Real As F*#k: Confidential

Andrea Levoff  0:00  

There's that space and if you don't fill it with something, it gets filled in a way that maybe you don't want it to be filled. So I feel like it's smart to like, Oh, what am I interested in? What am I like what lights me up? What do I want to do with my time or my, you know, the brain power that I have left. So yeah, I agree.

Sarah Milken  0:24  

Hey, peeps, welcome to the flexible neurotic podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Sarah Milken. Yeah, you heard that right. I'm a real PhD doctor. Long, long ago, like last fucking year. I was sitting in the midlife funk wondering, was this it for me? That day, I realized I needed to get off my ass and start my midlife remix. I dusted off my PhD wipe the menopause, sweat off my forehead, grabbed my golden shit shovel and started digging deep to all my midlife bitches. It's not just luck, coffee and hormones that get you through your midlife remix. It's action steps. Let's do this. Hi, good peeps. This is the next episode of The flexible neurotic Podcast. I'm Dr. Sarah Milken, the flexible neurotic. Today I have such a cool guest. She is known by the moniker dope ass mom. She's a writer, stand up comedian, content creator and influencer based in Chicago. She got her master's in spiritual psychology when she wanted to scratch her itches and do something for herself. When her kids started preschool, she spent the last year in a phase of surrender, allowing her to move through a divorce, tap into her higher consciousness and go inward to find more happiness than she's ever known before. She's smart and hilarious. Her message from my perspective is that we can be dope ass moms, women partners, just whatever we want to be and revising the narrative of living our lives in these cute tight and pre selected Pinterest boxes of shoulds and half dues. And in midlife refocus on ourselves, who we are self love showing up for ourselves to become the dopest women that we are, even though we might have forgotten for a couple of decades. She's inspiring us to revise the narrative on self love, confidence and showing up for ourselves. After years of being a dope ass mom online and building her platform, she realized that she needed to do some inner work and get out of a marriage that was no longer serving her. She knew it was her responsibility to make the life she wanted. Her name is Andrea love off.

Andrea Levoff  2:39  

Hi, Ali. Hi.

Sarah Milken  2:42  

Oh my god. I'm so excited. You're here. I know. we've chatted on the phone a few times in the past couple years and we finally made it work. Okay, so in this episode, we're going to dig deep with our golden shovels. I'm sure you have plenty Andrea. In an edgy conversation that will help us make midlife adulthood and parenting just a little more dope, inspiring. What I have been calling the midlife REMAX becoming your best dopa self with self love working with self doubt, confidence and showing up for ourselves in creating the dope ass lives and the feelings that we want. You guys are in for a deep chat with a lot of laughing your ass off. Andrea and I together could be quite a thing. Right? thing Okay, yeah. Let's go. Okay. This is kind of a lot of foul language. So don't listen to this in the car with your kids. Okay. So let's talk about this. Most recently, you are taking the dope as committed to TV. You're busy writing a creative project to sell to TV, tell us about it. And then we're gonna go deep and D'Andrea.

Andrea Levoff  3:57  

Okay, well, I've always felt that my life was made for TV. Like since I was young. It's like things have happened to me. I've got myself in situations, you know, comedy, like things that like, I think to myself, Should I do that? Probably not. But it's going to make an amazing story if I do. So I'm always kind of feeling this way, right. And then when I'm going through my divorce, after I was doing a lot of stand up during the pandemic, I was working with a partner and she was like, we don't can't do stand up right now. So what do you want to do? I was like, I've always wanted to write a TV show. So since that's when we started writing, it was in 2020 when we couldn't perform live, and it just naturally kind of came from my story about you know, wanting to get out of this marriage that I didn't feel was aligned anymore. And all the sort of comedy that comes along with kind of taking a step in messing up you know, dating a guy not working out sort of all these funny stories that come along with you know, they say comedy is tragedy plus time. So I kind of just jumped right in and thought if it's going to be funny later, let's make it funny now.

Sarah Milken  5:03  

So I mean, I remember being on the phone with you. And we were like joking around about like carpool moms and like, who wears makeup and who does it and who's commenting on who and the carpool line. And your I think it was like some funny story where you posted something on stories and like somebody at your kids school was like, What the fuck was that? Or something? Oh, yeah, I

Andrea Levoff  5:24  

got in trouble. Actually, that's in the script I saw during the pandemic, when all the kids were doing this online stuff. My son was I you know, check on them every once in awhile to make sure they were on their computers. And see exactly, I don't know what they're doing, but they're there. And it was like all the kids little zoom faces. And then it was the teacher. And here's my guest room right here. But she's kind of just sitting on her bed, like casually teaching, and you can see her bed. And so I did an Instagram story. And I said, Is this Max's teacher or someone he met on Tinder. And you couldn't really see the kid's face it. I mean, people loved it. People thought it was I mean, it's amazing. Cool, not so much. I got an email from the principal at the time that says we need discuss, we need to discuss social media. And I at the time was thinking it was about my daughter because she was on Tik Tok. And I was, Oh, Anna, tick tock, and you shouldn't be doing that. And you know, and so, and I had already asked my ex husband for a divorce at this time, and he copied him on the email. Oh, wasn't just to me, it was to him too. So we got on thinking we're gonna discuss Anna. And it's about me. Oh, how to say, I know. He's like, it's wildly inappropriate. I can't even believe you had mentioned tender, you know, mentioned tender and I got really defensive. And I was like, listen, I was like, you don't have to watch. You don't have to follow. And I was like, and to be honest, Max has been on Tinder a lot. And I wasn't sure. And, you know, it was like, No laughing like, eight at the

Sarah Milken  7:02  

time, you know, right. Yeah, I think you have to sort of like make fun of it. I totally get that because I'm into this

Andrea Levoff  7:08  

game. He loved it. Yeah, they loved it. I mean, people were dying. I think we all needed a bit of humor at that time. And someone was just a little bit uptight. So I know that time sort of, yeah, at that time, nerves were brought

Sarah Milken  7:23  

my god I remember like, my son would tell me these funny stories about like, how like, one of his friends was like going to the bathroom or about to get in the shower. And like somehow, like he hadn't, they hadn't muted zoom, like the zoom. Or they had to, like shut the video down or something. They were like, so many awkward moments. During that time. They like had to take a piss attic because it was like, here. Yeah, god, that's amazing. Okay, so in terms of this episode, let's sort of like, define what dope ass mean. So that's your moniker. That's your platform. I fucking love it. I mean, I know what my teenagers considered dope. And it's not me. So.

Andrea Levoff  8:03  

Totally. Oh, either. Yeah,

Sarah Milken  8:05  

exactly. So tell me like in your mind, like, what's a dope ass mom or a dope ass woman.

Andrea Levoff  8:11  

The funny thing is, is that it came from I was making these videos at the time on YouTube. And it was like how to put your kids to bed how to potty train your kids. And it was there are these kind of like sarcastic videos of me doing an instructional video and then like B roll of B completely failing at what I was teaching. And the guys that filmed it. Were you know, in their 20s. And I had a whole team and I was like, What should I call them? And one of the guys was like, sick. I feel like you're like, the dopest mom. Name. Yeah. But I think for me, I feel like it was something that I created at the time that it was sort of like what I wanted to be. Yes. Like, I wasn't there yet. But that's like, what my avatar that I was like, at my best self. When I when I've arrived. I'll feel like a dope ass mom. I'm not there yet. That's not what I am. But that's like me at my best self. It's like a mom, that's not just living for her kids. You know, like a mom. That's a great mom, in terms of allowing her kids to be who they are. And yeah, sure you mess up. I never felt like, fully fulfilled by motherhood. Like, I never felt like that was like the end all be all for me. So I wanted to incorporate the mom is the mom part. And then the dope ass is like myself, I think.

Sarah Milken  9:32  

Yeah, I love that. And it's also being a dope ass mom. Like I say to my kids, I'm like, you might think that I'm like a Karen and I'm awkward. And I'm so nerdy. But your friends come over and they all think that I'm cool. And they're all like, willing to have conversations with me and tons of them. Like follow my Instagram fortunately, and unfortunately, I have to like block some of them because my kids are like, okay, but we didn't really need that for like everyone to see that. And I'm like, oh yeah. Welcome to TMI people like this is what comes with the podcast. But they're pretty, they're pretty cool about it. And I also kind of see the dope ass mom thing as this kind of kind of free from social constraints. Like mentioning your son on Tinder and the zoom with your teacher, you know, maybe that's riding the line a little bit for the day for like daily operating dough basketball, but like, just generally speaking, I think just like having this freedom, being self deprecating, and kind of being able to laugh at a lot of things, because most of us are not perfect moms or perfect women. And we do fuck up and we have to laugh.

Andrea Levoff  10:42  

Yeah, no, that's completely that's completely on point. I feel like my kids probably don't see me that way. But when I started, they were much younger. So I'm entering this space where now they care. You know, all of a sudden, my daughter cares about what I post. And you know, I'll say just come on. It's humorous. It's funny. And she's like, it's not funny. You're not funny at all. You know, you think you're so funny, but you're not funny. So now, so Max's will is almost 11. And Anna just turned 13. So I have an official teenager. Yeah. 13 Whoo. Yeah,

Sarah Milken  11:16  

minor. My son's 18 is a senior in high school. So we're like in college application time. And my daughter turned 16 in November. So I have two kids with driver's license as well. I'm like a little bit ahead of you. It gets better and it gets worse in different ways.

Andrea Levoff  11:31  

Yeah. Oh, I

Sarah Milken  11:33  

feel like either it is. Yeah, they're at a stage right now. Where like, they get it. Or as I feel like maybe my daughter a few years ago would have been like, I can't handle this at all. And now she kind of laughs at the Instagram even though she's sort of laughing at me. I pretend it's laughing with me. She'll go totally, she'll message me and she'll go, I haven't seen any car content lately. And I'm like, she's such a pain in my

Andrea Levoff  12:03  

life. It's funny. Anna says things I do or cringe. She's like, that's

Sarah Milken  12:07  

so CRINGE CRINGE. Just like the opposite of dope ass mom, I think yeah. So I read this quote for you that from you that I think kind of might sum up this idea of like, dope ass. So you say, here's the hot take. It's not just about creating a life where your children are free to grow and thrive. It's about creating a life where you are free to do the same. Whatever that looks like. It's about breaking free from the shoulds the should not the do's the don'ts, and all the other complex and crazy expectations thrust upon us. Can we be dope ass moms and our dope ass selves?

