Orgasm, Inspiration & Income In Midlife…PERIOD!
Joey Zauzig 0:02
Babe just remember if it does not bring you an orgasm, inspiration or income. It does not belong in your life. Cut that shit off. Period.
Sarah Milken 0:17
Hey, peeps, welcome to the flexible neurotic podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Sarah Milken. Yeah, you heard that right. I'm a real PhD doctor. Long, long ago, like last fucking year. I was sitting in the midlife funk wondering, was this it for me? That day, I realized I needed to get off my ass and start my midlife remix. I dusted off my PhD wipe the menopause, sweat off my forehead, grabbed my golden shovel and started digging deep to all my midlife bitches. It's not just luck, coffee and hormones that get you through your midlife remix it action steps. Let's do this. Hi, good peeps. This is the next episode of The flexible neurotic Podcast. I'm Dr. Sarah Milken, the flexible neurotic. Today I have such a cool guest. He's a digital entrepreneur, Instagram phenomenon, an internet sensation, viral video creator, tick tock superstar. He might be your new BFF if he isn't already. And if you don't know him, you will now you know that energy you feel when someone you know or see on Instagram has that like good Juju energy. That's my guest today. His message from my perspective is that we must revise the narrative on self love, confidence and showing up for ourselves by taking action after years of being bullied and not loving himself. He finally realized it was his own responsibility to make the life he wanted. His name is Joe exotic. Joe.
Joey Zauzig 1:56
I'm so excited to be here. You're so gorgeous. It's insane.
Sarah Milken 2:01
I love you. You're like in the tank top. I have to give everyone a visual in the tank top with the chain. You're not even like I love that. You don't shave all the hair off your body.
Joey Zauzig 2:11
I don't I mean sometimes I do if I'm doing like a petitioners need to be like snatch but why not just be all natural? You know what I mean?
Sarah Milken 2:19
I know it's funny because I have this my son just turned 18 is a senior in high school and he's kind of like a workout master the whole thing. And it's like in sometimes he's like hairless and like sometimes he's not it like depends on kind of what mode is it?
Joey Zauzig 2:33
It totally depends on the day. You're like a hairy guy or like a smooth shaven guy.
Sarah Milken 2:38
Oh my God, my husband is a Jewish beast.
Unknown Speaker 2:41
Oh, I love that mindset. Oh
Sarah Milken 2:42
yeah, I mean, honestly, like there's no way around that shit like that he came with that and I'm like, as long as you don't grow the hair on your fucking shoulders.
Joey Zauzig 2:54
That's another level that needs to go and like I even have some like hair growing here again this shit wax ASAP like to just be like that's different but chest. Yeah, cubes severely, like you need a little something.
Sarah Milken 3:09
Yeah, you can't have auxilary hair but like the main parts like the chest I feel like is cool. 100% like shoulder hair. I was like, Huh, that's absolutely level. No way Jose. Okay, I'm so fucking excited. You're here. I'm gonna full sweat. I want I know that the current listeners like know my vibe. They know it's a midlife self reinvention podcast. That's normalizing inspiring some midlife self reinvention. Joey I want to give you some contacts because I know you aren't listening to midlife podcast. Midlife isn't the frumpy dumpees like it used to be. It can be sexy. In between the hot flashes, the sweating, the hormones, the highs and the blahs. Joey, you're gonna love this shit.
Joey Zauzig 3:56
Oh, I'm excited. Nothing midlife about you.
Sarah Milken 4:01
Oh my god, some days. I'm like, I know you talk about those Chavez days. I've had a few of those a past couple of weeks where I'm like,
Joey Zauzig 4:08
dude, me to the fight so funny because people ask like, how I'm so confident. And the truth is like, no matter who you are, or how confident you are, we all wake up some mornings. It's just like, I feel like shit like out of body. And that's why I'm here to snap us out of it. Because sometimes we have to snap ourselves out of it.
Sarah Milken 4:25
Yeah, and sometimes I'm like, okay, what can I take? What can I do? What and sometimes you just have to say pocket. I'm just gonna sit in this fucking bed. And that's okay. Yeah, as long as you don't check into that hotel for too long. I sound like reset.
