Midlife vintage VJ’s…
five experts
Sarah Milken 0:04
Hey peeps, welcome to the flexible neurotic podcast. I'm your host Dr. Sarah Milken. Yeah, you heard that right. I'm a real PhD doctor. Long, long ago like last fucking year. I was sitting in midlife punk wandering. Was this it for me. That day I realized I needed to get off my ass and start my midlife remix. I dusted off my PhD wipe the menopause, sweat off my forehead, grabbed my golden shovel and started digging deep to all my midlife bitches. It's not just love coffee and hormones that get you through your midlife remix. It's action steps.
Let's do this. AP. This is the flexible neurotic podcast and I'm Dr. Sarah Milken. This episode marks the two year anniversary of the flexible neurotic podcast. I can't even fucking believe it two years. You know that if you're feeling the midlife itches, wanting something new craving a midlife refresh, then you are not alone and you're right on schedule. This midlife remix of mine this journey of starting a podcast and Instagram from scratch at age 45. In an attempt to scratch what I call the midlife itches has been all the fucking things you can even imagine hard, rad, self doubt inducing and exhilarating all at the same time. I don't even know how to thank the 1000s of midlife hotties like you who have been there every step of the way. Don't worry, I'm not going to thank you for the next 45 minutes or tell you about all the underboob sweat I endured. And how many times I yelled at Instagram husband, we literally that just happened like 15 minutes ago, because something was wrong with my microphone on a few of the recordings. Let's just say that I went fucking ballistic but I'm back together now. And I basically just blame him for all technology issues. That's just how it works. It's like a husband wife thing, whatever. Okay, and you know, teen daughter always asks why the midlife Vijay? And all my personal VJ issues are front and center on my Instagram and in my podcast. My answer other than just to embarrass you, is that I realized that by talking about my experiences, I'm normalizing for other women. Like what many of us are going through, it's not unique to each one of us. It's all of us. I get hundreds of messages a day from women saying oh my god, I'm so glad you talked about your month long bleed, or the random hair that popped up on your nipple or fucking frozen shoulder from this huge menopausal the hormonal crazy shifts that I had in the month long bleed and yeast beast. I mean, my husband always says that like I must have like a perpetual yeast infection or bladder infection. There's always something going on. And all of these women are saying thank you Sarah for making me feel seen and normal. And I'm saying thank you for making me feel seen and normal. And other messages saying that the podcast guests expert advice led them to real solutions. So as many of you know, I spend at least 12 hours researching each guest, reading their books, prepping writing an outline, just for that one episode. So I felt that in honor of the two years of this podcast and menopause awareness this month, we're going to have some fucking fun in exploring the midlife vintage VJ and reviewing what we've learned in the last two years from our VJ experts. The guy knows who have been on this podcast so this episode is going to be centered around Yup, you guessed it, the midlife VJ and menopause. It's the vintage VJ. I mean come on. It was meant to be. I'm bringing back quick curated Fave audio clips from some of my favorite guests who are menopause experts and dinos so we can celebrate the right way using our golden shit shovels to dig into all of the juicy menopause golden nuggets. Midlife EJ style this podcast has been for you if you want to normalize midlife to know you're not alone to blow your fucking mind to revive your midlife vintage VJ to gather expert information and to just laugh. Why not laugh? I mean, we all have crotch swamp issues V J's do the yeas B's Random spotting, you feel like eating the entire refrigerator. Sometimes you have an anxiety creature that lives inside of you that kind of wakes you up around three 4am. And then you have to fucking pee and then you can't go back to sleep. I mean, let's go people. Now, before we dive into all the hot tips and tricks from these dinos, I want to talk to you about how menopause has been viewed by society. I feel like for so many years menopause was like, this taboo thing. Like I never even talked about it with my own mom. It wasn't really something that people talked about openly. Women would sweat, cry and muffin top in silence. Only recently have we been making this talk about menopause like out in the open on Instagram, on TV on the news in books and we're really really digging in and talking about it. Even celebrities have used their status to discuss menopause on a much larger scale. Actress Naomi Watts is one of the celebrities trying to change the stigma on the quote change. We all enduring the menopause journey with her new company I am stripes. Courtney Cox at a menopause spoof juxtaposed next to her Tampax commercial, when she made that one in her early 20s. And this little spoof debuted on Instagram and was quite the viral head. Jamie Lee Curtis Aging Gracefully and out in the open. Paulina supermodel talking about societal norms and expectations for aging women. Menopause has also had a push in you know the larger entertainment industry for TV shows like Sex in the City and their spin off and just like that, the things that are happening in our midlife you guys know what they are physically spiritually emotionally midlife Vijay ish when Charlotte thing she started menopause she gets an unexpected flash period. I mean, honestly, that's been the kind of the story of my life this year TV movies, Instagram celebrities, midlife influencers podcasters they're all jumping into the midlife space and opening the curtain. We're talking about the hard shed 1000s of you have listened to all of my episodes. You can call yourselves the vendors or the flexible neurotic super fans. I love you. So if you've listened to all of these episodes that I'm about to talk about, good for fucking you. You get so much extra credit. I've interviewed so many gynecologist and female specialists in so many different aspects of the midlife VJ if you've been around this podcast, you know, I asked the burning questions that we all have. I'm going to highlight five gyno midlife VJ and menopause gas. There might be questions that you know in your mid life you've been afraid to ask or embarrassed to ask. I asked for you. Don't worry about it. In these clips from past episodes, I'm digging deep. Get your golden shit shovels ready and let's get started. First up is Dr. Shieva Ghofrany. She is an obstetrician gynecologist who has warmed the minds and hearts of so many women from pregnancy through menopause. Her Instagram is fucking fab. I mean honestly, I could watch it all day. In this clip was Shiva and myself talking. She shares the actual definition of menopause, the start of it and how we differentiate it from perimenopause. It's pretty specific. She helps simplify the information in a time of what we call crazy changes. Shiva is known for her quote, isms and making the definitions of female issues much easier to understand. As we dive into menopause and perimenopause. I want to talk about what the definitions are and what is the differentiating factor between perimenopause and menopause because I feel like for us lay men are we're like, oh yeah, sweaty, gross, nasty. Like it's not super specific. It's sort of like names for a nebulous shitload of really, yeah.
