Midlife’s 10 Things…Freedom For Reinvention in Self-Awareness, Marriage, Nutrition & Empty Nest

Part 1

Abbie Crane  0:00  

I just want to give myself the freedom to have a reinvention. Because I'm at this phase, I'm going to be 45. And life is not what you thought it would be. But it's so beautiful. And I just don't want to be stuck in a box and anything in the way that I'm thinking about things. I feel like I would be the first one to put myself in a box. And so I really want to have been taking a step back and just reminiscing and giving myself an opportunity to rethink things. And I want to say yes to things.

Sarah Milken  0:38  

Hey, peeps, welcome to the flexible neurotic podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Sarah Milken. Yeah, you heard that right. I'm a real PhD doctor. Long, long ago, like last fucking year. I was sitting in the midlife pump wondering, was this it for me? That day, I realized I needed to get off my ass and start my midlife remix. I dusted off my PhD wipe the menopause, sweat off my forehead, grabbed my golden shovel and started digging deep to all my midlife bitches. It's not just luck, coffee and hormones that get you through your midlife remix. It's action steps. Let's do this. Hi, good peeps. This is the next episode of The flexible neurotic podcast and I'm Dr. Sarah Milken, the flexible neurotic. Today I have such a fun and cool guest. She's an integrated health coach brand marketer, nutrition enthusiast, a mother of three boys born and bred on the beaches of Southern California. She says she's living from the inside out. We're gonna find out what that really means. She is involved in food, fashion, relationships, and all things health, emotional, mental, and her nutrition. Her name is Abby crane of her Instagram platform house of Abby. Hi, Abby.

Abbie Crane  1:59  

Hi. I'm so excited to have you here. It's such a delight. I'm really happy to be here. Thanks. So

Sarah Milken  2:07  

when you see people on Instagram, and then like you see, I'm not gonna say this is real life. But it's different than Instagram. Like I'm actually talking to you. I'm seeing your lips move on. Like she's a real person. I know we even found you.

Abbie Crane 2:22  

Maybe through her general love affair. Jennifer Fisher.

Sarah Milken  2:26  

Oh, yeah, that's true. Maybe? Yeah. Are you wearing your hopes? Because I am. Look at this. Hello. Oh my god. I mean, I'm like a Hooper, though. And now my daughter seals them and then they get mixed in with the Amazon ones. And I'm like, Oh, okay. There's like 90 person hoops, or you got to keep the shit out of here.

Abbie Crane  2:46  

I don't have that problem.

Sarah Milken  2:47  

I know with three boys. Yes, three wars. It's serious. But however, I found you in the Instagram rabbit Hall. I'm so happy that you're here. And I'm happy that we can kind of I love people who have good energy. I feel like I have like a good energy magnet. And I'm like, if you have good energy, I'm asked you to come on my podcast. And if it works great, and we're gonna dive in, we're gonna dig into the midlife narrative. And I hope you have your golden shovel.

Abbie Crane  3:19  

Oh, hell yeah. I live with that.

Sarah Milken  3:22  

Next to your fucking cold plunge. Yeah, we're gonna exactly very big topic for us today, because I'm totally fascinated by it. But I think today's conversation is going to be 10 things or around 10 things. Funny things that you've learned in midlife, and I'd love to just kind of get into it. I want to give you a visual of Abby first. So if you're listening, she's super tall. How tall are you? Abby 511. So what I'm saying it's crazy. Okay, she's super tall, super fit, blonde, very natural, gorgeous, athletic. And she's not a supermodel. She's like a real person, which is amazing. But I'm not a real. Oh, you're not okay. But she's a real person. And she does all these things on her platform to promote her own health and the well being of all of her followers. And you look at her and you're like, I'm not sure I can do that. But she sort of makes you feel like yeah, I could try. It's sort of attainable. And we're going to talk about the trampoline and all the things that you do. We're gonna talk midlife marriage, midlife nutrition, midlife exercise and empty nest. Oh my god.

Abbie Crane  4:38  

Oh my god.

Sarah Milken  4:39  

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Okay, so a lot of who we are, is how we were raised. Yeah. Tell us a little bit of the abbey crane kind of where you grew up. What kind of family like what made you into the person you are today?

Abbie Crane  4:55  

Oh, I was raised in the same city and living in today. Amazing. I was raised in San Clemente California, in a sweet little 900 square foot home with one older sister named Aspen and my parents, Robert and Debbie Baker. And we were the big

Sarah Milken  5:15  

white picket fence.

Abbie Crane  5:19  

If we didn't, but we did have the little sign on our gate that says like the Baker's with her veal. Basically, I had a sweet childhood. It was very casual. It was very mellow. I went to private school for a couple of years. And then my parents decided to pull my sister and I out and homeschool us. My dad was a pilot, my mom was a homemaker. We would often pack up our backpacks with you know, PB and j's and our markers and do our studies on the beach while my parents both surfed, my sister and I were forced to serve for PE. That was like what we had to do, because that's what our parents did, and we hated it. I mean, that's a great opportunity to be, you know, wonderful surfers, but my sister and I wanted to be doing something else. But that wouldn't have worked for me because

Sarah Milken  6:15  

I don't get my hair wet. Yeah, cold water. I don't do anything uncomfortable. I don't get wet. I mean, my husband says he's like, What do you do? I'm like, anything that doesn't involve discomfort. Except for this podcast because life yeah, or midlife, which is not intentional discomfort, right? Like, there's already so many uncomfortable parts of my life. How can I even introduce more? Oh, my God, how did you become house? Have Abby and B create this health platform? Did you have the intention of doing that? Or did it happen organically? Tell us the rundown. Kind

Abbie Crane  6:58  

of both? That's a really great question. And it happened around midlife and my kids growing up moving out.

Sarah Milken  7:05  

So you were a stay at home mom, essentially, for the majority of

Abbie Crane  7:09  

my wife, I did models I have, you know, worked here and there. But I pretty much chose a very traditional role. I wanted to get married young and wanted to be a stay at home mother. So I got engaged in 19. I got married at 20. How to use my sister's fake ID to drink at my own wedding.

Sarah Milken  7:28  

Oh, gosh, wait, did your parents get married really young? Also? Not as young as I did? Okay. Are you trying to get out of your house? What was going on there?

Abbie Crane  7:41  

There is so much to that, to be honest, like that. I feel like could be it's fast. But my parents were married for 20 years and ended up getting a divorce. And it was really hard on the whole family. And I was I think about 14 at the time a freshman in high school. And that's a very Oh, there's never a good time for a divorce. But I feel like at that point when you're trying to think about your future and what you want to do, and you're an adolescent, Adolescence is tough. Anyways, I was really lost. And I think subconsciously, I really wanted to put together a family that I had lost. And when Eric came into my life, he was everything that I wasn't, he was tall, he was dark, he was handsome. He's Italian. He's from New York, like he is just like there to make his mark, super outspoken. I felt comfortable alongside him. And she never wanted to get married. He never wanted to have kids. He was very ambitious. And then he met me. And that's all I wanted. I mean, I have very good memories of my childhood. And like I said, subconsciously, I just needed to put it back together. And I became pretty insecure and I kind of lost all of my personal ambition. I wanted to get married. I wanted to have kids and that's exactly what I got. He met me and we actually moved to the west side of Hawaii. We lived in Keiko Hall for a little bit.

Sarah Milken  9:13  

Wow, we Where did you guys meet? We met here in San Clemente at the

Abbie Crane 9:17  

local Italian food restaurant where he used to bus tables. And I would go when he

Sarah Milken  9:21  

was in New Yorker who moved to San Clemente to serve for something.

Abbie Crane  9:26  

His mom is a Big Time Surfer. Surfing Jersey Shore. She always had a dream to surfing California. And they moved here when he was like 13 and he thought this was the most beautiful place he'd ever seen. Okay, he's four years older than I am. So we were never in high school together. But we would see each other around town and at parties and

Sarah Milken  9:48  

stuff for both locals.

Abbie Crane 9:50  

I was a local he was the new boy

Sarah Milken  9:53  

meaning like for the for the years that you were together since he was Did you know that 13 Are you? How is he Got it. Okay. Yeah,

Abbie Crane  10:01  

I first laid eyes on him, I think when I was 15, and he was 19. And he was just one of the cute busboys at the local restaurant.

Sarah Milken  10:08  

So awesome. It's pretty amazing. It is.

Abbie Crane  10:12  

He saw me and he told the waitress that my mother knew I'm gonna marry that girl one day. No, she was like, What the heck? You're a pervert. She's like, 15. I know her mother.

Sarah Milken  10:24  

Well, I've known my husband since I was 13. Wow. Yeah. So we went to high school together. So I understand that kind of like long term thing. So I can totally relate to probably a lot of the things that we're going to talk about with midlife marriage, because it's very different when it's like, marriage is already long enough. But when it starts so, so young, like my husband and I have been together consecutively, not including ninth grade, since we were 19. Yeah, see? Yeah, so it was like all of college. And ever since then, like we've never broken up. It's just this sort of like marathon. That doesn't mean he doesn't piss me off. Believe me. He does, for sure. I mean, we're in it, and we're staying in it. And we're committed to it, and it's happening and all of the things so you kind of attached on to him. And did he sort of give you your kind of definition that you were looking for? Oh, yeah.

Abbie Crane  11:27  

100% Yeah, he proposed to me with a hair scrunchie first thing in the morning with two double rainbows, overhead, and cake. Ha ha and kawaii. And, you know, got down on one knee, we were living in a tent together in our friend's backyard, we had, you know, hadn't quite moved into our house that we were going to rent yet. And he was like, you know, set all of the things I wanted to hear. I did not expect him to propose I did not like he definitely came on board on his own pretty quick. Wow. And I just remember putting that hair scrunchie on my finger. Ran to call my

Sarah Milken  12:05  

maze. I mean, if my husband would have been so happy to get away with a hair scrunchie wow,

Abbie Crane  12:12  

I could care less like at the time, like it was just, you know, we were soul to soul. Like we had a connection. I called my father. I said, You'll never guess. But Eric just proposed to me and he said, Oh my gosh, congratulations. I'll give you $5,000 for your wedding.

Sarah Milken  12:29  

Oh, my gosh, when you guys got married, did you have? Like, did he have that same idea of like, okay, the husband goes to war, the mom stays home? Like what was the deal?

Abbie Crane  12:44  

Oh, no. Yeah, I would say that. One of the beautiful things about our relationship from the beginning, was that we were so willing to try something new together. You know, I think it was the age that we were in. We're really creative. We were really open. We're both sort of like entrepreneurs at heart. I think we're a like each other in that way that we want to create something that hadn't been done before. So we're very hopeful and aspirational. He was raised with a working mom in two separate homes between his mom and his dads. And he was willing to do whatever I wanted to do. If I wanted to work, I could work if I didn't want to work. I didn't have to work

Sarah Milken  13:27  

exactly how it was with my husband and my son too. And I think he you know, he grew up in a house where his mom didn't work. And I grew up in a house where my mom was the opposite of that. Like she was like a CEO. Like at least nine to five like the whole reason we could go to private school and go on a vacation was because she worked like it was a whole different scenario. He never imagined that I wouldn't work. Because All he knew was the model that I grew up in of like, Oh, she's for sure gonna work. Like that's what her mom does. Like, she went to an Ivy League school, she got a PhD like, she's gonna do that. And then I had my first kid and everything changed, but he's been in it for whatever version of meter is, which is the best thing you could possibly ask for.

Abbie Crane  14:15  

It's true. It really is very, very blessed that way. So how did

Sarah Milken  14:19  

you get into house of Abby and all your nutritional stuff like your kids were getting older? Yeah, I've

Abbie Crane  14:26  

always been into health and wellness for sure. Like, you know, my parents had a garden we tended to it all the time. They were hippies. I loved the way that we were into health and wellness and organic but it was never a topic

Sarah Milken  14:40  

that was ever Erawan No.