Joey Zauzig 4:41
I think you'd give yourself like five hours unless you're like really sick. Like give yourself a day but you have like five hours to just be chill, do nothing. Reset, regroup, go on a hike. Just don't do anything and sit in bed. And I think that kind of like is the key to success is giving yourself that break whatever it might be. Well Whatever you need for yourself, you know, we can't be upset for too long, because then it becomes like, you're just dwelling at that
Sarah Milken 5:06
point. And you can judge yourself for being like a shit blob for the day.
Joey Zauzig 5:11
No, that's the problem is I struggle with that all the time. If I don't do something, or if I feel unproductive one day, I feel like I start to beat myself up. And that's why I have to snap myself out of it because you are allowed to take a break.
Sarah Milken 5:24
I know. And you know, what's annoying is like, my husband is so annoyingly consistent. He's like, the guy who gets up every morning puts on the weighted vest. And I'm like, Tony, you ever have a shit us day. But he had one last weekend and I got up, I worked out. I was like the fucking bomb wife. I was like, clicking through everything. And he was just like, a log.
Joey Zauzig 5:46
I know exactly how that feels. Oh, some people just have them more than others. You know, and like, especially as like, you know, it depends on what you do. But everybody has them eventually. Oh, my God. You know, I think with a partner too. You have to make sure that you don't get bogged down just because they're having a bad day, you still have to go along your day and still be supportive. It's very difficult people. You know, just as being in a toxic relationship, being in a healthy relationship is just as challenging.
Sarah Milken 6:12
It is I'm like, Why do you not have anxiety? Jeremy? Yeah, what is your fucking problem? Why do you can you compartmentalize everything? And why is the text from our almost 16 year old daughter about like failing a chemistry quiz? So disturbing to me, I just cared that she's upset about being upset, like and how come
Joey Zauzig 6:32
the same way as you? I'm the same way as you.
Sarah Milken 6:35
It's like empaths city. I can't handle it. Okay, sure. So I think and I know, a lot of midlife women, we're all looking for our next thing. In the second half of life, we're bored as fuck, our kids are teenagers, or they've already left the house. And we're like, Okay, what's next for me. And I know for you, you've always been evolving and growing personally, in your business and your own self, I knew you're gonna have some shit to say about this. Like, I want to dive into self love, self doubt, confidence, showing up for ourselves, and creating the lives and the feelings we want, period. Period
Joey Zauzig 7:17
spreads for you.
Sarah Milken 7:20
And love it. Okay, so some of you might not know the significance of period, but we're gonna get to that most of you probably don't know, Joey's backstory. And if you don't, I want you to hear right now. And if you do, you're gonna get a refresh. So I know your platform is empowerment, it's making people rethink their lives not get stuck in the ride, get the fuck out of the ride and take their sort of hard life experiences, and use them for growth. So can you give us like, the two minute bullet point where the fuck I grew up who I am and what happened to me.
Joey Zauzig 7:57
I grew up in Fairfax, Virginia, I was you know, very uncomfortable. Now, out of the closet, I was a child of divorce, my dad left my mom for my mom's best friend, it was just, I grew up in drama. So, you know, I kind of had to be like the man for my mom and kind of like a father figure for my dad for my sister, because my dad wasn't really around. And, you know, then on top of that, and not being able to come out and go into a high school, but I never really felt truly myself growing up. It took a lot of self discovery and a lot of snapping myself out of it. And that's kind of what I do for other people now, because I didn't have anyone to look to or a role model to kind of seek to make me feel better. I kind of ended up having to do it myself. And I learned through that a lot of tools and ways to lift myself up, give myself a little bit more confidence, and just sort of, you know, make myself feel better about myself in general. I was really always talking down to myself, I was really always just not proud of who I was. And now I'm very proud of who I am and I you know, can talk myself off a latch.
Sarah Milken 9:04
Right? And how do for those midlife women who are like, Oh my god, I have the extra weight or like my hair is starting to thin right? I do. I don't look or feel the way I used to like, how do you get yourself out of that like clunky yucky rut?
