Co-creating Your Midlife Tribe

Sarah Milken  00:04

Hey peeps, welcome to the flexible neurotic podcast. I'm your host Dr. Sarah Milken. Yeah, you heard that right. I'm a real PhD doctor. Long, long ago like last fucking year. I was sitting in the midlife pump wondering, was this it for me? That day I realized I needed to get off my ass and start my midlife remix. I dusted off my PhD wipe the menopause, sweat off my forehead, grabbed my golden shit shovel and started digging deep to all my midlife bitches. It's not just love coffee and hormones that get you through your midlife remix. It's action steps. Let's do this. Hey, good peeps. Welcome back to the flexible neurotic Podcast. I'm Dr. Sarah Milken, aka the flexible neurotic and I'm really excited to bring you this fun little minisode. You know, I decided for the summer if you listen to the last mini so to do a little four week series like every other week, that's kind of like bonus content, your usual flexible neurotic episodes. So this is number two of the midlife brunch in the city table series. It's inspired by my concept of the midlife brunch table, a literal and metaphorical place a table, where we curate who gets to be at our brunch table and who we can omit from our table. This is not high school, like oh, you can't sit with us. This is about curating the friends who you want to be with in midlife, we no longer have to do half twos. It's one twos. So who's at your midlife table? Is it your old friends, your new midlife friends a combination? Are you in need of a revamp? This is the shift that we're talking about over the next few weeks. If you follow me on Instagram, you know that I love a good Sex in the City meme, like I said in the last episode, so of course, it has to be just a little Sex in the City. And on a side note, I'm working on creating this awesome online experience. Or you could call it a course but it's not really a course because it's not like I'm lecturing to you on a video. It's an intimate experience that is going to happen every single week with me and it's for women who listen to my podcast. It's going to be full of sass information and expertise and rad women who want to vibe together. Seriously. My blood, sweat and tears lots of sweat are in this course. It's going to be eight weeks long, like I said, and there will be other incredible midlife women in live virtual classes where together we will discover our midlife why, why are we here? What the fuck are we doing? And what are we going to do next? And how are we going to get there? We're going to figure out what is next for us in midlife. Who are we now are kids out of the house or on their way out like me? I mean honestly, I'm recording this episode and I'm taking my son to college tomorrow. Are you wanting to find a new personal rebrand with real strategies support and connection and midlife self reinvention of sorts my waitlist for my online course slash experience just opened. And since it's the first kind of thing like I've done like this, well you know, I did the live event at my house. I don't know this is like the first like online courses ish thing that I'm offering, I'm keeping it super small. So don't hesitate, go to my website, sign up and join the waitlist today www the flexible neurotic.com forward slash waitlist and if you sign up, you'll be the first to get the launch emails, you will get a huge discount and you become a founding member of this program. Okay, so I'm super excited to share more about this in the upcoming weeks in between all of the content on my son going to college and me sweating my way through Philadelphia, whatever I'm trying to just like block it out of my mind because all the feels all the time. It's just it's so hard. I mean last night teen son had all his friends here and the first one left for college outside of state today and so there were tears and oh my god it's like so hard watching 18 year old boys cry that they're gonna miss each other Oh my god, but also worth it you know? Okay, so all this friendship stuff and my son going to college and leaving his friends to make new friends and keep the old friends and all the things has me thinking about my midlife friends, my midlife crew, and what that means to me. I've been trying to think of ways to talk about friendship and owning your spot at the table. And I thought, like I said earlier that Sex in the City would be a fun way to frame the conversation. As I said in the first episode, this is not a mini series of let me tell you everything that happened in the new season of Sex in the City. I mean, I just can't do that. So today, this is a fun little minisode and grab your Cosmo's, or if you don't drink, maybe grab your matcha because today we're talking about Carrie Bradshaw. Okay, if Carrie were to take a witch friend, are you quiz, she'd probably end up with some term like, the collaborator or the fashionista. But this is the flexible neurotic podcast. And you know, you all know me, I have to put my own little fucking spin on things. So I'm choosing to create an archetype for Carrie called the chic co creator. Okay, Sarah, what the fuck is the chic co creator? All right. The