Dr. Shieva Ghofrany 9:20
Definitely listen to Les woman. I always joke so I think I've done this post like three times where I call it the other P word, preparing menopause, because and that was born of the fact that my sister who's here is older, so she's 52. And I'm 50, almost 51 And every time she has a complaint about anything for the last decade, I'll be like, well, and she goes, Are you gonna say it's perimenopause again, I don't want to hear that. Because in her mind, catch all well, and many women think that perimenopause is the imminent like minute before menopause, which is not so I'm going to start we start with the definition of menopause and then work backwards. So the definition of menopause is one year with no period, again, at an age where it's appropriate. If you're 99 And you have no period for a year, there might be other causes. But let's say you're around 5051 Because most of us will go through to 51. So a year with no period is menopause. So when you're done with that year, you're considered postmenopausal or in menopause, we say right? Anything about 10 years before can be a very minor buzz, right, I was started decking and now that means if you go through it at 51, okay, that means starting at 41, you can be Peri menopausal, but some women go through menopause at 50 or 49. That means that 39 or 40, they can start having Peri menopausal symptoms. And the Hallmark I mean, I describe it as if you think of our normal cycle. It's like a nice sine wave, right? It's very symmetric, very predictable sine wave of your hormones going up and then coming down and then shedding your lining and that's your period. perimenopause is like I always joke, it's predictably unpredictable. You don't know what's going to happen. And instead of your hormones going up and down like a nice sine wave, it'll be like, up, up, down, up, down, down, down, down, up, down, down, down, down, and then it might be normal for three months and then irregular again, and then you miss and you think you're in menopause and it comes back. So when patients say to me, could XYZ happen in menopause and perimenopause? My response is, anything could happen in perimenopause when it comes to some symptoms, and you're bleeding? Because the hallmark is predictably unpredictable, right irregularity of your hormones
Sarah Milken 11:21
can and so about the bleeding for a second? Yes, I know we're gonna get to this, but what is on and off bleeding? And like, what is considered not bleeding at all? Like, I mean, sometimes I just have like, junky brown stuff is that
Dr. Shieva Ghofrany 11:36
thing? Well, first of all, it depends if someone's on the pill or the IUD, it's a little bit different. Pill, we'll get to that. Okay, we'll get to that. So let's assume off the pill, I divided into two parts, right? I tell people, okay, if you're off the pill, I kind of tried to talk about this again, preemptively, when they're in their early 40s. I never want to say like, oh my god, it might be perimenopause. So as in a way, like, you're getting old, you should freak out. But I say this in your in your 40s. Here's some things that might come up. Anything that is less, I say, I'm not worried about meaning, less bleeding, less heavy, less frequent period, you know, fewer days bleeding, anything less. I'm not worried as long as you've had your thyroid checked, which you usually check every year. If you see your internist, anything more heavier bleeding, longer, bleeding, bleeding in between periods, soaking through pads, bleeding, you know, more days than usual, is probably still nothing like another ism, I always say is, it's likely nothing. It's likely nothing. But let's check it out, meaning you have more bleeding. Patients will say this to me. I have really heavy bleeding for two or three weeks. But don't you think it's just perimenopause? And my response is always Yeah, I think it is probably perimenopause. But we need to make sure there's nothing else going on because we can't prove perimenopause. And we're going to talk about that. I know. But there's no
Sarah Milken 12:54
partying, you're like the comforting but honest friend. I sort of feel like that's how I am in my real life. My friends will call me to go we're calling you because we know you're going to be honest with us. But you're going to be nice at the same time. But I really just need to know. Yeah. Right. Like, we have to have that we need that.
Dr. Shieva Ghofrany 13:11
Because like, listen, I always say about women, like we're sophisticated. We don't want that old paternalistic, like, No, honey, you're gonna be fine, period, full stop, we want to be told you're going to be fine. But we need to do XYZ to make sure because then if we find ABC, we're going to take care of it because we're finding it early. What I keep reminding women of fill listen is I am never going to promise that things are not going to happen. But I will promise that I will be like a dog with a bone. And if we work together and we find things early, then you'll be okay.
Sarah Milken 13:41
I sort of feel like it's a little bit like that quote or phrase that anything is possible, but not probable. Oh,
Dr. Shieva Ghofrany 13:49
yeah. I say Well, it's funny, I, I say to patients a lot. Don't ever ask doctors. What is possible. Ask us what is probable because if you ask us what's possible, we're gonna be like, huh, we're gonna like that commercial where you're like plating bla bla, bla, bla bla, right? It could be any terrible thing.
Sarah Milken 14:02
Being a neurotic person. I have to remind myself of that. It's like, okay, it's possible, but not probable. It's possible. Right? And that sounds like your approach, which I have. Now, I want to just quickly re summarize the lesson more thing, because I think that delineation is super simple and super helpful. Yes. So tell us again, what that nugget is. What's the lotto one when bleeding
Dr. Shieva Ghofrany 14:24
anything less meaning lighter period, less frequent period, fewer days, less heavy, anything less, assuming again, that you're otherwise in good health and that you're had your thyroid checked? That's great. Like I've patients will say I'm 45. All of a sudden, a period got lighter. Great. I'm not worried. If it's more heavier than usual, longer than usual, bleeding in between periods, bleeding long, many more days than usual. Then it's probably just perimenopause. But we can't prove that so we have to systematically disprove other things like we disprove it's your thyroid dysfunction. If we disprove them, it's something in the uterine lining that could be causing it. Rarely it is endometrial cancer, which is unlikely but possible. Often it's things like a little polyp growing in the uterus or a fibroid growing in the uterus. So we systematically disprove those things because we can so
Sarah Milken 15:15
there are different paths hast for perimenopause. That's the bottom line.
