Midlife “Mashed Potato Brain”…5 Things I’m Thankful For…

Sarah Milken 0:03

Grab your bowl of mashed potatoes on this Thanksgiving, take a look at yourself in the mirror with only a month left to 2022 heading into 2023 You might not have climbed Mount Kilimanjaro or lost 23 pounds or started a Forbes 400 company. Hopefully you can think of a few things or winds you have had maybe you started meditating more walking. Moisturize your VJ have a list of the things you want to try. Let's not be hard on ourselves.

Sarah Milken 0:36

Hey, peeps, welcome to the flexible neurotic podcast. I'm your host Dr. Sarah Milken. Yeah, you heard that right. I'm a real PhD doctor. Long, long ago, like last fucking year. I was sitting in the midlife funk wondering, was this it for me? That day, I realized I needed to get off my ass and start my midlife remix. I dusted off my PhD wipe the menopause, sweat off my forehead, grabbed my golden shovel and started digging deep to all my midlife bitches. It's not just love coffee and hormones that get you through your midlife remix. It's action steps. Let's do this seems like you guys like the solo episodes in addition to the episodes with gas so here we go. I am Dr. Sarah Milken, the flexible neurotic and this is the flexible neurotic podcast more Sarah time. Okay, Instagram husband is probably so fucking psyched that I'm not talking to him right now. Then again, he's probably walking with his weighted vest and his jog up the hiking trail. Okay, so it's the day after my daughter's 16th birthday. I am not going to lie. I'm fucking exhausted and hungover and I don't even drink. I'm just hungover from holding all the plates in the air and you know, 16 year old girls and estrogen and I don't know, I guess of parties and this and that and all those things. It just sort of a lot. But here we are. The day after she had a great birthday. She thanked me from the bottom of her heart and all went well knock wood. So that's the intro to my energy right now. I am tired, but good. I'm not bleeding today. So that's cool. That's a step in the right direction. And I'm drinking my coffee as we chat together so that my midlife fucking brain starts firing the fuck up. That's a lot of Fox but sort of how I'm feeling today. Okay, so this minisode is going to be a quickie dump of my brain. And the last I'd say month of my midlife crazy. The title of this episode, I don't know exactly what it's going to be but it's going to be something along the lines of midlife thankful list. My brain feels like mashed potatoes, five things I'm grateful for. Okay, first let me start by saying that a big piece of midlife for me has been my brain sometimes feeling like Thanksgiving mashed potatoes. Why did I come in this room? What was I just doing? Why did I come to my dental appointment the wrong week? Why is the sky fucking blue and for fuck sake, Why am I sweating? I bet many of you can relate to midlife mashed potato brain. Okay, so back to the title. My brain feels like mashed potatoes. Five things I'm grateful for this month if I can even fucking remember what they are. Okay, number one is called Don't doubt me. I am grateful that a month ago I had enough personal balls. Even though I was scared I did it anyway. And I had the energy to say that I am going to Naomi Watts. I am stripes event in New York City. Naomi has a new menopause skincare line called I Am stripes. She hosted this event with Alisa Volkman from this as well, a 40 plus community. Okay, so what's the big deal about this? Let me take you through my brain process. I can only do this thinking back retrospectively because at times, you know, it's like the stew of it all like my brain is mashed potato brain. So let me get there to New York City somehow. This fab event put on in New York City by Naomi Watts with amazing speakers in all elements of menopause. Two of the speakers have been on my podcast and the topic of menopause. And many of my Instagram menopause and midlife peeps would probably be there. And yep, it's in New York City. Let me remind all of you that I live in LA not that LA is that far from New York City. But when you're a midlife woman who is waking up at night to pee plagued by insomnia and