she co creator is your friend who is always up on the latest trends and always excited to share the next big thing with you. She's supportive, fun to be around and always looking for the next best thing. She has a creative eye and might see the world in a different way than the rest of us. But that makes her all the more inclusive and interesting for a diverse group of friends and all of their different interests. She's enviable and confident, but also a team player who's also looking out for all of those she loves. Okay, now you know me. I could talk for hours about how much I love Carrie Bradshaw, Sarah Jessica Parker Parker, her fabulous fashion sense and her shoe collection. But this is the flexible neurotic podcast and today we're focusing on midlife journeys people. So let's take a closer look at Carrie and see what lessons she can teach us as we navigate this midlife stage of life. Carrie is incredibly fabulous, but she's also flawed. We're all flawed, and that's why she's a perfect subject for today's minisode carry a flawed queen. Okay, so Carrie was fashionable, clever, sexy and funny. The epitome of the modern woman when the first show aired, and even today, she's synonymous with a certain kind of glamour. We follow Kerry's journey from her mid 30s to early 40s. And then again in just like that, when she truly becomes a midlife queen. While we may have emulated herself back in the early 2000s, as midlife badass is with the little nameplate I mean, of course I still have my Sarah nameplate and I wear it still, we can emulate something different about Carrie Bradshaw her flaws. Yes, I said it carried was flawed as fuck, just like all of us. But that's what made her beautiful. And that's why we loved her. Things didn't always go smoothly. For her. She experienced heartbreak made mistakes, took risks, and sometimes got in her own way, like we all fucking do. I mean, honestly, my midlife story is getting in my own way and trying to get out of my own fucking ad. But let's be real for a moment. Doesn't that sound like all of us, none of us are perfect. And sometimes that can be scary as fuck, we might make mistakes or take risks that blow up in our faces. We might even find ourselves in like stupid fucking arguments with our partners or spouses over closet space, hashtag guilty hashtag, my husband won't even allow me near his clothing because he has all matching hangers and is so scary. And I'm like a complete spazzed with everything all over the place. But here's the thing, we're on a journey. And journeys don't always go perfectly. In fact, I don't think they're supposed to. And I keep reminding myself that every single day and my teen daughter and teen son do it's really hard to remember that. So we have to stop beating ourselves up over every little mistake, or hiding our faces when we feel embarrassed or we fail. And I think a lot of times in midlife, we can feel small. And like when you want to start something new or you're thinking about a new hobby or a new business, you're like, how the fuck am I going to start small? I'm 48 years old. How am I going to start a new business or a new Instagram or a new podcast or a new hobby? It's like, nobody wants to be a fucking beginner. I mean, honestly, who wants to be a beginner? It's interesting, because we make our kids do new shit all the time. Oh, Jake plan the soccer team. We've never played soccer before. Take a ping glass you've never painted before. But then we don't put the same expectations on ourselves. All right. So it's interesting to see how a character we grew up with like Harry and then she goes through the same journey that many of us are in right now. In the fall. Are the episode of Just like that this season. Carrie asks if her life has been recently hacked by AARP, when an old friend sets her up on a date with someone who she perceives to be much older than her. And I think we can all relate to that feeling of like, oh my god, two people think I'm old now. I mean, I can relate to that. I feel like I'm like the family member with the old kids. Like I have a 19 year old and almost 17 year old. And there's people in our family that like, literally still have really young kids. I'm like, Yeah, I'm the fucking old person here. So one of the things that really resonates with me and just like that is how the show shows the discomfort that comes along with aging. Even someone is fabulous, as Carrie can escape the reality that she's getting older. She doesn't shy away from it, but rather she grapples with the adjustments, thinks read things, and then kind of comes to terms with that. And you know what, it's so refreshing to see that kind of honesty on a show, we can wholeheartedly embrace our midlife journeys, while still struggling to adapt with the bugs that come our way. The concept of Aging Gracefully may sound glamorous, but let's be real, it takes a lot of effort. We're all a little flawed and awkward at times. And that's all part of the journey. Embracing our imperfections and navigating through the bumps in the road is what makes us all real and relatable. And I think with my podcast and my Instagram platform, that's been part of the success