounts because we're like, we're never going to have that many followers.

Aliza Licht (00:35:17) - So you never start an Instagram account or any account with the goal of followers. You've got to start it because you are so passionate about saying something or sharing something that if no one followed at all, you'd still be doing it. And I'll give you a perfect example. When I started on TikTok, which was not that long ago. I had like ten followers and then I had 20 followers. Then I had like 40 followers. I'm like, wow, this is not working at all, okay? Just not working at all. And I said to myself, but you know what? Like, I really believe in what I'm saying. Like, I really think what I'm saying matters and can help someone. So I ignored the five views on a video and the ten views on a video, and I was like, wow, this is actually really embarrassing. Like, actually, I'm a failure on TikTok. But I ignored it because I believed so strongly in the advice that I was giving, and I knew that it resonated because I was posting the same thing on Instagram.

Aliza Licht (00:36:23) - I know.

*Sarah Milken * (00:36:23) - Isn't that weird.

Aliza Licht (00:36:25) - Right? But you know what? When content comes from an authentic place, you will break through. You have to remember the beauty of personal brand. No two people are alike. So yes, you can look at sort of people who are doing something well and say, wow, that person's doing it really well. I want to model that behavior or that person is not someone. I don't like that type of content. I don't want to be like that person. But I've always operated under the strategy of put some blinders on. Really be clear on what is driving you, what is your why? Why do you want to start this? Why do you want to talk about that? What is your purpose? And if you're coming from a place where you're actually delivering service oriented information, or you're talking about a niche that really is something you're so passionate about, and maybe it's a small audience that would also care, but it's important enough to you to really get behind this.

Aliza Licht (00:37:31) - Don't focus on the numbers. Don't. The thing I will say that's really important about social, though, and this is now putting on my day job hat as far as consulting, the format matters. So on Instagram, I started Instagram late earlier than you, but like 2013 okay. Years and years and years. We just posted pictures and that was fine. And at a certain point, when it started to become really clear, once they introduced reels, that video was really the future and what the platform itself was getting behind. At first I was like, oh fuck that, I am not doing video. I am super uncomfortable speaking to camera. I am not doing that. But when when a platform is telling you what they're going to prioritize, if you don't do the thing that they're focused on, you will never win. So how I got comfortable speaking to camera on video, and it took me a while saying to myself, okay, do I believe in what I'm saying? Check. Can I make this super easy for myself and make the social media fit into my lifestyle versus making me fit into the social media? So what does that mean? I.

Aliza Licht (00:38:51) - That's why I normally do my social media while I'm getting ready in the morning doing my makeup, because that is the only time of day that I have to think about anything, and that is why I do it. So if there is a ring light on my makeup table and my phone is there and I'm doing my makeup, I can talk to you about whatever's on my mind that day. So I'm having it fit into me. And the thing is. Don't be precious with your content. It doesn't matter if something bombs. It doesn't matter. Plenty of things I post. Bomb. It doesn't matter. You can't care. You have to kind of harden yourself and not take it so personally. Because what you need to be able to do is test different things, but lean into the format that the platform really wants you to lean into.

*Sarah Milken * (00:39:40) - And I know from reading your book you talk about how there are so many platforms and for example, like me, like you with TikTok, I was like, fuck! So I posted a few things and I was like, this is like, not worth my time because there are certain creators who really love creating, like the perfect shot, the perfect light.

*Sarah Milken * (00:40:00) - It looks like an art form. That's not what I'm interested in.

Aliza Licht (00:40:04) - That doesn't even work anymore.

*Sarah Milken * (00:40:06) - So for me, I'm like, I just can't spend the time doing this. This is too annoying.

Aliza Licht (00:40:10) - And but but the thing is, that's my point. Like the more organic and natural and as if you literally just turned on your phone and started speaking because you did. That is what the platforms want to say. Not this high production, well lit videography. That is not that is not what works on social media.

*Sarah Milken * (00:40:32) - And I don't do I can't do dances either. It's too hard. No, that requires way too much coordination on my part.

Aliza Licht (00:40:38) - That is not that is not. No. And by the way, to your point, like when I started on TikTok and I was like, well, I'm not doing dances, I'm not using trending sounds. I'm literally just speaking know how to.

*Sarah Milken * (00:40:51) - Find trending sounds.