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solving the world's problems at 3am, with a senior in high school applying to colleges with application deadlines coming up, and an almost 16 year old daughter who I drive crazy yet she is secretly obsessed with me at the same time and sends me 400 texts a day about everything under the sun. And she's having a 16th birthday with all of her school friends. And could I make it a fairy tale? Sure, no problem. Just add that to my list. And did I mention all my intermittent bleeding and spotting and what the fog I thought my puberty periods were over. And now I'm back at it at age 47 and a half. Oh my god. Okay, so this would mean to get to New York, I would have to get off my ass, get on the plane and fly to New York City solo. If you know me from my past episodes, you know that my husband who I affectionately call Instagram husband because he hates Instagram is the trip supervisor for our family. I rarely travel without him. If you have a 16 year old girl's birthday, the plan was 17 boys and girls and 78 moving parts. I'm your person. If you have a trip to plan, I'm not your person. So I told teen daughter teens on an Instagram husband that I was thinking about going to New York City for this event. They looked at me like Yeah, right. If you know me, you can't Yeah, write me. Don't doubt me or I will fire up and show you and prove to you and myself that you're wrong. And I am going to fucking do it. Even if my mashed potato brain can always remember all my talking points, or what I wore yesterday, or why I haven't returned 10 tax or gone for that damn hormone checkup blood draw. I can get fired up if you doubt me. I always tell my husband that doubting any of my abilities, or any type of condescending tone is enough for me to do just about anything especially raging and hormones for midlife. He should know better. I mean, come on. He knew me in puberty hormones in ninth grade. As he says I run hot and cold and the reason he married me is because he's chill, and I'm the only person who can really piss him off. So whatever jer Jeremy is his full name Don't doubt me and midlife. The trip was happening. Even with my midlife mashed potato brain Instagram husband booked the flights and the hotel he went all out he we used our points blah blah blah, thank goodness. Then he asked if I could just take carry on because that would make my life easier. If you know me for my two week college tour with both teenagers and my husband and my Africa trip a few years ago and my solo episode called no carry on in midlife. You know that carry on is my nemesis. It's a no go impossible not happening. But guess what? He doubted my ability to do it. So guess what? I took carry on. If you haven't listened to that episode, no carry on in midlife. You have to go back and listen. I think that episode was crazy. People were sending me messages like I was on a hike or I was on a plane listening to that episode laughing out loud and people thought I was crazy. Okay, so let's just say the carry on situation was not pretty you know there's people in the airport who have like the Louis Vuitton carry on with the other bag that fits on top of it perfectly. And they're wearing like a leather blazer and jeans and cute shoes like That was not me. Okay, my rolling mini suitcase was this hard shell one that teens on uses so my should couldn't even expand accommodate all of my stuff. Okay, and it wasn't even a cute carry on. Let's not talk about the three jackets and cashmere pashmina and huge list sports sack type, ugly sloppy bag on top holding all my toiletries and the famous medicine bag. You guys must know about the medicine bag at this point because that was introduced in no carry on and midlife episode. And on the college shore with my teenagers. Of course, it was the abridge medicine bag. The Athlete's Foot medication didn't make it or the ace bandage just my immediate shit. But I will say I forgot to pack tampons because I'm not even supposed to get my period because I take birth control pills seven days a week. I know that's controversial and that's a whole other episode. But I'm bleeding through my birth control pills. So I have been checked a million times I don't have fibroids blah, blah blah. It's an ongoing situation.

Sarah Milken 10:00

Jen that I'm working on, but of course, I had to buy tampons in New York. That is a side story. I'm getting back to the main story. Okay, so yes, I was the midlife woman in the airport with all of her shit falling and sliding off of the carry on the three jackets, the toiletry list, sports sack, all of it. I didn't want my cute blazer for the event in New York City to get crushed in the suitcase. But I wasn't planning on babysitting it through the airport on the plane. Let's say in this case, I look like flying mashed potatoes through this whole walk of what is of course, the last gate for my check in. Okay. And when I got on the plane, I was thankfully in business class from all of my credit card points. I do such a good job on spending, so I can get points for plane tickets. Why does an Instagram husband ever give me credit for that? I mean, at least I'm good at something. And there was this college aged boy in front of me who was sitting in business class, and I asked if he could help me with my bag. You would think I was committing a crime by asking this brat teenager for help. Of course, I immediately texted teen son and told him that if anyone around him could use help on an airplane he should offer first he was like, Okay, mom. Thanks for the parenting lesson while you board the plane and I was like sure teen son No fucking problem. Basically, I am thankful for my own personal self doubt and the doubt my family had that I could do this trip alone. lol sometimes a little challenge can fire you up. If you look at it in the right way. I was gonna make this trip happen. I could take you guys through the whole New York City trip my forgotten grilled cheese from room service, the oatmeal, the consistency of broth, or I can just go into the second thing that I'm grateful for this Thanksgiving with my mashed potato brands. It is number two, the other midlife women in my life. Clearly I am grateful for all of my real in life friends in life real friends in real life friends, that's how it goes. old friends and new friends. But what stood out to me on this New York City trip was how many new midlife Instagram friends and podcast related women I've met in this midlife remix of mine with my podcast and my Instagram. I met at least 15 of these people in real life. Women I chat with on Instagram, other female podcasters and I had dinner with two Instagram friends who were not at the event that I know from Instagram. I know we all talk about how Instagram is fake and blah, blah, blah. Yes, yes, yes. And I will tell you that many of those women that I've met on Instagram are real life friends. Now there are positive things about Instagram at the base of it. Okay, my point is, put yourself out there go the extra mile to meet new people. We can all feel so stuck in midlife and bored is fuck. We can feel like a sluggish pile of mashed potatoes. I call these clunky days. Tired, hormonal, bored as fuck wanting a rebrand and we aren't doing the things to shake it up and make those connections and new things happen. I'm not saying you need to board a plane with only carry on and three jackets and fly to New York City. I'm just saying you have to say yes to some new stuff that could potentially make you feel uncomfortable or hard. You gotta stir shit up at midlife. No surprise. Nobody is coming and appearing at your house out of the blue for the midlife remix. You have to put yourself out there say yes feel uncomfortable. I didn't know exactly who was going to this event. I didn't make pre plans with people that I thought might be going. I just went and it was so good, cool, informational and transformative. So far. I'm grateful that I'm still alive. Although barely functioning after the daughter's 16th birthday weekend grateful that when someone doubts me I fucking fire up I went to New York City because I got fired up and grateful for the fact that I have met so many midlife new friends and professional connections by saying yes, and being a little uncomfortable. And I must mention that three people whom I did not even know came up to me at the event and asked if I was the flexible, neurotic. I was like, Are you joking? Like you know who I am? Talk about weird impostor syndrome. What? People know who I am. Oh, maybe I should tell my teen kids and my husband lol. Okay, the third thing I'm grateful for this Thanksgiving with my midlife mashed potato brains is all of you number