of it. The least the beginning says that success of it because I think people listen to me, and they're like, Oh, my God, she's fucking saying when I'm thinking, and she's asking what I want to be asking, and oh my god, my kids do that. And oh, my God, my husband does that. And there's like this relatability factor, because at the end of the day, everyone wants to feel seen and heard and not feel like they're the only fucking one who's going through this. Carrie with all her flaws was a badass, she knew that she was more than her mistakes or her missteps. And she understood that, when in doubt, remain fabulous. Her flaws were what made her Carrie Bradshaw, and instead of hiding them, she acknowledged them and figured out how to use them to her advantage. The only accessory that matches everything is self acceptance, being able to own what makes you you, the good and the not so good is what can truly bring out the Carrie Bradshaw and all of us. Think about yourself for a second, think about what makes you you. And what's interesting about midlife is I think a lot of us have forgotten what makes us us. Like we've spent so many decades like taking care of our kids and spouses or careers, our homes, all the things that sometimes we don't even know what makes us us. And we actually have to take the time to stop and to really reflect on it and think about it and it's not fucking easy at all. Okay, let's talk about you deserve it. The next way I'm choosing to emulate Carrie Bradshaw on the midlife journey. It's in her abilities to see that she deserved everything she wanted. Carrie was not a woman who was going to settle for anything or anyone from close to career to love. Carrie knew what she wanted, and she never stopped fighting for it. Wouldn't it be badass if we could all channel our inner Carrie Bradshaw in this way? I mean, you don't have to wear a fucking to to to do this. Well guess what we can, knowing our worth goes hand in hand with self acceptance and embracing our flaws. Yeah, I just said that. Each and every one of us deserves to pursue and achieve whatever we're after. A lot of times in midlife, what's really hard is we don't even know what we're after. We're itchy. We have these midlife itches. And we're like, what's next, but we don't know what. And that's why this eight week online course slash experience is so fucking amazing. We're going to dive into all of this. We're going to dive into self reinvention strategies, what works, what doesn't, and all of the discussion and wounds that come with that. I've been doing this for almost three years now. My midlife REMAX, I've interviewed 100 experts, I have 1000 Different golden nuggets, and there are themes for what works and what doesn't. And we're gonna get into that. And if you're interested in that, go to www dot the flexible neurotic.com forward slash waitlist and sign up for that horse slash experience because that's the ship that we're getting into. Each and every one of us deserves to pursue and achieve whatever we're after. It's just we don't sometimes know what those things even are. It could be reading a book And staying true to your message or simply telling your husband to put in more effort on that date. You can't be afraid to speak up for what you know you deserve. It's our time guys. It's our time. I think too many of us are afraid to stand up for ourselves in this way. Because we think it comes across as being selfish or nitpicky, or Ugh, the worst word nagging. Fuck it. If we never asked for what we want, then we will never get what we want. And Carrie knew that from men to Manolo Blahniks. She wasn't ever settling for anything other than what she wanted. She was a badass bitch. And in the end, her persistence got her what she wanted. Many women, especially as we get older, kind of assume we're moving to the sidelines of life. I mean, you guys know what that's like. I do too. It's like, you start feeling fucking invisible. You're moving from, you know, kind of the primary mom, role supervisor, mom to consultant mom, like, Yeah, I'll text you in three fucking days, it's really hard to be a side liner. And as a podcast listener, you should know that's like the furthest thing from the truth of what we want our midlife journey to actually be like, we're in a new phase of life, and we have new wants, desires and goals. And we should make sure that we're achieving those goals and not settling for anything less. That doesn't mean that we have to run a marathon tomorrow, even though I don't run. But you get what I'm saying. You can't just fucking get to, like mile 30 Without taking all the little steps in between and not getting super frustrated and not giving up. I mean, look, even with this podcast, like there are days where I'm like, Oh, my God, this is amazing. And there are other days where I'm like, I don't even want to fucking get out of bed in the morning. I'm tired. What's happening? What am I doing? And so I'm here to say that no matter how small or how Mr. Big the goal is, you like that? Anything you do, do it the best way that you can Carrie Bradshaw style. Okay, next topic, your plans change. It's also important to recognize