Aliza Licht (00:40:53) - It doesn't matter. Because you know what? If you're leaning on trend, you'll never be successful.

Aliza Licht (00:41:00) - You want people to follow you because of you, not because you jumped on a trend. So but if you if you stick with it because you believe in the. And by the way, if you're posting the same content that you're posting on reels on TikTok, it's really not much more effort.

*Sarah Milken * (00:41:15) - That's true. I know I just need to get back to it, but it's like LinkedIn. I know you're a big LinkedIn person. I'm like mentally deficient on LinkedIn. Every day I promised myself I'm going to do it. I don't even understand it. It's like me starting over with Instagram. I'm like, I don't get it. How do I follow people? But after reading your book, I think I have to refocus on LinkedIn.

Aliza Licht (00:41:34) - So LinkedIn is actually, I think, the lowest lift platform because you could you could write two sentences that are super smart, and that's the whole post. Or you can even show your thought leadership in the comments, like, you don't have to have a strategy at all for any of these platforms.

Aliza Licht (00:41:52) - It really should be just like what you're feeling for.

*Sarah Milken * (00:41:55) - But like Instagram seems more intuitive for me now. But I'm like with LinkedIn, do you do you scroll posts like how do you or do you?

Aliza Licht (00:42:04) - So I, I think that everyone should be conscious of who they're following. And I always say you should have like a nutritious timeline because it it should be that the people you're following and the companies you're following or whatever, the organizations that like you want to see their stuff. I don't really have time to go through my timelines for the most part, so I really stick to the notifications on my feed. However, every two weeks I do leaving their mark list, which is inspired by Leave Your Mark, where I go through my timeline and I pull out every single person in my network who's sharing a win. Because part of the theory of on brand is you have to learn how to share your wins in a way that's strategic and elegant. And how I think of that is sharing other people's wins more than your own.

Aliza Licht (00:42:54) - So that's the only time I go through the whole timeline.

*Sarah Milken * (00:42:58) - Well, I have to do like a whole crash course in LinkedIn because it just it just seems like a lot. Now, before we wrap up, because I could talk to you all weekend, what piece of advice, like bottom line advice, if it was one thing would you give to midlife women who are like, who the fuck am I? And what the fuck do I do next?

Aliza Licht (00:43:18) - So. I think number one. Don't take yourself so seriously. Like, it's really not that deep, as our kids would say. Like, oh.

*Sarah Milken * (00:43:31) - My God, my daughter says that to me all day.

Aliza Licht (00:43:33) - Long. It's not that deep. You don't have to have the answers. I would say this repetition is reputation. So whatever it is that you want to become known for in any circle, you have to keep repeating that message in new and interesting ways over and over again. Don't assume people know who you are, what you do, or the value you add.

*Sarah Milken * (00:44:01) - But why do you feel like you're saying it too many times? Or you're like.

Aliza Licht (00:44:04) - Never, never. You're never saying it too many times. Because as Dorie Clark, who is in my book, she's the number one communications coach in the world, she says it perfectly. No one is thinking about you. Literally no one. It's true. No one's thinking about you. No one's thinking about me. We assume people know. Do you know how many people were like, oh my God, you have a new book? I'm like, how many times have I posted about my book? Literally people I'm friends with, I'm like, because you have to remember, such a small percentage of your audience actually sees your I know.

*Sarah Milken * (00:44:39) - But you just feel like such a lame ass. You're like, I'm talking about this shit again.

Aliza Licht (00:44:44) - No, but you know what a great there's a great trend on social, which is reintroduce yourself as you get new followers. You'll see it all the time. People will be like, hey, for those of you new here, this is who I am.

Aliza Licht (00:44:57) - You have to do it. You cannot assume people know.

*Sarah Milken * (00:45:01) - And I think it's also interesting because there's a lot of us who are doing similar ish things in similar spaces. But, you know, obviously a lot of midlife podcasters have a lot of the same guests I do. But it's like, well, her voice is different than mine, and my voice is different than yours. And it's kind of just like figuring out what your little niche part of the pie is.

Aliza Licht (00:45:23) - Yes. And, you know, that really will come from doing the exercises that I put in on brand, because that niche is your secret recipe, right? Your point of view on how you come up with what's on brand for you is only yours. And I'll say, just to answer your question more directly, there's two sorry, there's fire truck.

*Sarah Milken * (00:45:47) - This New York sirens.