Andrea Levoff  12:43  

Oh, yeah. Boom, Mic drop. I'm gonna drop this mic. It's too heavy. Oh, no. Oh, my God, take a toe off.

Sarah Milken  12:50  

That's like, that's it. And that's kind of what my podcast is about to in like the midlife Brown is, hey, like for me, I mean, not everyone has kids. But like, for me, I have kids. And they're 18 and 16. And I've been a stay at home mom for 18 years. And when I started this, it was 16 years. And I thought, okay, like, I've put all my eggs in one basket with them. And I've loved every second of it. And I wouldn't change it. But like, this is my time. For me. I got to figure out what's next for me. What I'm going to be doing with this sort of long runway of midlife that I have left because the whole narrative of sort of life being over is gone. We're all rewriting this midlife narrative right now. And we have so much of life left, I guess longevity, supplements, exercise, all the things that we're listening to, and hopefully doing maybe not all the time or consistently. And so I just think that it's a time where we can like stop and rethink things a little bit.

Andrea Levoff  13:58  

Absolutely. Yeah. And especially at the age of our kids, I think I mean, I think I've always kind of tried to do that, because I sort of anticipated it. Maybe too much. But I feel like especially now it's like, there's that space. And if you don't fill it with something, it gets filled in a way that maybe you don't want it to be filled. So I feel like it's smart to like, Oh, what am I interested in? What am I like, what lights me up? What do I want to do with my time or my, you know, the brain power that I have left?

Sarah Milken  14:30  

So yeah, I agree. That's where I'm at right now. Now with in terms of your parenting style, your dopest parenting style. I mean, I like to say, um, I tried to be sort of in the same zone. It's the flexible, neurotic. It's like, Yes, I'm fucking crazy, but at the same time, like, I'm probably one of the only parents that doesn't go online and check the grades probably because I don't know how to do the logins. But by I, I'm like, I don't know how to do that that's outside of my wheelhouse. But it's also like I think my I know my kids are doing the best they can. I know they're doing their schoolwork. And like, do I really give a shit? If they have a b plus or an A? No, not really. Yeah. And if they care, they'll fix it. And it's kind of like finding this mid zone of like, I don't want to say good enough. But like, everybody's like doing their best. Like, they're good kids. They're playing sports are doing what they want to be doing. And they're doing well in school. So like, do I really care about the 99? On the Test versus the 89? Now?

Andrea Levoff  15:29  

No, I'm similar. I feel like my kids, it's I think it's better. I'm not a parenting expert. I'm far from it. But I think it's better, especially now to give them balance. Like, I didn't. I mean, when I grew up in when you grew up to, I think my parents didn't really overthink my education. I mean, it was pretty much I mean, I don't know, but Yeah, mine did, oh, you're going to the school that's down the street. And, you know, I played tennis, and I don't think my parents came to maybe they came to like two matches, like it wasn't this, like hyper. Kids are the focus of everything. My parents, both my parents worked. And I feel like now it's like, if I don't go to a hockey game, or like, it's like, the end of the world, it's like, I can't believe you didn't come. And I think it's because there's all the parents are like, sort of hovering, and so that it feels my kids feel like that's normal. And when I was growing up, it was like, my mom would come. But then like, I almost didn't want her to come because she'd be like, where's my seat? And I don't know where to sit? You know, and it was.

Sarah Milken  16:35  

I know, I think I think my kids is like the same thing. Like, they'll tell me, like, my daughter will be like, Oh, I have a tennis tournament, it's like an hour away. And I was like, Okay, I'll tell you when you get back. Exactly. Because I'm like, I'm gonna spend three hours in the car and LA traffic to go see a tennis match. Like, of course, if it's like a special tennis match or whatever, but I'm like, there's like a line here. And I have to be real to myself to and like for me right now. Like I stuff to do for my podcast, bla bla bla, and for me to spend like three hours in the car to go to a tennis match. I'm like, not not so much. But my kids are cool about it. They actually don't want me there, which is kind of fun. Yeah,

Andrea Levoff  17:14  

that's what I'm trying to get my kids to that point. They're getting there. But I think it's it's difficult, especially with the hockey community. Yeah, cuz that's all she plays ice hockey. And like, they're like real crazy, you know, like, they love nothing more than to go to like some shithole town in Illinois. And like, stay at a Radisson and like, all drink together and just like have a blast all of it. And you know, the siblings love it. And like, I have a son, that doesn't happen to like doing it. So it's like, I have to sort of balance that. Like, I'm really proud of you. I love that you love this. But like, also, the world doesn't revolve around you all the time. A lot of the time, but not all the time.

Sarah Milken  17:56  

My daughter's like, is there anything for dinner? It's like six o'clock? And I'm like, No, I don't know. And she goes, and I'm like, Marian, you have a Postmates account, you hide a car. Like, I know, I'm your mom, but like, and she's actually the one who cooks. But I'm like, I can not be responsible for every single meal that gets served in this house. Especially because I don't cook. So if I'm the worst mom ever, I'm so sorry. But like I did order the shoes you wanted? Yeah, for sure. You know, like for styles and sizes. So that, you know, you'll have the shoes on time for formal or whatever it is. I got that down. You know, so I'm like, pick your priorities. So it's kind of funny kind of doing this. I don't know, realization that we can't be everything to everyone all the time. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Now in terms of like getting through the hard stuff with parenting, like what has been your kind of your escape other than wine.

Andrea Levoff  18:58  

A meditation has really helped me okay, my walking like my I feel like the self care that I do. Like, it kind of buffers the harder part. So then when I'm able to when something comes up, I have like, I'm more adaptable. I have more like adaptation energy I can like, sort of be more present or on point. And then when I'm failing at that stuff, or I'm not as good as that that's like when I'm, you know, anxiety ridden or whatever. And then there's like, never a good response when that

Sarah Milken  19:31  

that I know. So it's kind of like, it's so hard because it's like, there are times where I'll say to myself, oh my god, I just can't exercise today. But then later in the day, I say to myself, like wait, why did I do that? Now? I just like feel so gross. Yeah. And it's always try to remind myself to like, show up for myself.

Andrea Levoff  19:52  

Right? I know. It's so hard. I've gotten good. There's some things I'm not great at but like working out. There's something that happened to me where like I never or miss. And I think it's because I've got it in in my head that like, I am a person that works out. And it doesn't like, it doesn't like matter what happens because it's like I always default back to that like, well, it doesn't matter. I work out. I'm at work, I'm a person that works out. But when it comes to that stuff, I'm not saying it's healthy, but

Sarah Milken  20:19  

no, but it's part of your routine. I could live without exercising. I do it because I have to and I need to but I'm not like one of those people who's like, oh my god, I have all these endorphins. And I feel amazing. I'm kind of like I could live without it. If someone told me that I wouldn't die early.

Andrea Levoff  20:36  

Yeah, I helps. I really like my trainer. So we like talk. God, I feel like a workout it like so and painful. Yeah, no, I wouldn't if I was doing it by myself. I don't think I could.

Sarah Milken  20:50  

I know it's hard. And I had Pilates into and I tried to do the walks with the weighted vests that I call Vesti bestie and

Andrea Levoff  20:59  

and like I tried to next step in my walks I need Yeah,

Sarah Milken  21:02  

we did. Oh, yeah, I'll send you the link, I have this a weighted vest. And then when I'm like super feeling like hot and motivated. I'll put the ankle weights on to Oh, no walking outside. I was on the treadmill. So I'm working outside that 47 year old chick with the weight vest and the ankle weight. That's too bad for your neighbors.

Andrea Levoff  21:23  

Yeah, I

Sarah Milken  21:24  

think my kids, I think my kids would be totally, totally mortified. Okay, so as a comedian, writer, content creator, mom and woman, I saw on your website that you kind of have these four key mantras, and I'm going to read them off. And then we can kind of riff on each one. So the first one you say, your spiritual High Flyer how being a parent can be a second chance at childhood. Tell me what you mean by that?

Andrea Levoff  21:53  

Well, I feel well, spiritual highflyer is seeing things through like a spiritual lens, I think seeing two separate things. So seeing that my kids have their own issues, their own curriculum, their own things that they came into this world to learn. And so it's, it's a sense of freedom that I don't have to control, every single thing that happens to them, every fight they have with their friends, every you know, some I feel like some moms feel like they have to sort of like, hyper focus on like everything so their kids don't get hurt, or don't get disappointed or don't get. So just knowing that they have their own stuff in this lifetime, gives me freedom to like, let them move through it in there. Have

Sarah Milken  22:36  

you always had this feeling? Or is this like fairly new as part of your kind of inner drive? I

Andrea Levoff  22:42  

would say? Yeah, I would say it came from my inner journey, I think I definitely did not grow up that way. I definitely did not experience that from my mom. And so I think it's a gift because it sort of tells my kids that like, it's okay, it's okay to mess up. It's okay to have feelings, it's okay to be upset, it's okay, all these things. So it's something newer, but it's like one of my favorite ways to see the world because I think it's a lot of freedom for me. And for them, it kind of makes my job easier, because it's like, if I just love them unconditionally, then that's really what they need. They don't need me to control every and nor can I control, you know, control is such an illusion anyway, so it frees them up. And then the second part of that, so I started to see like, and I would take a dance class, or, you know, I would sign up max for tap dancing or whatever. And I was like, oh my god, like, I want to do that. Like, you know, I want to take a hip hop class or do this, why does this have to stop? Now, you know, like, so we let her let's try all these different things and then we shut ourselves down. Because we think we're, you know, not an expert or too old or we're gonna look silly and I just love how kids met a certain age now my kids have passed that point but don't give a fuck what they look like or they just sort of approach the world with this like childlike wonder of like, oh my god, the first snow or you know, it's like a good way to look at life. I think.

Sarah Milken  24:13  

I like that because I've talked about in this podcast before that so many times like I have said to my kids like, oh man, you have to sign up for this class or Jake, you should really play soccer even though you've never played soccer. And but I don't apply the same expectations to myself of Oh yeah, you've never done something before but you should really just go for it and try it and make a fool out of yourself. And I'm so quick to like, make my kids do new shit. But I don't like do that for myself. And that's been part of this midlife remix journey for me is like, Okay, Sarah, what could be some of the most uncomfortable things for you? Like pickleball or something like that? Yeah, like, not athletic. I'm totally spastic. I've talked about this on the podcast my friend had Their 50th birthday, that was a pickleball party and I got the invite. And I was like, oh, fuck, no way. This is my worst nightmare come true. But I'm gonna show up, or I'm going to do this and it was fun. But it's so hard sometimes to be that spastic beginner.