that in this midlife journey that we're on goals and ambitions, ambitions may change over time, they have to we evolve, we can't be the same fucking person all the time. And there are questions that we have to ask ourselves like, who are we now? Who are we before? Like before we had kids, a husband, a spouse, a partner? And who do we want to become? These are three really tough questions that we all have to ask ourselves. And we have to be open to like really thinking about and adjusting our expectations as life unfolds, shit gets different. Being rigid and set in one way of living will only result in missed opportunities. Not everything can be perfect all the time. And you can't wait for everything to be perfect to start something new. It'll never fucking happen. You have to be willing to start small and willing to start messy every single day. I'm messing up, I'm learning from my mistakes. And then I'm messing up again and then re learning from those mistakes. Sometimes I'll ask my husband something, something about the computer and he's like, Sarah, I've told you how to do that for three years. I'm like, Yeah, I fucking know that. Thank you for making me feel small. But can you explain that one again? Look, we're all going through it and being rigid is not going to help us. And its new season of just like that, we see how Carrie learns to pivot and adapt during her midlife journey. I mean, who thought when we turned it when we tuned into Sex in the City 20 years ago, we'd eventually get a storyline where Carrie has to get hip surgery to fix her chronic old lady back and ends up having to pee in a Snapple bottle and she can't make it to the bathroom on time. And on that note, who would have ever thought that the storyline would be shockingly relatable to us in our mid life, what the fog, life doesn't always turn out as expected. But instead of giving up she chooses to move on and find new goals and adapt and ambitions that will bring her happiness or what she perceives is her own happiness. And we all have different versions of what that is for us. Midlife, Carrie learns throughout the first season that life isn't always what you expect it to be. And you can either give up or move on. Carrie is always resilient and decides to move on and evolve. She kind of experiences a rebirth in the show, which you know I'm obsessed with and shifts your focus to new goals and ambitions that are going to make quote midlife Carrie happy. This lesson is especially valuable when life throws us curveballs and feels out of control, I feel so out of control right now with my son going to college tomorrow, I just, I don't even know how to even frame it in my brain. It's okay to change our minds or restructure goals, we're entering a new era of our lives. And what we wanted in our 30s might be different from what we want in our 40s 50s 60s. Our lives and circumstances are constantly evolving. So it only makes sense that we should evolve with them, stepping out of our comfort zones, restructuring our goals, and trying something new while embracing our fabulous selves. Even though we feel like really frumpy a lot of the time and really sweaty and really OG we have to be able to view the fabulosity at times. And it's the best way to make this new phase of life truly worth it. And we're gonna get into this in that eight week virtual course slash experience that I'm doing you guys, this is what we're going to be doing on the fucking weekly getting into our midlife self reinvention stories. What do we want? How do we want to feel? And how the fuck are we getting there? And we're doing it together. Okay, so kind of in the vein of stepping out of your comfort zone and remaining true to your character. I did want to do a teensy call out for something that kind of rubbed me the wrong way in a recent episode of and just like that, and I wouldn't even mention it here except I think it relates so much to what we've been talking about on the show, and in women's spaces on a hole. In Episode Two, Carrie gets asked to do a read for an ad for a vaginal odor product on her podcast and she refuses to do it because she doesn't want to say the word vagina on air. I mean all say a vagina. You don't even have to pay me to say vagina vagina vagina vagina, asked my teen daughter, my teen son. It's like my favorite word. It's better than the word moist. Okay, guys, what about moist vagina? That's like really gross. Okay. It's not that hard and sex columnist and a pro women's sexual empowerment icon like Carrie Bradshaw. I can't even say that word. What I mean, what the fuck is that? What would Samantha say about that? What bothered me about this is the viewer as a viewer of the show was that it was like the writers never even met the original character of Carrie. She was always up to try something new, adventurous, curious, and most importantly, not afraid to talk about sex, or the sometimes uncomfy bits or parts that come along with it. She had Samantha pull out her diaphragm out of her in an episode. I mean, come on, guys. That was a little weird of the writers of the show. But the other thing that bothered me about this particular storyline was that