muffin tops &

“good enough”

Sarah Milken  0:04  

Hey peeps, welcome to the flexible neurotic podcast. I'm your host Dr. Sarah Milken. Yeah, you heard that right. I'm a real PhD doctor. Long, long ago like last fucking year. I was sitting in the midlife pump wondering, was this it for me? That day I realized I needed to get off my ass and start my midlife remix. I dusted off my PhD wipe the menopause, sweat off my forehead, grabbed my golden shit shovel and started digging deep to all my midlife bitches. It's not just love coffee and hormones that get you through your midlife remix. It's action steps. Let's do this. Hi, Pete. This is Dr. Sarah Milken, the flexible neurotic and this is the flexible neurotic podcast. I have two types of podcast episodes if you're new here, the longer more in depth ones with deep dives with expert gas. And then another version that just basically is called Fun midlife shit quickie minisode series. This episode format is shorter, more stream of consciousness. I don't know just fucking crazy. In this minisode series I highlight resonating an edgy midlife shit from my Instagram grid solos. Short pop up gas and stuff we're all thinking about maybe too embarrassed to ask. And of course, I will ask everything for you asked my teenagers. I guess I'm just missed TMI. Okay, so here goes this episode. Midlife muffin top. Good enough. Okay, let's discuss body weight, body image, muffin top growth in midlife, muffin top management and just some of my experiences. Okay, I just want to tell you guys, I do have a PhD. It's not a medical degree. Okay, so this episode, there's absolutely no fucking real medical advice that's based in evidence. This is just me. My fucking thoughts and you know how that fucking goes. So muffin tops, scales, no sweating exercise in midlife, like to the point where you have to wash your hair kinda sweat. This is all my life experiences and thoughts. Again, not a medical doctor. So please consult your doctor before you follow any of the stupid shit that I have done or do. Okay, so if you know me, or you know me from Instagram, I'm only five foot two inches, five foot two and a half, but I think I've lost a half an inch. I'm pretty small boned. I've really weirdly skinny ankles and wrists, like to the point where I can't wear a lot of high boots because they're baggy around my calves, which is kind of funny. Like I said, I'm a pretty small person. I'm not super thin, not heavy. Just like fine, right? Just fine, like small ish person. Okay, High School. Let's talk about high school for a second. High school was good, but I was definitely not a tone bikini model with a six pack. Actually, when I look back on my whole life, all 47 years of it. There's never like a timeframe where I look back on it. And I'm like, God, I wish I had my 14 year old body. Or I wish I had my 20 year old body. There was never like a body time where I was like, wow, it was fucking amazing. Like, you know, everyone else is like, Oh, I wish I had my old body. There was no like, oh my god, I had such an amazing old body. I've just been like totally fine. Okay, I would have never posted myself on social media in bikinis or a bathing suit, even if we had it. I'm not that person. Even if I had a six pack, I wouldn't have done it. Look, you guys no judgment. If you do do that, or did do that, or your kids do that? I guess like being raised by a mom who made me wear fucking pantyhose to like go to dress up events sort of instilled a sense of reserve. I mean, I know it's hard to imagine me being reserved, but like, I don't know if I had like ever done anything weird in a bikini, she would have flipped the fuck out anyway. So let's switch from high school to college and like body image and weight and all that. Okay, so I never really got the freshman 15 in college or they say you gain like 15 pounds. Even though I was eating these amazing brownies from the vending machine. I was like obsessed with them. But like, it's not like I mean, maybe I had one every day or maybe I like had it a few times a week but it wasn't like I would eat four or nine of them. I was just obsessed with