Sarah Milken 15:00

are three let's call this midlife women supporting midlife women. Every morning I wake up to a million messages from women like you thanking me for my podcast and my Instagram. You guys talk about my relatable humor how I make you all feel normal how I'm inspiring you to live your best second half. I got this message today after already feeling blah and gross when one of those midlife clunky as days with mashed potato brands and not feeling like I even wanted to move you guys you have to hear some of these messages that I've gotten quote, oh my god, I love you. I've started listening to your podcast from the very first episode. Your shows are inspiring me to continue down a new discovery path as I approached my 50th birthday in December and quote, okay, let's break this down. Another midlife woman took two minutes out of her day to thank me for impacting her life. And in turn, when she thinks me and recognizes all the work I'm doing, we're creating a gratitude cycle. UC Berkeley the good science lab has reported that there are three gratitude practices that research has shown to make the grateful person happier, more optimistic and feeling more relevant. Even 12 months later. There were three quote good things practices in this study. One first one is called Looking forward and it was asking people what are they looking forward to at various times in the future? Number two, the second one, this one was called three good things practice every night for two weeks, you write down three positive things that happened that day. And the third the third one is writing a letter of gratitude to someone. All of these quote good things practices from UC Berkeley led to significant results for the gratitude giver and helped with depression recovery from trauma. Okay, back to how this relates to me and midlife women supporting midlife women. I write back to every woman who writes to me these are my notes of gratitude. I know they aren't a one page letter, but I can't tell you the 1000s of women who have messaged me about my podcast and loved when I responded. Everyone wants to feel seen and heard in the world, including me. And in this case for me, midlife women supporting midlife women has been a win win for me and all the podcast listeners and Instagram followers. This goes for more than the 200 women taking the time to write Apple reviews. It seems like a small thing. It is so personally meaningful because this podcast is a shit ton of work. I don't get paid and I love it. And I love knowing that this is impacting you. Yes, this is Jewish guilt. If you're listening and you haven't written Have you feel a pinch of guilt and go to apple and write a review. If you're tech challenged like me, then go to my website www the flexible neurotic.com. Go to the menu bar, click on write a review and it will take you step by step it's a 42nd project. Let's go Papes gratitude cycle is on for Thanksgiving. Number four. Viewing midlife and menopause through a lens of quote, I got this not from a place of fear. This doesn't mean that every day I'm going to feel like a million fucking bucks. I just went for another VJ ultrasound because I can handle the spotting and the bleeding. I told Sherry Ross that my dripping vagina just doesn't work for me. I hate tampons. I bleed through my leggings. Even when I'm working out and sometimes golf balls of blood pop out. Yeah, I'm grossing you out but you told me to keep it real. This is real. This is real midlife, perimenopause, whatever fun. You want to call it fun fun. Today, I want to crawl under a blanket and eat mac and cheese and brownies. Two days ago, I was powering with love and detail through my daughter's 16th Birthday feeling badly for my teen daughter who failed her first chemistry quiz. I mean, why do I need to think about that all day because I'm her mom like oh my God and I have midlife brain and my heart hurts for her because she's so frustrated. But then she gets a 97 on the second cam quiz to the stress of having a 16th birthday with a stew of you know, teenage personalities, estrogen and testosterone. My husband is able to compartmentalize all of this shit and I just cannot. Why is he not losing sleep while our daughter is going to take a driving test in one of the two days a year that it fucking rains in LA? Why is he worried about our son's last Accutane blood test? Oh yeah, I forgot he's paying the bills, getting my daughter's car insurance planning our family trip to Israel, running his company exercising every day rub it in my face.