it was a missed opportunity to talk about a bigger issue. There's a lot of misinformation about sexual health and feminine hygiene on the internet. And the general concept of douche products in general, feminine odor, is one of the biggest culprits of spreading misinformation to women about their bodies. Carrie could have refused to read the ad because she disagreed with the product or because she didn't want to spread misinformation to other women. That would have been like, sort of okay, but instead, the writers and show took a route that I personally didn't think, aligned with her character and missed an opportunity to talk about real issues in the women's health space. I felt like I had a mention that if you're interested in more about this, I have tons of episodes on women's health and hygiene. Go back on my podcast library. I mean, we could talk about vaginas for fucking days. All right. So now back to the fun stuff. A good friend. Of course, we can't talk about sex in the city without talking about maybe the most important part of the show the friendships. I saw a recent interview with Diane Sawyer and Sarah Jessica Parker. Were Diane asked Sarah Jessica Parker, which women she most related to on the show, and Sarah said she's a mix of Miranda, Charlotte and some of Carrie, she mentioned that she doesn't see herself as much in Samantha, because Samantha has a type of courage that Sarah Jessica Parker doesn't see in herself. And it got me thinking about how friendships work. We can see ourselves and our friends in so many ways. But they've also got these unique traits that makes them individuals makes them them and challenge us and helps to change us. Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte have distinct personalities and skills and goals, which might seem unlikely for them to be friends. However, they all have one thing in common Carrie, she acts like the linchpin that holds the group together. Carrie possesses the incredible ability to be supportive and understanding of each friends problems and goals, because she can relate to each of them in Some way, she shares Samantha's desire to push past traditional sexual stereotypes of men and women. She shares Charlotte's desire to find the one and eventually settle down with a man she loves and carry shares Miranda's desire to create a career and a legacy independent of any man she's dating. Carrie is the center of the Venn diagram of their friendship. And her ability to relate to all of her friends in a way that's unique to their individuality shows that she's an open and understanding person to all her friends, no matter how different they may be. As the sheikh co creator, as I call her in the group, she has the unique ability to collaborate with all her friends in different ways, and find ways to connect with each of them and makes them feel understood and accepted. carries the friend who you can take anywhere, and she'll fit right in, because one of her strengths is understanding what's important to the people she cares about. She's just as comfortable attending an art gallery opening was Charlotte as she is going to a dildo signing with Samantha, and she's going to look fabulous at both. Okay, you guys I've emphasized a million times the key to maintaining fulfilling mid life journeys is surrounding ourselves with kind, supportive and light vibe friends, our midlife tables need to be filled with individuals who give us as much as they receive, while remaining receptive to fresh ideas and alternative perspectives. We have to be open to change and be open to our friends changing. Sometimes it's weird watching our friends changing because you're like, Oh, I knew them in stage one, two, and three, kind of getting used to stage four. So sometimes we have to kind of view our friends with a new lens and not always carry everything from the past. And Kari sets an admirable example by observing her friends lives in gaining wisdom from their experiences. She tries not to push your own judgments onto them or criticize their choices, which is precisely what we all want non judgmental friends at our fucking midlife brunch tables. Carrie gets who her friends are and she doesn't try to change that. She really just tries to learn from it. Imagine if we stop trying to change our friends and worrying about judgment. What is everyone going to think I posted about this a while back on Instagram is basically said wouldn't it be awesome if we could find women we vibe with in midlife who share similar goals and desires like going on a midlife friend Tinder. I'm not even talking about finding identical people, but just those who overlap with our energy and our vibe, just like the Venn diagram of Carrie and her friends. Our personal growth is fueled by finding people we relate to while being challenged to think in new ways. And that's what was so beautiful about the event, the midlife baby shower that I might that I had at my house. In late June, all of these women came together, we didn't know each other. And we all ended as amazing friends, we're still on a group tax we all communicate every single day. We challenge each other, we support each other, we come