Joey Zauzig 9:21
I think the number one thing is mindset, right? Like if you shift your mindset, there's a reason why fake it. So it is kind of a thing because once you start telling yourself something enough times, I'm of the belief that it really does come true. And if you just tell yourself all these nice things, everybody has something great about themselves. Everybody has something to be grateful for, you know, we all have insecurities about our physical appearance, but what about your heart? What about the fact that you can breathe and you're on the respirator or the little things you can really tell yourself are the ways to get yourself out of the reds and not kind of focus on the physical and then the physical appearance comes when you feel better trust me on the outside it shows because a lot of times I think As you get older, you stop taking care of yourself, and you stop having the energy to take care of yourself. But if you kind of start that gratitude practice and talking to yourself better, that's when you can like, pop up, and then you're going to the salon. You're getting extensions, and you're just making yourself feel better on the outside. But you got to do the work on the inside first.
Sarah Milken 10:19
Yeah, I mean, I can totally relate to that. Because we, we have this huge conversation going on in my podcast with my listeners. It's like, some of us are the Botox people. And some of us are like the Oh, natural people. But guess what, guys highschools over who gives a fuck what everyone else is doing? It's your lane.
Joey Zauzig 10:35
It's your lane. And that's why the Botox thing is supposed to be if you want Botox, you can't complain about having wrinkles and shed if you haven't done Botox, I think a lot of people are scared to do Botox because they're too proud. Or they think that people are gonna talk to the fuck cares what anyone else thinks. You really only have one life to live. And that's the period point blank of it all, is that's the most basic phrase ever. But think about it really hard. There's only one life to let you're gonna let other people's opinions sort of steer you away from something that makes you feel better.
Sarah Milken 11:04
No. And you had your whole life of being gay, not feeling like you were who you really wanted to be in the world. And you were overweight. I heard you saying lost 80 pounds.
Joey Zauzig 11:17
Yeah, I lost 80 pounds, I was very heavy. You know, on top of not being out of the closet and pretty. Obviously gay. Like with my voice, I got this voice forever.
Sarah Milken 11:27
I know. I was born with that word I was born.
Joey Zauzig 11:31
So then being overweight, having cystic acne and like I had like triple whammy of being, you know, all odds against me. So I could either stay there dwell. Or I could figure out how to fix it, get out of that rut and change my mindset. And I think the that goes to like surrounding yourself with good people. I wasn't around people that really care about me, once I found my tribe. And once I found people that were, you know, positive influences in my life, you don't see that first and people aren't negative. You'll go out like, Well, why would you get Botox? Not like there's people that just aren't going to be vouching for you all the time. And when you find that people that are and that really want to lift you up, that's when you can thrive. But you have to get the toxic body or light first because then they're not going to build you up. And that kind of as your it's to your own demise.
Sarah Milken 12:20
I think one of the best parts of midlife or getting older is the fact that you can sort of fucking pick your friends. Oh, yeah, you know, of course, there's always going to be like the moms at school that like wouldn't necessarily be your besties. But like, they're part of like the situation in the circle. But generally speaking, it's like in high school, you're like, Here are these 40 people that are sort of in your main, like circle at the lunch tables and like, deal with it? Now it's like, no, you're yucky, you have bad energy, you have good energy, and we can sort of curate this group of really good energy.
Joey Zauzig 12:57
That's how it is. And you know, it's funny, because some of my friends that have become mothers recently, you know, I hear about all the school drop off and it kind of like the cattiness that goes on with the moms. But in general, becoming a mom, I think, for most of my friends is kind of eliminated the toxic people. I think it kind of makes you realize that, like you can pick who you want to be around, and kind of realize that the toxic people, you just don't have time for them anymore. Because you are growing up. And as you grow up, people start to exit your life, thank God, and you start to have less friends. And having less friends is a lot better than having a bunch of different friends that are just not as quality you want friends that are are of quality.
Sarah Milken 13:36
And you want those friends who are going to be like yeah, Sarah. Yeah, Joey and also tell you when like, Hey, dude, like that's like not working, or you're not really being yourself? Or blah, blah, blah, or just checking in on you?
Joey Zauzig 13:49
Yeah, I mean, I had a friend one time, but every time we were going to dinner, people would like bring something up. And I'd be like, they'd be like, oh, so what time do you wake up in the morning make a like, like to try and impress other people that would like push me down. like eight o'clock. That's so lame. Like, I wish I could sleep in like you have like 8am Like, what are you talking about? Some people just aren't happy for you? Yeah, I think when people aren't happy for you, that's when you kind of have to take a closer look at the friendship. And it's fucked up to say, but I think more people than you think aren't able to celebrate your wins more people that you think are gonna want to tear you down when something good happens to you. And that's sad.