Abbie Crane  14:44  

Didn't even need to be we weren't even going to farmers

Sarah Milken  14:48  

market it was just like a vibe I get it.

Abbie Crane  14:51  

But we would also go to Carl's Jr. Like we didn't eat to be healthy. We just had you know a lot of organic Whole Foods around, but then we would also be kids and go to 711 and buy a bag of candy. And I love that there was never, I didn't have to take my vitamins like I kill my kids with the vitamin conversation and they're like, We get it.

Sarah Milken  15:12  

So I had one of those last night.

Abbie Crane  15:16  

That was lovely conversation.

Sarah Milken  15:17  

Oh, yeah. My son's like, why are you giving this to me? Now? I'm like, because you always fight me? And he's like, No, I don't I'm like, do you have amnesia? Yeah, like, just a good mood right now. Yeah.

Abbie Crane  15:31  

I know. So I never had to have those conversations. You know, they gave us a lot of space, a lot of grace, like, my health journey has been really interesting. Because when I had my first son, and I was nursing him, he cried all the time. I mean, it was just like, I didn't really know what to do. I was 22 years old, I would use a lactation consultant. And I really started learning more about the specifics about diet and nutrition, and how it affects me because it was affecting my baby through my breast milk, right? Before that, you know, I would just eat whatever felt good or sounded good. So I learned a lot about health and wellness, through my kids, also, because I was really motivated to give them the best, and I really needed sleep. And if I was eating dairy, and then I would, you know, nurse, my son, and then I would lay him down, like, she would get the dairy that I was eating. And then it's

Sarah Milken  16:25  

amazing that you were so young, and you had enough. I don't know what the word is, but enough foresight to kind of put all of that together and find that information. Because that was like before internet and social media and all that stuff. It's like, you would have really had to go and seek that information.

Abbie Crane  16:44  

You know, and I think it came a lot through my childhood too. I would like to call myself a contemporary Earth mom. You know, my mom had my sister and I in a trailer with a midwife and no drugs. And so I wanted to do the same and my husband was like, let's not let's go to the hospital just in case there anything for to happen. And so I did I hired a doula I you know, with my second one, and we did it in the hospital. And you know, my mom was very my both parents were were very simple of the Earth Kind of people. So I think that's where I got it from, you know, I picked pediatrician, Dr. Sears, he just happened to you know, the famous PDR. Yeah, he just lived in my town, so I got with him. So he was, you know, helping guide me through, you know, so young, I was 22. That's amazing. I definitely had a lot of good women around me to support me. I didn't feel like I had to look that far, I guess is my point.

Sarah Milken  17:44  

I love that. Now, in terms of your nutrition. I know from your Instagram, you had leaky gut? Yeah, can you kind of give us like a quick overview for those who don't know what it is. And then we're going to kind of weave through your little how not your little health journey, your, your long and winding health journey, and we'll call and all of that. So give us sort of the ups on the leaky gut.

Abbie Crane  18:09  

So that I did some diagnostic testing to figure out because after the birth of my third son, I just had no energy whatsoever, and had a huge distended gut. And I couldn't function. And I would look at other moms walking their kids and their strollers and I'm like, how do they do that? Because I really declined in my health and my energy. How old were you? 27. Okay, by the time I had had Jack, and so I was trying to eat gluten free because I had heard that like, you know, maybe it would possibly be gluten allergy. So I'd wake up every day and I'd have eggs and potatoes. And I knew something was wrong. Because every time I ate, it felt like I was poisoning my body. And I had issues with my period, I had really bad brain fog. My stomach was huge. And I was barely eating anything. My joints her I couldn't get out of bed, I was struggling big time to function. And I thought is this just because I have three little kids and it has to be something more backtrack really quick. When I was in high school. I lost my period for a couple of years. And I was playing volleyball and I was thin and I was going through some emotional stuff. Like we had mentioned, the doctor wanted to put me on hormones to bring my period back. And my mom's girlfriend recommended that I try a functional medicine doctor. And I went to that doctor, I thought I had nothing to lose. I was you know, in my teens, and they said you need to eat more red meat and take some supplements. And within six months, my period came back. So I went back to that same doctor. I had been seeing her over the years. And I'm just like, I don't know what's going on with my gut. So we did some extensive testing some cross reactivity tests to find that I did have a gluten intolerance and I was allergic to white potato, dairy wasn't an issue for me at the time and still isn't. But eggs were. So I just got so much information. And it was so helpful. I felt like I was hitting my head against the wall, because I couldn't figure out like what it was. And I was doing all of this guessing. Yeah, try to figure out,

Sarah Milken  20:18  

it's like midlife too. It's like, you start thinking like, Is this my new normal? Does everyone feel like this? And then it's like, Is there something wrong with me? Should I not be complaining? Like, does everyone feel like shit?

Abbie Crane  20:33  

Yeah, and I'm so hungry. And I'm a mother and I need food. And I don't know what to eat. So it was like, you know, they just said, take these things out, and then put these things in to nourish your gut. And I said, Fine. Everyone was like, wasn't that hard? Not at all. Because I wanted to feel well. So it was like, if you could just give me a roadmap, and I know that sesame right now is going to bother me and eggs are going to bother me. No problem.

Sarah Milken  21:01  

I can long did it take you to figure all that out and undo it all.

Abbie Crane  21:05  

I mean, I'm still working on it. To be honest, my youngest is 17. But a good four years for my gut to heal, where I didn't have to be on that same vitamin protocol, supplements and vitamins have been a huge part of my life and my healing. But I don't have any autoimmune disease. And what was happening was my body was attacking my ovaries. And we could learn all that through the testing. So it was like, I also did take antibiotics for seven years when I was in high school for my skin. Ah, so what a mess. The dermatologist gave me antibiotics for my skin every day. And I popped in like vitamin C, I didn't know.

Sarah Milken  21:46  

I know why, when you have acne as a teenager, you're willing to do anything. I mean, both my kids just did Accutane. And it's such a harsh medication. Crazy, but at the same time, like severe acne is really brutal to mentally. Yeah. So I mean, thankfully, both my kids are done now. But he's like, increase their cholesterol, like all of these weird things that now are sort of like having to work on and undo time. It's worth it to them.

Abbie Crane  22:19  

Right. Yeah, I know. It's hard. You have to let them make their own choices about everything. And I don't think I knew when I was doing it. What I was doing the doctor, you know, didn't talk me through it. We also

Sarah Milken  22:31  

knew about antibiotics then like what we know now,

Abbie Crane  22:36  

I did call the doctor and I said are you still prescribing antibiotics for people's skin? Because I didn't have bad? Oh my

Sarah Milken  22:42  

god they do because my son's friends are all taking it. Yeah, he goes,

Abbie Crane  22:46  

Oh, yeah, of course we do. It's a bacteria infection. And I just started crying. Oh, it's just like, you know, a good thing that there is a lot more awareness now that for sure at the time. So how did you get

Sarah Milken  22:57  

tell me about will call I know he's a big part of your life. Tell us who he is what you learn from him how it's helped you?

Abbie Crane  23:06  

Dr. will cause awesome. When he released his book, intuitive fasting. I bought the book, read it. What I love about the book is it just gives you Emanuel to really understand the benefits of fasting. He's a functional medicine doctor. He's telehealth doctor. I had never worked with him before. But I had worked with like I had said my functional medicine doctor since I was 16. I'm pretty loyal person in general. And I thought, let me just try Dr. Will Cole and see what findings he can discover. And how am I doing after all of these years? It was a great experience. I learned a lot about my body. We did like the stool test test. And we did the breath test and we did a ton of blood work.

Sarah Milken  23:54  

So did he just give you the orders and you went to a local blood testing? He's like, how did you do it? Exactly.

Abbie Crane  24:01  

Yeah, they'll they'll help you they hold your hand through it every step of the way, is pretty straightforward. And you know, what did he find? He found that I had parasites and that I you know, I've done a really good job healing my leaky gut and we talked about my hormones and pretty much like mild to wild. I could dive in with him and work on healing my gut.

Sarah Milken  24:24  

fuddled, were you when you got to we'll call

Abbie Crane  24:27  

Oh, I just did it within the last two years. Okay. So it's very recent. Yeah. pretty recent. Yeah. Okay. I'm not currently a patient of his I did all of the diagnostics with him. Okay. And then I'm working with someone in person to continue like healing on it. My health. Yeah. He does offer a fantastic program that you can work with him. I think like Jennifer Fisher does and things like that. A lot of people do. Yeah, I chose to work with someone in person. I love to do the applied kinesiology, where they do the muscle testing and then you can see If things you're taking are really right for your body, I prefer to heal in that way. So that's why

Sarah Milken  25:06  

you use the the ideas you got from his blood work with your local functional medicine doctor. Yes, I kind of like the in person thing to the Telehealth is hard. Sometimes it makes your life easier in terms of convenience. When there is something about meeting with someone in person. Like I remember, a couple months ago, I met with an endocrinologist for the first time on and he only does zoom. And I was like, This just feels weird. Yeah, you know, it's like, I want to just meet the person for the first time like have them. I don't know. It's weird. Yeah, I hear you. I'm not I know, the zoom thing. And

Abbie Crane  25:48  

then minuses to both sure.

Sarah Milken  25:50  

For sure. So what did you find from him that you've learned now in mid life that you wish you had known back then? What have

Abbie Crane  25:59  

I learned from him? Yeah, that's a great question. Well, one of the things that I absolutely love about his intuitive fasting book, I felt affirmed from what I had already been doing. I love

Sarah Milken  26:11  

that we were all looking for affirmation, right? For sure.

Abbie Crane  26:14  

Oh, my God, I'm a star student. Well, it's hard. Fasting is really difficult. And my doctor here locally in Laguna Beach, Dr. Lisa Arthur from health and balance has been trying to get me metabolically adapted. What does that mean? It means that your body can resource fat as fuel, and just not be resourcing carbs and running off of sugar. And so she would put me on certain cleanses every year. And so by the time I got to this intuitive fasting book, it was still really hard for me, I loved all of the questions in the book. Have you read that book?

Sarah Milken  26:53  

I have it, but I have not read it yet. That's a nice subject.

Abbie Crane  26:58  

There's a nice little quiz. You know, you don't have to read the whole book, but just do the quiz and see, like where you're at with that? How long can you go without eating or questions like that to really understand, like, how medically evolved that did MI, you know, like, we just went to Japan, I one meal a day it was I

Sarah Milken  27:16  

saw that on your Instagram. I was like, I don't get it, why?

Abbie Crane  27:19  

It wasn't intentional, it just sort of happened, because why didn't need food, like we would wake up and we would have our tea or coffee or whatever. And then we would just start exploring. And I could have never done that before. And so it's not that I'm trying to restrict calories. I definitely love to eat and I eat a lot of food. But I just felt like my body was able to sustain itself, without needing to be snacking all the time, which for some

Sarah Milken  27:49  

of your husband, was your husband able to do it, too.

Abbie Crane  27:52  

He's better at it than I am. Which is always frustrated. Is

Sarah Milken  27:57  

he do any of these health things that you do other than the cold plunge? Like does he follow a lot of the same ideas? We do?

Abbie Crane  28:05  

Generally a cleanse a year together.

Sarah Milken  28:08  

What would you say? Is your nutrition philosophy and midlife?