Andrea Levoff  25:17  

It is really hard. It is really hard. I remember the first time I got so much joy out of there's a preschool that my kids went to. And that was like, the first time I was really making like mom friends, you know, like when they first started in a school and you got to see these other exhausted zombie like creatures that we call women. And you're just like, oh my gosh, there's other people out here like me. And I planned this like night out at the club. I was like, Okay, ladies, like remember the days that like we used to go out clubbing and so I planned this, like, huge night out at the club, and I had so much fun writing the email and organizing it. And then we all met up and got shit faced until like, four in the morning at Paris Club and Chicago and just like had fun. And we're like flirting and just like at the table, and you know, like, and it was so much fun. And I was like, why does this? I mean, maybe not to that level. But like, Why does this have to stop whenever? Like, why can't we be sexy? Why can't we be mischievous? Why can't we be why can't we have fun to like a certain level? Like, why does that all have to stop whenever we bear these humans?

Sarah Milken  26:24  

I know. It's kind of an interesting thing. What happens it's like your hat changes completely. And it's like, you can't wear multiple hats. Like you're supposed to just be like, the perfect mom and the perfect wife and the perfect school volunteer and like the perfect everything and you're like No, no, but like, maybe I could just be messy once in a while. Yeah, exactly. I'm trying to get better at that. I'm slowly but surely getting better at that. Okay, so the next one is, you say more milk and less murder.

Andrea Levoff  26:54  

Yes. So first murder

Sarah Milken  26:57  

dying. Tell me what that means. And you have to defile in case somebody doesn't know.

Andrea Levoff  27:02  

Well, milk, like say it. You want me to say okay, it's like a mom I'd like to fuck. It's like a family feel like I'm on like a sex line.

Sarah Milken  27:14  

I know. I know. I like. It doesn't mean it means that but it doesn't really mean you're hot. Yeah, it means like you're owning yourself.

Andrea Levoff  27:23  

Yeah. But I think also, I used to have a joke that was like, why can't I just be an elf? Like, why do I have to be like, can't you just can't eat? Why do you have to bring mom into it? Yeah. Why? Once you become a mom, all of a sudden you're a milk? Like just being ill if you're still a person? Yeah, no, I got an I have an a martyr. I mean, a martyr is so sacrificial, uh, you know, let me you know, don't worry about me, I'll just sit here in the dark, no need to change the light bulbs. Like it's just sort of like, you know, it's that sort of on, it's just not sexy. You know what I mean? Like, it might, maybe your kids like it for a few years. But eventually it's like, it's like, then they stop appreciating it even you know, and we're just like, it's not even like, Oh, I'm such a martyr and your kids are liking it. It's like, they start to resent you for it.

Sarah Milken  28:15  

Oh, my God, my kids have called me that. Like, they'll say something, or my daughter or son will ask me to do something. And I'm like, okay, but you gave me 17 other tasks to get done today for you while you're at school? And they're like, oh, sorry, martyr and I'm like, wait a sec. Yeah, exactly. Sometimes I use the martyr thing just for someone to fucking say thank you.

Andrea Levoff  28:37  

Totally right. My favorite say thing you get mad at my kids is like, I'm just like, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. I'm not you know, I get like real bratty and I'm like,

Sarah Milken  28:45  

oh, yeah, I'm like, I am not a fucking Uber driver. This was like before they had driver's license. And then my daughter the other day, we were going somewhere. And she's like, can you drive? And I said, but you usually like to drive? She goes, I am so sick of driving. I've been driving around all weekend to friends houses that are all across town. And I'm like, Oh, now you know what it feels like to drive in rush hour traffic round trip? Yes. You know, she has she had no concept of it

Andrea Levoff  29:17  

before. No, it's great. I'm glad that they're like they're seeing that. Do you think she puts it together? That that's what you do? Or do you think it's only

Sarah Milken  29:24  

Oh, yeah, she's not she? Yeah, no, no, no, she totally gets it. But she's not saying Oh, thank you so much for driving me for the last 16 years. But she's like, Okay, I got this one or when I have to like circle the block for a parking space. And then next time, it's her turn and she's like circling the block for the parking space just to get that Macho. I'm like, see what it feels like? Totally. So the next thing you say is what you say to yourself matters.

Andrea Levoff  29:53  

Yeah, it does. I think my my self talk has gotten a huge upgrade. I think I used to be really critical. And it just, I think we think by being critical, it's going to help us get to our goal. Like if I can just, like be really mean to myself, I can, like punish myself into whatever it is that I want. But I think it works the opposite. I actually think when we're more compassionate and more kind to ourselves, we're able to make that shift, or, you know, it's just an easier, more graceful route to like the change that we want. Because I think we often, like if you want to workout or you want to, you know, you beat yourself down, and it's like, our bodies don't like that they don't respond well. So I've gotten to the point where my self talk is, like, if I told you what I said to myself, like, you would think I was weird. I think that's yeah,

Sarah Milken  30:47  

I get that. I feel the same. I'm getting better at it. I'm not a huge self hate talker. But I think I have this sense of like, did I do enough? Like, did I do enough today? Could I have done more? Like, could I have done six more things that I wanted to do, but I didn't, and really try to recognize the fact that the pauses are okay, too. For sure. Yeah. Like productivity? Yeah. It's like productivity isn't just how much you get done. It's also how much you can sort of just sit and be with yourself and take that extra minute to Yeah, and that's, that's definitely been something I've been working on. That's hard for me.

Andrea Levoff  31:31  

Definitely, I think, a sense separating, I have, so I have a lot of more time than I normally did like to just be or just like, do something. And so, like, I'm on a two to three schedule. So every two days, I have two days. I mean, I still have things to do, but I don't have the kids to necessarily worry about in that time. And then I have every other weekend completely free. So there's like a lot of time, where maybe I'm just like sitting or relaxing or, and I'm like, should I be doing something? I'm like, No, this is actually really doing something when I'm just sitting here.

Sarah Milken  32:07  

And yeah, I forgot about resting hours custody. P Yeah. You're not I mean, you're a mom 24 hours a day, but you're not on 24 hours a day.

Andrea Levoff  32:16  

No. And it's so different than what it was. It's almost like it's weird, because you would think well, there was another parent involved. But it still felt I was on 100% of the time. And I think he would say the same thing. It's almost like the responsibilities don't get split up. You just both get into this like frenetic. All hands on deck kind of thing, especially when your kids are younger. And so it didn't feel like it didn't feel like we were splitting it. It just felt like we were both making ourselves crazy. And I'm sure he would say the same thing if he was honest that like he enjoys. You know, the time.

Sarah Milken  32:52  

Did you ever feel like oh my god, what the fuck? What am I going to do with this extra space? I actually have to like, think about stuff and not just kind of Yeah, through things.

Andrea Levoff  33:03  

Oh, god. Yeah. I mean, I spent a lot of my free time crying for the first probably six months, like absolutely, like I dreaded that time. And I would try to like, fill it with things or Yeah, I didn't like it at first because it gave me space to like feel what I you know, things that maybe I didn't want to feel I have

Sarah Milken  33:22  

like empty nest. I mean, not exactly. But similar. It's like this feeling of like, my kids aren't gone yet. But my son's going to college next year. And I'm like, Oh my God, how is that going to be with just one of them? And not the energy of two of them? You know, it's it's weird.

Andrea Levoff  33:39  

It is weird. Yeah. It's really weird. I guess in a way I'm, I'm prepared for that. Or preparing maybe sooner. But yeah, it's definitely weird when they're not here. It's weird. It still is.

Sarah Milken  33:51  

Because they're so part of your like, everyday schedule. And kinda

Andrea Levoff  33:55  

I mean, they still call me out. But yeah, and you know, but

Sarah Milken  33:59  

like you having to worry about, like whether that homework is getting done, or someone needs a lunch for tomorrow, or is that basketball jersey clean or all of those things?

Andrea Levoff  34:10  

Yeah, it's just a mental load of Mother hold. Yes, yeah.

Sarah Milken  34:16  

Now, how have you been in terms of like, I mean, I have a sense, but like, you your last one you talked about is the judgment free zone. Like, is it okay to say that being a parent is not enough for you? However, now has the how have you experienced that? Because it sounds like you sort of knew that from the beginning. Or is sometimes women didn't don't find that maybe until later or until midlife or their kids move out of the house. And I grew up in a totally different model where my mom was like a full time career woman from day one. Oh God, my parents worked. So like now was the model I grew up in. So for me to have been a stay at home mom for 18 years. That was like, 100% different than the way I grew up.

Andrea Levoff  35:04  

Mm hmm. Yeah, my, my parents both worked. But she, my mom didn't go back to work until I was old enough to be at home by myself. So she did kind of stopped working. And I think I don't I don't know, I think, I think at first, I started with a lot of judgments against, like, stay at home moms. And like, I think that's how I sort of entered into motherhood was sort of, like, I've totally sold out. Here I am, like, I'm so smart. I, you know, there's, there's all these things I want to do. But instead of doing them, I've, you know, gotten married to this guy that can support me and I can stay home. And so I think I started with a lot of judgments and then had to kind of forgive those judgments. And then that's when I felt like, okay, now I have the space to sort of create and sort of, I can use this time to sort of realize my next step, and what I want to do while being a mom, and while enjoying motherhood, but knowing that that wasn't going to be my end all be all.

Sarah Milken  36:08  

Yeah, I think the judgment thing is interesting, because there's two parts of it, it's like, judging other people, for whether they stay home or they don't stay home, or, you know, there's this talk about it, you know, it's not really a privilege to stay home or a privilege not to stay home, it's kind of what you're choosing to do. And then there's also the piece of yourself, like, there's judging others for their choices, and then also judging yourself for your choices, and then kind of gets a little messy and sticky. And you're like, okay, am I projecting my own shit on that person? Like, I know that when I after I got my PhD, and I told my parents, I was gonna stay at home with my first kid. They were like, What the fuck? What are you talking about? Like, this is not like, what the plan was. And so like, they really, you know, impacted their lives so much, but it's just not how I was raised. And having gone through all that schooling, I think they thought like, oh, Sarah is gonna like work and do XY and Z. And I kind of flipped the script on them, and it took them a minute to go, okay. She's like, choosing to do her thing. And we're okay with that.