Sarah Milken 14:23
And I actually really love the people that I've met on Instagram, like don't even like know in person who are there cheering for me. I mean, you have that like 10 million fold, but it's like, wow, I'm I'm taking the time. I'm putting this message out. I'm connecting individually just like you do. You're the one who's doing all your DMS and all your comments. Yeah, a lot of time and energy that you're putting in so when there's people who are like, Go, Joey, it feels good. Yeah. And
Joey Zauzig 14:51
it's funny because no one ever touches on that right? Like, I feel like I'm always there. For my followers. I'm always there for my audience. Like I love them. I love everybody. I love you guys. So much like I find them funny because I communicate with them all day long. Me too. Yeah. So it's important that we've curated this like kind of really cool group of people. And just as much as like, they're like, you uplift me. And he made me feel better. They do the same for me. But you know, with the good comes the bad. And there's obviously not everything is peaches, sunshine, and rainbows all the time. But you don't need that. And if you're, when you talk to a huge audience, like that's just what it comes with and hurt people hurt people. And if people are going out of their way to post negative things or saying negative things to you and hasn't been doing damage, it has nothing to do with you. I think people flip the script and think that it does have something to do with them. I think they think haters are really picking up something because they don't like it. It all has everything to do with that.
Sarah Milken 15:44
And you're like, dude, block me mute me.
Joey Zauzig 15:50
No one's forcing you. I'll say this, I get annoyed. It's on my shit. Sometimes. Sometimes it's too much, but it's helping someone. So one person being negative. One person being negative to anybody should never deter you from doing what you're doing. And you got to keep in your own lane, like you said earlier, like you're your own lane. And never forget that,
Sarah Milken 16:07
ah, I could not agree more. And that's why I love your platform so much. I mean, you're all in your car, you're eating a spring roll, you're spraying your face with a fucking mist, and you're telling people, you're a hot bitch, surround yourself with good people and get rid of the toxic people in your life. It's not so fucking profound, but it's profound at the same time.
Joey Zauzig 16:28
That's exactly what it is. It kind of is just like, oh, shit, like, I needed to hear that today. Because I know because I needed to hear that for years and years and years. And I still need to hear like, you know, I talked to myself in the mirror. Every morning, some days, I have to snap myself out of the mirror and tell myself what I'm grateful for. And it is great. Everyone listening, try it. Because it's a great start to the day. Just being like, I'm so grateful, like you're going on a hike yesterday, I'm so grateful. You know, just to be breathing. I'm grateful for my voice and my platform. And I'm grateful for everything I have, I'm grateful for being able to buy a house, the amount that you get back from being from having gratitude for what you have. It's a crazy mindfuck because I practice in practice gratitude. We always want more as human beings, right? Everybody wants more, nothing's enough, right? Nothing's enough. But if you actually practice, having gratitude for what you do have, even if it's nothing, you still have something you have yourself, you have you, I really believe that you get an abundance of that. So when you're grateful for what you have, at that moment, that's when you get the abundance. If you're grateful for the little or a lot amount of money that you have, you'll get an abundance back. And that's what's always worked for me.
Sarah Milken 17:36
I know, I'm trying to do that with exercise, Joey, because like, my husband's trainer will come here, and I'll work out with him. And I'll be like, do I have to fucking do this for the rest of my life. But so I'm trying to change it to I get to do this, I get to feel healthy, I get to do this. Not everyone has the ability to walk. Not everyone has the ability to walk outside in LA in the middle of fucking winter.
Joey Zauzig 18:00
It's true or feel how hot it is or cold it is outside. And that's true. But it's true. And, you know, especially with working out, I think it's difficult for people to kind of see how to get the motivation because the plot just says you're never going to have the motivation every day, you just won't. And even people that are so independent, you're just not going to. And that goes back to not beating yourself up about not fucking wanting to workout one day, and letting yourself take a week break or whatever it is, you know, working out makes me feel good. But people need to realize that like you have to get into a regular momentum and it doesn't have to be every day. You start working out now because you want to see the body. But you start working out for a routine. And it's part of your day, but it becomes part of your day. You kind of can't live without it. It's kind of a sick thing, but the routine to get into takes about a month.