Aliza Licht (00:45:48) - Yeah, there's two post-it notes that I would recommend every single person listening right out and stick on their computer. The first one says, why not me? Every time you have a moment of self doubt, you're going to look at that post-it note and you're going to be like, okay, well, why not me? I mean, every production company told me they wouldn't work with me on my podcast.

Aliza Licht (00:46:12) - Every single one said, no, I spoke to you. I was in the most amazing meetings and everyone was like, oh no, sorry, you're not a big enough celebrity. And then I said to myself, well, why not me? Like, why can't I? Why can't I have a podcast? There's never going to be an answer to that question. The second post-it note, which is probably my favorite one, is if you're in the room, you belong there. A lot of people waste time questioning how they got invited into that room. Are they smart enough? Are they capable? Should they be the one to do whatever the opportunity is? Instead of focusing on the fact, hey, I'm in the room, what do I want to do now that I'm in here? So those are the two post-it notes. I would recommend sticking on your laptop and never taking off.

*Sarah Milken * (00:46:58) - My gosh, I love those and am a post-it note queen. I mean, honestly.

Aliza Licht (00:47:04) - Are they pink? Are they?

*Sarah Milken * (00:47:05) - Oh for sure.

*Sarah Milken * (00:47:06) - I'm looking for them now and then. How about that? Like, sometimes I'll like have one stuck to my ass, like, because I'll have them in my car and then I have one stuck to my ass and my kids are like, there's post-it notes stuck to you, mom. And I'm like, that's cool. Like, that's a.

Aliza Licht (00:47:21) - Reminder you have right now. You're reminding me of back in my fashion show production days, when we redo the seating chart for the fashion week, and we would have little labels with all the editors on them, and like, people would stick to your ass. So one of my team members would go to the bathroom and I'd be like that and a winter on your ass, like.

*Sarah Milken * (00:47:42) - Not care for a second like that? Oh, God, it's so good. Well, as we wrap up, as we've been wrapping up forever, I just want to say thank you. I love your book. I love the spotlight iridescence of your book. All the extra, all the sparkle.

*Sarah Milken * (00:47:59) - It definitely matches you. I love how you talk about how the everyone's personal brand continues to evolve like we do as human beings. Nothing is set in stone, and I think as midlife women are coming along these forks in the road, it's sometimes good to take a deep breath and rethink things a little bit and give yourself some space to grow and to change. And it's normal to feel upside down half the time.

Aliza Licht (00:48:26) - Yeah. And first of all, thank you, Sarah, for all of that and for being such a great host and for having me on. But I think to your point, like, there are no wrong answers here. Right? Because it's always changing. I think people just have to be brave enough to make an answer that's right for today, right? It's like what is right for today? It may be different next week. And that's okay.

*Sarah Milken * (00:48:50) - I think sometimes there's safety and planning. So if you're in a planning phase, you're not. You don't feel as committed to something and you don't feel as like committed to potentially failing at something.

*Sarah Milken * (00:49:02) - So if you stay in this kind of like, non-committal, you know, stationary zone, it almost feels a little less pressure, a little easier, and you're not going to fail. But the reality is, is most things that are successful have failed at different parts or different parts in the journey.

Aliza Licht (00:49:21) - Yeah. I mean, we need to strive for progress, not perfection is the bottom line.

*Sarah Milken * (00:49:25) - Oh so important. Oh my God. Okay, Eliza, if people want to find you, where can they find you?

Aliza Licht (00:49:31) - On all the socials.

*Sarah Milken * (00:49:33) - Especially TikTok? No. Just kidding.

Aliza Licht (00:49:36) - Instagram, Twitter or whatever. Tik Tok Eliza is my website. My podcast is leave your Mark. My book is on brand. I have a book called Leave Your Mark two. So you leave your mark is like the stepchild now, but leave your mark. My first book is like The Devil Wears Prada meets career advice. That's a very fun fashion you read. I have college students, college age and young professionals.

Aliza Licht (00:49:59) - Yeah, it's very easy.

*Sarah Milken * (00:50:00) - It's very on brand for you to have sirens going on in the background.

Aliza Licht (00:50:04) - You think, I don't know, this is like Upper East Side. Like there's like eight fire trucks. I have no idea what's going.