Abbie Crane  28:12  

That's another great question. My nutrition philosophy in midlife is trying to let go of all of the things I've had to hold on to that have gotten me to this point, I have had to be so religious about my food, to heal my gut, and to really get to where I am today. But I don't want to live my next half. Being so rule oriented. I see the benefits of what I needed to do. But when I decided to study at i n, which is the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, I wasn't quite sure about their philosophies, and I was a little bit apprehensive to study nutrition because I didn't want to live my next chapter with eating a half of an apple and for almonds

Sarah Milken  29:03  

totally was like,

Abbie Crane  29:06  

if I learn too much about nutrition, I'm gonna get so restricted. And that's just not right for me for this next chapter because of where I've been,

Sarah Milken  29:17  

right, man, I appreciate that. I mean, look, my mom is gluten free. And this, this and this for tons of health reasons. And I have to be honest, like the past 15 years with her, it's annoying. Like I understand she needs it, but it's like, okay, we're having dinner at a restaurant, can she this? Can she eat that and you do sort of become a little bit of a slave to it. It doesn't mean it's not helpful and it's not unnecessary, but it's like, can you just eat the pasta? Can you not make a big deal but like you don't want to be heartless either.

Abbie Crane  29:54  

Well, yeah, I mean, you understand why people are making the decisions that they're making and you want to support Put them in that. And I

Sarah Milken  30:01  

kind of created this rule after a certain point because she has like IBS and auto Mia and all this stuff. And I was like, can you just bring your it was like B Y O F, just bring your own food. Yeah, they live five minutes away. Everyone else is going to eat the Chinese food. And you're just gonna bring your own food like your chicken and you're this and you're that because it gets really hard. Sometimes I'm like, I don't know how to cater to this.

Abbie Crane  30:26  

I know it is really challenging. I am the person at the restaurant who's they when they say when they're gracious enough to ask if anyone here has food allergies? I just say, yes. Do you have a paper and pen? You know, and I just put it out there. I'm sorry, this is terrible. I'm always like, this is what I can have

Sarah Milken  30:44  

your kids want to kill you? Or are they so over it? No. They're so

Abbie Crane  30:49  

awesome. No, they don't. I'm the one who doesn't want to have to deal with it anymore. And I totally believe that food is medicine. So I commend your mom for trying and doing it to me, especially because she has all of that. I know. I think it's all just in your approach to it. And the way that you don't make everyone around you suffer. It can be a Debbie Downer for sure.

Sarah Milken  31:14  

No, I know. I don't think she 100% At the time needed to but one doctor told her to. So she kind of stuck with it. And then she sort of regretted it because she's like, now I can't just be sort of like what you're saying a little bit. It was like she became so tied to those rules that her body wouldn't accept anything out other than that. So anytime she tried to eat something that had gluten in it, it was like her stomach would go crazy.

Abbie Crane  31:41  

Yeah, that was one of the things that I loved about AI and when I heard about their two philosophies are that number one is bio individuality is huge. Which is what's right for you isn't right for me. And what works for me might not work for you. And I just was like, okay, yes, because I hate hearing things like this is so right, that everyone must prescribe to this, right? We're just all so different than individual. And I love that approach. And then the second thing is primary food versus secondary food is another one of their philosophies. And I've never heard that term ever.

Sarah Milken  32:18  

I've heard of that with all of my being around the block. I've never heard that. What is that?

Abbie Crane  32:23  

So secondary food is the food on our plate. Primary food is your joy, your career, your spirituality, your family. It's everything that nourishes you off of the plate. I mean, it's

Sarah Milken  32:39  

insane. So it's like the live to eat, eat to live kind of thing. What is that? It's sort of like that phrase, because like, my kids are foodies, but my husband and I aren't. So they're like, Well, you don't care what restaurant you go to? And we're like, Yeah, well, we're just like, happy to be in this new city. We could care less about the food. It's kind of like eating to live with my husband will just have toast for dinner. Whereas my kids are living eat. They don't know, we want to have the sushi. We want to go to the steak restaurant like, Oh, we're loving the food and the texture and the this and then that husband i are kind of like, we could eat the same thing every night for dinner. Yeah, you're like, just not a big deal. We're just gonna Yeah, not a big tap to living totally. Yeah.

Abbie Crane  33:27  

And this I thought was beautiful. Like, do you remember when you were young, and you would play outside, and you would be having so much fun with your friends. And then maybe the street lights would go on and your parents would call you in and say it's time for dinner, Sarah, and you'd be like, I'm not hungry. I'm like, so much fun. I'm so filled up in my life. And that's sort of the idea of primary food and how much it feeds us and nourishes us. And it's to have the conversation between your emotional nourishment and your physical nourishment.

Sarah Milken  34:00  

No, I completely understand that. I interviewed a doctor Adrienne you Diem who wrote a book about what are we? She's obesity doctor, and she talks about? Are we hungry for food? Are we hungry for other things? Yeah. And she talks about women coming into her office who are like, I need to lose 40 pounds, I need to lose 40 pounds. I'm starving all the time on snacking and she's like, but what's really underneath there? Are you bored? Are you itching for something new? Are you looking for a passion? And she's found that a lot of people, like you said, are hungry for nourishment from other things, but they think it's food.

Abbie Crane  34:38  

Exactly. Exactly. And so when the founder Joshua Rosenthal created ai n over maybe 30 years ago now, in New York, he said that he was working with clients one on one, and you know, young women would come in and they would want to talk about their diet, but they might have a black eye exactly something was going on at home. Like I can't have this conversation with her about needing to have more broccoli or drink more water. It's not about that right now,

Sarah Milken  35:11  

when her basic needs aren't being met. Yeah, yeah. And so he realized

Abbie Crane  35:15  

that any conversation about nutrition starts with your emotional wealth.

Sarah Milken  35:20  

I love that. And what do you think you've keyed into in terms of finding more nourishment? avenues in your midlife? Like, how have you done that? And what would you say they are? You know, it's

Abbie Crane  35:32  

almost like showing up here today. It's having like the yes mentality, totally. I just want to give myself the freedom to have a reinvention. Because I'm at this phase, I'm going to be 45. And life is not what you thought it would be. But it's so beautiful. And I just don't want to be stuck in a box and anything in in the way that I'm thinking about things. I feel like I would be the first one to put myself in a box. And so I really want to have been taking a step back and just reminiscing and giving myself an opportunity to rethink things. And I want to say yes to things I want to say it's

Sarah Milken  36:16  

like the creating of more space for yourself.

Abbie Crane  36:19  

Totally. Yeah, not talking myself out of things before I give myself an opportunity to just try it. It's the idea of just like, just lean in.

Sarah Milken  36:28  

I know, isn't it interesting, Abby, I mean, you can relate to this, because you have three older kids too. It's like, when our kids are little, we're like, Jay, go play soccer, or you've never played before, like, go take the art class Marin, like go take the tennis lessons, and they're like, but we're really bad at it. But we don't put those same expectations on ourselves to try new shit to say yes to a podcast that could be like, Wait, I don't know what she's going to ask me. And yeah, what if I don't answer the question, right, or blah, blah, blah, like we have all of these basic sorts of fears. But if we stand behind the fear, and we never get ahead of it, and never say, Yes, I'm scared, but I'm going to do it anyway. Then we are stuck in these boxes, but we try to make our kids do it all the time. Oh, 100%.

Abbie Crane  37:17  

What is that quote? It's like, the hardest thing for a child is the unlived life of a parent.

Sarah Milken  37:23  

Oh, totally. And you're in a two? Because isn't your third kid applying to college right now? Yes. Oh, is your third, you've already been down the road twice is my first so I'm like, don't go to this college for me or that college for dad or this or that. This shit is all about you what you want your life. You're the one who has to live there for four years, you're the one who has to study these topics. And please, please, please pick something for you and not for us. It's such an important thing. And it's hard to do as a parent, because you raise these kids and you're like, God, I really know that I think that this would be really good for him. Yeah, we're literally not saying a word. Right? Yeah, we're just like you pick you decide. You figure it out. And at the same time, not every decision they're going to make is going to be the right decision. I also say like everything's changeable. Yes, most things are changeable. It's like if you go to a college and you think it was going to be the best choice of your life, and it doesn't end up being it, then you can switch 100 printout and everything is a life sentence. It's not about being spoiled, and being a brat and like, oh my god, I can just change it if I don't like it. But it's like, there are things in life that you can change, like my kids switched high schools. They didn't have to, they wanted to,

Abbie Crane 38:47  

you know, unfortunately, we learn more through what we don't like and through mistakes. And it wouldn't really be a mistake. If they go to a college that they don't like they just learn more about themselves, and what they want, and what they want. They find through what they don't want. I think it's nice to give yourself the freedom to change high schools. If you go to one and you don't like it, how lucky are we that we have options? And don't just like make yourself work through it? I mean, if there is another option that is you're better suited

Sarah Milken  39:16  

for what your first two, they both went to the same school? They did

Abbie Crane  39:21  

then that was not intentional. And the college counselor said no. Do you want your third son to go to that school? No, we didn't have to go there. Where you were like you were having no say in it.

Sarah Milken  39:33  

Okay, but your third one seems like from what I see on your Instagram like having a different journey. Very much like he's not wanting to serve in Malabo he's wanting to like go to Japan.

Abbie Crane  39:44  

Yes, exactly. How's that? It's really fun. You know, now that we've kind of like worked through some of the friction of like earlier adolescence, and it's so funny. His issues are my issues. I'd like to think that there is but there really my issues with what I'm comfortable with how much like Grace I can give myself and ultimately I can give it to him. It's a reflection, right? It's like a mirror.

Sarah Milken  40:13  

What would you say his issues are that are your issues? Well,

Abbie Crane  40:17  

he has always wanted an old car. He's always wanted to work on an old car. And I was like, I don't want an old car in my driveway. You know, like, I don't want to have a driveway full of all of his car shit. You know, then I'm like, do I really want to be that mom, like as a year about what his dreams are? Like, he was the kid who was playing with Legos. He did magic tricks. Then he started doing Minecraft on the computer. You know, then he built computers during

Sarah Milken  40:47  

describing my kid right now, Abby. Yeah. And now he just told me he's getting his pilot's license. I was like, What the fuck? I can't deal with this. You're giving me like a nervous breakdown.

Abbie Crane  41:00  

Is that his issue or yours? It's more yours than his race.

Sarah Milken  41:02  

And I'm like, I understand that. Like, your brain works like that. And you on top of that. You're like an adrenaline, dopamine chaser. But like, I don't know, as your mom, if I can handle that. And my husband's like, shut up. But I'm like, I can't. Yeah,

Abbie Crane  41:21  

I mean, that's the thing. It's so hard to share how we feel about it, and then talk them through it and be their mom and still have those opinions and feelings of like, love and fear

Sarah Milken  41:33  

that my son right before this recording. Just to set me off sent me he very rarely text me. I mean, meaning like, he's like, every time I text you, it engages you into a whole conversation. All I want to do is ask you one thing, right? I'm sure you can relate to that with one or all three of your children. Oh, yes. Right. It's like I just had one fucking question. And now you're going guy. But anyway, he sends me a video of himself wearing earrings.

Abbie Crane  42:04  

The JF hoops to know,

Sarah Milken  42:06  

they were like diamond studs. Obviously, they were magnetic. But he was testing. He was like, what's she gonna say to that? And I just wrote, how did he do it? What was no, it was just like a diamond stud in each ear with his sunglasses on and it's like curly hair, you know, whatever he looks like your son but sons but about 12 inches shorter. We have the Jewish jeans over here. We don't have the bigger jeans. We don't have the San Clemente jeans over here. We have the Jewish short jeans. There's like horrible. I've seen pictures. He's the kid. He always does the right thing most of the time. But it's like he wants to test those boundaries a little bit like the fighter pilot thing. The other like the pilot's license thing the other day than today was like, what's she gonna say about the earring? And I'm like, I just wrote back. Oh, boy. That's all I wrote. But then I guess my daughter must have seen him on at school. So then she texted me a picture. She's like, What do you think of Jake's earrings? And I'm like, Whose are they? And then she like names the kid and then I just left it. I was like, yeah, why? Yeah. It's just funny because my husband is very conservative. Like he has the perfect haircut. He has the same six outfits. There's no variation. He's gonna die. Oh, sure. Yeah, he's gonna die when he hears this, but he knows it's true. Yeah. So having a son like ours who on paper, it's like, Yes, he has these grades and these scores, and yada yada. He's like, has the chrome hearts rings on and the beaded necklace and like the curly Tiktok hair, and he's ordering vintage clothes. And I know my husband is like dying. He's like, What the fuck is happening here?