Sarah Milken 18:47
Now what is your routine? That's all my list. I'm like, What's your body? Montreux? What's your fucking routine? What's happening?
Joey Zauzig 18:54
I do. Every morning I do my emails and I have my coffee on the treadmill walking up 15 incline 3.5 speed for 30 to 45 minutes it's not even that long. But I put a towel it's called towel gang if you guys have seen on my social media which How are ya? Okay, you're covering up the numbers.
Sarah Milken 19:15
I do that too because treadmill minutes Joey are long fucking minutes. That's
Joey Zauzig 19:19
a treadmill minute has an hour and I'm not looking at that. So I go on my phone, I do my emails. I do all my things and then I'll check back and I'll look at the time but I'm not gonna look at like the numbers the calories because you don't go as far I can burn double the amount of calories using cow gang. I'll just use my towel, cover it and I'm good to go. And it's just walking things I like cardio and that's just the truth. And people are scared of that but cardio is how you burn fat and you have to do it some way somehow. So you if you're walking
Sarah Milken 19:47
Yeah, no. We added as the midlife version of you. My husband added the weighted vest that I need to do. He's moving to a 30 pound weighted vest because he's a brat. I have an eight pound weighted best.
Joey Zauzig 20:03
Best today. Yeah. Also,
Sarah Milken 20:04
I'll send you the link or the one he has he researched the fuck out of it. Please do. Yeah. And then he got special little shoulder inserts because they were like it was like digging a little into his shoulders. Like he's mastered that thing. He's so OCD. Where
Joey Zauzig 20:18
does he how where does he do the workout? Where does he do? He
Sarah Milken 20:20
either does the weighted vest with the dog up the Capri hiking trail? Love it. Or he gets on the treadmill downstairs.
Joey Zauzig 20:29
Yeah, I know. That's like my thing is like, am I gonna be weighted back? Tuxedo come here you are. I guess I am going to be you know why?
Sarah Milken 20:37
Because it also it's like a two for one fucking special. Well, yeah, because you're getting the weight. You're getting distributed weight. And it's like it's a bone density thing. I mean, I know you're a little on the young side, but that shit creeps up fast.
Joey Zauzig 20:51
I know. So I'm gonna get away too fast because I gotta step up my game.
Sarah Milken 20:54
Okay, I'm gonna send you the link for Mr. I call him Instagram husband because he hates Instagram. Okay. So one of the quotes that I love of yours that I actually did on my own reels when I first started this podcast is if it doesn't bring you an orgasm, inspiration or income. It doesn't belong in your life, though. Hear it? Sure. Yeah. Where does that come from? Because I think for midlife women, it's so fucking spot on amazing because we're at the point where now or like, we get to decide what we're doing. Like our kids are older, or we don't have kids. And we're like, into our 40s 50s 60s It's like, this is our tie.
Joey Zauzig 21:35
Yeah, I think the thing is, it's like, that's just the fucking truth at the end of the day, like, if it's not making you happy in some way, then it doesn't belong in your life. And like, that's kind of goes back to the haters, like you're not paying my rent, you're not paying my mortgage, you're not paying for my bells. So you're not bringing me income. And you know, if someone's not giving you an orgasm and making you feel good, and giving you that feeling that you do deserve, by the way, why are we fucking dealing with those people. And then the same thing with friendships like, and that goes for relationships, students, especially if you're dating after getting divorced, or having a, you know, an ex boyfriend or something like, You're just the same as friendships, like, if someone's not inspiring you and doesn't believe in you by the fuckery. With them, there's more than just sat. So all three of those things kind of trickle into each other, when it comes to the people that you're but should be in your life.
Sarah Milken 22:29
Because everything's an energy exchange.