up with ideas. We talk about midlife self and reinvention strategies that we're working on things that we want to get better at. We offer each other advice, we talk about research. And this is what I'm doing in my eight week online experience. And instead of being one day at my house, it's eight weeks of this so if you're interested in that go to www dot the flexible neurotic.com forward slash wait list I'm telling you guys don't miss out on your spot. Life is too short to invest our energy and time in people who don't support our growth and well being. It's time for us to seek out women who truly fucking get us regardless of our differences. Look, in middle school in high school everyone wants to wear the black Lululemon leggings because it helps them fit in nobody wants to stand out in midlife where the fucking leopard leggings you don't have to fit in and anymore it's doing you and how you do you and that's what we're doing here. Okay, midlife remix table. Finding a group of women who simply get you is a truly amazing feeling recently and just like that Carrie reconnected with someone from the original series Bitsy Vaughn muffling and discovered the Bitsy as a widow now too, while her friends had been super supportive of her after bigs death, Carrie had been craving more than just sympathy. She craved empathy. Bitsy was a woman around her age and a larger circle of friends. As you could understand what she was going through during the grieving process in a more relatable way than Charlotte or Miranda caught, it was a chance encounter with Bitsy that allowed Carrie to connect with someone who truly gets her in a fresh and profound way. Since starting this podcast, I've had the absolute honor of crossing paths with some incredible kick ass women who have enriched my life in countless ways. And many of them are you, you guys, my listeners, because you reach out to me every single day in DMS, you rave reviews you like it's just it's a beautiful energy, it's dynamic. It's not just like, I'm like blah, blah, blah, and you're listening. It's like a back and forth energy that we're creating together. These women have welcomed me into their circle, you guys have welcomed me into your circle. And now I'm so excited to extend that same opportunity to others. That's why I'm beyond fucking excited about my upcoming course the midlife remix table, and it's set to launch so fucking soon. I mean, I'm going to take my son to college, and then I'm going to come back and then it's like, it's going to be here and I'm, I'm hoping all of you are there. It's all about investing in yourself while building community, a community of like minded women who truly understand you and the journey you're on and getting into real life research on the midlife reinvention journey strategies. What are you wanting to do next in your life, and every woman is going to leave with a sense of connection, gratitude ideas, a platform, something that they can really fucking sink their teeth into, like, what would you do if no one was watching? What would you do? Like what would make you want to get out of bed in the morning for not like, Oh my fucking god, I have to do that. Again. Those are the midlife self reinvention stories that we need to be writing for ourselves. Nobody is coming to rescue us. We are rescuing ourselves. And in my eight week virtual experience, that's exactly what we are doing. A recent study posted in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin and found that when we're around new people and experiencing extraordinary things, we tend to feel more positively towards those people or bond more heavily. And by extraordinary, we're not talking like bungee jumping guys, or extreme fucking activities. It can be something as simple as like buying a Christmas light set, or whatever. It doesn't have to be this whole crazy thing. So you buy the Christmas light set, instead of buying just plain old light bulbs. It's like it has a vibe, it's different. The study found that people who went through experiences outside of their regular or expected routine with others felt closer to those individuals and were more immediately able to form a bond with them. And that's exactly what happened at the midlife baby shower experience of at my house in June. If you like so many other midlife women are craving connection and community and trying to find ways to create new experiences with others. If you want to dive into midlife self reinvention strategy, this is your place. It can be anything from doing goat yoga, to signing up for a course or a workshop that you've never been willing to sign up for before. Whatever floats your fucking boat. This is your midlife self reinvention story, for you to tell. You're the fucking writer, you're the hero of the story. And we're all here with you on that journey. The overall goal is to put yourself out there and connect with others in new and exciting way. Let's face it, we're all navigating through a sea of uncertainties. And if you're a control freak like me, it's really hard and I want to curate a space. A midlife table. Were really cool like five women like you can find your why and discover others