Abbie Crane  43:59  

It's a generational thing that happens. Every

Sarah Milken  44:02  

dance though. I'm like, yeah, don't say a word. He's gonna be on to the next thing. That's right, five minutes. You know.

Abbie Crane  44:11  

It's such a fun time of life today. It's like over in a flash.

Sarah Milken  44:16  

Hopefully I'm like, okay, he's halfway out the door. And he's wearing somebody else's earrings right now. Like, I don't know what to say. And you think? I don't know. And he's like, Yeah, and I'm getting my pilot's license. And I'm like, okay, all right. Because he has a friend who got one. And it seems so like doable and plausible then like he's like, I could do that too. And I thought, Okay, right. When my son's

Abbie Crane  44:46  

friends did that went through the whole program left it I mean, it's one of many things that he's doing but no,

Sarah Milken  44:52  

but then you like think about like, all those things that do happen. And I'm like, oh my god, I can't even think about that right now. My father's

Abbie Crane  44:59  

eyelet and I went through a little bit of anxiety after the birth of my children and I had a hard time flying and, you know, he's always like, you know, it's way safer than and that's

Sarah Milken  45:10  

what my husband's like, rattling off all the statistics of why it's okay, because he obviously wanted to go do that, too. Oh, maybe they'll do it together. Yeah, no, that's what he wants to do. So he wants me to approve both of them flying. Wow. And I'm like, just shoot me now. Like, oh, that's a hard one. And they also went through my husband was gonna buy an old car. Yeah, it fix it up with Jake. And I was like, not in this fucking house. Right? Right. He's like, Well, my mom has an extra garage. I was like, Yeah, fine. Have a good time in that garage over there?

Abbie Crane  45:49  

Well, that's nice. Yeah, I know, I finally said yes. And honestly, the best thing

Sarah Milken  45:53  

I know, I'll let him do what he needs to do. But it doesn't mean that I'm not dying inside. But getting back to nutrition, because we could talk about our kids for 50 years. Basically, what I hear you saying is, you've you had to follow all of these food rules for so long. Now that you're in a certain good health space, you're like, Where can I like I saw you eat a matcha cookie the other day of practice? Yes, right. Or you had a match and you ate a cookie with it? Right? Like, you wouldn't have been able to do that for yourself.

Abbie Crane  46:30  

Before I read the emotion. Yeah, I wouldn't have given myself permission to do that before. And so back to your previous question of what does it mean to live from the inside out, it means that I'm allowing myself enough grace to check in with how I'm feeling on the inside and get out of my head, and everything I've prescribed for myself. And trust that if I want to have this cookie for breakfast, because that's what I'm feeling right now. But I'll trust my next choice too. And that, you know, not talking myself out of the joy of the moment, and allowing the chips to fall where they may in my next. And if I want to have the cookie for breakfast, then be there now and be where you're going to be next when you're there. Because I'm always a forward thinker, a planner, a list maker. And you know, there are benefits to that. But that's just not where I want to be living. Right now. I'm trying to learn to be more in the moment, and more inclusive of how I feel. And if I'm going to feel joyful one moment, then allow that to happen. And if I'm going to feel grief, or sadness, and the next than welcome that too. And it's not easy. I don't know why it doesn't come more naturally, for me to allow all of my parts to just exist. But I feel like part of the midlife benefit is having more space to check in with myself because I was all in with my three boys. It was the best job I ever had. I loved it so much. And I can't believe how fast it went went by. But we were so busy. And we were running here and there and doing this and doing that. And, you know, it was the joy of my life. I'm sad to see that time go. But there are so many hidden benefits that I'm starting to live into. As that is part of my past. And I love being their mother and will love being their mother forever. And the phases that they're in now as adults is, is so satisfying to see. But I'm just giving myself more just more time right now to get to know myself in a whole new way. And just let it be.

Sarah Milken  49:03  

I love everything that you just said. First of all, I'm a master ruminator okay, my husband is the opposite. He is what's the next step? What's the next step? And a lot of times I want to like punch him and be like, This is not normal. Like you can't think about everything in such a compartmentalized way. Like why are you stressed about this or this or that? And he's like Sarah, because it hasn't happened yet. And I'm like, oh, and he's like, No wonder your cortisol is off the charts. I'm like, I know. Like if I'm worrying for 12 people here fine medical bag that no benefits. Trust me. I but it is something that I am trying to create more space for myself and like meditating doesn't come naturally to me. It's hard. For me, sure. So I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna get on the app. I'm gonna do it in the morning. I'm going to check it on my list. And like, even though I don't fully resonate with it yet, sure, I'm trying to create this habit, so that I do seek it out. You know, not most new things are not easy to adopt into a habit, or create into a habit. Yes, you know, especially when they feel uncomfortable. Right?

Abbie Crane  50:31  

And how uncomfortable is it to sit still? Don't get the opportunity to?

Sarah Milken  50:35  

Yeah, it's so it's so interesting. But I love what you said about kind of like leaning in now, do you? What are the sort of, quote, benefits you're seeing of kind of your kids being off and you have a more space? Does it ever feel stressful? Like, who am I now?

Abbie Crane  50:57  

Yeah, I've had those thoughts for sure. I love that. I love that life just continues to expand and grow. And everything that we've learned just builds on that, who am I now is probably something that all continually always ask. And it's like, a visual of like, dropping down into my skin. Instead of like, climbing up, you know, I feel like I'm trying to, like just drop down more into who is Abby? And who am I giving her freedom to be?

Sarah Milken  51:34  

It's so interesting for you and for me, because it's similar in terms of age, but like, you were with your husband at such a young age? Yes. And then you had kids very soon. And your whole sort of identity has been you Abby as a wife, and you Abby as a mom. And you sort of then get to this midlife point when your kids are older, and your husband is going to work and all these things where you're left with just Abby, like, who am I now? Yes, I'm still a mom. But my mom role is different. Yes, I'm still a wife. And maybe that's going to become even harder, because it's my husband and I together more hours without our kids and without all the games and the surf and all of the stuff. It's like, wow, that's a lot of alone time. It's, it's crazy what midlife brings and you're just like, Okay, can I accept this, but it's not just accepting it and taking it. It's like accepting it and making it better accepting it and building upon it evolving.

Abbie Crane  52:38  

Yeah, it's so well said. I've been spending a lot of time thinking about who I was from the beginning totally, so much time reflecting about like, who young Abby was. And it's just so fun. Giving myself you know, the permission to be who I want now. Give myself a lot of forgiveness and know that we are all survivors and have made it thus far what a gift wife is so grateful to get to live another year. You know, we've all been through so much.

Sarah Milken  53:08  

I mean, honestly. And this year,

Abbie Crane  53:11  

fun things happen. Like I went on a trip with my father, I went on a trip with my mother, I got one on one time with them and like, Who would have thought that would have happened? I never really even thought about that. I mean, there's just so much joy to be had. I went on a girls trip, you know, I just haven't done much of that. And it feels good. It feels good to get out. And it feels good to lean into things that you know are unexpected and really fun.

Sarah Milken  53:37  

So that leads me into midlife marriage. And then we're gonna go back to supplements and alternative nowadays. Okay, let's talk about midlife marriage for a second. And then we're gonna get back into the health stuff. Uh, hold on. Okay, so you've been with your husband for 10,000 years. Yep. And I remember seeing on your Instagram. I don't remember exactly what you said. But it was something about Wow, I've been married for a really long time. And now x, y and z. So tell me what that looks like for you.

Abbie Crane  54:16  

You know, I heard Gwyneth Paltrow say something once and it was like, I'd never heard it quite like this. But she's in her second marriage. But all of her girlfriends from high school or college are all still in their first marriage. But they're living a second marriage within their first Yes. And I was like, exactly. That's what we're doing. We have been married for so long. And we're the same people, but we're also not. And I love that we give each other enough space to just be who we want to be. And you know, we have established a certain cadence, a certain dance a certain rhythm up until this point, and we're like, do we want Want to keep that same two step going? Or do we want to switch it up a little bit? And it's been a lot of really hard conversations, you know about, what do we want for our relationship moving forward? And do we like the habits that we've created? And, you know, we kind of have this visual of like, whatever our issues are, let it be the elephant in the room, and just talk about it always. And just like be willing to sit there and be uncomfortable and have the hard conversations because he and I need to do that we've needed to go to therapy, talk about where we've been and what we want. And it kind of takes me back to who we were when we were when we met and we were young. It's like we were willing to dream big and talk about what kind of relationship we wanted then. And now we kind of are renegotiating, you know, do we want what we've had. And one of the things I love most about Eric is his willingness, like, he's just such an open kind of guy, he's very creative in every way. And it shows in our relationship, he's not a stuck kind of person. He's just willing to have any kind of conversation and doesn't need anything to be a certain way. It just has no ceiling on anything. You know, and that's one of the good things about working with someone or living with someone in a marriage that is so creative, you can be creative in our relationship to

Sarah Milken  56:30  

what do you think has been the hardest thing in midlife? Is it just that the lack of novelty kind of like you're living the same day over and over again, when you look at research shows that like, as human beings, we crave novelty every five to seven years? So it's like, when you're married to the same person? It's like, okay, how am I going to kind of reinvent this wheel here? How am I going to date my husband, again, within a marriage that's been going on for so long?

Abbie Crane  57:01  

To be honest, I think the hardest thing for me personally, is to have something new, I've had to let something die, and it's being willing to feel the death. I look to nature for that. And when you see a fire, it's like, you don't just have a fire without feeling the fire. I mean, we've had to really allow discontent. But it's intentional, we will feel like we're not really bonded at the moment. And we're aware of that. And it's, that's hard. It's like when you're going through like that. Have you heard like the repotting phase when you're like growing in your roots, and then you like pull them out, and you got to go into another pot. So you can grow into that. It's really those in between moments for me that are the hardest because, you know, you're committed to each other. And you know, you want to work on it. And you know, you're going to get to that next phase of connection. But it's really like allowing the disconnection that's the hardest part. It's like being in the depth of the past, or of the old way, before you see the new growth before you experienced springtime before you see the little buds of hope. It's just sitting in the shit.

Sarah Milken  58:14  

I could not agree more because and I call it like cycling for us. It's like there are times where there are there's weeks or months where I'm like, I just he's not even understanding anything that I'm saying. He's is he listening to a word that I'm saying? Like, we're like passing ships, because we had a big move. Last year, we sold our house like that we had lived in for 18 years with our kids. You know, it's like we had so many different things going on. And I was like, I just feel so disconnected. But then it's like two months later, like you said, once you get through that, like gross, groggy sage, you're like, Okay, wait, like, we do want to have lunch together, we do want to have dinner together, we do want to do things together. So I think so many of us stay in relationships that we shouldn't. And so a lot of us kind of bail on relationships before we should. Yeah, you know what I mean? But it's finding what works for you, like Jeremy and I will know that we will always be together. So it's not like anyone's ever is leaving. But it's just trying to find like you said that like cadence in between?

Abbie Crane  59:25  

Yeah, I mean, Eric and I were really honest with each other. And we said, we love each other. We'll always love each other. But do we want to be together for the rest of our life? Or, you know, do we want to work on this to see if we can love each other in a new way. I mean, that was a really honest, real conversation to have. It's just out, you know, all out on the table. But so much growth has come from just being able to lay it down that way.