Dr. Shieva Ghofrany 15:19
That's the bottom line there because remember, the hallmark of perimenopause is predictably unpredictable because your hormones, your thyroid will fluctuate, but not every day or every week. It'll be like over a couple months, right? Your female hormones your FSH and LH will really fluctuate potentially day to day, week to week, month to month. And so you might look like you're in perimenopause or menopause, you might go through three months with no bleeding, hot flashes. If I check your bloodwork, it'll say menopause. Three months later, you start bleeding, and you're ovulating again. So again, you need a year with no period to save menopause. Otherwise,
Sarah Milken 15:53
why go to the doctor? I'm 47 years old, and I'm not on birth control pills. And I have all these other symptoms. What and I do my FSH, I've read that that number of like 25 or more is menopause? No,
Dr. Shieva Ghofrany 16:11
what do interestingly, the lab the lab result might say menopause. But the truth is, that's not true meaning. So if you come in, let's say you're 47. And you describe to me like, I miss my period for a couple months, I'm kind of should see and like all the other symptoms that we'll talk about. I would say to you again, here are the things we need to make sure let's make sure your thyroid is Okay, is there any other symptoms if you're having heavy bleeding, I'm gonna send you for an ultrasound. Once we've disproven those things, then we default back to hey, you're in perimenopause. If you want, I'll do your bloodwork. But depending on the week, in the month, your FSH might be normal, or it might be high, and your estrogen might be normal, or it might be low. So it can help rule out actual menopause, I would say right, like let's say you're a 28 year old, and we're worried about menopause because you missed your period for a couple months, then FSH and estradiol are really valuable. But in that Peri menopausal time, and again, we're going to talk about other ways other practitioners check it, you know, it's only confirming to us what we already know, based on your age and your symptoms. So I often will just add it if patients want it, but I'm very specific. And I say to them, I'm adding it if you want it, but I'm telling you right now that there's nothing it's going to say to me that's going to help change what I tell you, which is if you have symptoms, I will help you fix those symptoms. If you want you
Sarah Milken 17:29
to have that the high FSH and have all these symptoms and have no bleeding for a whole year to be menopausal. Exactly. So
Dr. Shieva Ghofrany 17:41
let's say I'll give you a let's give you a concrete example. That happens not infrequently. You're 50 years old, you're much more likely to be close to menopause, right? You're 50 years old, you come to me for your annual next week. And you say Shiva, I have not had my period for eight months, I'm in menopause, right? And my response is four more months. And then I'll say you're in menopause. Until then it's to be determined, right? So you're eight months from your last period. You're 50 years old. Yes, you might be in menopause. But I only call you Peri menopausal so far, four months from now, once we get to a year with no period, then I'll confirm that you're in menopause, right? If I check your hormones that day, there's that chance that they're going to look menopausal. And then a month or two later you get your period because you've ovulated one more time. Why? Okay, so and that happens all the time and I say I even hear other physicians and gynecologist misconstruing it I have physicians and gynecologist who will say to patients, Oh, you're 50 years old, you haven't had your period eight months. Yeah, you're not gonna get pregnant. And that's not true. It's really unlikely to get pregnant. It's unlikely if you get pregnant that it will be a viable pregnancy, but it's not impossible. And so you really have to be clear with women that they need again a year with no period.
Sarah Milken 18:48
Oh my god, how much do we love Shiva. Oh my god. I could have talked to her for hours I actually did. For deeper dive into my chat with Shiva fronte, perimenopause, menopause and how to navigate the symptoms. Listen to sex, mood and menopause in the second half of life with Dr. Shiva go for Ronnie. It's a three part episode and she's so smart and funny as fuck. Next up is Dr. Jill CRAF. She is a board certified OBGYN who specializes in female sexual pain, including vulvodynia, overactive pelvic floor muscle dysfunction and vulvar Lycan sclerosis. She's a midlife vulvar specialist I didn't even know this type of specialist even existed is your midlife VJ check engine light on mine is do not settle for less than the answers you need from your gyno. Don't just let them tell you it's menopause, don't worry about it. We can do things to decrease pain and increase pleasure in this quick audio clip Doctor Jill Kraft shares tips to having a better understanding of our bodies with self examinations and specific things to talk about and how to talk to your gynecologist. She helps us to get to the bottom of discomfort and pain that comes with menopause.
Dr. Jill Krapf 20:17
The biggest thing that I have patients say is, I wish I would have looked earlier to see what my baseline was. Because oftentimes, they don't realize that something's off until it really it's really uncomfortable or something's really wrong. And then they look and they're like, I don't think I always looked like that. Right, not sure what they actually looked like,
Sarah Milken 20:40
No, I agree. And you're not it's very rare that you're going to be like doing selfies down. There's
Dr. Jill Krapf 20:45
no unless you have a problem, right. So I have to say that a lot of my patients have an entire file on their phone. And I don't blame them. You know, I don't blame them. Because this is an important part of who we are. When something goes wrong. We you know, it's natural to be very concerned about it. Oh, please, I
Sarah Milken 21:04
take pictures of mosquito bites and send them to my doctor. It's like a whole it's like a whole thing. Okay, so in terms of vulvar pain conditions, we can do we can have the sex pain, the daily burning sensations in factions like this is all within your specialty. And I guess the beauty and all of this is basically you're saying that these disgusting feelings that we're having, there are solutions to them and to not accept from a doctor, oh, you're fine. There's nothing we can do. We've tried everything, just deal with it.
Dr. Jill Krapf 21:40
Absolutely. That is 100% what I'm saying. And a lot of times when people have pain or symptoms in this area, they're given a diagnosis of something called vulvodynia, which essentially means so oday was the little known Greek goddess of pain. So it Didya like an allodynia is an abnormal pain response. And vulvodynia translates to an abnormal pain response of the vulva. So by giving someone a diagnosis, we're essentially saying you have bulbar pain. And we're not going any further to delineate a cause or causes. And so it's, it's not it's not unexpected that the treatment would be a mystery, because basically, we're giving them a stomach issue. Yes. It's like saying, chest pain. Yeah. Are you having chest pain? Because you're having a heart attack? Or are you having chest pain? Because you ate something spicy? You know? Yeah, we really need to get to the to the bottom of it. And we need to think about it in a little bit of a different way.
Sarah Milken 22:41
Okay, so basically, if we go to the gynecologist, we can't just accept vulvodynia. Now, I think there are answers.
Dr. Jill Krapf 22:54
Yes. So the the approach is to ask, okay, what do you think is causing my pain? I think the most important thing is to get a diagnosis. That's, that's your number and right? You need to know what you're treating before you throw everything at something, right? Because everything has side effects, everything costs money, everything has some sort of, you know, downside to it. And so, as clinicians, we need to be masters of diagnosis, we owe it to our patients, we need to we need to get to know them, we need to figure out what is going on. We need to explain to them what's going on. So we don't just give them something and not tell them why they're using it or how to use it or how often do you use that? This is our responsibility.
Sarah Milken 23:41
I think a lot of times when we go to our gynecologist and we'll we're going to talk about this later, too. Sometimes we're just like, Wait, do we have to live with this? We've tried 47,000 things and everyone's like, it's in your imagination or try this or try that. And I don't feel like there's these like clear cut solutions. And that's why when I found you, I was like, Wait, there's someone who specializes in that whole cluster of what's going on down there. I have to get her.
Dr. Jill Krapf 24:10
Absolutely. I have so many patients that come in and they think, Okay, this is just my new normal. This is how I'm going to be living and with intimacy. They just accept the fact okay, I guess that I'm not going to be able to enjoy sex anymore with my partner even though they want to, or it gets to the point where it's so painful that they're just like, Ah, this isn't worth it. This isn't enjoyable. And they think that that is just how they're going to live and they have to accept it. And that's just not true at all. There's so many things that we can do. So we can be comfortable every day and we can be intimate with our partners again and not have pain and actually have pleasure and desire.