Joey Zauzig 22:31
I think we, as humans, give way too much to everyone without getting anything back. Because I love doing stuff with people. I love giving my energy people, but I never realized that. Maybe I'm not getting anything back till it's too late. And I think you need to start. Everybody needs to start opening their eyes about how much energy you're giving certain people. Otherwise you'll be you know, drained. By the
Sarah Milken 22:55
height. Yeah, two kids in high school. I'm like, you guys, it's training shit now. Because this goes on forever. I mean, you have more choices as an adult, but there's always going to be people that are annoying, always people who are going to say shit, no matter what. No matter what. Oh my gosh, okay, self responsibility. Another key topic, for you has been self responsibility. Like, no one's coming to fucking save you. You can buy it on Amazon. Self love isn't getting dropped off at your door by a courier. What hard lessons did you learn that brought you to the point of like, I gotta do this shit myself?
Joey Zauzig 23:33
Well, exactly. Just that is you have to do it yourself. And nobody is going to be there to pick you up off the floor. And you can't sit around, decide why someone's picking you off the floor, whether it's good intentions or bad intentions. And that's why the end of the day, you only have yourself and it's the same when you start dating again, like, if you don't love yourself, you're never going to be able to have someone else love you. And like, you just won't be able to get that the real true love and self love from anybody else. And I've realized that by dating toxic people, and by you know, being in a toxic family environment for so long. And you start to realize that there's no one button to click, and it's really about focusing and spending the time on yourself and looking in the mirror and saying things over and over in your head again, because no one's gonna hand shit to you ever.
Sarah Milken 24:18
And if they do, it's not the same thing. It's like I always secretly hoped I think I never said it out loud. Like my husband was gonna be like, Oh, Sarah, I have this great idea for the second half of life for you. It never fucking came.
Joey Zauzig 24:32
Did I think about that all the time with like Brian, my fiancee, I'm always like he's gonna come you wait around waiting for because you think people have your best interest and they might but the ideas and the opportunities come really from within, even though someone might present them to you. You have to be in a good place for yourself to attract the good opportunities. You can't just sit around and not do the work on yourself while you're sitting around. It's about the work that you do on yourself before I even dated again after a really long time. Sick relationship I was so just finally happy with myself a few months after I did the work on myself and focus on surrounding myself with good people, I got a workout routine, I was killing it. But my energy was so high, my vibration was just fucking through the roof. That's when all the guys started being attracted again. And then you're like, oh shit, I don't really I'm happy with myself right now. But then I found my person during the time that I was doing the work on myself. So when you do that, you always attract those opportunities, or the good things that come into your life. But usually, if you just get them without doing the work, they're not the good opportunities.
Sarah Milken 25:32
I love that because it's like, the energy you're putting out is the energy that you're attracting. And if you're always sort of the down in the dumps, the this the that it's really hard to like, get out of that zone.
Joey Zauzig 25:45
It is and there's like a winner and a loser when it comes to. I know people always get on me for saying this. But in relationships and breakups and divorces, there's a winner and a loser the loser is always the one who wants to dwell, it is only focusing on the ex partners life. If you're looking at why can they move on so quick? Why can they go on with their life? Now, you have to fucking rebuild. Focus on your own life and you know, rebuild the people that are around you maybe even. But that's how you're going to thrive. You don't want to be the person that's still in the same place five years later after a breakup, because there is always one person that will be in the same place.
Sarah Milken 26:19
What are your principles for well, live life,
Joey Zauzig 26:23
I think self love the belief in yourself and the beauty of the dreams that you have for yourself. And really focusing and working on manifesting those dreams and those things for yourself. And, you know, never losing the hope but also uplifting other people and giving back the energy that other people that deserve it, that will do the same for you. Because that's how you attract those people in your life as you start to realize that, you know, when you're leaving hanging out with someone, I felt really good. I feel great about myself. And I feel like energized and hyped up. And that's a huge key to life.
Sarah Milken 26:54
I love that because there's some friends you get off the phone or whatever. And
Joey Zauzig 26:57
you're like, Ha, the drains. Yeah, it
Sarah Milken 27:01
drains you.
Joey Zauzig 27:03
Am I doing this to myself over and over and over again, like you do for way longer than maybe you should. But if you do do it for longer, hopefully you're learning something along the way.
Sarah Milken 27:12
Yeah, I think having friends that are coming along in the growth process with you. I mean, obviously, there's a place for old friends, there's a place for new friends, but the friends who are open to growth and the friends who are growing themselves are gonna be the most open to your new growth. 100% for some of my friends are like, Oh my God, you're such a private person. But like, now you're like a spread eagle on internet.