Sarah Milken  59:56  

And I think also, you know, In my experience in life and just to this podcast, like I really have realized that marriage is a co creation project, like nobody's a mind reader, no one is gonna know what you're thinking. And a lot of the times, even if you don't think they're a mind reader, and you tell them what you're thinking, like, I'll say a million things. And I'm like, why is he not processing that? I know, he's like, off the charts smart. Like, why is he like not getting what I'm saying? But I do think that we all have a part to play. And I think one of the biggest things I pulled from this whole experience is that we can't expect someone else to fulfill our needs. No. And that's one of my big takeaways, I think in midlife is, I think I secretly expected him to, like, come up with what my second half of life was going to look like, or my new project after my kids was going to be or Amazon like I said, a million times was gonna bring it. Amazon never came. And Jeremy never gave it to me. And I was, yeah. What am I going to do now? Yeah. And that's, I think how you know, I know how this podcast was born is that we have to create our own meaning outside of our spouse outside of our partner outside of our kids. No one can do that for us. And it's so annoying. It feels so it feels so good when you do it, but it's so uncomfortable. Hey, peeps, it's me again. I listen to this episode with Abby crane, integrated health coach and nutrition enthusiasts and all things Abby crane, so I could summarize the golden nuggets for you to have actionable items to start using today. I know that when I listen to a long podcast episode, I'm like, oh my god, I love that. But then I can't fucking remember the specifics. This is why I come back and do a golden nugget summary. There are so many nuggets from my conversation with Abby that we made it a two part episode. It's out now you gotta go check out part two. Okay, in part one of this episode, we discuss how Abby lives from the inside out, as she juggles relationships, nutritional health, physical health and mental health in midlife. Golden Nugget number one, letting go and giving yourself permission. Abby says that her main nutrition philosophy and midlife has been trying to let go of all the things that she's had to hold on to that have gotten her to the healthier physical state that she's in now. After the birth of her third son at the age of 27, Abby was diagnosed with leaky gut syndrome. This is when the lining of your gut is damaged and can no longer optimally function as a barrier. Abby explains that she had to be religious about the food she ate following a strict set of rules in order to heal her gut. Although this method has helped her to get into her healthy state as it is now. She doesn't want to continue to be so rule oriented. In this second chapter of her life called midlife. Abby is learning to let go of her previous dietary restrictions and loosen up a little bit and give herself permission to have a more balanced diet. It reminds me of my conversation with Jenny Giles of my episode creating juicy and doable habits, midlife nutrition habits, where we talk about if you really want to eat the cupcake, then eat the damn cupcake and enjoy yourself. Abby has gained a more lighthearted approach to her nutrition lifestyle, and doesn't let herself get caught up in what is considered right or wrong to eat. She reiterates that every midlife woman is unique and that means every midlife woman's body is different as well. Golden Nugget number two emotional and physical nourishment part of Abby's process of finding a new direction and her nutritional lifestyle was studying different ideologies from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. For those of you who don't know the i n is a holistic health and nutrition school that aims to help students learn how to nourish, heal and thrive in all aspects of their lives. The link for it is in the show notes. It's the same school that Bobbi Brown talked about. One of the principles that Abby lives by is the importance of understanding the difference between primary food and secondary food and how they both play a big factor in our nutritional lifestyle. Abby explains that the secondary food is the food on our plate and the primary food is the nourishment we receive that's not on our plate. This nourishment consists of your joy from things like your family, career, spirituality, etc. This philosophy highlights emotional health and how it plays into our nutrition. It reminds me of the concept Dr. Adrian you Diem talks about in my episode satisfying our hungers for food, meaning and purpose in midlife. We are asking ourselves what are we really Hungry for Is it food? Or are we trying to fill an emotional gap? So with this idea, Abby teaches us that if we want a truly healthy lifestyle, we have to make sure our stomach, mind and heart are all being nourished equally. Golden Nugget number three, transitioning into Mt. Nast. Oh my god. She has her third kid who is going to be in college in the fall. And I have my first kid going into college in the fall. Now this topic I was eager to talk to Abby about because of what I just said, and teen sons last year of high school and my daughter who recently turned 16 will be up after him. And as an empty nester, an almost empty nester. She has two kids out the door Abby says that her older kids have taught her to have fun, stay active and try new things. Think about it. We always tell our children to not be afraid of change and to put themselves out there by being involved in extracurricular activities like me saying to Jake Oh, start this new sport. Oh, you've never played it before, but you should really do it. But then when I think about doing something new I'm like, oh my god, I can't do that. I'm going to be so bad. Well for us soon to be empty nesters and current empty nesters. It's no different. While becoming a mom in her early 20s ABBY explains that she missed out on a lot of things. Even though she holds those early motherhood years close to her she now appreciates the space that she has to slow down and create new experiences. One way Abby is doing this is by traveling more and finding the joy and nature in new places. She reminds us to stay open to the unexpected in midlife Golden Nugget number four, how to evolve your midlife marriage. Like I always say anything important is hard work. And the same goes for midlife marriages. Abby married her husband at the age of 20 and had children early in the marriage. Now that Abby and her husband are in their midlife years, they're learning to undo some of their old patterns and create new ones more satisfying ones. I can relate to a long marriage relationship like Abby's because I've known my husband since we were 13 and started dating in high school. And during those long relationships, you're going to meet challenges that you have to overcome by changing aspects of your relationship. But remember, it's a two way street. Sometimes during a long relationship, it can feel like you're spinning on that damn hamster wheel reliving the same day and routine over and over again. It can make us crave novelty and want to reinvent to help Abby and her husband evolve their marriage. They're both in therapy doing their personal work and they participate in couples therapy, Abby explained she and her husband both value the process and that therapy has taught them how to have those hard conversations that are essential. Golden Nugget number five living from the inside out, as Abby describes her midlife as living from the inside out. When I asked her what this mean, she said I'm allowing myself enough grace to check in with how I'm feeling on the inside and get out of my head and everything I've prescribed for myself. Abby explains that she's learning to dive deep into her feelings expanding upon them and trusting them. She's also letting herself stay in the moment and enjoy it more. Abby sometimes has a problem with this because she's very detail oriented person who likes to plan things out. But she doesn't want that piece of her that was so prominent in her early motherhood years to carry on into her midlife. She's learning to go with the flow of the moment, not be as stressed out and embrace her feelings. Abby wants to let these natural parts of her just exist. Peeps. The golden nuggets were endless for my conversation with Abby crane. Don't forget to listen and go to part two of this episode. We're going to dive deep into her physical and nutritional modalities for creating a healthier mid life. The gold is dripping off these nuggets, rabbit use it there are three things you can do. First, subscribe to the podcast. Second, share it with some midlife brands who like midlife shit. And third write in Apple review. writing reviews is annoying. It's an extra fucking step. But guess what? It really helps the podcast grow. You think your little review doesn't matter? If you went to a show and everyone said my clap doesn't matter then there will be no one clapping. You all matter. We all matter. DM me, you know I always respond. Oh, and of course follow my instagram at the flexible neurotic da love you talk soon!

Part 2

Sarah Milken  0:04  

Hey peeps, welcome to the flexible neurotic podcast. I'm your host Dr. Sarah Milken. Yeah, you heard that right. I'm a real PhD doctor. Long, long ago like last fucking year. I was sitting in the midlife pump wondering, was this it for me? That day I realized I needed to get off my ass and start my midlife remix. I dusted off my PhD wipe the menopause, sweat off my forehead, grabbed my golden shit shovel and started digging deep to all my midlife bitches. It's not just luck, coffee and hormones that get you through your midlife remix. It's action steps. Let's do this. Welcome back peeps to part two of my chat with integrated health coach and nutrition enthusiasts lifestyle expert Abby crane, where we dive deeper into more juicy midlife advice. In this episode, we discussed the different physical and nutritional modalities Abby's using for creating a healthier midlife. And remember, if you haven't listened to part one, then go listen to that first. So let's talk about your alternative modalities. Miss health queen, let's talk about the cold plunge first.

Abbie Crane  1:19  

Yeah, it's so funny because I always had this attraction to try it. And I have no idea where that came from. But I had seen it and I knew that it was trending. But I knew that it was, you know, a technique that's been around for the beginning of time. And I had bought a sauna during COVID. And my girlfriend had it. So I went to look at her sauna. And she had a cold plunge. And I was like, Oh, I've always wanted to try this cold plunge. And she's like, Okay, let's do it together. And so the very first time I did it, was with a neighbor. And she sat me down in her living room, she got an app out. And we did a breathwork app, like 10 minute breathwork class, it was funny because she had so much reverence for what was about to happen. And I was sort of like, so new and excited. I was like, let's just do it, you know. But once I got in that cold plunge, I understood and appreciated the little ceremony she gave me before I did it. Because you really have to sort of like, draw from deep within, and be really ready to work with your breath and just kind of have like this calm steady. You know, there are those people that are just natural, and they can step right in and they can just deal with it. But there is this fight or flight that kind of kicks up about that minute mark. And when you know that it's going to come and you know that you're safe. It helped me that I sort of had that little backstory, she talked me through it before I got in. So when I did hit that mark, I could just focus on my breath and like, you know, kind of write it out. I was hooked. I was like I came home. I'm like Eric, you gotta go try Rachel's cold plunge. It was so amazing. And he loved it too. I mean, my

Sarah Milken  3:13  

guess what I want to tell listeners is literally imagine like a white bathtub. I guess it doesn't have to be white. But Abby's is white. Yeah, it's like a white bathtub with freezing cold water. How old? Is that water?

Abbie Crane  3:28  

39 degrees. Okay,

Sarah Milken  3:30  

I can't even get into my pool at 65. I know. That's not normal.

Abbie Crane  3:37  

It's not. And, you know, you can pick the temperature. And you don't have to start it that cold. That's the coldest that it goes. But it is all in our mind. And you know, of course, if you have preexisting health conditions, it's always good to have you know, a conversation with your doctor about it. But because I don't, I felt very comfortable stepping into it. You know, science shows that if you're in there for three minutes, then that's when you get most of your health benefits. Right.

Sarah Milken  4:07  

I read something about 11 minutes a week. Is that true?

Abbie Crane  4:12  

You know, it depends. Everybody's different. And every season is different. So like right now my acupuncturist has actually had me pull back and not do it as much I'm craving my bras and my suit. You know, it's just cold out more. So she's like, just do it a couple times a week. To be honest, it's hard for me to step back from it because I'm so addicted to the good feeling that I get after

Abbie Crane  4:35  

I do it. And there are other benefits of cold lunch. Well, the brain clarity

Abbie Crane  4:39  

is amazing. It activates brown fat, so you know it encourages your metabolism to speed up. It's really good for immunity a bit regulates your hormones,

Sarah Milken  4:51  

and you have your whole family doing it. I see your kids in there. Oh, they

Abbie Crane  4:55  

love ah

Sarah Milken  4:59  

ah I feel like Jake and my husband could do it. I feel like well, my daughter too, she's pretty balls to the wall. I just I feel like I'm such a wimp. I don't know if I could do it.

Abbie Crane  5:08  

Or you could and it's all just your mental state going in. Like, when you get into your pool, your mind might be thinking this is supposed to be warm. This is supposed to be enjoyable. If you set your mind to like, this is going to be uncomfortable. And I know that I'm going to be fine. And I know that I actually might end you know, like the feeling afterwards. You don't go into it thinking this is going to be enjoyable. You just go. This is going to be hard and I can do hard things. It's such a good

Sarah Milken  5:39  

emotional Glennon Doyle says Glennon Doyle told me I could call Pliner so here I go.

Abbie Crane  5:46  

On your favorite song, you pick up and you just get into it.

Sarah Milken  5:51  

And oh my gosh, it's totally impressive. Okay, so you cold let's talk about it. You cold plunge? Sauna. How often do you do the sauna?

Abbie Crane  6:01  

I like to do it every day. But realistically, maybe every other.