Sarah Milken  5:00  

them I think that I also didn't like gain a ton of weight because I'm not a big drinker I never have been. I'm not now I have this like weird thing with alcohol. Number one, I don't like the taste. Number two, it makes me feel weird. And number three, it wakes me up at like two in the morning. I have like some kind of like blood sugar thing. So I never really gained weight from alcohol. So I'd say like, through my childhood through middle school, through high school, I kind of developed this mantra that's always been, like Sarah's good enough syndrome. And like, what does that even mean? Good enough syndrome? Well, it's like, not always feeling like super fit, like, oh, I want to jump out in my bikini on a boat with 12 friends. But like good enough for skinny jeans, but never cropped up. I mean, even in high school. Well, first of all, there was a dress code. Nothing that like is worn in today's day would ever be fucking allowed back in the day when we had a dress code in high school. But like, I've just don't think I'm a crop top person, just like in general, which is sort of hard to believe because I like kind of put myself out there, I sort of have a big mouth and you're like, Oh, she would definitely work crops up. Nope. And I don't wear super short shorts. I don't think I ever have I just don't like my ass hanging out of my shorts on purpose. So I get jean shorts like that are just long enough. Like the Zara jean shorts, I can't wear the short shorts. And the long ones, like the Bermuda ones make me look super small because I'm already short. So I have to find like just the right length jean shorts. I guess that part of my saving grace and growing up with the kind of like good enough syndrome is that my mom's side of the family is Italian. So that sort of blessed me with skin that tans easily. So I would definitely like rock the baby oil tan. And I feel like when you're dark dark tan like I used to get, you could kind of like shave off a few inches and pounds just with the tan. Talking about tans. I remember I had the best body love bikinis. It was like a tube top like a bandeau top with no straps. And it had like a little wire boning that like kind of crossed through your nipple. There was a zipper in the middle. And then I had these bottoms that were the same color. And it velcroed on the side. The velcro got a little bit itchy, but it was such a cool bikini and like the bottoms came up high enough for like almost your belly button. So like that little sort of like belly smush under your belly button kind of got covered by the Bikini Bottom. I mean, I had hot pink, electric purple, I mean the whole thing but like neon, neon neon neon, I probably only had like a one inch muffin top at that point so I could sort of get away with it. And it was actually really shocking that I convinced my mom who like I said was sort of like Mother Teresa unlike my dad who probably dated every body glove wearing girl in his time sorry mom like that she even let me buy those bathing suits. When I look back on it. It's kind of interesting. So for me weight and body image was not like a huge deal for me in high school. And like most of you know, I had a boyfriend through most of high school so I wasn't like trying to like pose or impress people or boys or whatever. I kind of just like did my own thing. Then like something weird happened and college came like I said I did not gain the freshman 15 sophomore year came and I don't know I got this really weird bug up my ass. I had read something about carbs. And I thought, Oh, well maybe I shouldn't eat carbs. But like I really had no reason for it. It wasn't like I was super heavy or anything. I just got this bug up my ass. I wanted to see like, Could I get away with just eating like really high protein and not a lot of carbs, not a lot of like sugar or fruit sugars. And you know what I did it and I got really, really thin like less than 100 pounds. Like I don't even know how much I weigh right now because as we'll talk about later, I don't weigh myself. But I was really really skinny and looking back on those photos. It was like not even cute or attractive. And I don't even think my current husband who was my boyfriend at the time even notice because we basically lived together in college so you don't like when you see people every day you don't maybe notice it as much

Sarah Milken  10:00  

Okay, but then the good part actually, the worst part came. So we graduated from Penn and we decided we were going to move to London to work. So we got work permits, and I was working at a big advertising agency and he was working for an investment bank. And let's just say the dumb fucking plan of no carbs it was based on absolutely no evidence or need, turned into a cluster Fox shit show. So I was clearly not drinking enough water, and not eating enough carbs. My mom came from LA to visit us in London. And I remember this vividly, she walked into our apartment, and I got horrendous cramping. Like, oh my god, is this the worst period I've ever had? And then honestly, within like, four fucking seconds, I was hurled over the side of the sofa, ended up in the emergency room in London with my mom and husband like she had been in London for five minutes. And let's cut to the amazing fucking news. They're like, Oh, yeah, you have kidney stones? What the Focke How could I have kidney stones? I was like, just graduated from college. Isn't that like an old person's thing? Anyway, long story short, high, high protein, not enough carbs. Not enough water. Kidney Stones. Yes, I had to have this thing called lithotripsy. Where they sort of like electric you you through your skin, like into your kidney to like break up the stone. Okay, it was painful. I don't even want to like think about it. But they basically like tap the fuck out of the stone so that it ultimately like passes through your urine. Okay, I haven't even like gotten to like the good part. I was working at a huge ad agency in London. And the doctor told me ahead of bring a plastic P container, like the ones you see in a hospital with like the fucking handle. And every time I peed, I had to fill the bottle. Can you imagine that scene, I'm the only American working in a British advertising agency. I have to hide my pee bottle in a bag and drag it into the restaurant. And it sounds like bringing like a cute little like medicine makeup bag with tampons or something. It's like dragging like a bigger bag, like looking like a geriatric patient. I don't know. Finally, after like two days of this, I finally peed out the stone. The reason why I had to trap the stone in the container is because they had to do an analysis on the stone to like, verify, like what kind of stone it was and like what kind of material I have no idea. Okay, so anyway, I passed that stone. And since then, I haven't had like a major kidney stone problem because I started eating carbs like how I normally did before, and I haven't had like a real one. But I've had like some moments where I'm like fuck is that a kidney stone? My back hurts. My lower back hurts. Is that a kidney stone? A few times I've gone to the doctor and I'm thinking for sure. And they haven't been able to find one. But the fact is sometimes they're so small that they're imperceptible. Okay, so that's the kidney stone no carb in college. Like eat no carbs. no fucking reason story. Okay, so then fast forward to muffin top and body image through my PhD. Okay, working full time getting my master's in PhD. pregnant with my first kid. Okay, so I think I mentioned this earlier, where I don't weigh myself I never have and I never will. I'm not even sure why my parents had one of those like old school tall scales were to have like, kind of like the pole with the triangular glass on top and it wasn't digital. It was like the scale arrow thing would like go to the right that was like before the fancy flat like little ones came out. Okay, but I never got on it. I don't know why but it wasn't like a big thing. I'm sure my parents weighed themselves, but it wasn't like a big thing. Whatever. Okay, so then let's talk post pregnancy. I'm still in that like good enough. Montra I'm like, am I a bikini model? No. Am I like embarrassed to wear a bathing suit will a little I'm not really a bathing suit person but like good enough. Okay, so if you know me in person or on Instagram and you see me or like oh, she's a small frame person. She was probably one of those like super pretty skinny, like pregnant women that just was like had the same body but like just a little bump or big bump but everything else look the same. So if you hit the tummy, they would still look amazing. Okay, guess what? I was not even