Andrea Levoff  37:15  

Mm hmm. That's great that they came to that conclusion. Well, I

Sarah Milken  37:18  

kind of didn't give them a choice. No, but like, no, they were cool about I think, at first, I was like, wait, what do you mean, I don't understand that. And I think there was a definitely judgment in that. Because that's just not like I said, the way I was raised, but it's been an interesting kind of, like, interesting seasons of my life, you know, and now coming back to the podcast, my parents are like, Oh, she's like, doing the thing that she was gonna do 18 years ago kind of thing you know, so it's kind of you know, it's it's, it's fun, and, you know, in certain ways, for sure, and abusing and other ways. For sure. Now, in terms of like midlife women, and I've talked about this even today, like we all a lot of us get this midlife itchy this want for something new and different from the midlife hamster wheel. Like we just the wheel keeps on spinning, it's Groundhog Day, it's the same day over and over and over again. And I know that you talked about how I think when your kids started preschool, you went back to school to get your degree in spiritual psychology. And then they gave you an assignment to go find something that you found meaning in and it kind of turned into this whole snowball effect. Tell me what happened. And kind of what we can learn from that. Now today for some of us who are kind of looking for that next thing and are scared to start

Andrea Levoff  38:45  

the name of the project. I think they called it the sacred yes project. So it was something that we have always sort of wanted to do or might have like been pulling out your heart. And usually from my observation was something like in childhood that you wanted to do or that like you were interested in that maybe abandoned because you thought it was silly, or someone told you that you couldn't do it or that you had to be serious or that you had to be a certain way. So for me it was comedy. I'd always been interested in making people laugh. And you know, I wanted to be like a dolphin trainer and like a comedian or something. Those were like my two kind of two goals. There was a short time when I wanted to be a meteorologist but that was only because I was terrified of tornadoes. And I grew up in Texas. But that was way too academic for me. So yeah, I always want to do that. But other people did like a garden or they wanted to ice skate or seeing or but it seemed to be like something artsy or like something more like inner child like that was coming forward for most people. So and then inevitably, in that container of the school, I think whenever you kind of go down And these paths of what your inner calling is or what you might want to call your purpose, your issues kind of come up around it, like for me, it was like to speak in public was like really terrifying to me,

Sarah Milken  40:13  

which is so interesting for someone who wants to be a comedian.

Andrea Levoff  40:17  

Exactly, but But in that it's like, it's almost like that allowed my like people pleasing stuff to come up my shyness, or like my inability to share I feel because I'm worried about what someone's gonna think, well, that's people losing, but you're not. I mean, it's like, if those are my issues, then what, what better way to get me to tackle them to also give me the desire to be a comedian. So they sort of like weave together. And because it was such a beautiful container in that school, I would go out, and I would do things at Second City or whatever, and I would talk about it. And then I could talk about what was coming up around it, like my fears, and my like, you know, this came up where I was really afraid to say this, because of this. And so and it still happens for me, like I still deal with those sort of people pleasing kind of tendencies. And never, I don't think fully goes away. But I think for the listeners, it's like, I think we tend to think as a society that a certain there's like a cutoff point for our dreams, or for our like desires, and that once we hit a certain age, it's like it's too late, you'll never do this, you'll know it's too late, you're gonna look stupid, you're gonna look silly. But I think that we have those desires for a reason. I don't think we desire something that's not meant to be in some way. Because I think the universe or God, or whatever you want to call it sort of puts us that in there. Because it's wanting to be fulfilled, like it's wanting to live through you. It's going to be great, but it's also going to suck because it's,

Sarah Milken  41:48  

but isn't that life like anything? Yeah, it is hard if it were easy. Yeah, it wouldn't be great.

Andrea Levoff  41:53  

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's worth it.

Sarah Milken  41:57  

I think there are some women though, too. I mean, I'm part of this to where I didn't have this childhood dream to be a comedian, or whatever. And so for me, and I know, for a lot of women who message me like, they don't know what that some of them don't even know what that thing is. And it's like, Did you have anyone in your spiritual psychology program? Who was like, I just don't know what that project is gonna be? Like? Oh, absolutely. And what did they do? Like, how did they get that point of like, past that point of like, I don't fucking know what I want to do?

Andrea Levoff  42:29  

Well, so a lot of times, they would just pick something. And so then through that thing that they picked, that maybe wasn't the thing, they would get introduced to someone that then sparked the thing. And so I call it nature's bait and switch. So if you just follow the most charming thing, it might not be that thing. But it might be the thing that leads you to the thing that leads you to the thing. So I think that's what most people did is that they would be advised to like, Okay, well, what if you had to do something? What would it be? And then once you get the feedback, you can sort of course change on to like, your, your thing or your

Sarah Milken  43:08  

Yeah, I like that. It's kind of what I talked about, like synchronicity, like you get invited to an event, you're thinking, Oh, I really don't want to go to there. I don't know anyone there. You say yes to something that might be uncomfortable. You go and you end up meeting so and so who knows so and so who's opening a restaurant, and it kind of like all the it's like sliding doors like all these doors start opening and had you not gone to that event, all of those things would not have happened. So I'm not suggesting to say yes to everything, but say yes to things that like make you feel a little bit uncomfortable.

Andrea Levoff  43:48  

Mm hmm. Yeah, for sure. I think that's great advice.

Sarah Milken  43:51  

Because then you end up meeting new people that you may not have met before. And I don't know i That's how I feel like this whole podcast kind of has grown. It's like, you meet this person, this person introduces you to this person. This ends up being some great path. This other path kind of just dies on the side. And it's not just about like following that one thing. It's like It's like swinging different doors open and close all the time and being okay with that.

Andrea Levoff  44:18  

It was absolutely I think being okay with it and trusting that that's the way it and enjoying it, you know, enjoying the process. I think

Sarah Milken  44:25  

that's that's really hard. Now I know what spiritual psychology is because I have friends who have gotten the same degree. But I want you to tell the listeners what getting a master's in spiritual psychology actually means because maybe there are people listening who are like, Oh my God, that sounds so cool. I want to do that.

Andrea Levoff  44:42  

Yeah, absolutely. I always struggle with this. It's really something that's hard to put into words. But I think when I tell the story is normally when someone goes to this program, it's because they've met someone that's been through it, and they see how that person's life has shifted if they know the person before And then they see the person after. It's sort of

Sarah Milken  45:03  

like some way tell me the name of tell me the name of the program. It's called

Andrea Levoff  45:06  

at the University of Santa Monica. Yeah. And that is the one that friends have done. Yeah. And it used to be located in Santa Monica 20. It's

Sarah Milken  45:15  

all online now. Right?

Andrea Levoff  45:17  

It's all online. Now. It's all online, which makes it great. I mean, there's people from all over the world that do it now. And I used to fly in, and it was worth it. And I think it helped me, like place myself in a larger context of the world. Like, it helped me sort of figure out what it was that was going to, I think, before I felt like I had all these external things. I was married, I had kids, I had a successful husband, I had, you know, I was successful. I didn't want for anything. And so but I still wasn't happy. I was like, I can't figure this out. It's like, I have this, this and this. And so it really just kind of helps you orientate more to like an inner landscape. And so it sort of helps you, I would say, I mean, this is so cheesy, but like, kind of grow your own garden internally and sort of the see the beauty like that's inside and not so externally focused.

Sarah Milken  46:16  

And how long is the program? When I did it, it

Andrea Levoff  46:19  

was two years, one weekend, a month for two years. I think now there's like 18 months, and they have like workshops, and they have all kinds of things that you can just get on and check out. And

Sarah Milken  46:29  

I'll put that in the show notes. Yeah, a lot of women would be it because it kind of gives you like, sometimes when you wake up and you're like, Okay, what the fuck am I going to do with my life? Now? That's like a really big question to ask. So unless you're working with a life coach, or a therapist, or you have a great mentor, sometimes it's hard if you don't have kind of an imposed structure. And I think what you're talking about is they kind of provide the structure for you to think about things in modules and compartments. Yes, exactly.

Andrea Levoff  46:59  

It's like a class and you get to you get to be around people. And I think they they talk about like in an Teleki. And so like, if the intellia key of like an oak seed is to be an oak tree, like, what is your particular and Teleki? Like, what is your what is if you watered yourself, and you really loved yourself and really gave yourself the right tools? What could you bloom into, like, what, what is meant for you to to be so that's beautiful.

Sarah Milken  47:24  

I love that. Now in terms of kind of growing into who you want to be and who you want to become. I know that many midlife women struggle with starting small, and starting over. I mean, I'm one of them. It's like really hard to be like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna start an Instagram and a podcast, and I've never been on Instagram before. And my accounts gonna say zero followers. That's pretty hot, you know?

Andrea Levoff  47:51  

Yeah. Really hard for me. Yeah, really hard.

Sarah Milken  47:55  

And I'm like, I was so used to being like, the girl with the grades and the girl with the degree and then suddenly, I'm like, wait, I'm like, at minimum wage level here. You know, like, I'm putting myself out there. Like, at the lowest level? What advice do you have for women who are kind of feeling the self doubt and bumbling around wanting to try new things? And just like, I don't know, just like, feeling? Yuck.

Andrea Levoff  48:24  

I think there's two things. One thing is like, taking things in like three foot tosses is what I try to do, when there's something really big that I want to do. It's like, okay, that feels huge. But like, like writing a script, where I'm at now, if I was to try to tackle that tomorrow without ever doing I mean, I can't. So it's like a three foot toss is to like, write three sentences, right now what it's about, or you know what I mean? Like taking it into little bite sizes, pieces, instead of I want to run a marathon, you know what, I'm gonna walk for 10 minutes on the treadmill every day, or whatever it is, that feels three foot Tasi to you. And then the second thing, I always tell myself, if I'm going to do this, I have to start. And if I had started when I had the thought, think about how far I would be? And do I really want to be like, another six months down the road and being like, Oh, my God, I wish I would have started that, because inevitably, you're probably going to start it or you're just going to drive yourself crazy about it. So my thing is, like, think of yourself in the future not doing it. And think back to like, How many times have I said, I wish I would have just done that. Like, I wish I would have done that a year ago or whatever it is. And that sort of motivates me. I guess that's sort of a negative, but it sort of motivates me to just do it.