Sarah Milken 24:53
Okay, Dr. Jill Krapf blew up the midlife hood with so much info I had so many women messaged me telling me this episode change their lives. They finally knew they weren't alone. Some women actually went to see her or her colleague in New York City Andrew Goldstein. One woman things me personally and said she finally got a real diagnosis with a real solution. After 16 years of being at several doctors being told that her ripping VGA after sex and wiping after peeing was just like whatever something that she has to deal with. I mean, oh my gosh. Dr. Joe CRAF also has an amazing Instagram that you should check out. My third guest is a Los Angeles based gynecologist and obstetrician to the stars. Her name is Dr. Shari Ross. She's also the best selling author and has been referred to as the vagina whisperer. In this clip, Sherry and I talk about amazing things. Sherry helps us understand the anatomy of our vagina the benefits of coconut oil, yes, coconut oil, and what she calls the quote out of service clitoris and she is my gyno poor sherry. She has to deal with all my shit. I adore sitting in the pink crinkled paper gown waiting for her to do you know, the midlife VJ pap smear deep dive the rectal exam after I've had to pee all fucking day, but can't seem to pee in that damn cup when I'm supposed to pee on command. Then somehow I pee all over my hand. Then I put the P cup next to the other patient P cups in that little cabinet. And I'm comparing my pee color to see if everyone else's pee colors the same? Am I hydrated enough? Is my pee the right color. I mean the shirt goes on and on.
Dr. Sherry Ross 26:53
It's definitely never too late. You know because the vagina is the skin of the vulva. Let's just start on the outside. You know, because by midlife, a lot of us have had a couple of babies were been doing Soul Cycle we've been sort of hormonally off balance with perimenopause and menopause. So there's a lot of things pulling to making the vagina you know, well lived. So what we have to do what we have to do, we have to cleanse and hydrate and moisturize the vulva and inside the vagina and we have to do it ladies with conviction with you know, homework, doing it every night, and really doing what we do for our face. I always say this, because if we took care of our roba and our vagina, and it's never too late, it's never too late for you, Sarah.
Sarah Milken 27:47
Okay, great. Yes. Will you say we're gonna live to almost 81 At least so I mean, I still have time I have like 40 years left on this vagina.
Dr. Sherry Ross 27:57
Yeah, your vagina at age 81. You're gonna want to show it off. Totally. So it's about moisturizing. It's about hydrating, you know, you can do some very basic things by a handful of extra virgin coconut oil in a warm bath water, soak in at 2030 minutes. Do that at least three times a week, four times, five times a week, you will notice the vulva transforming and the dryness and so on.
Sarah Milken 28:26
Okay, I have to interrupt you extra virgin coconut oil on my vagina or in a bathtub.
Dr. Sherry Ross 28:34
Well, what you want to do is handful and warm water. Okay, and then you know, dissolves. And then you soak in it. It's a great hydrator and it's very natural. And don't get the kind that smells like Maui or you know, Fiji, right.
Sarah Milken 28:49
But is this like I go to Whole Foods or the supermarket and I buy extra virgin coconut oil?
Dr. Sherry Ross 28:56
Yeah, I mean, you can do almost anything with extra virgin coconut oil. It can be very basic go to Amazon. Just very organic, but doesn't have to be high end at all. No extra stuff in it. No extra fragrances and nothing fancy. So just put a handful in there and soak it will hydrate the external, the vulva. And that's really one of the areas that takes a beating with aging and childbirth and hormonal changes.
Sarah Milken 29:22
So you talk about how the hallmark of 40 plus for the vagina and the makeover is this lack of moisture and how it's sort of our estrogen dumping Down, Down down. Can you talk about that a little bit and talk about what our estrogen options are?
Dr. Sherry Ross 29:41
Yeah. When you say midlife I think of 50 You may think 40 You know, let's define that because, as you mentioned, you know
Sarah Milken 29:50
when I feel like 40 Plus it's like once you hit 40 like you kind of feel like you're on the rise like you can't fake it anymore.
Dr. Sherry Ross 29:58
Yeah, yeah. because you get 40s is when perimenopause starts. Right, exactly. That is when the hormonal kit begins. You're noticing changes emotionally, physically but the vagina, the vagina takes a beating, beginning in about your 40s because of estrogen. Estrogen is our superpower hormone. It feminized us it helps our skin, it helps our vagina. And when you have imbalance and when you hit menopause ladies, it gets bad because you don't have that natural moisturizing hormone. So dryness inside, we can help it by staying on top of it. And that's again the confident vi you kind of have to anticipate most of us don't know anything about menopause, perimenopause. But again, I think it's so important to learn about it to know like, Well, hey, if I'm moisturizing, early on, it may make those years better. It's never too late to start though, in your 40s and your 50s even, we can actively reverse changes and hydrate tissue that really needs to be moisturized.
Sarah Milken 31:07
I like how in your book, you talk about how a lot of these things that we don't normally think about like moisturizing your vagina, for example, just have to become our new normal. And we're used to that right now. And sort of our new feminine ritual routine, sort of like you floss your teeth, you moisturize your vagina.
Dr. Sherry Ross 31:25
That is such a great point because we don't think about when I tell women like hey, if you took care of your vulva vagina, like your face daily, if you would really prevent a lot of premature aging, and you'd have a lot less dryness and itching and irritation and rashes and sensitivity of the outside. And you know, when you had penetration sex, those lips get dragged into the vagina sometimes, but if they're more moisturized and hydrated, there's less tearing and less discomfort in general. So it's never too late. But Sarah, this conversation is really helpful to like your daughter totally, totally have the best vagina on the block. Oh
Sarah Milken 32:05
my god,
Dr. Sherry Ross 32:06
we're gonna be teaching her early on.
Sarah Milken 32:09
You talk about the clitoris the out of service. clitoris, can you break that down for us?
Dr. Sherry Ross 32:14
You know, the ATAK service clitoris, I mean, again, desire, you know, I always ask, Are you masturbating? And sometimes No, I'm depressed. I'm not feeling good. I've gained weight. I'm not exercising. So first, you have to kind of love yourself a little bit to even want that desire. You know why people have a lack of desire. The list is long. But I think that's really important because that's going to put your kid out of service. And then of course, are you communicating with your partner? What do you like? I like it here. I like it this way. Sometimes you have to bring in a vibrator. vibrators can get the job done so much faster, too. So these are some of the reasons to add a service
Sarah Milken 32:53
your clitoris. If you're interested in giving your vagina the service qualite deserves and listening to revamping your vagina after 40 with Dr. Shari Ross is your answer. The full episode, Dr. Sherry will want you to start treating your VJ like your face with moisturizing and bathing and coconut oil and grabbing your handheld mirror and actually looking at your midlife Vijay, she says you need to know what it looks like and what's happening down there so that you can be equipped with information when you meet your gynecologist I love sherry. Okay, now in midlife, we know that perimenopause and menopause can take a toll on our libido. Just as my husband he'll tell you, Sara's libido. Okay, my former guest Dr. Suzanne Gilbert lens knows all about this. She's an internationally recognized OBGYN, author, speaker and advocate for integrative women's health. In this clip, Susanna and I chat Suzanne talks about how we can increase our libido by adding some novelty and understanding the complexities of midlife sexuality. I love chatting with Suzanne, she's so real and has his very calming yet expert edge to her. So libido. I know that's like the $10 million bid life question for men and for women. Yeah. So in your medical expertise, like what's the deal on libido? Like, what can we sort of, quote, fix what is just nature?