Sarah Milken  15:00  

fucking close to that. I was what I viewed. I can't even explain to you what I look like and no one believes me if they didn't know me at that time. I have photos to prove it pregnancy and I were not a good match. It wasn't even like I had bad pregnancies. It was like something about being pregnant in my body. It just like blew it up. Okay, I don't even know what to say. Everything on my body doubled in size. My neck doubled my ribcage size doubled. My calves doubled my feet doubled. Okay, then I go to the doctor. And every single time I went the nurse would weigh me and I would say please don't tell me the number. I know you have to take it but please just don't tell me the number Okay, on month five of baby number one Jake. My doctor who I was very close with his daughter's went to high school with me. I know that sounds weird. But he was like an amazing doctor. Like we were close enough where he could like shoot the shoot with me, whatever. So he's like, Sarah, are you fucking eating doughnuts every day all day long. And I'm like, what? He's like, your weight is increasing like rapidly. You're not having twins, like what's happening. And it's so weird because I don't even think like I was eating more than I normally was like, it wasn't like, Oh my God, every day I was topping at like, Dunkin Donuts and getting a dozen donuts. It was just like my body's natural reaction to like carrying a baby. Okay, then, after I had my C section with Jake, I had to have a C section because he didn't like turn around. And so he wasn't like heading head down like he was supposed to. And they had to like pump me with all these like liquids and chemicals and whatever. I literally gained 12 to 15 pounds of water weight on top of what I already was okay. And like going back to this like good enough thing. I guess I was never like, I never had such a body image issue where I was like, so focused on my weight that I just sort of had this mantra of like, Fuck it, it is what it is. It's like good enough. There's nothing that I can do about it. I'm not going to be one of those people who's like running through pregnancy. I wasn't a runner before. Like, I can't start running now. Okay, anyway, so I have this C section. And we're Jewish. So my baby breasts like Jake's breasts where they do like the circumcision, whatever was at our house a week later with 80 people, okay? I could not fit into any shoes. Not one pair. Not ever okay. My mom drove around the city looking for shoes. This was like before amazon before Zappos, this was like when you actually had to get in the fucking car, go to the store, ask them for the size, whatever. I was freaking out. I mean, aside from the fact that none of my clothes fit. The shoes were like a huge problem. Like how could I have an event at my house for 80 people with like, no shoes. So I ended up getting a pair of extra wide Naturalizer wedges. You can only imagine what they look like but thankfully, they were black. And my very heavily elasticized pants were black, so they kind of blended, but not a good situation. Okay, like seriously, knock God. But anyway, baby number two is better Maron, which was totally weird because it was a girl and you're supposed to gain more weight with a girl like and the good part is I have lost most of the weight between baby one and two. Again, not a big exerciser. Not a perfect eater. But I had this weird routine where I would eat. Like, for frozen chicken to Ketos every day, I would take them out of the freezer and put them in the toaster. And like I think just like eating that, like small amount of like a regimented meal, like once a day. I mean, obviously I had breakfast and dinner too. But I don't know for some reason, like I came back to my regular way. No idea how or why. Okay, and then like, let's talk about like weight loss from breastfeeding. Okay, that was a bunch of bullshit for me. Everybody's like, yeah, don't worry, you'll lose all that way when you breastfeed your kids. Okay, so let's start with the fact that I breastfed my kids, both of them for six weeks. It was the longest six weeks of my life two times with two kids. Look, I worship my children, but breastfeeding and me not a good match. Okay, Jake was like a fucking Purana I had bleeding nipples. I had a lactation consultant from this place called the pump station. They're like use this do that like fucking put cabbage leaves on your nipple Like honestly, I can't I look back on that. I'm like, I don't know.