Sarah Milken  49:37  

I could not agree more. I mean, that's sort of been like the whole story of this podcast, because when I thought oh, I'm going to start a podcast, I didn't realize how involved that was. And maybe that was better that I didn't understand it because I probably wouldn't have done it because I would have you know, just like there's so many outside pieces, so many moving parts. And I would have been so overwhelmed. Like it's like if somebody gives you like, all these ingredients, and they're like, Okay, make a meal. For someone like me who doesn't cook that's like completely overwhelming. And you can't see the forest through the trees.

Andrea Levoff  50:11  

Mm hmm. Yeah, I have out every single dish. It's kitchens a mess.

Sarah Milken  50:15  

Yeah. And I think that that I think that feels like super uncomfortable. Now, how did you get to the next stage and scratching your issues where you were like, okay, so you went from the project. And then you were like, Okay, I'm going to start like doing this real stand up comedy. And you started doing the stand up comedy, and you started loving it. And then I guess you said the hours became kind of weird and too hard with kids. So you took it online, your comedy online. And that's sort of where the dopest mom platform started.

Andrea Levoff  50:50  

I had some friends that were fashion bloggers, some mom homes that I met, they were all doing Instagram. And I was like, I could do that. And I was like, Yeah, but I'm not gonna do this, like, just pictures, I'm gonna, like, make it funny, you know, like, I'm gonna put my spin on it. So that's kind of how I started, you know, I met some people that were doing it this way, and then was like, I'll do that. But I'll do it this way. And that's sort of how it spun off. And I think around that time, I will, I had done the spiritual psychology class. So it sort of just sort of all started weaving together. And for the longest time, I couldn't figure out how I could marry like spirituality and comedy, like I just, it just didn't fit to me, it just couldn't wrap my brain around it. And then the more I just kind of kept going with it, I saw that it was sort of the same thing. So I just kept kind of following the charm of it.

Sarah Milken  51:42  

Now in terms of growing into yourself, your own needs and passions, and those kind of like evolving over time, and kind of realizing that you needed to get back to your real authentic self, because you sort of were kind of became the mom, and not tending to your own inner garden, per se. What would you say you did to kind of deal with those, like small self or ego kind of issues that were coming up around that

Andrea Levoff  52:13  

around? Like the resistance around? Yeah, doing it? Or?

Sarah Milken  52:16  

Yeah, all of it? Well, I

Andrea Levoff  52:17  

learned this, I didn't just naturally know how to do this. But really sitting with that resistance, and that ego part of it, and talking to it and asking it, why it's there. Because I think we don't do anything that doesn't have a payoff. And we tend to try to like, put those pieces out that aren't serving us. And really what they want to do is service, they've come around for some reason to like, protect us or, and so it's kind of it's kind of this thing that I do where I talk to it. And then I like reassign it a job if necessary. So it doesn't

Sarah Milken  52:59  

it's like you're I just interviewed someone, it's like talking to your spirit guides kind of, yeah, do you hear answers?

Andrea Levoff  53:05  

So we do this thing in our class, it's called Gestalt. And it's Gestalt was like a therapist, and he has a certain way of doing it. And what you do is you you actually, you take that part, and you can, you can actually just set up two chairs. And you can put that part in a chair, and you can talk to it. And you can go back between the two chairs. And if you don't edit yourself, and you just let it come out, and you just are willing to be and feel silly. Obviously, you don't want to do it like with anyone else, you want to do it in private. But it really, I think those parts of ourselves like we separate from them, because we think that they're bad or like, I'll give you a personal example, there was a relationship I was in, where I was aware of myself, like repeating this pattern of suffering and relationship. And it's like it was this part of me that like desperately wanted to be chosen, and was like really dating guys, because they were choosing me, but I wasn't necessarily choosing them. And so I would get so focused on how much they liked me. And then I be like, Oh my god, they love me so much. I must, you know, I must like I love this attention. And there must be something to it. And I must like them because they like me so much. But really, I wasn't focusing on their character, what they were reading and all these things. So it was like this weird thing. And so one night, I was laying in my bed and I was upset about ending something with someone. And I was like, what is that part? Like, what is it like it's at odds with the other parts of me that no, I deserve this and this and this and I deserve all the great things. And what it told me was like, I want you to be nice to me and stop judging me and stop like pushing me away. And I want you to choose me. Like that's what it wanted. And so once I was able to like sort of integrate that part in It's almost like split personalities. In a way. It's funny,

Sarah Milken  55:02  

because I see these TIG talks where it's the same woman talking to her other, you know, her other self or her husband or whatever. And it's like, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's

Andrea Levoff  55:17  

in my head. Yeah. And it's like, I have a meeting with all these people. And I'm like, Hey, we all have the same goal. We want to help the relationship. But we got, we got to get everyone on board. And I was telling a friend the other day, it's almost like, it's, it's usually like a younger part of yourself. And it's like, I love that part of myself, I want that part of myself to come along. But that part of myself can't drive the car. Like, I wouldn't let my toddler get behind the wheel and like drive the car. So I think of it as like, an eight year old or like, just like a girl that needs to be taken care of. But she's not leading the show, you know, she's not gonna, like, leave my relationship. She can be there. But she can be there, and I'm gonna love her and she can come but she can't drive the car.

Sarah Milken  55:58  

That's a great analogy. Okay, now, I know that you have used meditation and spirituality as really big tools in your journey, your personal journey. What does that look like? And like, what does that mean? Because so many people are like, I meditate and I'm like, okay, but like, what does that really mean? What what does that look like? How can I use that? And what is spirituality? And what does that mean? And like, how is that changing your life?

Andrea Levoff  56:24  

Yeah, completely. I've always been on a spiritual path. Like in high school, I was reading the artists way. I grew up in Texas, I was doing yoga, like my parents thought I was nuts. You know what I mean? Like, so I've always sort of been on that path. But I think and I've tried, you know, I've tried just sitting there and thinking about nothing. And I've tried guided. And so when I was introduced to this particular kind of meditation, it just really clicked for me it is and it's, it's called Vedic meditation. The vi d IC. Okay, Vedic, it's if you've heard of TM, it's a little bit like TM, where someone gives you a mantra, a teacher, a qualified teacher gives you a mantra that sort of matches with your certain vibrations. And that mantra is so pleasing to your brain. Like when we're thinking thoughts, what we're trying to do is make ourselves happier, our brains always in search of solving a problem or being happier. Like when you're at lunch with a friend and she gets up and you pick up your phone, and you're looking for something to like, make you have, like, the dopamine thing. Yeah, the dopamine. And so these, this particular mantra operates on sound. So it's not a word that like my brains making sense of when I'm effortlessly repeating it. It's just a very mellifluous, beautiful sound that just the brain loves. And so it just picks up on it and just relaxes your brain down to like a very, like, just steady and slow space. So I, like cannot wait for my meditations. There's never been a time where I'm like, Oh, my God, I have to meditate. It actually is so pleasing to my brain, that I don't miss it, because I love it so much, like all along do you do? Okay? So I do it. 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes, oh, my God. And if I could do it longer, I would, I would fall asleep, I'll do it. It's okay. You don't rest your head. But I sit like this. And I just close my eyes. And oftentimes, I'm falling asleep, but it's still working. And I'll do it. Like, in the airport. I've had friends get mad at me on girls trips, because I'll like, go do meditation. So your guide Jovi's

Sarah Milken  58:34  

a monitor in your own head, you're not listening to a recording of the mono

Andrea Levoff  58:38  

just repeating it in my head. So I'll do it on a plane, I can do it in a crowded room, I don't need headphones, I don't need a, you know, phone to listen to it. So that's what makes it so easily. And what happens is, as you're repeating it, there comes a moment where then you're aware that you're no longer doing mantra. But between that space of you stopping repeating it, there's like a space where you weren't thinking mantra, but you were so you also weren't thinking a thought. And the more you do it, the space between that gets longer and longer and longer. And you

Sarah Milken  59:12  

ever do you hear things like do you ask questions and get answers?

Andrea Levoff  59:18  

Not in the time that I'm meditating, oftentimes, it'll just come as like a knowing afterwards. Got it. It's, it's like I'm not hearing guidance, necessarily. But it's just like a knowing that comes from. It's like, I like to think of it when something happens, like when there's like a change that happens suddenly, and you think it's like oh my god, my husband just asked for a divorce or, and your surprise, or whatever it is, the seeds of that change started years before or whatever change happens. And the moment you think is right then but the seeds of it were along in the past. And so I think the more I meditate, the more I'm able to see the seeds way before they come. So I'm just like, more naturally prepared for the things that happened because I'm like, oh, yeah, that's obvious. Like that's interesting.

Sarah Milken  1:00:08  

I that's an interesting way of looking at that. Yeah, meditation and I are, we're working together. We're trying to figure it out.

Andrea Levoff  1:00:18  

There's so many Vedic meditation teachers in LA, like so many.

Sarah Milken  1:00:22  

Okay, well, we're gonna have to get to the bottom.

Andrea Levoff  1:00:27  

I could talk about it, you would think I was an initiator or a teacher, but I just love it. I

Sarah Milken  1:00:33  

mean, that's your next season. Andrea?

Andrea Levoff  1:00:35  

Maybe they spend like three or four months in India. So not right now. But yeah,

Sarah Milken  1:00:40  

oh my gosh, now spirituality? Like, how has that kind of come into your decisions in your personal journey through this through kind of the older half of your life so far?

Andrea Levoff  1:00:52  

Yeah, I think it just, it's a way of like relating to the world. It's like a lens that I see the world through, and sort of everything. You know, I grew up so like, my parents weren't so religious, but they were Methodist. And I just couldn't figure out why I liked it. But I couldn't figure out like, why I was so lucky to be born into this religion, where I'm not gonna burn in hell and like, other people weren't, did not make sense to me. I was like, I don't get it. And so it just never really aligned, you know, and there's so many beautiful traditions in it. And I just, I think I missed that as I grew up. But then when I found the sort of more open, sort of loving, sort of natural view of spirituality, that's really when I like latched on to it. And it's really affected. Every relationship, everything I look at, sort of, it's more of like the lens, I see the world through.

Sarah Milken  1:01:49  

And has that did that come through your spiritual psychology degree? Did that come through your own kind of research? Like, how did that just come to be?