Sarah Milken  6:04  

Okay, I haven't done this on. I have a sauna that came with the house. But I haven't done it because I've really bad melasma. And they say that if you heat up your body temperature too much it can like bring it out more. So as much as I want to do it. I'm sort of avoiding it. Yeah, so that's kind of interesting. And what are the other things Okay, so you also dry brush, tell us about the dry brushing because that at least sounds reasonable to the average person.

Abbie Crane  6:33  

You know, I try a lot of things like oil pulling didn't work for me, you know, you put some oil in your mouth around you spit it out. Like I never felt any benefit from that. So I just said To hell with it. I'm not going to keep going with that. Dry brushing on the opposite. I felt the benefits right away. It's really invigorating. It wakes me up.

Sarah Milken  6:53  

When do you do it? In the morning. So you get a drive rush. And you just start brushing your body in an upward motion.

Abbie Crane  7:02  

Yeah, you started your feet and you're always go towards your heart. Right? Even if you're like up on your neck, then you'll go down. You know, I started my hands and I go all the way up towards my heart. Go up the side. I mean, it's really simple. Straightforward. Like maybe five minutes max

Sarah Milken  7:17  

does your skin come off like you're shedding a little bit

Abbie Crane  7:21  

you know? You don't notice it. Oil on first if you want the oil. I like to do it dry. Okay, I like the feeling of the friction. And then I just feel a little energy surge from it before I had the cold plunge I would dry brush and then get in the cold shower No way. Oh yeah. I mean that would just like you just feel like you're ready for anything so if I wake up on a tired and I'm gonna go work out dry brush first put on some lotion

Sarah Milken  7:48  

so good. It's like Abby's out that's like Abby's Adderall. Yes, exactly. I don't know. I've never tried. I don't know, either, but that's how they describe it. Um, like, just kind of get woken up. Totally like stimulant city. Okay. What about chlorella, algae. Oh, yeah.

Abbie Crane  8:09  

So that's funny. So when I went into Hawaii to visit my dad, I'm like, Dad, you're seven. You look amazing. I think he did his first Ironman when he was 60. I was like, what supplements do you take that and he's like, none like, I don't take any supplements. I don't take any vitamins. But because he lives on the Big Island and they do have this spirulina, chlorella. I think that spirulina maybe it's huge in the athlete world. Yeah, it's a real clean protein. It's, you know, it's really full of it's green. It's a superfood. Yes. One of my followers sent me a DM because Dr. Will Cole was interviewing a woman who had just created a brand I think it's called energy bits or something. And it's chlorella and spirulina. I listened to that on the way home from Hawaii. And that's my latest addition to my protocol is spirulina is good for skin hair nails. It's more potent than the collagen powder. When

Sarah Milken  9:04  

you do the do do the liquid dropper that you put in your water or you do these little pills that come in the bag from Amazon, all of it.

Abbie Crane  9:14  

Just like so. I have it all around. So I can just get it in. However, however I can. Do

Sarah Milken  9:19  

you have any side effects from it? Like does it make you nauseous? Do you have to have it on an empty stomach with food?

Abbie Crane  9:26  

No, you can eat it with food, the spirulina. I like to put it in my protein shake. I like to eat it with nuts, but it gets kind of stuck in your teeth. I have that during the day.

Sarah Milken  9:37  

Those are the little bits. Yes. What are those called? So I can put it in the show notes. Yeah,

Abbie Crane  9:43  

there's one called Beauty bits. Okay. And it's really just the way she calls them beauty bits because that's how she's marketing it because I feel like women understand being marketed to for the hair, skin and nails. There's also another one I forget what it's called because I don't buy it but it's the same ingredient of spirulina but it's a different package. Got it. But then the chlorella I take it night, because it cleans your blood. And it's not the dropper. They have it in a dropper form too, but they also have it in the in the little bits.

Sarah Milken  10:15  

Now when you say bits, are you chewing them or swallowing them? Either one. Oh,

Abbie Crane  10:20  

do either one, or you can put it in your shake. A lot of people don't like the flavor. I don't mind the flavor, so I don't mind doing it. But you definitely have to have floss afterwards.

Sarah Milken  10:29  

That's like when I eat chia seeds. Exactly. It's kill my teeth. I'm like, Ah, God, I feel like I have to do an excavation when I'm done. You do for like, you can't just like eat your oatmeal and run. It's like oh, your oatmeal. excavate. I mean, unless you're my UPS guy, my UPS guy flosses at my front door and I can see him on the camera. I almost died.

Abbie Crane  10:54  

What? Yeah, does he have an extra hand to floss? And I don't know. But I was

Sarah Milken  10:58  

traumatized. You know, like the flossing. Like the pick thing that has the little piece of string across it. So you don't have that?

Abbie Crane  11:04  

I see. Lots every dusting. Yeah,

Sarah Milken  11:08  

I know. I can't. Okay, so is there a way we could create a routine out of it? So it's like, did you say you do the chlorella at night? Yeah. Okay, so the chlorella bits, yeah, night and then. Okay. And then what do you let's talk about supplements since we're here. I know your supplement thing could be 27 hours. So if you're going to a desert island, and they're like, Abby, you can take five things.

Abbie Crane  11:33  

Definitely magnesium, because it helps keep me regular. So anytime I travel, I don't travel without my magnesium, which magnesium.

Sarah Milken  11:41  

There's like three kinds. There's like the trade. Okay, citrate? Yeah. And how much do you take?

Abbie Crane  11:47  

Well, don't do what I do. Because I take five a day. Oh, my God. Yeah. Two in the morning and three at night. My husband takes like two and he just has to stay home just in case you know. So don't start five. Start with one. Write your way up, you know, be mindful and you

Sarah Milken  12:05  

do that because you want to poop more than once a day?

Abbie Crane  12:08  

No, just because I don't want to be constipated.

Sarah Milken  12:12  

But doesn't that make you feel tired and groggy to take all that magnesium?

Abbie Crane  12:16  

No, I don't even take magnesium at night. That one to help me go to sleep.

Sarah Milken  12:20  

Oh, you don't know. So wait, what should magnesium is it? This is my midlife brand talking.

Abbie Crane  12:26  

I take magnesium citrate. Sorry, to keep me regular. Got it?

Abbie Crane  12:31  

What brand do you use?

Abbie Crane  12:33  

Honestly, the one I take is nature's way. But it's just the one that I've always been on.

Sarah Milken  12:39  

Because a lot of people use a lot of people like the pure capsulation one or something. It's like the white. It's the white bottle. Okay, so in addition to magnesium, what do you take a fish oil? For? Sure. Okay, is there a specific brand or do you have opinions on it?

Abbie Crane  12:55  

I love metagenics it's like a classic. You know, it's a real trustworthy brand.

Sarah Milken  13:00  

Do you burp fish? I don't know, but some people do. Yeah, I know. And do you take it at night? Do you take it with food? Like what's your routine? I

Abbie Crane 13:11  

don't take it with food. I take it whenever I remember. Okay. Okay, no, what I really liked the fish oils is I feel like it really helps my PMS. And I also feel like with my PMS, I get backaches, and if I stay really consistent with my fish oil, it minimizes all my PMS and backaches. Wow, it's motivating for me to keep on it.

Sarah Milken  13:32  

Wow. Okay, what else? And then the classics

Abbie Crane  13:35  

like the C and the D and the zinc? You know for immunity.

Sarah Milken  13:40  

Alright, so do the one that has the K with it. Because they say that if you take the vitamin D, you have to have the K so that it absorbs properly. Yep,

Abbie Crane  13:49  

yeah. Liquid. One.

Sarah Milken  13:53  

So how many I use a day are you taking?

Abbie Crane  13:56  

That's a good question. Maybe 1000.

Sarah Milken  13:58  

Now, do you find that the liquid is more bioavailable? Is that why you take it?

Abbie Crane  14:02  

Yeah, and it's just easier? Mm hmm. How did you go to Japan and bring nothing and I told my acupuncturist. I'm like, You know what, my gut is feeling so good right now. I think I just might have like a week off from like, bringing all my supplements. She's like, let's just see, you know, so she's checking with the applied kinesiology, she's doing muscle testing. And she was like, No, I don't think so. I think a you're not gonna be able to read the labels, you're not going to be you know, knowing what you're eating. I think you should just bring a few things. You have to bring as much but just make a little Ziploc baggies. And honestly, I'm so glad that I did because I'm working on clearing some parasites right now with her. So she's got me on some unique cell core products. And they've been working really well Florida is that cell core. What is that? It's a new product line that does a really good job just like clearing any issues that you have from like the root there Really powerful look into them. They're great products on a whole cell core protocol.

Sarah Milken  15:06  

Okay, so where are you in kind of like midlife menopause II blah, blah, blah.

Abbie Crane  15:12  

Yeah, so I haven't really experienced any perimenopause yet. But I have been doing bio identical thyroid for 10 years. Wow. Testosterone cream for 10 years.

Abbie Crane  15:27  

So long time, super.

Abbie Crane  15:30  

It wasn't intentional. So when I was 35, I went to the Call Center in Santa Monica for sort of a second opinion about my vitamin protocol that I had been on for quite some time. And they were so impressed. They were like, I cannot believe this vitamin protocol you're doing for your leaky gut. We commend you. This is incredible. Who's your doctor? And I said, Dr. Lisa Arthur and Laguna Beach, and they're like, hands down. This is like the best vitamin protocol I've ever seen. So stay on that. And she goes, but would you like to talk about your hormones? And I was like, 135, I wasn't thinking about it. But I'm here. You've already drawn my blood. You're looking at everything. Yeah, like, let's talk about it. They saw that I was a little deficient in my testosterone and thyroid and asked if I wanted to supplement. And I said, Well, what for? Like, what, what do I need this for? Like, what symptoms? Will I experience? What improvement? Will I notice if I do? Brain clarity was one of them muscle tone energy? And so I said, Sure. And I started on a really small dose of both, and I'm still on the exact same dose today. Wow. So my mom went the real natural route, wasn't really sure if she wanted to supplement her hormones, and, you know, was kind of like in the philosophy that if you supplement with hormones that you could cause cancer and things like that. I totally understand. And, you know, she struggled with some migraines through menopause. And I just thought, you know what, I just, I don't want that to happen to me.

Sarah Milken  17:02  

Yeah, like I've had enough shit. Thanks. Yeah, I'm just a little worried

Abbie Crane  17:05  

about that. Soy. I've been really happy with where I've been at so far. I just recently started just this month with progesterone cream. So maybe, you know, I don't know, I just I haven't really noticed any did you

Sarah Milken  17:22  

find that the testosterone increased your libido? Because I have friends right now who are using it for that? And they're like, Oh, my God, it's amazing. Thank God,

Abbie Crane  17:31  

you know? No, I definitely didn't have I need to have some more. No, like, I

Sarah Milken  17:40  

need an IV drip of it.

Abbie Crane  17:42  

Please. Help me the goop. What is it like the DDS DTS?

Sarah Milken  17:47  

Yeah, I don't know what. I don't know. My friends are are swearing by it.

Abbie Crane  17:52  

Really? Huh. No, I didn't notice it like that drastically. Like I knew that that was something that I could bring, and I was always down for that. Maybe I need to take more.

Sarah Milken  18:04  

Like maybe, maybe I need to take a bath in it. I know. I just got a body lotion. I know. I don't. I just got a prescription for vaginal Astra estrogen. Okay, so I'm like, it's like staring at me in my drawer. I'm

Abbie Crane  18:19  

like, Have you been on estrogen already? Well, I,

Sarah Milken  18:23  

you don't want to hear this. Because I know. I've been taking birth control pills for basically my whole life. Oh, wow. But now it almost age 48 I think I'm gonna have to switch to HRT. Okay. Yeah. And I'm dreading it because my birth control pill journey has been like heaven for me. Oh, literally. Which is interesting, because my daughter tried birth control pills, and she hated it. Yeah, hated it. And for me, like when I had to go off to get pregnant, I thought I was going crazy. Yeah, it's like, oh, my body just like is addicted to it. But I think now I've had all this spotting and weird stuff this year. I feel like I'm at that stage where they're like, Okay, well, we might have to switch you to the next thing. And I'm like, Just give me another month.