Sarah Milken  20:00  

even know how to survive. Okay, so the pediatrician was like Sarah just get to six weeks and then you will have given them a quarter of their immunity. Let's just say on the first day of the sixth the week, I had to shut my pump station down my boobs needed to say goodbye. I put on two sports bras, wrap them uptight. And that was the end. This brings me to a point that I am always trying to highlight in this podcast, I used to go to baby classes with my kids and bring canned formula. Everyone in the room was appalled. They probably breastfed their kids until they were like four. Guess what? I had to do what was right for me and my family. Of course, there's fucking judgment on both sides, like there is for every topic in the world. But for me, I was losing my mind. And guess what? My husband, he didn't care either way. So I thought to myself, Okay, my husband doesn't really care. I'm losing my fucking mind. My mom didn't breastfeed us not even for a minute. So I really just didn't stress out that much about it. I didn't ask other people's opinions. I just did what I needed to do. And I think if I continued breastfeeding and being stressed, I would have been super depressed when I could give my kids formula and just hope for the best and be present for them. And for me, presence with my kids was everything. After deciding to be a stay at home mom, which was not part of my plan after graduating from an Ivy League college and getting a masters and a PhD before I was 30. If I was going to be home, I wanted to be as present for them as I could be. Okay, so I lost the way when I stopped breastfeeding, my body was like Thank you. Thank you, thank you for stopping because your body does not like this. And my body like let go of all of the stress fat. I have no idea why or how. Okay, let's move to exercise. We have not talked about exercise yet. I hate exercise. If you gave me a choice of scrolling through Instagram or going to exercise I would scroll through Instagram people talk about a runner's high. I've been looking for that high that runner's high for 47 years, I don't have endorphin highs from exercise. I exercise because I know I need to I know I have to but believe me, I wish I really wanted and crave that exercise. Look, it just can't be like working out as a job. I didn't work out in college. I did not run the streets with a sports bra. I walked to class worked out maybe once a month. And then I would just go back to my routine again like I just working out was never like a huge thing for me. Okay, now switch to midlife. The Muffin Top is building I can eat the same way as I used to. I'm now willing to cut a lot of things out or everything that I love out. So there is like the muffin top that's built a I am a fucking mid lifer. And I need to keep my cholesterol in check. Because I have very high cholesterol. I need to keep my cortisol in check because I'm a fucking raging lunatic and I'm always stressed about something. And I need to keep my bone density and my ass in check. I never sweat enough to wash my hair. And I have to work out with makeup on. I mean, not half do but like I don't know, I just like get up in the morning and like put myself together and put my cute workout clothes. So how much could I like really be sweating if I'm wearing makeup and I don't want to wash my hair. So I'm like moving to move if you catch my drift. I really wish I could be like one of my friends who's like, I'm going to the spin class and then the yoga class and then I'm going to this core power class like, I don't have that like need I can't make myself do it. Okay, so let's move to Instagram husband, Instagram husband hit this longevity button. I don't know, maybe like a year ago, and he decided that he was going to push his ass even harder with working out. Okay, so he decided he's going to do something every single day whether that's like walk the dog five miles or workout in the gym with weights, whatever. So of course this helps me get off my ass a little bit. So I'm not like the mushy or gushy or partner lol. But let's not go overboard. It's not like he has a 12 pack abs sack and runs 12 miles a day. But he is really fucking consistent, like so consistent sometimes that I want to punch him. Well, not really. But sort of. Then when he asked if I worked out that day, I'm like, fuck you. Like is this a fucking competition, sir