Andrea Levoff  1:01:58  

I think it I think it really, like I said, like, I was always sort of moved that way even as like in Yeah, in high school. But I think when I read the book that the teachers had written, I think a friend was like, just read this book and see if it resonates, it was like, it just really sort of answered all my questions. It was sort of like, Oh, my God, like, Yes, this is how I've always felt, but just didn't necessarily know that that's what it was. And so I think it was the spiritual psychology degree for me that really sort of locked it

Sarah Milken  1:02:28  

in. Now. Do you remember the name of the book? I could look it up? It's called Yeah, it's

Andrea Levoff  1:02:32  

called loyalty to your soul.

Sarah Milken  1:02:34  

Okay. Yeah, cuz I know that there's two people that run it. Are they? Is it a husband and wife? I can't remember husband and wife. Oh, yeah. Ron

Andrea Levoff  1:02:41  

and Mary. Okay. They're hilarious. Together. They're like, really cute.

Sarah Milken  1:02:46  

That's so cute. Oh, my gosh. So when did you realize in this whole journey of like, kind of always thinking about the divorce and trying to figure out like, how to realign yourself to your authentic needs and wants, like, when did you realize that like happiness was an inside job, and that the house, the husband, all the things wasn't gonna do it for you.

Andrea Levoff  1:03:07  

That was pretty early on. That was wait, that was before my divorce. I think that was early on in the spiritual psychology program, but it comes in layers, right? So it was like, I would have the awareness. But then I'd forget. And then I'd get caught up in life. And then I think that's how a lot of

Sarah Milken  1:03:24  

things are you so many things, it layers, right.

Andrea Levoff  1:03:27  

And it's deeper and deeper and deeper. And I think with then when the meditation came in, years later, it sort of it, it allowed me to, like I had these tools from the spiritual psychology class, but I wasn't necessarily using them every day, or as the meditation was in the morning, in the evening, in the morning in the evening. And so I just sort of was like, tapping into that. Forget, remember, forget, forget,

Sarah Milken  1:03:53  

I swear in a workout today. Wait, I forgot that I wanted to work out. Wait, I want to workout. It's I get what you're exactly.

Andrea Levoff  1:03:59  

Yeah, it's like a remembering. And I think that's, I actually think that's what we're here to do is like, if we were just born into knowing there's no fun in that, and it's sort of like the midlife reinvention. Like if we just knew, and we were just like, as babies and as kids were like, I'm on it. This is what I want to do. This is great. It's like we would just be in that and we wouldn't know what it was like to not be in that. So there's like a fun thing that humans have about forgetting and remembering, where there's a joy in the remembering that we crave. So I think we kind of almost make ourselves forget, like we have the funny

Sarah Milken  1:04:39  

because sometimes we interpret the discomfort or the remembering like we don't interpret it as joy. We interpret it as like, oh fuck, this feels uncomfortable. But like if your parents I told you like you have to go to this high school and you have to go to this college and then you're gonna get a medical degree and then you're going to become A surgeon and then you're gonna be this and then you're like 62. And you're like, wait, that was not what I want it. Mm hmm. And having this idea that it doesn't have to be so linear, and that we do have agency and kind of like, kind of stopping the train. It's really powerful.

Andrea Levoff  1:05:19  

It is powerful. Yeah. It's really powerful. And I think what you said about being uncomfortable is, especially for someone like me, if I can reframe it as, this isn't actually painful, it's just uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable. But I can do uncomfortable things like I can do that. I can get through this. I've had two kids, I did this I did that. I just recently got back from India. And I think a big part of it for me was like, Can I do this? I don't know. But I'm gonna like challenge myself to see. And I kept telling myself, I can get there 1010 days, I can get there. 10 nights of anything. And so just like I keep raising my bar of being uncomfortable. That's why I think ice baths and people do those things totally. Like says, it's

Sarah Milken  1:06:02  

telling your brain I can do hard things. Totally. That's how I feel about this podcast, too. Sometimes I'm like, oh my god, I'm doing so many recordings. Like, oh my god, I did that. And like, every time I do it, I'm like, nervous for a second. And then I record it. And I'm like, Oh, my God, that was so good. And it's this kind of like, coming back to it's hard. It's good. It's hard. It's good. It's hard. It's good. Yeah. And then when it becomes not hard anymore, that's when it's not I feel like it that's where the fun goes, like you lose the fun in it. Yeah,

Andrea Levoff  1:06:31  

we forget that. That's how we have fun is an analysis and in the Yeah, it's counterintuitive.

Sarah Milken  1:06:36  

Yeah, yeah. Again, we remember. Like brain fog. We're like, Fuck, I got that. 17,000 times. Okay, so you say you say that midlife is sexy as hell? Let's break that down. First. You say it's fun. Why is it fun?

Andrea Levoff  1:06:52  

I think it's fun. Because it's challenging. I like what we just said like it's, there's something fun about rediscovering or maybe not even rediscovering maybe discovering for the first time about yourself, like you think maybe you're this way. But is that true? Like in questioning sort of what you built for yourself? For me? It was like, Is my life how I want it to be? Or is that how other people said it should be or how I thought other people wanted it to be? And so it's sort of like a kind of rebellious. If you have any rebellion and you are any like, Oh, I do. Yeah. It's kind of rebellious to live like this. Yeah. And so to me, that's fun.

Sarah Milken  1:07:36  

And your next thing is you say it's a fucking challenge, which kind of relates to that?

Andrea Levoff  1:07:41  

Yeah, it's true. I think there's fun and joy. I mean, it's so boring. Otherwise, you know, like, to me, I get bored really easy. So I don't, I don't want to be I like a challenge. I

Sarah Milken  1:07:52  

think I think that that's kind of on it. Yeah, I'd like I think if you think about this, like midlife, itchy time, it's women who have been doing the same thing essentially. Seems like 1000 years like I've been a mom, I write a wife, I've been a partner, I've been a an attorney, I've been you know what I mean? It's like, the research shows that every five to seven years, we seek novelty, like we want it, whatever that is. And I think that if we don't mix it up a little bit, and we stay on that hamster wheel, it just keeps spinning. Now we're the only ones that only break the hamster wheel. Unless like something totally fortuitous happens or something really bad happens, like a lot of people will get a diagnosis or a family member will get a diagnosis. And it totally shifts their life like trajectory.

Andrea Levoff  1:08:40  

Well, so one thing that that we talk about in meditation is that change is always happening, like change is really the only constant in life. And so if you are the creator of change, you can either be a co creator of change, or you can let it happen to you. So it tends to be that if you kind of get ahead of it and CO create change, the less likely it is for something to really like hit you upside the head because you're already kind of participating with the laws of nature willingly. And it's not. It's not like a punishing thing. It's not like a bad thing. When something like that happens. It's just a way to get you to move.

Sarah Milken  1:09:21  

Yeah, to get in touch and to remember, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's okay. So part of midlife is sexy as hell you say? It's like it's your time? Yeah. Because

Andrea Levoff  1:09:33  

I think you know yourself more. Yeah, you've taken the time to like, get to know yourself. Maybe you're not so worried about how you look or how you know, it's like you're more selfish and your pleasure and how you feel and I think that is not only sexy for you, but I think it's attractive to other people. Yeah, when they're, it's sort of like an energy that you kind of embody, you're more embodied. You know, you're not this. I don't know about you, but in my 20s Like, I will Isn't disembodied, female, you know, sort of. Yeah,

Sarah Milken  1:10:05  

I do think this idea of knowing what you like knowing what you don't like being okay with people judging you being okay with sort of you judging yourself and kind of managing that and being okay with this idea that midlife self obsession, for lack of a better term is not selfish. It's necessary. Yeah, absolutely. I

Andrea Levoff  1:10:27  

love midlife self obsession. Yeah, yeah.

Sarah Milken  1:10:30  

Tell your ex husband Matt.

Andrea Levoff  1:10:33  

Definitely thinks I'm in that for sure. Sure.

Sarah Milken  1:10:37  

Okay, so I know, we've kind of like touched on this a little bit. But obviously, there's probably a bunch of listeners who have gone through a divorce or about to go through a divorce. Like, what like, what would your advice be looking back on it with,

Andrea Levoff  1:10:50  

my biggest advice would be like, use it, like, use it, don't let that time go by where you're like, don't get stuck in blame, and like, regret. And like, to me, it's like, it's such a right time, like, emotions are coming up, your, your triggers are coming up, like you're realizing your patterns. And like, to me, it was like Puck, I'm gonna use this, and like, I'm gonna dig in, and it's going to be uncomfortable, and it's going to suck, and maybe I'm going to cry, you know, six out of seven days of the week, but like, I'm not going into another relationship or whatever's next for me with all this shit. Like, I'm not going to be the woman who's like six years down the road, like still processing this, or like, not even have started to process it. And so I really just feel like I dug in, and I'm still digging in trying to figure out my part in it, trying to, you know, really use it, seeing therapists, you know, whatever it is for you. Like, I just really would recommend just like, you're already uncomfortable. So just get really uncomfortable. And like, get in there.

Sarah Milken  1:11:56  

It's really, I think that's a great advice. And I think you also say something else or like you guys, we need to get okay with the idea that relationships don't last forever and don't always get to last forever. And that's okay. Yeah,

Andrea Levoff  1:12:09  

I think that's so true. I think as a society, we have an I think it's getting better. I mean, Anna, and my kids have, you know, a few friends whose parents are divorced. So it's a little bit more normalized than it was like when we were growing up. Yeah. But I, I just feel like, there's this notion that, and this belief that perhaps people hold that, that they failed, or that this is a failure, I can't do relationships, or I you know, I'm bad at this. And it's like, no, we were together for 12 years. Like, that's pretty awesome. You know, and we had these kids and, you know, perhaps we came in it in different levels of consciousness, and now we're here, but it doesn't mean that it was a failure, or that I wish it didn't happen. Or, you know, it's all his fault. It's like, no, it's a complicated, nuanced, living, breathing thing that, you know, ended, but it doesn't mean it's,

Sarah Milken  1:13:08  

yeah, and it doesn't mean that your life is over or his life.

Andrea Levoff  1:13:11  

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Now,

Sarah Milken  1:13:14  

you also talk about how you have found meaning and surrender and post divorce? Like, how would you define surrender for yourself and your process?

Andrea Levoff  1:13:24  

That's a really good question. I think of surrender as really, truly accepting what is in the moment. So if I'm upset, and I feel like, it's like the end of the world, like really just letting myself feel it like really just like surrendering to that feeling, whatever it is, like surrendering to, I think, through those feelings, I was able to sort of see where I was worried that if I kept surrendering, I could see the good things coming from letting go. But I also was afraid that like, because I was attached the attachment to like, my friends or my lifestyle, or, you know, even like liking Taco Bell, like, there's part of me that was like, if I get any more spiritual, I'm not gonna like talk about, you know, like, just like, I really had this fear that like if I kept surrendering, like, I wouldn't recognize myself, or like, what is the difference between

Sarah Milken  1:14:24  

surrendering and letting go? Are they the same?