*Sarah Milken * (00:50:10) - It's it's it's New York. I want to thank you for being a new friend, for being a new friend to the podcast. And thank you for helping us shine our lights on ourselves and our personal brands.

Aliza Licht (00:50:21) - Well, I am so honored to be here. Thank you so much for having me on. Thank you.

*Sarah Milken * (00:50:31) - Hey peeps, it's me again. I listen to this episode with Alisa Licht, award winning marketer and brand specialist and author of Leave Your Mark and on brand. Shape your narrative, share your vision, shift Their Perception. I wanted to summarize these golden nuggets for you to have actionable items to start using today. I know that when I listen to a long episode, I'm like, oh my God, I love that. And then I can't even remember the fucking specifics.

*Sarah Milken * (00:50:58) - This is why I come back and do a golden nugget. Summary. In this episode, Alisa and I dig deep with our golden years in a conversation about the importance of having a personal brand, finding your voice, and being authentic without falling into the trap of comparing yourself to others. Golden nugget number one the importance of having a personal brand. You might be thinking, but Sarah, I don't have a business. Why would I need to know about a personal brand? Alyssa says that everyone needs a personal brand, even if you don't have a career or a huge job title. It's not about the job. It's about what makes you you having something to be. Quote on brand for you is about choosing things that align with your energy and your values. Your personal brand is about how others perceive you. We are all putting out messages every day, whether we realize it or not. And every time that we do this, we are contributing to the conversation of the public perception of ourselves. When we take the lead on our personal brands, we are being proactive in shaping the narrative that we want people to consume about us.

*Sarah Milken * (00:52:07) - Golden nugget number two finding your voice. So many women are finding their voices during this time by standing up and being a Jewish advocate, for example, or activist. Alyssa talks about her experience taking a stance and being an activist for Jews and for Israel. She didn't think it was something that was going to be a huge part of her personal brand. It's always been important to her, but then it became a huge part of her brand. She reflected on how her family history, being the granddaughter of four Holocaust survivors, and she knew that this wasn't the time for her to sit back and be scared to speak out. She found a new part of her voice through her experience, and she refers to this expansion as hijacking her own personal brand, which is the beautiful part of having one because it's always up for variation and change. Nothing in the personal brand needs to be permanent, and Alyssa suggests having quarterly check ins with yourself about your own personal brand. If there are parts that we know that we no longer align with, it's okay.

*Sarah Milken * (00:53:09) - We make changes. Golden nugget number three social comparison. We all know the feeling of social comparison. We look at other people's stuff. Oh my God, her website is amazing. Oh my god, she has a million followers. I'll never get that many. Alyssa says that the best thing you can do is avoid the downfall of social comparison, and put your guardrails on and check in with your own personal definition of success, because it's going to be different for everyone. Alyssa advises to never start something with a goal of having followers. Instead, focus on your message. Is it something that you would say even if you had no followers at all? If you feel like what you're saying matters, then you keep saying it. Even if no one is following you because you're following yourself. When a message comes from an authentic place, it will break through to the right audiences. It will be heard. The beauty of having a personal brand is to know that no two people are alike. Of course, you can always take inspiration from others, but at the end of the day, you need to operate with blinders on and focus on what is driving you.

*Sarah Milken * (00:54:14) - What is your why? What is your purpose? Golden nugget number four Alyssa's number one piece of advice reputation is repetition. FYI, you're never saying it. Too many times you may find that you feel you are being overly repetitive about your purpose, your why, your brand, your business. But Alyssa assures us that we need to repeat ourselves to establish our reputations. She reminds us that no one is thinking about us as much as we are, and we need to be reminded, and they need to be reminded about who we are, what you're doing, and what you stand for. Whatever you want to be known for in any circle, you have to keep repeating that message in new and interesting ways over and over again. Do not assume that people know who you are, what you do, or the value that you add. So gold is dripping off these nuggets. Grab it, use it. There are three things you can do. First, subscribe to the fucking podcast. Second, share it with some friends who might like midlife shit.

*Sarah Milken * (00:55:15) - And third, write an Apple review. Writing reviews is kind of annoying. It's an extra step, but guess what? It really helps the podcast grow. You think your little review won't matter, but it does. If you went to a show and everyone said, my clap doesn't matter, there would be no clapping. You all matter. You know, I always respond, I'm the only person on my Instagram and of course, follow me at the flexible, neurotic. Duh. Love you. Talk soon.