who share your experiences even if they're not exactly like yours, and your desires and goals picture it just like Carrie bumping into Bitsy and getting a fresh perspective on managing her grief. At the midlife remix table. You never know what nuggets of wisdom you're going to unearth from someone you meet at the table and from me as the curator but you have to be open to that opportunity and willing to take the plunge into a little bit of the scary unknown like teens on is going to college tomorrow. And he is stepping into the scary unknown. If you sign up for this waitlist now you will be The first to know when the registration goes live and guys, it's going to be really fucking awesome. We're going to meet live on Zoom for eight weeks in a row, pump each other up, dig into the research, find out what's next for us and discover what lies ahead, and our midlife fucking paths. We're all on this crazy journey together. So why not make it the most incredible fun and enlightening adventure we could possibly have. We'll look forward to seeing each other every single week, you have something that you can count on. Okay, journeys and letting go as the sheik cocreator in her friend group, Carrie has this natural ability to empathize with her friends struggles, even if she doesn't fully understand them herself. It's in the collaborative part of her personality to accept that everyone has their own path in life and their own journey to get there. But respecting your friends journeys doesn't mean you can't hold them accountable for their actions. And that's something Kari excels that she has a keen sense of when to speak up, and when to stay quiet a lesson we can all learn from. It's not necessary for us to love or endorse every single thing our friends do, but we must respect them and recognize when it's appropriate to offer our opinions. You know, hi, I always say you do you and let everyone else do them. Get the fucking Botox don't get the fucking Botox. I mean in and just like that Miranda is getting divorced from Steve to chase che around the country and Carrie does not agree with this move at all. She doesn't hesitate to express her concerns to Miranda. But once she has her say she continues to support her friend, supporting our friends without constantly interjecting and judging and giving our thoughts or judgments can be really fucking hard. But it's a skill we have to work on to foster these meaningful friendships in mid life, especially when they're new friendships, and especially when they're old friendships, because there's so many different things involved with both of those kinds of friends. The key to mastering this skill blocking listening to your friends and acknowledging what makes them unique. Carrie for all her flaws, knows who each of her friends is and knows how to support and call out those friends based on that understanding. female friendships by nature are emotionally very intimate. We share a lot with our friends and we confide in them with so many ups and downs of our lives. But sometimes friendship runs its course. And especially during midlife, we might find that some of the people we thought we could always count on aren't always able to be there anymore, or they don't want to be there or they don't like the ways that you're changing. We all know there's behind the scenes drama with friendships and with Kim control and Sarah Jessica Parker that caused Kim not to want to return to from the reboot, but in the show carry frames her and Samantha's falling out as a result of Samantha ending the friendship after Carrie let her go as a publicist. Looking at both sides of this quote, fight, it's evident that there is hurt and a growing rift, it serves as a reminder that sometimes we have to come to terms with the fact that our friendships may naturally change over time. As we ourselves change. They may not be as strong or as present as they once were, which we need to accept. This can be really fucking hard. But it's important to remember that friendships like seasons can go through changes, you may find yourself out of sync with a particular friend. And that's okay, it feels hard. It doesn't necessarily mean you have to have this like dramatic breakup or cut them out of your life entirely. But if you feel that someone in your circle isn't providing the support or time you need, it might be time for a friendship at it, edit how often you reach out, or what activities you include the man, maybe you don't plan a wine night with them as often as you used to. Maybe you just catch up for coffee the next time you're both free. The season can always come back around. But don't keep putting effort into a relationship that's not giving you equal effort. If there's one thing we can all take from Sex in the City besides the zingers and the outrageous, fabulous fashion. It's how important it is for women to support one another and have a community around them for support ideas and encouragement with our friends in midlife journey can be an adventure as opposed to a challenge. And as Carrie one said, You'll never get through it without your friends. Living life on our terms, flaws and all is indeed one of