Dr. Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz 34:32
I mean, some of it is definitely changing physiology. And there, there has to be some hormonal contribution for some people, but we don't understand and this is very important for people listening to hear, because there are a lot of people out there like testing their hormones, oh, your testosterone is low. Let's get mean. I'm not saying that testosterone replacement couldn't be helpful and they're actually finally we have some pretty good data that has been released recently in some guidelines from like North American menopause society and the sexual health Oregon. As a nation, so these are like medical organizations with science, there is some contribution in terms of loss of testosterone. The problem for people is testosterone replacement is not so easy to get the amount of testosterone that women should get is a 10th of what men can get. And there are people out there getting I'm just going to touch this third row pellets. No, it's also very clear about the pellets not regulated. You put it in there, you know, we don't know what you're gonna get. It's not there's just the safety data is not there. There are other ways to get testosterone, okay, compounded creams. Other things. I'm not going to spend a lot of time on that. But it is true that for some people, testosterone is going to be important and be an improvement. Okay, so some of us just aging and hormone changes. I think a lot of it is context. I think a lot of it is being exhausted, being stressed. being bored. Yeah, I
Sarah Milken 35:54
was just gonna say bored because I feel like midlife too. You're kind of like Okay, what's next? What's the next thing?
Dr. Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz 36:01
Yeah, so just to be like, your libido is low. Let's stick this pellet in your ass. Good luck. I mean, I don't think that's fair. I mean, it's what we talked about. It's spicing it up. It's putting intention into it. It's not being lazy. It's being accepting. You know, I mean, if you're pissed off at your partner, you know, you're, you know, some people do want to have sex or they're pissed off. Yeah, but a lot of people being pissed off over a long period. Okay. Look at what happened with the pandemic. Look at all the information which as a woman are working woman does any of this surprise you? No, no, I'm so happy that somehow now the media is said to glom on to this is like hello.
Sarah Milken 36:36
Good. I know. They heard you off and on shit. We already knew. But okay.
Dr. Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz 36:40
Right. So it's like, I mean, really? If you just worked all day in your you know, home office, AKA your dining room table, homeschooled your kids cleaned up their shit. Ah, made dinner. Really? Do you want to suck your guy's dick? Probably.
Sarah Milken 36:59
Fuck off. Yeah, exactly. Bye, bye. I mean, what? Yeah, no, I agree with you. Completely.
Dr. Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz 37:06
I know. So to say that that's not part of it is just silly. That's just come on. 100. So, I mean, libido is complicated and interesting and beautiful. Like I said, Mind Body. So get out of your mind. You know, get in your body. Also, if you don't know what you like, I don't understand how you think that that your partner
Sarah Milken 37:29
I know. That's a great point. Because the mind reading shit like doesn't work. That's not
Dr. Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz 37:33
fair. That's not fair to any partner of any shape, size, gender identification, come on. Like, and that means you're gonna have to you need to you get to touch yourself. And the other thing I started started talking about a little bit is like process not not goal, like so making orgasm. The goal is not maybe not a great idea, but like enjoying the process, feeling your changing body. Oh, you know, this used to be the thing that caught me off. But now actually, that seems kind of nice. I had a friend tell me an older friend who's so interesting. And she was, she's in a relationship and they're practicing like, orgasmic meditation with my god. Controversal Wow. I mean, that's, I think it's a little culty. But she was telling me about
Sarah Milken 38:16
this shit, what it is, if it makes you happy, great, what
Dr. Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz 38:19
he literally it's like some process and they just stroke this one part. And it's not about orgasm. It's just kind of being vulnerable, receiving for a prescribed amount of time. And it's not about having an orgasm, and there's a tremendous amount of pleasure and bonding that occurs. So and trust on both sides. It's really, really interesting. Listen, sexuality is complicated dopamine response. Anticipation is a huge part of our sexual experience. And so if you kind of I mean, if you have like, great, you may have a wonderful partner and a great relationship, and a lot of love and history and all that stuff. But it can't you know, what's going to happen? And or you think you know, what's going to happen, right? And you know, the element of surprise, they all an element of mystery is no longer there. And this is where the intimacy issues, the relationship issues. The putting intention into your sex life is really important. I want to really, I want to say something else, too. I think when we focus on orgasms, like, first of all, we're out of our bodies, we're in our minds, so forget it. Sex, I say is the ultimate mind body experience. If you're up in your head, you're done. Your body's like, goodbye, right? You just abandoned me. So So that's part of it, but also on the other side of it is, you know, what, I think the fantasy and often when you were younger, is it's much more spontaneous. And it just takes over right? And we want that experience again. But as you get older and or as you are in a longer term relationship, you're going to have to put some intention into it and that may seem like tour and a bummer. And that's just life. Yeah. I can't remember
Sarah Milken 40:03
like, from work, eat dinner, make sure the kids have done their homework, take the dog out. And then you're like, Okay, I'll let's have sex now. It's like,
Dr. Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz 40:12
oh, well, you want to go to sleep? Yeah. And also, it's just, it's like a thing on the to do list. Totally. So being creating some mystery, some surprise, creating time and space to have an experience. I think it's for those of us who have families where everybody was piled into the house together, you know, that just there's no privacy. Not everybody is has a lot of space. And everybody has, you know, a house where I can my boyfriend is in the bedroom teaching and I'm over in my office during the podcast, like, nobody's that lucky, like people are piled into an apartment. Yeah. So creating some kind of opportunity, psychologically, is actually the first step and, and it has a physiological impact, because brain chemistry is really important. So sexting, you know, yeah, actually can be held in your
Sarah Milken 40:58
car. I'm just kidding. Well, yeah, your back pain. I'm too old for that. Way too old. How does porn fit into this whole thing? Like being in the position that you're in? I know, porn is like such like such a topic. And it could be 18 podcasts on Yes, yes, yes. But how do you find that fits into a lot of what you're seeing, like, because I always talk to my teenager, like my teenage son, I'm always like, please make sure why, you know, whatever you're doing, you don't watch too much, or you're never gonna get an erection with your girlfriend or whatever. And he's like, Mom, please stop having this conversation with me. I wonder with even like, with adults, you know, married couples, how much porn has affected their sexuality in a good way? In a bad way?