Andrea Levoff  1:14:28  

I think surrendering is like a prettier, more flowery way of saying, letting go, I don't know, to me, there's like, letting go can just be like, Oh, I'm letting go of that. Or I'm gonna let go of wanting to be in a relationship. But surrendering is sort of inviting in a higher call a higher spirit are like a higher power and really saying, for me, it was like, I don't know the answer. I don't know what you want for my life, but I'm just here. and like, take it, you know what I mean? Like, just go through me like, What is it that you want for me? What is it that like, going back to the intelligent like, what is my seed? Like? What am I meant to be without all these judgments and beliefs and attachments to being comfortable or being liked or being the perfect mom or being the perfect wife? Like, what am I beyond those hats are those titles?

Sarah Milken  1:15:27  

But I think sometimes like even for me, I get confused. And I'm like, Okay, does surrender mean giving up? Like, I can't fucking control this process. So I'm just gonna step out of it. Like, no, that's yeah, it's confusing. It doesn't mean, I'm just gonna lay down and take it.

Andrea Levoff  1:15:46  

No, it doesn't mean that at all. It means that's the trigger distinction that's like capitulation. You know what I mean? That's just like, I'm done. Yeah, I think surrendering is like letting it, it's like, it's almost like if you're in a river, and you're going down the river, and you're resisting it, you're like, Fuck, this river is taking me here and here, and I don't want to go here. And I just, I don't really want to look at these mountains anymore. And I'm just gonna hold on to this motherfucking rock so tight, and like, whatever fuck I'm done, you know, I'll just, I'll just float down the river, and I won't look at anything. That's like, that's what you're talking about. And I think surrendering is more of like, I'm gonna let it take me. I'm just gonna relax. And I'm gonna let it take me. And I'm gonna look at that mountain. And I'm gonna enjoy it, even though I've seen it like 50 times. And I'm going to look for something more beautiful in that. And I'm going to look over here. And it's sort of like, letting it sort of take you and enjoying it and trying to find grace and trying to find the lessons instead of like, holding on or like the resistance to something that's going to happen. I think one of my teachers used to say, you can either evolution is always happening, change is always happening. You can go along with it, or you can get dragged. Yeah. And so there's like an element of getting dragged. I think whenever you're giving up.

Sarah Milken  1:17:04  

Yeah. Because the the age or you just get on? Yeah, we were all together. Yeah, the agency part is what interests me and like the surrender concept, because it's like, kind of giving into this worldly energy, but still owning your shit and making choices. Yeah, and doing things for yourself to help own your shit and lead your shit down the river. Like, instead of just floating, you're kind of like looking around. You're thinking about things. Oh, maybe I should stop and take a break. Maybe I'm hungry. Like, you know what I mean? It's the the agency part.

Andrea Levoff  1:17:38  

Is the agency. Yeah, it's not completely just like, I'm gonna surrender and lay on my couch. And, you know, if someone needs to find me, they'll knock on my door. Talking about participating. Yeah, you're participating there. Yes. This

Sarah Milken  1:17:51  

is a patient for sure. Yes. Okay. Let's talk about this India trip. Because I feel like so many people are like, I'm going to India, I'm going to find myself that I was like, what was the India thing for you? Had you always been thinking about doing it? Who did you go with? What did it represent? Like, give us the rundown on Oh,

Andrea Levoff  1:18:11  

I never would have thought if you would have told me. I'm going to India. A year and a half ago, I would have been like, No, I'm not like that was not on my bucket list. Not that worldly. You know, like it? Yeah. Like,

Sarah Milken  1:18:22  

like, I'll stick with Chicago. Right. And Dr. Yeah, I

Andrea Levoff  1:18:25  

was like up Paris. Yeah, sure. But like India. So it came out of this Vedic meditation. I think what's so lovely about it is if you just want to learn it for a skill, and you just want to like, learn it as a technique, it's there. But the body of knowledge is so deep, and it originated in India. So my teacher leads a retreat every year. And he led one this year, the first time since COVID. And I was like, it just kind of charmed me. And I was like, Should I do it? I don't know. Can I can I do it? Like, you know, I remember my friends were making so much fun of me. They were like, I'm sure making bets on like, how long I was. India, even like, nice. India is not like what I'm used to. And I have to tell you, I was really scared. Like I signed up. And I got put on the waitlist and then was like, Okay, fine. If I don't get in I don't get in and then I got in and I was like, Holy fuck, I guess I'm doing this. And like a couple of nights before I was leaving. I was like in a kind of a panic. Like, I was like, What have I done? Like I've really, where are you going to go by yourself? I yeah, I was going by myself.

Sarah Milken  1:19:29  

I did. You didn't know anyone else enough going.

Andrea Levoff  1:19:32  

I met up with a group and I met ended up meeting people but no, I didn't know anyone else that was on it. Okay. And I had this awareness that like a couple nights before I left I think someone just I heard this question or someone asked it and it was like what is standing in the way of your next level of evolution? And my first answer was like being comfortable. I love to be comfortable. I love to wear nice clothes. I like cozy sweaters. I like my bed. I like my incense. I like my CBD oil and my footies like I have so many things that like I love to like, keep me comfortable. And India is not comfortable. It's not like me.

Sarah Milken  1:20:15  

I'm like nothing that is appealing to me. Yeah.

Andrea Levoff  1:20:19  

Oh, nothing. And so the first time I got there, I actually I met up with this girl who I had met briefly in Sedona on another retreat, and we took a car together, we flew, she flew into Delhi, I flew into Delhi. She sent me a text. She's like, do you happen to be in India for this retreat? I was like, Oh, my God. Yes. Coming to my hotel right now. I'm dying. Yeah, well, I actually ended up sleeping in her room and bed with her. Because it was better than my loud room. So like, I had this experience, like where I was totally out of my comfort zone. Yeah, even on girls trips. I'm like, I'm not sharing a bed. I'm 40 years old. Yeah. And so like, you know, and so there, I was, like, sharing a little bed with her. And I ended up staying and ended up having the best time, but

Sarah Milken  1:21:00  

no one was, like a silent meditation retreat, like, what was it? No. So

Andrea Levoff  1:21:06  

we would sit, we would meditate. In the morning, we do this thing called around where you do like yoga, and then you do deep breathing, and then you meditate. So it was like a longer sort of meditation. And then we'd go on an excursion, something very NDN. And then we come back and have lunch, and then we do another meditation. And then we just sit in lectures until like, 10 or 11 at night. Wow. It was like a Yeah, it was very, very full and robust and amazing, but something that like, I'm also like, not dying to go back. Do you know what I mean? Like, yeah, I'm gonna go every year. It was just like, something I wanted to do to like, kind of prove to myself that I didn't need I love my things. I love my comfortable shit. But like, I don't need it.

Sarah Milken  1:21:48  

So what were your big takeaways from that trip?

Andrea Levoff  1:21:51  

I feel like I'm still integrating. It's been two weeks now. But I really feel like less attachment to certain relationships, like ways of being almost like I can, I think I like really seen where I like, I think when I came back, I was like, my word for the year is refinement. And I'm looking to like, sort of refine my life, like, what relationships what ways of relating, or sort of outdated for me? What relationships are outdated, like, What habits like what patterns like it just felt it felt like it helped me drop more into myself, like even more.

Sarah Milken  1:22:26  

So like, you're gonna kind of go back and edit. Like the things that are long, like you've already taken the marriage out. Yeah, that has like a new iteration of joint custody. Yeah, whatever. And now it's like, okay, like, let me look at my friendships. Let me look at these different relationships that I'm in and kind of with a different lens.

Andrea Levoff  1:22:48  

Yeah, like ways I'm even just spending my time or energy or what I'm looking at, and I feel like part of me wanted to send out an email. And I was joking with someone about it where it was like, hello, if you're receiving this email, Andrew leboff chooses to no longer relate to you.

Sarah Milken  1:23:07  

Relationship edit by Andrea. I hope I hope I get to like stay on like the Christmas card list.

Andrea Levoff  1:23:17  

Oh my god, you're so on. I've never done a Christmas card. But yours either.

Sarah Milken  1:23:21  

Oh, my God, Andrea. I haven't either. Oh, my gosh, I feel so much better. I know, don't you? I told you I'm not. I'm like the opposite of Pinterest. Like every skill set that I ever dreamed about. I don't have same. Yeah, I've never I think we did like my shit together. Yeah, no, me neither. I think I've done like a few. Like, I think one year my son had his bar mitzvah. So I was like, okay, like we only had 12 people in Israel. So I'm gonna send out a card like a holiday card. That's just like a picture of our family at the Western Wall and Israel, you know, like, organizing didn't get I was like, there's no photo shoot. I can't do this. I just can't. Okay, so now know, of, like, all the woowoo shit you do? Like do you do enter? You said maybe energy or Reiki cold plunge? Like, what are the things like, the woowoo things you do other than meditation?

Andrea Levoff  1:24:13  

I mean, I've done all of it. I've done like, I've had my, like, past lives read where, like, someone told me that Jeff was like my wife in the last lifetime. And I know what I mean. Like, yeah, I've done it. I mean, I've done like weird stuff. Yeah, I've never done like plant medicine that freaks me out. I know meets the eye on that. Yeah, I could maybe do the micro dosing I'm interested in it, but like, you will not find me in Mexico with like a bunch of strangers with a diaper on like, you know what I mean? Like yeah, convulsing and throwing up in a bucket. Like to me that sounds awful. I'm

Sarah Milken  1:24:47  

more sophisticated ways of doing that these days. I mean, there's some people in like New York and LA and various places that todo and

Andrea Levoff  1:24:56  

I have friends that do that. Like, oh my god, do this in Mexico. Oh

Sarah Milken  1:25:00  

my God. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's not what I'm envisioning. Now, of all the things you've done, like what have been the things that have stuck, like the things are like kind of, I don't know, even if it's like once a year or twice a year, like what are the cool things you do that have kept your shit together that you that?