the best lessons we can learn from Carrie. She and the other women on the show shattered the notion of socially acceptable behavior for women in their 30s and 40s. Care We lived according to her own timeline and wasn't fixated on conforming to societal standards of where she should be in her life at a particular age. As I wrap up here on this minisode if we were so the Yes girl about this message when we were in our 20s and 30s, and we believe that Carrie Bradshaw was our guide, why should we change now, who's to tell us that women in their late 40s 50s and beyond have to be anything other than fabulous in the middle of season one of and just like that Carrie winds up at a plastic surgeon's office and is faced with the opportunity to get work done so she can look like her quote, old self again, she gets to see this kind of creepy 3d rendered image of quote young Carrie. And of course, she's tempted who wouldn't be? We've been told forever and ever to look as young as we can for as long as possible. But we have to ask ourselves why and ask ourselves what feels comfortable for us. We don't have to follow some rigid set of rules previously put on us by other generations, we get to write our own story. The only person who can tell us what we need to be doing in our midlife is ourselves. In the end of that episode, when Carrie decides her face is just fabulous the way it is. That's a great reminder to all of us that the only person who can tell us we're old is ourselves. We admire Carrie than and we continue to admire her now, as the she co creator and her friend group Carrie is a great example of how to bring your own sense of fabulosity to your tribe while building your tribe and still remaining a team player. Carrie embodies the idea of owning your own strengths while relying on your friends for there's throughout Sex in the City and just like that she stays true to herself and her goals, but works hard to achieve her goals and desires. With the help of her closest girlfriends. Midlife is a time to keep adding to our big life tables and curating it with who we want to be there. There's no more half to choose. When we were watching the show back in the early 2000s. We probably admired Kerry for the chic side of her personality. However, as we've gotten older, our focus on what about her to emulate may have shifted. Instead of coveting her shoe collection, maybe let's think about embracing her ability to accept her flaws, and turn mistakes into opportunities for growth. Being a risk taker and mid life rather than you know, kind of big versus Aiden let's aspire to be good friends, the fabulous women our lives in the ways that are unique to each of them. As we age what we admire in people naturally changes and evolves to I've noticed that about myself, and Carrie is no exception. So raise a Cosmo and live your fucking midlife in a flawed yet fabulous way. Just as Carrie would just like you. Okay, you guys, thank you for joining me on this minisode I have to go unpack for fucking Philadelphia. The entire series is inspired from my vision of the midlife table, a place where you find like minded women who believe in you and themselves and can contribute to meaningful conversations about the midlife self reinvention journey in my upcoming course slash experience whatever you want to call it. The midlife remix table we delve into not only the ideas and concepts discussed in this miniseries, but so much more midlife self reinvention strategies, outcomes. How do we get there fucking action steps. this eight week experience is designed to be fun, and researchy in terms of getting real expert information and golden nuggets. It's like kind of doing school with your best friends over for brunch, if that even makes fucking sense. If you've ever wanted to take actionable steps towards achieving your midlife goals, writing your midlife fucking story, now is the time each week we'll meet virtually I will dive into midlife self invention strategy, reinvention strategies and action steps it's all that whoo that goes along with it. We talk about all things midlife and most importantly all things you and me weightless spots are gonna fill up fast. Grab your computer and join me today go to my website at www the flexible neurotic.com forward slash waitlist you can also go to my link tree and my Instagram. Okay, you guys growth requires embracing change. Change is fucking hard. Stepping out of our comfort zones is really fucking hard by investing in ourselves and pushing our boundaries. We can too truly make a difference and discover our purpose. I would love to hear your thoughts on the idea of the midlife remix table, eight week experience and kind of which little things you're excited about. So until next time, keep embracing the vibes, the midlife vibes and I look forward to chatting with you guys soon and you know the fucking drill. I need you to write an apple review. I need you to fucking subscribe to the podcast and I need you to tell some of your midlife friends about my podcast people. And if you don't already follow me on the flexible neurotic, please go ahead and follow me and all the things love you gotta go pack talk soon.