Joey Zauzig 27:36
You're like so yeah, and that's kind of part of it. Like we can get success you can see certain people start acting different ways. It's even just like getting a little bit of freedom. Some people start to some people like surrounding themselves with people that are in the shower, and erat and down themselves, some people cannot handle once you grow. And I had to mix a lot of people out of my life after I started to become successful a little bit because I was like, fucking broke poor in New York and put that like, you know, I was like down on myself properly past relationship. And once I got out, I started to realize that some people didn't want to be around me because I was so the opposite. I was so positive, I was so happy where my life was. And some people just didn't want to have it, they wanted me to be back to where I was
Sarah Milken 28:16
right. But having found Brian now in this sort of good sort of positive energy in your life must be so amazing, because you're having a totally different experience.
Joey Zauzig 28:27
It's amazing and he is my rock, but he can be difficult and we can argue and we can, we always argue because he wants the best for me, he always has input whether I want it or not. And
Sarah Milken 28:38
best part of being having a spouse,
Joey Zauzig 28:41
just like, Okay, we could fight it out and duke it out. But at the end of the day, what you have to realize is that they just want the best for you. The second you lose that though, that's a big red flag but most of the time it's just because you want the best for the other person and you want the other person to be the best person they can be
Sarah Milken 28:58
Okay before we wrap up because I know you have to go what is one of your favorite video clips, or favorite say,
Joey Zauzig 29:05
I think it's my videos in general that just remind you that you're doing well you're on the right path and that everything is going to work out because it reminds people that it is all going to work out if you believe that your dreams are going to come true and if you believe that you're going to find the freedom and self love that you really want then that's going to happen but I think those videos to me are powerful I have to watch back my own videos to be like well well you said does hold yourself accountable and look at the video and remember that like it's all going to be okay because too often we go into this big rat of disbelief and to not be able to get out of it can be a really big issue and it can determine for the rest of your life and it is that dramatic. So I think just those videos can just help myself and everybody else. Those are my favorite videos
Sarah Milken 29:50
and one of the main things is sort of this like choosing you doing you energy like if you're a midlife woman and you want to wear the fucking crop top where the crop top where the
Joey Zauzig 29:59
fucking crop Wherever the belly is sharp pull your tits out like I don't even care. But you got to do live for you if you want to go out and be a slot this weekend and download Tinder download Raya who cares if people are judging you do it.
Sarah Milken 30:10
Oh, I just love you Joey this chat could go on forever. I mean honestly, I love digging deep with you on this podcast if people want to find you Where can they find you?
Joey Zauzig 30:20
At Julie's house like on every single platform? Okay, let's talk Instagram Facebook, you to spell your last name? Za? Use Zi cheese. I had a practice saying it. Joey's Al's exam.
Sarah Milken 30:36
Oh my God, I want everyone to think about what should they can start doing today. One small step I want to thank Joey for this chat on choosing you through self responsibility self love and confidence. Thank you Joey sounds it love you love you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you so much for coming
Hey, peeps, it's me again. I listen to this episode with Joey's our Zig so I could summarize the golden nuggets for you to have actionable items to start using today. I know that when I listen to a podcast episode, sometimes I'm like, oh my god, I fucking love that. But now I can't even remember the specifics. This is why I come back and do a golden nugget summary. In this episode, we discuss choosing you through self responsibility self love and confidence. Golden Nugget number one break time, Joey explains that it doesn't matter how confident you are. Sometimes you wake up and you're just not fucking feeling it. He's like don't even try to snap out of it. Sometimes you got to just lay in bed. Go with the flow and give yourself the break that you need. You can relax with a cup of tea fuzzy slippers, watch your comfort movie. Or you know what I like to do take a midlife nap. Whatever it is that helps you decompress and get you back on track to feeling your best midlife self. Joey reaffirms us that it's okay to be upset, exhausted, or just feeling the fucking blahs. But he says don't say I've said for too long because we don't want to get dwelling in the sadness. That's what the break is for. To stop us from dwelling in the moment. We all need a reset now and then he did talk about that one example where sometimes he just sits in his bed for several hours doing nothing. That's definitely one of my favorite activities. Golden Nugget number two gratitude practice. It's all about the mindset peeps. Sometimes we need a mindset reset with things become too chaotic and mid life. One way Joey says he does this is by practicing gratitude specific gratitude. As humans we always want more of everything as midlife women we might be focusing on the things we don't have, or that have changed throughout the years. Joey shares his past about his body image issues. He explained that a big step in his gratitude practice was by shifting his focus from talking and thinking about his physical insecurities, to the things that he's grateful for a tip from Joey on. An easy way to do this for you is by talking to yourself every morning in the mirror, and telling yourself what you're grateful for. They can be big gratitudes like health in your family or small gratitudes that he loves like being able to enjoy your favorite coffee, or favorite hobbies or hiking in the canyons like he likes to focusing on the things that you're grateful for can help you put things into perspective and shift the mindset Golden Nugget number three, stay in your own lane. in midlife, we have to learn to put our hater shades on and block out the external peanut gallery. And you guys know that I always say that fucking high schools over. We don't have to be in that judgment place of who's wearing one who's doing what it's midlife, we get to do whatever the fuck we want to do. Joey says you really only have one life to live and that's the period point blank of it all, you know, Joey's favorite word, period.