Dr. Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz 41:54
I think it's both. I think it depends on the individual personality and the relationship and their relationship with their own bodies and shame and other things. So on the positive, I'll start with the positive, because I think the negatives have been out there. And there's been a lot of fear around, especially our kids development of their sexual identities. And the little, you know, I'm starting with a negative because I want to get it over with. And so I think for women, this idea of how we're supposed to look is ridiculous, right? I know, I have people come in all the time with questions about very, very abnormal looking vulva and having to remind them, hey, you know, the shit you're seeing online is airbrushed, potentially, or this person had plastic surgery or something else? Like it's not real. I think that becomes a little more of an issue with the younger folks, because they've had so much exposure early on. I also think that there's been, I've been, I think there was some amount of fear mongering in general around like the internet and children. Right? Like, it's like, no, I think if you're having a conversation with your kids, and you're normalizing, you're allowing sexuality to be a conversation in your home. Even if you're awkward about it. That's real. That's okay. Then Oh,
Sarah Milken 43:03
my kids are like, you shut the fuck up, please.
Dr. Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz 43:06
Well, you're a therapist. Yeah, I'm a gynecologist. Can you imagine? I mean, my kids, like, please, like, it was
Sarah Milken 43:11
like, fighting and like, Can this just be over and my kids are like, I'm not allowed to leave, because that's disrespectful. But I'm gonna die right now.
Dr. Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz 43:21
But every house doesn't have that first generation of communication. So but there's some danger in that, I think as we get older, too, because we are comparing ourselves to an ideal, that is just, it's just not real. It's not even a real person. So So that part is, is problematic. Here's where we can take and empower ourselves. So we're talking about how to keep it fresh, how to keep it exciting, you know, there is something called an ethical porn, you know, because that's the other side of that. Well, yeah, I mean, some of the a lot of these people are trafficked, and it's just ugly. And I
Sarah Milken 43:53
just have never heard that term before I get yeah, I've never heard that. There's, there's a
Dr. Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz 43:56
really interesting woman named Cindy Gallup, and she founded a site called Make Love Not porn. It's so interesting. People actually submit their own porn that they created. Wow. Right. And it's in a loving context of integrity and other things, and all the different kinds, all different flavors. And so these people are not being trafficked. They themselves are producing this, they are submitting it, they're being paid fairly. It's really, really interesting. So there are ways to access sexual imagery that could be arousing and interesting. I think if it's something you've never had as a part of your life, that could be an interesting way to introduce some excitement in something new. And I think it's another way also to de stigmatize and to normalize sexuality. Sexuality is something that we as mammals experience, other mammals do, too. We're just, we're just part of nature. And, you know, that's part of our part of our health, getting blood flow to all these parts of our body. Good For
Sarah Milken 45:00
I know, we don't really think about that and think about because it mean even in my other episodes is talking about just like use it or lose it. I've read things on your website, like if you're not having sex, you can't expect to want sex, it's sort of like you have to do it to want to keep wanting it you can't like, right, it's like you can't work out once every three months and expect to get a toned body. Exactly.
Dr. Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz 45:23
And here's the other side of it, too. You know, if people aren't super sexual beings, fine. That's, it's about your, your experience of yourself and your body. If your experience in yourself and your body is satisfying. Awesome. But if something has changed in a way that is stressing or disturbing you, it's time to have this conversation.
Sarah Milken 45:43
Well, yeah. And I think it also depends on your relationship with your partner to like, are they saying, partner? Yeah, it's like, are they saying something? Does it feel different? Like, do you feel like you've lost the novelty? You know, because they're, you know, obviously, there's, there's that research out there that talks about, like, what is it every five years, sort of, like, the novelty wears off or whatever, but you're married, so you're either gonna leave the marriage or you're gonna figure out a way to make it work? Right. You know, so I think in this point in life, we're all looking for intensity. And just crank it up a little bit, you know? Yeah. And it's, I mean, I've talked to almost all my episodes, guests about it. It's like we're all looking for kind of like the novelty the midlife edge, the intensity, whether it's like intensity of a new business, like lemme new for you or the intensity of a new sexual partner or revamping what you already have. Because not a familiarity gets boring.
Dr. Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz 46:47
100% We're curious by now.
Sarah Milken 46:50
Oh, my God, don't you just love Suzanne she just came out with a new book called menopause bootcamp. She is on a book tour right now and she is just, I don't know lighting up Instagram with all of her information, inspiring platform for more tips on how to work through and have a deeper understanding of midlife desire. Then go back and listen to my midlife orgasm and libido. Tune Up deep dive with Dr. Suzanne Gilbert lens. Okay, my last guest last but definitely not least, I'm going back to Dr. Karen Alber. She's a board certified urologist specializing in female pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery. Our episode was midlife V. J's use them or lose them. Karen is also co founder of Glissant intimate lubricants. In this clip, Karen shares her insight on the orgasm gap, and how vibrators and lube might help with this problem. Karen is fab. You just want to call her and chat about all things Vijay, she's so smart and so cool. You're gonna love her. Let's talk about the orgasm gap. Okay, so Forbes Magazine stated that research found that a high percent of women said they always orgasm when they masturbate compared to only 6% during vaginal intercourse. Why is that? I know we talked about that a little bit earlier.
Dr. Karyn Eilber 48:22
I mean, there's so many reasons. I mean, one is, it's just like, no one knows how to clean your house as well as you do. Right? Maybe though, all right, well, okay, maybe not a good example for you. But like, there are certain things that no one else is ever going to do. As good as you. Right. And so probably, and probably there are women who know how to push themselves much better than maybe they know how to express to their partner, I do think that there is hesitation to correct what your partner is doing for fear of insulting that person. And there's also a sense of maybe if there is any, I mean, a women's orgasm is so multifactorial, right that like, let's say there's any relationship strains, there is no way you're going to join it as much as possible by yourself.
Sarah Milken 49:10
I know. There's so many reasons why, like I'll say to my husband, I'm like, You're being such a dick. Like, I don't even like want to talk to you. Why am I gonna have sex with you right now? Like, you're so grouchy and annoying?
Dr. Karyn Eilber 49:21
Right? Right. Like, I don't even like you. Why would I want him?
Sarah Milken 49:26
He could, like hate me and still have.
Dr. Karyn Eilber 49:28
I mean, beer goggles. I
Sarah Milken 49:30
mean, God. Like, I think what's interesting is this idea that, like women are that women could not know where those body parts, you know where those little zones are. And I'm one of them, too. I couldn't tell you exactly where it is and how to get there. But you can
Dr. Karyn Eilber 49:51
remember after but don't you remember from that class we had in college? Oh, yeah, there wasn't one. No, there wasn't one
Sarah Milken 49:58
class and my daughter's in right now. The horrific book I'm like, oh my god,
Dr. Karyn Eilber 50:03
I think we do such a disservice to women by not preparing them, whether it's for pregnancy after pregnancy, how to have a good sex life, you know? So in that same article, I think, did you send it to me, right? A surprisingly high number of men and women don't know the terminology. Just like we go back to talking about vaginal wash, no sales, battle washes aren't really a vaginal wash. They are an external genital wash. That's all they are. One of my favorite things, and I'll probably get fired for this. But I was doing the surgery one time, and I had a new surgical tech. And so I pointed clitoris, I'm like, Hey, what's this? And of course, there's like no response. And like, that's what's wrong with men?