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that I don't have the energy to exercise every day. He just told me that the treadmill told him that he did 11 days in a row with a 25 pound weighted vest. I'm like, Okay, I'm not even close, but whatever. My point is, we all have shit. We're all busy in our own ways and in our own versions, we can close the curtains and try to escape from life or we can embrace the ebbs and flows of midlife, perimenopause and menopause and not ridicule ourselves when we just can't do that workout. We just can't stop thinking about teen daughter driving in the rain. The list never stops. It's giving ourselves the grace to be okay with not being perfect and mid life, listening to our bodies. Fucking the workout evening the goddamn brownie. We have to listen to our minds and our hearts. Not every day is going to be a talk with Naomi Watts in New York City, or Katie Couric and my high five. They can feel like the clunky days my dripping vagina no energy to work out wondering if this is my new state of being am I going to feel like this the rest of my life, I have to say men are lucky and that they don't seem to experience as many highs and lows. I mean, I guess I can't say every man I can just speak for teens on an Instagram husband. They seem to have an ability to compartmentalize anxiety and not let it run rampant through their bodies and their minds like myself and teen daughter. I do have enough cortisol for for adults. I judge myself for that sometimes. And then I realized that I'm doing my best to manage all the balls in the air. And this is just how my body is processing it. bleeds, hormones, sweats, brain fog, muscle aches, all of this midlife fun, could be something to fear because it's new, it's uncomfortable and it's foreign. However with this podcast and me dumping my TMI and that you are realizing you are not alone in wanting to book a weekend and a five star hotel where no one can find you or paste targeted APM that makes us connect and feel less alone. I am making a conscious choice every day not to be afraid yet operate from a place of curiosity and information gathering and then action stepping. And even if I am sometimes having the mashed potato brain and I'm hot and tired and cranky, that's okay. I will be right back. I'm going to get my teeth cleaned. Okay, I'm back guys. My teeth are cleaned. I used to get my teeth cleaned once a year then every six months now I met every three months I feel like I'm in like the geriatric cycle. I know it sounds obsessive, but I can't stand the scraping. It's like nails on the chalkboard. So if I go every three months it's less scraping Instagram husband so goes every six months whatever. Okay, this takes me to the fifth and last thing in my midlife mashed potatoes brain that I am thankful for this Thanksgiving. Number five, me? Yes. The fifth thing I'm grateful for is me. Why me? Because if you listen to this podcast and follow my Instagram, you know that I always say that we can't wait for someone to rescue us or help us reinvent ourselves. It's our own responsibility and work to do. This doesn't mean that midlife mashed potatoes can't get some extra help from a friend, a therapist, a life coach and accountability partner. It just means that at the end of the day, you are in charge of your own mashed potato ball you and only you in one of the most recent episodes with Joey's Taussig, a big Tiktok star motivational speaker and Instagram sensation. We talked about that deep look in the mirror. We need to think about what we're grateful for. And this can shift our mindset off of our insecurities. He says everybody has something to be grateful for, you know, we all have insecurities about our physical appearance. But what about your heart? When you don't focus on your physical appearance and focus more on your heart and who you are and what you're grateful for? Then this is when the confidence about your physical appearance shines through. We all know there's nothing sexier than confidence. I know well at various times in our lives we think are we skinny enough? Are we smart enough? Are we wealthy enough? Are we this enough? But at what point do we say to ourselves that we are at our own personal good enough? I work out enough. I restrict sugar enough blah, blah, blah. We at some point need to be grateful for what we do for ourselves. I go into my midlife good enough in detail in my minisode called muffin tops and good enough, go back and listen if you want to hear a deep dive on the history of my good enough and muffin tops in various Jean sizes. Joey says to talk to yourself in the mirror. Joey talks to himself in the mirror every