Abbie Crane  19:14  

Are you going to the same doctor? That's no new from the very Oh,

Sarah Milken  19:17  

no, no, no. You know, I consult with a few different doctors and you know, I'm, I'm looking forward to finding a solution and like not having all the spotting that I've never had before, because it's sort of like really, really annoying. So I think come January, when the holidays are over and everything kind of calms down a little bit, then I'd be willing to kind of like reassess. It's so hard to change up your stuff, because you're like, I feel sort of normal. Now. Imagine what I'd be like if I kind of took my whole foundation away. So I have to be like mentally prepared for that. I think my husband has to be mentally prepared. First of all,

Abbie Crane  20:01  

what can you do gradually off of one as you're doing something else? So it's not just like a cold turkey

Sarah Milken  20:06  

experience. Intro pills are pretty much you either take them or you don't. Okay, so I don't know, because I haven't gotten into the details of it because I've been avoiding it. I don't know what the exact transition is when you go from one to the other. But hormone replacement is a lot less estrogen than birth control pills. So I'm like, Okay, hopefully I won't feel super weird for a really long time.

Abbie Crane  20:29  

I know. And maybe if you start the cream now, right? I know.

Sarah Milken  20:33  

So the cream is not like a It's not systemic. So it doesn't go through your whole body, which is the beautiful, the beautiful part of vaginal estrogen. Okay, on a doctor's talk about and I hope more people hear about it is it literally just stays in that area. And they're basically saying that using vaginal estrogen is like, something that's almost all of us should be using for vaginal atrophy, dryness, just hold all vagina health, and there's really not a lot of downsides. Right? That sounds amazing. It sounds amazing. But then I was and then I heard this other amazing gynecologist speak. And she was saying that there's this pill now that you insert inside of you. And I just got a prescription for it. And I'm like, Okay, do I want to do the cream? Or do I want to do the pill and the pill that you insert is only twice a week. So I'm like, maybe I'll do that. Because that just sounds less messy.

Abbie Crane  21:30  

You have to do the cream every day. The way

Sarah Milken  21:32  

all of them work is my understanding of it is you do it every day for two weeks. And then you do it twice a week for the rest of your life. And it's supposed to be like God's gift to mankind.

Abbie Crane  21:44  

Really? Yes, girlfriends that have experienced it. Yes. Cool

Sarah Milken  21:49  

testosterone and vaginal estrogen. So I'm like, Okay, I'm willing to try something like if they're, you know, I think some people have concerns of it. Because if they have breast cancer or things like that in their family, but everyone has to consult their doctor, but they're saying, generally speaking, most women will benefit from vaginal estrogen doesn't run through your whole body.

Abbie Crane  22:12  

How is that possible? I don't know blows my mind. It just stays right there. Like when when I get Botox, so like, it just stays right there. And I'm like, really?

Sarah Milken  22:26  

No, I'm like, whatever, at this point, like, people were like, Oh, you shouldn't take birth control pills for so many years. And this and that. And I'm like, You know what, at a certain point, like you said, in terms of bio individuality, like, everybody has to do what they have to do to make themselves feel the best they can. Yes, there are, you know, physical limitations, and you don't want to cause other sicknesses and this and that. But it's like, for me, like my mom started menopause at 42. And I'm 48. And she went straight from birth control pills to HRT, and that was at a time when they were saying cancer, cancer, cancer, you know, when that study came out, and she just said to her doctor, like, for me, personally, I would rather have quality of life. Yes. Then the alternative. So I mean, in her favor, it ended up being that the study had issues and all of that, but at least she's and she's gotten so many years of benefits from HRT. Yeah. You know, and I just feel like because I've been on birth control pills for so long, my body wouldn't be able to tolerate not having estrogen. No, like, apparently an estrogen junkie. Okay, let's talk about foam rolling. I see you foam roller. Yeah, yeah, do

Abbie Crane  23:45  

foam roll. I love it.

Sarah Milken  23:46  

I do but I'm not 100% great at it. Like I don't it's not part of my every

Abbie Crane  23:51  

day. Yeah. Do you like the way it feels when you do but it hurts like a mother. Oh, do

Abbie Crane  23:56  

you have a soft or medium foam or hard foam like I

Sarah Milken  24:00  

am and I have a medium and I also have a vibrating one.

Abbie Crane  24:04  

Oh, I like that too.

Sarah Milken  24:05  

It's painful. It can be like on your IT bands. What's your foam rolling technique? I know you follow Lauren Roxborough

Abbie Crane  24:15  

Yes. I love her. I have her roller. It's it's a medium density. You know, I'm 511 I tend to have bad posture. So my favorite thing to do is just put it vertical on the ground lay on it and let my shoulders just back I mean that sounds

Sarah Milken  24:30  

good. I know we even brought bought a short one for our trip. Oh, good for you. Yeah, cuz I was like, Oh my God. I feel like I'm crumpled and hunched over

Abbie Crane  24:40  

Yeah, it doesn't it just sort of like work out all the kinks.

Sarah Milken  24:43  

And I kept leaving it in the family room and my husband's like OCD. He's like, why is this in here? I'm like because if it's in the gym, I'm not going to the gym to use it but if it's on the side of the sofa I might not

Abbie Crane  24:56  

like all of our little like little ways out Yeah, I see them. I know like

Sarah Milken  25:02  

he's like, is this a fucking scavenger hunt? I'm like, yeah, yeah, it's a midlife scavenger hunt. That's what it is.

Abbie Crane  25:10  

I love that. That's adorable. It's it.

Sarah Milken  25:12  

Yeah. Yeah, he does. But he's like, can you walk into the gym? And I'm like, That's too far. And I actually have to think about it. But if I see my shit all over the house, then I'm gonna do a more. That's exactly

Abbie Crane  25:25  

why I love the rebounder is because the barrier to entry is one step.

Sarah Milken  25:32  

Everyone the rebounders her trampoline? Let's talk about this. If I have one. Don't you ever have to pee? I can't do it for more than one or two minutes, because I feel like I have to pee. Yeah, I did feel like that initially, but I don't get over that. Oh, yes. So often do you do it?

Abbie Crane  25:52  

Maybe like, every day, every other day.

Sarah Milken  25:56  

And you don't do that as your exercise. I can

Abbie Crane  25:59  

and I have, but I mix it up. So like every day it's a five minute bounce.

Sarah Milken  26:04  

And that's for the lymphatic drainage.

Abbie Crane  26:07  

Yeah. To wake up, drain the limb. Wake up, just sort of, you know, get my body moving before I

Sarah Milken  26:13  

owe many Adderall, Abby things. It's like you dry brush. Your cold plan to rebound.

Abbie Crane  26:22  

Oh my gosh, you're saying exactly what my acupuncturist said she was like, you have a lot of stimulating things. Wow.

Sarah Milken  26:30  

Sit on like fucking naptime. Like she's.

Abbie Crane  26:36  

Yeah. Now's a good time. It's winter, just like do like more nourishing things. Like okay,

Sarah Milken  26:45  

like maybe a soup instead of a salad. Yeah. Yeah. So

Abbie Crane  26:49  

now instead of cold plunge, yeah,

Sarah Milken  26:52  

I can get cozy quickly. What are we gonna do? I'm like, Okay, I'll stay in bed until noon in Utah when everyone else is skiing. Like, the thought of being in that cold is so hard for me. Oh, well, we do it every year. And I love it once I get there because I love just the mountains. And so,

Abbie Crane  27:13  

yes,

Sarah Milken  27:14  

but the cold is so hard.

Abbie Crane  27:16  

You just bundle up and just go out with a hot cocoa or what? Like, yeah,

Sarah Milken  27:20  

I do it. But it's like, every time I do it, I'm like, okay, my pinkie in my boot is frozen. I have like all

Abbie Crane  27:29  

of all of these issues, the little warmers and your boots.

Sarah Milken  27:33  

I know. My husband always says the Jewish women are much more sensitive. You know, it's a

Abbie Crane  27:39  

blessing and a curse.

Abbie Crane  27:39  

I don't know, I don't know about

Abbie Crane  27:41  

everything

Sarah Milken  27:44  

about your exercise routine.

Abbie Crane  27:47  

I mean, I love to move movement as medicine. I've had to, you know, accommodate my aging body as I've grown older. So I've had to find other ways to move. Why the rebounder has felt good. It's easier on my joints. I used to run, I used to do yoga. My orthopedic surgeon told me that I need to stop both of those. Ah, I was born naturally flexible. So when I would do yoga, I would just rest in my ligaments, and I have a torn labrum in my head. So I incorporated swimming. I swim with a group of women at least once a week. I pick that up later in life. I feel like it's the most adventurous thing I do is like swimming in the rain outside. I mean, it's not even adventurous when you're wet.

Sarah Milken  28:34  

Are you? Are you swimming in the ocean?

Abbie Crane  28:36  

We swim in a pool. It's an outdoor pool. It's gorgeous. It's really fun.

Sarah Milken  28:41  

And are you just swimming laps? Are you racing? What are you doing?

Abbie Crane  28:44  

We do we swim laps. We used to have a coach before COVID. And she would you know watch our stroke she would teach us how to swim like a group of women. It was called swim like a mother and it was like we were all I love it. It was really, really great. We weren't even able to swim with the masters like some of the women that I swim with used to swim in college. They hadn't swam for a while we were all looking for an alternative way to you know, stay active and this woman that we knew what as a coach and put a group together for all the moms and I just fell in love with it. I mean it is like an all over body workout but you're in the water and it just feels otherworldly sometimes I don't know it's beautiful kick on your back and look at the clouds and so I love to swim, I walk I hike. I do the rebounder. Like I have a trainer. You know we do pilates and strength training because we all know as we age we need to work on our muscles

Sarah Milken  29:41  

like I do. I know that

Abbie Crane  29:44  

so hard, but I do feel like I've gotten a little bit more limited in my movement, which is why I have a trainer because, you know, I feel like I'm more injury prone than ever before and I want to work out to stay more after

Sarah Milken  29:58  

you've done a bone dense Did he test yet? That's on the list with your colonoscopy till that's hot. Oh my god.

Abbie Crane  30:07  

I know I've got a long list of things. I mean, I feel

Sarah Milken  30:11  

like the list doesn't end. Yeah. Do you want I mean, it's like I check off the bloodwork Okay, yeah. Okay, got this. Yeah. And then and then I get like the mammogram reminder. I'm like,

Abbie Crane  30:21  

didn't just do something to five minutes ago. But honestly, like, I will do whatever I have to do to kind of living this life. I'm so like, I don't like doing any of it. But I'm just like, so grateful that we do have all of this. So I'm just like, Okay, here we go. We're doing it again.

Sarah Milken  30:42  

I mean, you could spend your entire day doing like alternative things like oh, and then I had the lymphatic massage. And then I had acupuncture. And I, then I took a bath and testosterone. Oh my gosh, sure. As we wrap up, like, what would you say in this whole journey, even though, you know, you and I are on the younger side of the journey? Like what would your biggest piece of advice be to midlife women who are kind of in this self reinvention journey,

Abbie Crane  31:17  

like don't listen to anybody's advice, but your own? You know, I mean, I know that that might not be very helpful. But I just feel like one of the reasons why I do house of Abbey, is just for me to share my story. Because I do feel like there's so much benefit, when we know we're not the only one going through something. It's why I love what you talk about on your channel, the flexible neurotic is because you're bringing just light to all of our current experiences. And I believe Sharing is caring. So I try to just share my story, and talk about what I'm going through. And it feels good when you know, you're not like the only one. But you can also like laugh together and cry together. And I just want to be less prescriptive with myself. And I hope that other people don't feel like they need to be like prescriptive with themselves either. Like, as I'm aging and getting older, I want to learn to love myself more and allow myself to be all that I am. And I just feel like in this culture and society, I have been totally susceptible to just like trying to be like a certain type of person. And there's nothing outside of myself that is better than just like falling deeper into like who I am. And it's like I want to be like more of me and less of anything to aspire to be totally I guess that like that's like the freedom of what midlife gives us just being accountable for who you are. And just like letting it be what it is.