Dr. Karyn Eilber 50:46
I mean, here we are. And this is like, you know, right in front of you like, and you still can't tell me what it is. And so being a
Sarah Milken 50:53
pelvic floor specialists, what do we not know about what's going on in there? And why are so many women not getting that spot vaginally?
Dr. Karyn Eilber 51:03
Because no one tells us or our partners what is right, there's all these like, Miss I mean, there's a G Spot, even that's still exactly that's still a hotly debated thing. I mean, and so people are like, probably trying really hard to find a G spot when it's like, don't focus your efforts on something that we don't even know is there go back to the clitoris, like do what we know work. So
Sarah Milken 51:24
do we not know that there is a G spot like when you look into the vagina, like is there's nothing you can see there?
Dr. Karyn Eilber 51:32
No, the G spa and theoretically is supposed to this kind of condensation of nerve endings, which would only be seen like by pathology, not by the naked eye. Yeah, and like the ones study where they talked about the gees, but I think it was like cadavers of like old people. And so, you know, I mean, it's, but honestly, it's not to it doesn't matter whether there is one or not, if that's what feels good to you. Right? Then have your partner do that. But, you know, I think that we're not yet we still snicker about masturbation. Right? And like, it's like, where they say like, 90% of my master be the 1% who don't are lying about it? Yeah, what about but what about the women? That why is there like, we just don't talk about that. And like, if you masturbate, or if you enjoy sex, you must be some kind of a slut or something weird, like, women's sexuality is just now starting to be talked about in a normal way, right? Because also, when you talk about women's sexuality, if you think about oh, and now there's anything wrong with it, but like, you know, some dominatrix whose latex from head to toe? It's like, No, how about just the middle age woman who, okay, fine. My life, my sex life has been on hold for 15 years, because I was raising my kids working my ass off. And now I finally have time at home with my husband. When I haven't done something for 15 years. Like, it's really hard to go back to yoga classes. splinting, we haven't been there a long time.
Sarah Milken 52:50
What is the deal with vibrators? Like why? Why should we care about them? Why should we use them? Can you become addicted to them? What's the story?
Dr. Karyn Eilber 53:04
You know, vibratory medicine for different conditions has actually been used for a long time. So actually has medical basis behind it besides just so something feeling good. But what a vibrator potentially can do is increases pelvic bloodflow, which is how a man gets an erection, which is how we get aroused how we make our normal vaginal lubrication, and how it actually makes any sexual feeling more intense, if you will. So if you're not sexually active on a regular basis, if you use a vibrator on a regular basis, it can help keep things healthy down there. So even if a woman never takes hormones, if she is sexually active on a regular basis, she probably won't get dry, she probably won't have him in intercourse. But even if a woman who is taking hormones all the time
Sarah Milken 53:51
basis, though, Karen
Dr. Karyn Eilber 53:54
Well, probably a couple times a week, okay, a couple times a week. I mean, and I always use the analogy of yoga, right? It's so interesting how we totally disconnect our pelvis from the rest of our body, right? Like, if I didn't move my arm for a month, and I tried to it's not going to feel good. Yeah, if you only have sex once a month, you know, why are we surprised that maybe doesn't feel good first time around. That's interesting. And there are women who don't have sex for like years and have hormonal changes. And so if it hurts, and she has sex, there's not really a lot of motivation to try it again. Right? And so who no one really explains this to women. It's like, okay, well, it's not also just as easy as no pun intended, like hot back in the saddle again.
Sarah Milken 54:37
Now, with vibrators. I know some people are like, well, I don't want to use a vibrator because I'm going to get addicted to it. And then when I have sex with my husband, it's not going to feel the same. Like what do you say to that?
Dr. Karyn Eilber 54:49
Well, you can be addicted to drugs, but it still feels the same when you do it.
Sarah Milken 54:57
No, but I mean like if you have like a Battery operated machines. I know, that's delivering this certain, but then some people are like, but who cares? Like copper? I should couple there's a there was a study that I read that was like, you know, couples who used vibrator together during sex reported a lot of satisfaction from that.
Dr. Karyn Eilber 55:19
I mean, you can look at it one of two ways. If somebody's using the vibrator a lot, that means they probably have a pretty good sex drive. Right? Which is, so how can that be detrimental? And you know, it's just, if, if you can orgasm both ways, why does it matter if you use a vibrator lot or not? But to your point? Yeah, if it's an issue, then just incorporate it into your sexual activity with your partner. I mean, it's so funny, too. I mentioned to you an email. We're doing a study on regular use of vibrators to see if it's will improve overall, you know, sexual function, things like incontinence by increasing blood flow. And one of my male colleagues who said, hey, you know, does your wife wanna participate? She gets a free vibrator this and that, to me said, My wife does use a vibrator. We all started laughing. I mean, I and I do think some partners probably, again, get insulted thinking like, your partner needs a vibrator like, yeah, I would ask her if I was.
Sarah Milken 56:12
Now let's talk about lubricants. Since you are the lubricant master founder of Glissant. Tell me about Glissant. Tell me why you started it. And let's talk about the different kinds of lubricants. I'm definitely a lubricant user. Oh, good.
Dr. Karyn Eilber 56:26
So I'm literally after years of women asking like, Hey, I'm dry, what's a good lubricant? And, you know, this was several years ago, like, I didn't know any better. And I was, you know, not needing any bands. So again, some of the things you notice, because you personally had the book. So you just kind of recommended some of the kind of common names you just pick a bunch of drugstore. And then why are right I mean, I don't want I don't want to like name Yes, that. But then the women come back and say they actually felt more irritated afterwards. I'm like, really? So then I started looking at the ingredients and like wool, isn't this stuff that we're trying to make a push for not putting our cosmetics, you know, things like glycerin and parabens, and phthalates, all that stuff. So my co founder who really was into natural beauty products, before they even the thing, I said, Hey, can you help me do this? And also at the time, believe it or not, lubricants are considered medical devices. And they are supposed to be cleared by the FDA. But since it's not enforced, you don't have to, but because I was gonna put my name on this. I, you know, I said, Well, let's do the FDA clearance thing. Yeah. And was his website. Yeah. And while this was going on, because it took a long time to get to the FDA, of course, CBD was really becoming more popular, and my co founder, unfortunately, her sister got really ill. And the only thing that helped her pain was CBD. So my co founder says, Well, if we're really trying to help women with pain, we should make a loop with CBD. And this goes back to oh my gosh, women's vaginas are gonna get high, you know, because like, I didn't know anything about it. So had to do some research for that. But I mean, CBD really is pretty amazing. I mean, it's like anti inflammatory analgesic, naturally antimicrobial, I mean, it's like the aspirin of like, you know, the supplement world. So that's how we ended up with two different loops. We have the waterbase, FDA cleared lot. And then of course, CBD is not approved for anything. So the FDA, so that's why that one is not FDA cleared.