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morning and says what he's grateful for. He says it helps him snap out of the fog. From my perspective. It's a great way to start your day. It puts your mind in the right mindset. I mean, come on. I really always love looking at myself with greasy hair from my moisturizer from the night before. My hair is kind of cramped from the little bit of the sweats during the night. The toothpaste dripping on the corner of my mouth, my melasma and dark spots and realizing that my Botox needs are refreshed as my forehead crinkles 40 times more than usual, peeps. Take that look in the mirror. Love what you see. Aging can feel hard sometimes literally and philosophically. However we are here we are here to embrace the second half of life. And guess what? Many people report that the second half of life is more fulfilling and exciting than the first half. If you haven't listened to this episode with Joey it's called orgasm income and inspiration in midlife, you will learn be inspired, have your heart warmed and find your new BFF and Joey because I'm already your BFF Okay, grab your bowl of mashed potatoes on this Thanksgiving, take a look at yourself in the mirror with only a month left of 2022 heading into 2023 You might not have climbed Mount Kilimanjaro or lost 23 pounds or started a Forbes 400 company. Hopefully you can think of a few things or winds you have had maybe you started meditating more walking, moisturize your VJ have a list of the things you want to try. Let's not be hard on ourselves as I say there are midlife days that are clunky midlife days that are flowy midlife weeks clunky midlife weeks flowy and midlife months and years clunky and flowy most things are not forever. One thing I have learned in this midlife reinvention journey is that being present with yourself and your feelings, and being willing to take action steps with them is a great place to start. Okay, wait one more thing. One more thing that I'm grateful for. Can I add this? Do you have a minute? Of course I can. It's my podcast for my verbal diarrhea from my brain to my mouth. I'm midlife stuff. And this pertains to empty nest ish issues. I'm saying ish because my son is a senior He's still at home. But this will be the last year you will be home for family dinners. I am savoring them. Even if his dirty baseball pants are on the kitchen island. His Invisalign teeth straighteners are on the dinner table. His phone keeps buzzing and 10 friends are coming over on a school night after dinner to watch football. Next year he will be off on his new adventure. So the sixth thing is family dinners with my family. One of my most recent guests, David G. A world renowned meditation expert said that we should be grateful because gratitude improves general well being and increases resilience. It strengthens social relationships. He outlined some easy ways that even me mashed potato feeling brain midlife woman could do he said focus 20 seconds a day on one thing you're grateful for. Write a letter weekly to someone for whom you're grateful gratitude is scientifically proven to reduce stress and depression. There's a correlation between gratitude and overall well being and life satisfaction and makes your immune system stronger who couldn't use that in flu season, and it lowers your blood pressure it gives you better sleep. If you haven't listened to this episode with David G. It's called heavily meditated in midlife. It's a must listen. You will love the rise pee and meditate part the whole episode is magical. Okay, I know I don't do golden nuggets and solo episodes but since my brain feels like fucking mashed potatoes and yours probably does too. I am going to summarize it really quickly what I've said so go back to the title my brain feels like mashed potatoes five things I'm grateful for this month I don't know I can't even fucking remember number one is called Don't doubt me. Number two, the other midlife women in my life. Number three. Let's call this midlife women supporting midlife women. Number four viewing midlife and menopause through a lens of I've got this not from a place of fear. And number five, me Yes, the fifth thing I'm grateful for his me. And number six was the bonus thing that I added family dinners this year that my son won't be at next year. Oh, and I haven't mentioned that my daughter did pass her driving test with a 97 on one of the two days a year it rains in LA flash flood warnings Yep, we can do hard things. This whole next stage will have to be another minisode once I have calmed down from the 16th birthday party the license my son finishing college applications Thanksgiving I

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Here's some mixing up our midlife mashed potatoes. I want to say thank you to all of you who have been with me since the beginning. And to those of you who are new, thank you to those who message me tell me they relate and enjoy the podcast. Thank you to the women who take that extra second to like and comment on a post. We all know that Instagram is really hard and it only grows with engagement. So if you're a drive by Instagram viewer stories, please take the extra second to like and comment on posts. It means the world and helps me grow. You know, Instagram is based on engagement. If you're one of the fab 200, who has written an apple podcast review your fucking honors level. Thank you. I know how annoying technology is especially for midlife brands. It's so helpful for the growth of this podcast. And if you're a subscriber to the podcast, your double honors, I think most podcast listeners don't know that subscription numbers are the gold standard metric of how you're doing. It's not anything extra you just hit subscribe wherever you listen to my podcast, and the new episodes automatically pop in and I get quote credit for the podcast platforms and they show my podcast to more people if you're just listening to them one by one without a subscription that I kind of don't get credit for it. Okay comment write a review DM me Tell me where you think fucking subscribe to the podcast. Don't just listen one off and follow me on Instagram at the flexible neurotic da and share this with midlife peeps love you