Sarah Milken  32:49  

So would you say the key to like finding your way in midlife is this kind of like presence? But it's not unsupervised presence. It's not just like being here. But it's like being here with an intention or a plan. For sure. Like you're not just letting sickness happen to you and letting things be as they are. It's like you're being present, but you're also intentionally trying to do healthy things for your body make good choices, but not be perfect.

Abbie Crane  33:19  

Well, awareness is everything. Yeah. And I think being able to speak to your truth is the awareness that matters. It's like, being aware of how you feel. And don't you think midlife gives you the certain voice that you just feel like fuck it. I can just say how I feel at this point, because I've earned the right.

Sarah Milken  33:39  

I've earned it baby. Now in terms of House of Abby, like, are you seeing this as like a business? Are you seeing it as a hobby? Like, where are you in that? Like, what's your Do you have a plan? People always ask me that. And I know Oh, no,

Abbie Crane  33:56  

I don't know. I enjoy it so much. I feel like it is such a loving, friendly creative community. Me too. And so I show up when I when I want to show up. And you know, I'm so used to being on the other side of things. So like when I was working, and I was like working with brand ambassadors, you know, I had my platform, but it was from the business side of things. So being a brand ambassador has been fun. I mean, there's a lot of great companies out there I love to stay engaged with brands that I really like so it is a business in the way that I do represent other brands that I am a fan of. But the big picture I don't know where I want it to go.

Sarah Milken  34:40  

But for now you love it and you say you see it as like a creative outlet for yourself. Totally.

Abbie Crane  34:46  

Yeah, I think it's great. I love you don't

Sarah Milken  34:49  

do don't get lost in like the metrics of Instagram and all of that. Not at all. Yeah,

Abbie Crane  34:56  

not at all. I don't I don't have like any like none remembers or goals or plans in that regard? It's like, what is my voice? And what do I really feel like is worth sharing and putting out there? You know, everyone loves links. You know, I guess that's the nature of Instagram is can you link your shirt? I know. Shit. I'm not a fashionista like the hardest thing for me. But, you know, I do love meeting people like you. And I mean, it just like opens up your world. I mean, social media has so many beautiful benefits. And I feel like my community is so loving and supportive. And it's like, why would I not want to keep that going?

Sarah Milken  35:36  

Do you like for women who are listening who are like, but I don't know what to do with my life like I don't I have this hobby or that hobby? Like, what do you say to them about I think so many of us get caught in this, like, I need to start a company. And what is my product? And this and it sounds to me, like you're saying, just share what you love and everything else kind of comes with it?

Abbie Crane  36:01  

Yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong, I totally understand why they feel like that they probably want something. And they probably have something to offer. But I feel like what's the rush? You know, it's like, why can we not just let things unfold a little bit more naturally, that's what I'm working on. So it's not that I feel like I'm different than them. I do feel like that sometimes, too. But I'm trying to like, what am I rushing towards? Like, if I want to do a company do it. Like, and what am I like, Why do I want to do it? Or what do I want to do? I'm just kind of like, trying to personally not put so much pressure on myself,

Sarah Milken  36:39  

me because it's really hard when you're used to a very linear life. Yeah. And everything's very like, performance driven. Like, even with your kids, you're like, okay, the kids alike do this. And then they get this. And then they take this test and whatever you feel like when you get into midlife, it's more. It's fewer benchmarks, and it's more curvy, linear, and like mushy, wishy washy, and it's not as clear the path isn't as clear.

Abbie Crane  37:05  

It's accepting that we are human beings, and you're giving yourself more time to be and less of a human doing. We don't have to do as much. But yes, we could have a whole laundry list of wellness things that we could do if we want. But we really don't need to. And I think like, you know, I'm trying to just give myself more time to see the sunset, and really experience it and go from that place of inside. And then having it be your creation for the future, as opposed to just what do I need to do mentally figure it out, and then make it happen? I just want to be a little bit slower with it to make sure that it feels like a real true expression of what I want. And what do I really want to put out in the world?

Abbie Crane  37:52  

I know and who am I? Yeah, exactly. There's

Abbie Crane  37:56  

always that little question.

Sarah Milken  37:57  

I mean, it's, it's really a question to ask yourself. It's like, who am I now in midlife now that, you know, my kids are older, you know, my husband's doing his thing. I'm doing my thing. Like, where do we meet in the middle of all this? Like, what's my new label? Do I need a label? Do I just want the label because it makes me feel more comfortable? You know, it's like it's all of these feelings. And like you said, I think part of the beauty of this whole midlife journey is knowing that other women are feeling the same way not because you want other people to be miserable or frustrated also, but because it's like, It's so reassuring when you're like I'm not the only one. Like, I'm not the only one feeling like shit today. You know,

Abbie Crane  38:45  

I want to be really careful and intentional with my social media in that way. It's like, I don't want to come off like I have my shit together. Some days. I personally feel like it do. ya go? Totally, totally moment. Embrace it.

Sarah Milken  39:00  

I know in some days, I'm like, I took a shower. That's awesome. Yeah,

Abbie Crane  39:05  

we are winning. Your hair is looking good today. I mean, that's a lie. Like we are gonna be rejoicing on.

Sarah Milken  39:12  

Oh my god, wash the Rogaine out this morning.

Abbie Crane  39:17  

It's so good. Don't want to be that woman that people feel like I'm going to shoot you to death. Like we shouldn't do this. And we should you know be doing that. It's like, No, we're all just trying to figure it out. And we're all figuring out together and there's beauty in numbers.

Sarah Milken  39:31  

Yeah, and I also feel like we are all looking to set our midlife tables, you know, and creating a seat at your own table. Yeah. is so empowering. Yeah, because I feel like in high school, there's this idea of like, everyone wants to be the same table. Everybody wants to look the same. Everyone wants to be the same but I think one of the benefits of midlife is sort of With that, being okay, and being confident enough to be you to choose you, whatever that looks like some of us are going to be jumping on trampolines and other some of us are going to be like, get that trampoline away from

Abbie Crane  40:14  

totally, you know 100% I mean, it'd be so boring if we were all the

Sarah Milken  40:18  

same. I now and I think that's part of the beauty of midlife is that it's like we don't all have to be the same that we all can be uniquely ourselves. Now, where can listeners find you?

Abbie Crane  40:31  

On Instagram? at House of Abby? Spell Abby for us? Yes, a BB IE.

Sarah Milken  40:40  

Okay, you guys have to check out her Instagram. She's jumping. She's called plunging. She's swimming in ocean she's doing all the things I don't do. Abby crane, integrated health coach brand marketer, nutrition enthusiast and mother of three boys, creator of the house of Abbey Instagram platform fellow mid lifer. Thank you for saying yes. Thank you for being here. Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for chatting all things midlife. Happy to call you a new friend and Fab guest of the flexible neurotic podcast. Thank you.

Abbie Crane  41:15  

Thank you, Sara. What a joy

Sarah Milken  41:21  

Hey, peeps, it's me again. I listened to this episode with Abby crane, integrated health coach and nutrition enthusiast so I could summarize the golden nuggets for you to have actionable items to start using today. I know that when I listened to a long podcast episode, I'm like, oh my god, I fucking love that. But then I can't even remember the specifics. This is why I come back and do a golden nugget summary. In part two of this episode, we chat all the different physical and nutritional modalities Abby uses for creating a healthier midlife and remember if you haven't heard part one, then go and listen to it after Golden Nugget number one taking the plunge. Can you imagine willingly going into like a 39 degree tub of freezing cold fucking water not me. I can't even get my acid tool pool when it's like 75 degrees. Well, Abby gets into a freezing water cold plunge and enjoys it or has learned to enjoy it. For those of you don't know a cold plunge is when you fully submerge your body from your neck down and water that is below 59 degrees Fahrenheit. Cold plunging helps detox your body strengthens your immune system and regulates your hormones. Abby also says it's great for mental clarity. Science shows that you start to receive the benefits at the three minute mark. Now if you're nervous like me, Abby explains that your water doesn't have to be 39 degrees like her, you can start much higher and work your way down. The general number of times a week for cold plunge sessions is two to four. She also reminds us that everyone's bodies are different, so it's important to talk to your doctor to see if it's safe with any previous or pre existing health conditions. Abby recommends practicing a breathwork exercise right before you go into the cold plunge for the first time. She did this for the first time and it helped calm her during the fight or flight response and just let her focus on her breathing instead of the temperature of the water while she was in the cold plunge. I mean I'm stressed even thinking about it. Golden Nugget number two Abby is the supplement Queen Abby's a midlife woman who loves her supplements She jokes that she might be taking too many. But reminds us to start off small work your way up and talking to your doctors always a great idea. I always try to get my daily fill of the supplements I need and I try to pass that on to my children as they roll their eyes and grumble when I put the supplements on the dinner table. Most of the ones she takes I know of and take myself but there are a couple that I wasn't like really taking or weren't part of my regimen yet. They are chlorella algae and spirulina algae, chlorella is benefits is that they may help prevent the kind of cell damage that increases your risk of diabetes, heart disease, Alzheimer's disease and certain cancers is also used to treat high cholesterol, menstrual cramps, fibromyalgia and depression. Chlorella can also help lower cholesterol levels. Abbi taste or chlorella in the form of either pills or liquid and takes it with or without food. Spirulina has benefits or lower cholesterol levels gut health, weight loss, reduced blood pressure, muscle strength diabetes control and has potential anti cancer properties. Abby takes her spirulina in the form of these little bits that she can either chew or swallow and sometimes puts them in her shakes. Since my chat with Abby I've been thinking about starting the chlorella and spirulina but I'm definitely going to check with my doctor first before I place those Amazon orders. Okay golden nugget number three, finding enjoyable exercise as we age. Abby says that movement is medicine and explains that as she has gotten older, she has had to adjust her workout routine. She used to run and do yoga, but her orthopedic surgeon told her that she needed to stop both of those. Abby jumps in on the opportunity to do small things that make a big difference like using her mini trampoline. She uses this five minutes every day to wake her up and get her body moving. Abby also uses it to help with lymphatic drainage. It's a lot easier on her joints and her previous workouts personally. Jumping is a little hard for me because I feel like I have to pee all the time. But I feel like if I pee first, then I jump and then pee right after I'm generally okay. But you know, you got to just try it and see how it goes. I guess you must be doing the rise pee jump routine. Like David G the meditation expert suggests she's also incorporated swimming into her routine. At least once a week she swims in an outdoor pool with a group of women she loves the overall body workout and the atmosphere. When it comes to exercise we should always try and participate in something that we aren't dreading and actually look forward to and I'm motivated to do like Abby, I mean for me swimming would never fucking work because that means I have to wash my fucking hair. Like I said, my conversation with Abby was filled with midlife golden nuggets and there are even more in part one so if you didn't listen, go back and listen. What are you waiting for? Go back and listen. All right, the gold is dripping off these nuggets grab it use it there are three things you can do you guys must know these three things by now I say them every time do them. First is subscribe to the fucking podcast. If you subscribe it helps the podcast grow second, share it with some mid life friends we'd like Midlake shit and third right and Apple review. writing reviews is so fucking annoying. It's an extra step for you. It's totally get it but guess what it really helps the podcast grow and you think your little review won't matter it does. If you want to show and everyone said my clap doesn't matter. Then there will be no clapping you all mattered DM me know I always respond. Oh and of course follow my instagram at the flexible neurotic. Love you talk soon!