Sarah Milken 58:28
So tell me about the two different is so there's a water based lubricant in general and there's an oil based lubricant, who is a candidate for each and why would you pick one over the other.
Dr. Karyn Eilber 58:41
So if you use condoms, you really should be using a water based lube because oil will break down the condom, which then defeats the purpose of having a condom. Or people who are really really sensitive water base tends to be more or less less irritating to them, if you will. So the water base really is for women who maybe don't need that maybe they lubricate some other but not enough and they don't like an oily feeling or they use condoms. repeated use of toys also is probably better with waterbase because it can break the toys down also, but most people probably throw their toys away after a while before they're grubby anyway, so it's probably not that much of an issue. And then women who really have a lot of dryness a lot of pain like CBD oil based one I think is hands down like the
Sarah Milken 59:28
way to go and which one is that on your website?
Dr. Karyn Eilber 59:32
The black the one that's black colored is the one that CBD and oil based. Okay, but again, you're limited if you use condoms for that,
Sarah Milken 59:39
right so what are what have you found with the CBD component?
Dr. Karyn Eilber 59:45
So the CBD well,
Dr. Karyn Eilber 59:46
so it's not just CBD, and we had the really good fortune of working with a Chinese or biologist to mix in all of these Chinese herbs like maca, Horny Goat Weed all the seems individually maybe don't really do it but when you mix them together like warranty issue weed How can you not put that ingredient your lube, right?
Sarah Milken 1:00:09
It's not made just for you know, but
Dr. Karyn Eilber 1:00:13
but when we got this list of like potential presents I'm like yeah, we're putting that in.
Sarah Milken 1:00:17
That's like such a score. All of these
Dr. Karyn Eilber 1:00:21
herbs actually have natural vaso dilating effects meaning they help increase blood flows which increases arousal So, the CBD again it's it helps with pain, especially women who are prone to infections because this anti microbial can help with that. And all of the other herbs ideally help to increase arousal by increasing blood flow.
Sarah Milken 1:00:43
See, I told you you guys would want to be best friends with Karen for deeper dive into finding sexual satisfaction in midlife thing go back and listen to midlife V. J's use them or lose them with Dr. Karen Oliver, and you must try her Glissant lubes I love them and I'm not even sponsoring the packaging is fab and gorgeous and you'll love just having it out on your bathroom counter. Oh my god, you guys. I hope you've enjoyed digging into those five amazing pelvic floor OB GYN menopause, vulvar specialists experts. I mean, we've had so many amazing guests on this podcast diving into all midlife vintage VJ. So I'm glad we've had a chance to kind of do the quick summary review. Before I close out this two year special anniversary episode in honor of menopause Awareness Month. I just want to say a few things. I just want to remind everyone that menopause should never be looked at as shameful or embarrassing. Midlife Mountain is real, the ups, the downs, the sweating all of it. This is a natural transition that every woman goes through. I'm so grateful to this community because we have taken something that is either shoved aside, like talking about menopause openly, or laughed at and we've made it our own. We're taking menopause by the horns and rewriting the script together. We can be irreverent, a little edgy and have a fucking laugh about the new midlife beard that you know I've been growing that peach fuzz situation, or the random hairs or muffin top. Why not? We have to laugh otherwise, it's so stressful. Through research and allowing ourselves to be immersed in the unknown. We're finally getting the answers that we need and deserve. It's important that we educate ourselves so we're better prepared for things to come and deal with current situations we may be facing. Creating this podcast and Instagram and connecting with all of you in this midlife stew has been magical and hard all at the same time. You guys aren't the hard part. I'm the hard part getting over my own self limiting beliefs. I've been testing my personal self limiting beliefs, doing new things, learning new technology, and really reaching outside of my comfort zone to scratch the insanity of my midlife itches. Once again, thank you for joining me on this journey. I can't believe it's been two years already. Two years of in depth conversations fabulous guests important questions answered. vulnerability and laughing. The last two years of this midlife self reinvention podcast the flexible neurotic podcast has taught me that I can be two things at the same time. Just like being flexible and being neurotic all at the same time. In midlife, I have found I can be both free and stuck, moist and dry, creative and blocked deodorized and sweaty, toned and muffins Hoppy, sexy and frumpy. Let's go with small steps and being scared and doing it anyway. No one is coming to save us. We can't buy a newly self reinvented midlife identity from Amazon Prime. We have to do the work. The work requires energy and resilience and getting back to ourselves. There are going to be bumps in the road. Lots of chocolate on the side and some midlife naps along the way. And that's okay. This is not about perfection. It's just about taking steps and doing it and doing it and doing it. It's not always comfortable. It's fucking uncomfortable. Okay, before I wrap up, I want to thank my teens teen daughter and teen son and Instagram husband for being the utmost support. I mean, I know they don't love being on my Instagram, but they're pretty good sports about it. And they have supported me all the way over the two years with laughs and DMS and oh my god, Mom, that's amazing. Oh my god, Mom, that's cringe and Instagram husband, listening to all my episodes helping me with the technology, all of it. Thank you guys. One thing that you guys can do to help me celebrate is to subscribe to this podcast. If you're listening to them one off here and there and you aren't subscribed, that I don't really get the extra credit points I need from Apple, or Spotify. Hit subscribe. Wherever you listen to podcasts. It's free. It's no commitment and you just get to hear my voice over and over again in your ear. I'll go with you on your walks. I'll go with you to target I'll go with you and run your fucking errands. I love it. And of course, write a fucking review. I know it's so annoying and sometimes you don't understand the technology of how to do it. Believe me. I don't either. But if you DM me, I'll send you the directions. I have it all written out step by step. But these Apple reviews really help the podcast to grow and reach more midlife women. You can also follow me on my instagram at the flexible neurotic and join in on the conversation. If you DM me, I'm always going to DM you back. I love hearing what you say. I'm the only person in my DM so when I respond, it's me it's actually me.
I love you guys. I thank you so deeply from the bottom of my heart. And I hope we stick around together for I don't know whatever the future brings years to midlife doing it our way choosing OS midlife self obsession is on. Love you talk soon