Andrea Levoff  1:25:19  

I mean, something that's really simple, I think is the I mentioned the artists way. Are you familiar? Yeah. Has this whole system where she does like morning pages? Yeah, the morning pages of just like, whatever is coming to mind. And as much as I like, dread it sometimes. When I'm doing it consistently, it's actually really helpful. Yeah, I find it like really super helpful. I already popular she is, yeah, very popular. As much as I love life coaches and all that, like I have, like a therapist that I like, has like a, you know, degree that I like love who like tells me what she thinks, which is what I like and a therapist, I don't just talk and talk and talk. Like I want someone to tell me what they think energy, like any kind of body work where there's the person's like, really in tune or energetic I find really helpful. Uh, one thing I do this is really weird, but I was just telling my trainer this earlier, whenever I'm with like, anyone who's giving me bodywork, I pretend that they're Jesus, like rubbing my like I pretend or whatever it is, like I pretend they're like this like enlightened spiritual being interested in giving me energy. Okay, so I always experience as it is like this, like, like, you think you're just going in? Like, I'm like, I'm going for a massage. What I'm thinking is like, I'm going to get touched by like, the Messiah himself. Right? And,

Sarah Milken  1:26:45  

like, whatever. Your energy like, yeah, you know, like, it's

Andrea Levoff  1:26:51  

always. Jesus never lets me down.

Sarah Milken  1:26:55  

Know about, like, I mean, I'm sure I can sort of predict what you're gonna say. But in terms of like, Botox filler, like, you know, those types of things like, where do you stand with that? And what do you say to the kind of like the judgement peanut gallery of women commenting on other women and blah, blah, blah?

Andrea Levoff  1:27:16  

Oh, I think it's, I mean, I think whatever you want to do to make yourself like to please yourself, is great. I have I mean, I do at all I've done Botox, I do filler. I'm always looking for like those anti aging like college and building things like I'll do I have no judgment, again. Can't even

Sarah Milken  1:27:35  

say anti aging anymore. Andrea, that was Oh, right. Yeah. No, you cannot say that. Yeah, I don't. I don't even know what the terminology is.

Andrea Levoff  1:27:44  

Aging Gracefully. Yes. Yeah. That's it aging with grass aging. Yeah.

Sarah Milken  1:27:49  

Yeah. My plastic surgeon and my Botox.

Andrea Levoff  1:27:54  

Yeah. Yeah. And I think the preventative stuff is so much better than like, being like, Oh, my God, I need a facelift or whatever it is. And I've already scheduled mine. Yeah, I'm getting one and I think, do you know what I mean? Yeah. And I'm honest about I have no, my neck is falling down.

Sarah Milken  1:28:14  

We'll talk about that. That's okay. Yeah, I mean, to have that at

Andrea Levoff  1:28:17  

my Have you seen the movie death becomes her that's my like, Oh,

Sarah Milken  1:28:21  

no.

Andrea Levoff  1:28:23  

You haven't seen that? Oh, my goodness.

Sarah Milken  1:28:26  

I guess I should watch out. Okay. I will have to watch it. Oh, my God. Okay, I'll tell I'll tell you this weekend after I watch it. Okay, so what's what's next amazing, young lady? Well,

Andrea Levoff  1:28:38  

I'm hoping, you know, we talked about the script. And I'm hoping to, to make that happen. I think there's a real need for it. And I see. I don't know, I've seen like visions of you know, there's so much TV out there. That's like such shit. Where I like, I'm, I think I'm more sensitive now. And so I watch it. And I'm like, it was funny, but I feel like oh, about it. I'm like, Emily, and Paris is funny, and like, cute. And whatever it is. There's still like that toxic relationship that we're just like, rooting for. And I noticed that in myself. So I really like to create a show that's funny, but also conscious. So you watch it and you're like, oh, this girl's changing. This girl's like digging,

Sarah Milken  1:29:22  

like white lotus, right? Yeah, a little bit. That was edging towards more I think of what you're talking about.

Andrea Levoff  1:29:32  

I think a little bit more than that. Even but yeah, like, but something that's still I think there's such a hard there's such a hard thing between like, some of that can sometimes read cheesy. Yeah, it's like too much. Uh huh. And so finding the balance between like still really fucking funny, but also conscious.

Sarah Milken  1:29:49  

Yeah, I love things that make me that's why I have such a hard time with like, reality TV because I feel like reality TV makes me anxious. Like, I don't need anybody else's problem. To be on my mind, I just grind most of it does. Yeah. So I don't watch reality TV, but I love things that make me question and think, like, how does this relate to me? Like, what can I apply to my life? I think that's why I love podcasts and reading so much because it's sort of like how does this apply to me but the reality TV I'm like, Okay, I don't know how much of this like I can take or I can even relate

Andrea Levoff  1:30:26  

to the show. You know what reality TV show I actually like, Is my unorthodox life. I've like for some reason, I don't watch that show your heart. It's really I mean, it's reality TV, but like the way her family kind of relates to her it's like, kind of cute it's like a family show.

Sarah Milken  1:30:42  

Okay, so I'll definitely look into that one. Okay, so as we wrap up where can people find you

Andrea Levoff  1:30:48  

on Instagram at at Andrea love off just my name and then I'm launching a new beautiful website very soon and it's just at Andrea law WW dot Andrea leboff.com

Sarah Milken  1:31:00  

Okay, so no tick tock yet.

Andrea Levoff  1:31:02  

I mean yeah, I have tick tock but it's not Do you are you doing tick tock

Sarah Milken  1:31:06  

I literally have not posted like I posted like four things I'm so bad at it Yeah, I'm not on tick tock that much. Yeah, I'm not either but I I know but I'm going to that's going to be one of my goals for this year is to try to get a little better I always say to my kids I'm like Instagram was already such a big time like situation that adding another platform like I just don't even know if I have the mental bandwidth for it but I'm going to try for sure Yeah, okay Andrea love off writer content creator comedian lifestyle influencer and dope ass mom. Thank you for saying yes. Thank you for chatting all things your dope ass bid life and doing your own inner work for finding your peace. Happy to call you a friend of mine and Fab guests of the flexible neurotic. Thank you.

Andrea Levoff  1:31:53  

Thanks for having me. So fun. So fun. I loved it.

Sarah Milken  1:31:58  

Okay, I just pause that. Oh my god. Thank you. I know we went a little over on Yeah, because of the extra stuff so sorry about that. No, it's fine. You're so smart. It's so easy to talk to you.

Andrea Levoff  1:32:11  

Yeah, it was really fun. Oh my god it's very smart and beautiful. Yeah, of course

Sarah Milken  1:32:24  

Hey, peeps, it's me again. I listen to this episode with the dope ass mom she's a writer stand up comedian, content creator and influencer based in Chicago Andrea love off. So I could summarize a golden nuggets for you to have actionable items to start using today. I know that when I listen to a long episode, I'm like, Oh my god. I love that. But then I can't even fucking remember the specifics. This is why I come back and do a quick Golden Nugget summary. In this episode, we chat about so many things, enhancing the experience of midlife adulthood and parenthood. With our candidate and thought provoking conversation. We use our valuable knowledge from both of us to craft what I refer to as the midlife remix conversation by cultivating self love overcoming self doubt building confidence, prioritizing our own needs, laughing and maybe getting a much needed blow dry once in a while. We can become the best version of ourselves and create what Andrea calls a dope ass life. Golden Nugget number one, the midlife he is in the hamster wheel. Hey ladies, have you ever felt the midlife it cheese vibe? The one that makes you crave something fresh and exciting something new instead of the same old hamster wheel routine for decades? Well, it turns out that Andrea knows exactly what we're talking about. When she started her spiritual psychology degree she was feeling a bit restless herself. But then she was given an assignment to find a project that truly spoke to her soul and boom, something beautiful was born. Andrew decided to pursue stand up comedy because why the fuck not. And one of her passions in starting performing all around town. But being a mom meant late nights and early mornings. It just wasn't working out. So she switched things up and started making dope ass mom videos. instead. Those videos became part of a blog and then the Instagram platform and now is in a process of a TV series. She's living proof that you can pursue your passions and be there for your kids, all while rocking bold, funky and sexy outfits and making people laugh along the way. Golden Nugget number two, thriving after divorce. Andrea discusses her personal journey with divorce that sometimes in life, we have to make tough decisions to be true to ourselves and follow our own paths. That's exactly what happened when she realized her marriage wasn't able to support both of their growth anymore. It was a difficult decision, especially because of the impact it would have on loved ones. But sometimes being honest and authentic is the best Paying for everyone involved. She sat on the sofa, cried a Taco Bell, her favorite food. You know, society often puts pressure on us to stick with relationships no matter what. But success can mean different things to different people at different times in their lives. In this case, her 12 years and two great kids later, there were plenty of wonderful memories to look back on in her marriage, which is always something to celebrate, but it was time for her to move forward on her own path. Golden Nugget number three small steps starting small, let's get real, starting small and taking action is really hard, especially when self doubt and embarrassment starts creeping in. But guess what? Andrea knows about all of those bumpy roads, and we talked about a lot of them. She shared some of her trial and error with us and trust us. It wasn't always pretty and she talked about it. But that's the thing. You got to try lots of things and see what works for you. And even if it doesn't work out perfectly, you can always shift the course a little bit. And don't be afraid to bumble around and experiment. The joy is in the journey, not just the end result. Keep taking imperfect action and remember that the only way to get better is through practice and feedback. Hey, guys, we make our kids do new shit for the first time like Oh Jake, go join the soccer team. You've never played soccer before and make a fool out of yourself. We make our kids do it. We have to do the same shit to ourselves. Golden Nugget number four biggest advice for midlife women she says is laugh. Andrea is a dope ass mom with a mission to bring laughter and joy to motherhood with a little sexy on the side. She's not here to pretend everything is perfect and her kids always behave. She's all about being real and finding ways to ease the pain the sometimes pain of motherhood, celebrate the joys and definitely laugh more. So what sets her apart for women in the self empowerment mode and being mom and influencer space is her authenticity of course she tells you as it is. Okay, the gold is dripping off these nuggets, rabbit use it. There are three things you can do first, fucking subscribe to the podcast second, share it with some midlife friends who might like Midlake shit and third, write a novel review. writing reviews is kind of annoying. It's an extra step. But guess what? It really helps the podcast grow. You think your little review won't matter but guess what guys? It does if you want to a show and everyone said my clap doesn't matter. There would be no clapping you all matter. DM me, you know I always respond and follow me at the flexible neurotic on Instagram DA Talk to you later. Talk soon. Love you

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