The midlife remix is all about choosing you period. That means doing what you want, not what someone else wants you to do. Period. Joey explains to us that we should never get deterred by other people's opinions of what we should or shouldn't be doing. simply stating to stay in your own lane where the crop top get the Botox join a dating app. It's time to ignore the judgmental billboards and put the pedal to the metal on the midlife highway time to choose you let others choose them. And everyone needs to say in their own lane Golden Nugget number for every thing is an energy exchange, Joey chats about energy being a big factor in our life, we have to make sure that whatever we're putting energy into, we should be receiving that same amount of energy back. This applies to friendships, relationships, career, really anything. If there are people in your life that you're giving a lot of energy to, and they aren't giving the same quality of energy back, then maybe it's time to distance yourself from those people. Except of course, if they're going through a life trauma, or something like that, and they can't reciprocate completely, that's a totally different situation. For example, if you're always there for one of your friends, and you're supportive of their decisions, but they aren't doing the same for you, then perhaps you should reevaluate that friendship is the energy they're giving positive or negative. Are they being a good friend during this time of your life? Making the midlife remix journey easier and feeling supportive and you feel seen? Or do you feel judged, finding your tribe as Joey calls it of people who are positive influences, and other people who make you feel like you're in a warm hug? And that's really what makes all the difference? My favorite quote from Joey is if it doesn't bring you an orgasm, inspiration or income, it doesn't belong in your life. Period. It's time to stop the energy drainers and make our energy exchanges equal. Golden Nugget number five self responsibility. You guys know I talk about a lot of this in this podcast, we have to do the fucking work. No one else can do it for us. We can't get it from Amazon Joey shares how important it is to maintain self responsibility. Whether it's building your confidence strengthening relationships are scratching those fucking midlife edges, we have to take the action steps and it doesn't even need to be physical actions we take a lot of the time it's mental actions. For example, Joey talks about how we have to love ourselves before we can give and receive love in a romantic relationship. We have to mentally put in the work and practice self love first. If you want to start a passion project, but don't know what it is, there isn't going to be someone telling you what to do. You have to take that chance on yourself and be scared and do it anyway. You have to be in a driven mindset in order to spark creativity and attract good opportunities. When Joey moved to New York City, his parents cut him off financially and he had to hustle and take chances on himself as Joey says no one is gonna hand shit to you ever. We have to do the work on the inside first the mental work before we can approach anything of major importance. We have to take self responsibility for our actions and be in a healthy headspace. Okay, peeps, the gold is dripping off these nuggets, rabbit use it there are three things you can do first, subscribe to the podcast if you're just listening to them one off. I'm not getting credit for like a full blown subscriber. Bite the bullet subscribe. Second, share it with some midlife friends who've liked midlife shit. And third, write an apple review. I know writing reviews is fucking annoying. But guess what? It helps me so much row as a podcast. DM me, you know I always respond. I love love, love this community that I have created over the last two years. And of course follow my instagram at the flexible neurotic da love you talk soon.