Sarah Milken  25:00  

I didn't want to wake up at 730 in the morning, strap myself into a 20 pound weighted vest, put on a waist leash attached to a golden retriever who was also his soulmate. Be intermittent fasting and starving and hike, starving, wanting coffee and having to pee and carrying bags of dog shit along the way because there's no trash cans on the hiking trail. Wow. I wonder why I don't want to get off my ass because it's so comfy on my sofa with my science experiment Coffee with 12 Different midlife add ons in it and my oatmeal that has 19 add ons for fat and fiber and crunch and texture. And midlife pizzazz. And guess what? I'm in my black hideous pajamas that Instagram husband hates. And they're covered in white dog hair from the golden retriever from the sofa. And I get to catch up on emails and texts. And in the summer like now my kids are fucking sleeping until noon. It's like peace and quiet. Okay, let me tell you one more thing about the weighted vest in Instagram husband, okay for new listeners. I call him Instagram husband, his name is Jeremy. And I call him Instagram husband because he hates Instagram. So I'm always filming him. He hates it. And no one can believe that I got him to agree to be on Instagram, but like let's be clear. He didn't agree to let me put him on Instagram. He doesn't want to be an Instagram he told me I'm not allowed to. But then I was like, Excuse me I can't have like a whole midlife podcast like talking about my kids. My husband and you guys are like fucking invisible. And I need to show what's like really happening in this house because sometimes it's actually crazy. But the funniest part and why I'm telling you this is because he Instagram husband was spotted on the hiking trail. My incognito wishing he was incognito husband. I got a DM a couple of weeks ago from a listener she asked Does your husband walk on the such and such hiking trail with a black hat? A black weighted vest and a white dog? Oh my god, Instagram husband had been spotted? Is he famous? Remember when we were spotted together in New York City on 55th and Madison, but that wasn't as funny as him being spotted alone. It's like his worst fucking nightmare. He's getting spotted for his wife's midlife podcast called The fucking flexible neurotic. Okay. Then she says she was wearing earbuds and wasn't chatty and was kind of grumpy. I fucking laughed. And then I said, yeah, he was probably grumpy because he does his flexible neurotic homework of listening to my podcast when he goes on Heiss because he knows I'm going to fucking quiz him. So he was probably listening to me tear into him while I was walking. Okay, anyway, that was a random aside. I just had to tell you Instagram husband is famous for his wife's midlife podcast that he said to me, do you think I should start like a midlife women's walking group? And I was like, for sure should go for that. Okay, let's talk about midlife fucking muffin top. Let's discuss. I've always had a bit of a muffin top because of my good enough syndrome. I'm like, I'm not willing to give that up or that up or that up to not have a muffin top. That's a choice. I've made my good enough. Okay. I like sugar. I like dairy and I like carbs. That's a sacrifice that may. But the last few years, the muffin top has been building. I think you guys can probably relate. Midlife, like does something weird with your body composition. It was like I noticed the other day. My inner thighs are like Pillsbury dough. You can like squeeze them and smoosh them and it's not just like regular fat, it like feels weird. It's like gooey. And it made me think about the ThighMaster in high school that I convinced my parents to let me buy it was Suzanne Somers infomercial. It was a blue ThighMaster with that little red metal thing in the middle that made it hinge Do you guys remember that? So the other day when I spotted the like Dobby Pillsbury disgusting like weird inner thigh juice. I got my Pilates ring out. It's literally just a ring and I put it in between my legs. I just started squeezing. I decided that I think I need to need like dough. I need to need the fog out of that inner thigh dough. Okay, so that started let's talk about jeans. Okay, so jeans. I go from size 25 to 30. Like, I don't know if that's normal or not, but it literally depends on

Sarah Milken  30:00  

On the gene and the fabric, I truly don't care what size it says. As long as I look decent enough, it goes back to my good enough shit. Like if my ass doesn't look as flat as a pancake, and the gravity is pulling me all the way down to the floor, I'm good. I'm not sure I can face a Brazilian Butt Lift. Although it sounds really nice sometimes like an easy fix for midlife fucking gravity, pull fat from my muffin top and put it in my ass so that it elevates out and it's not as flat as a board da, but I just can't do that yet. I haven't gotten there yet. Okay, that's the gene little startup situation. Then we fast forward to spring break of this year will we do the two week college tour trip for our son Jake? I tried on four pairs of jeans while I was packing. I never try on jeans before a trip. But I had this like weird whisper try on the jeans try on the jeans. It was sort of like that whisper in the episode on the midlife carry on luggage where I was like, pack the extra fucking pair of underwear in your carry on. So that when you get to Nairobi, and all of your luggage had been lost in Paris, and there are no stores you can change your fucking underwear. Thanks Instagram husband for telling me that I didn't need to pack more shit. And thanks for like, I basically I think it's your fault that all the luggage was lost because you made the two flights too close. Anyway, moving right along, you have to go back and listen to that episode. Okay, so I had this weird whisper to try the jeans on. I haven't been eating donuts all day. I can't say I've been like a workout master but not terrible. And guess what? I tried on four pairs, none of them fucking with zip or button. There was like a three to four inch V in between where they're supposed to connect. And I was like, okay, I can laugh or cry, what am I going to do? And I folded them up and put them into the cabinet. I don't know if you know this, but all of my jeans are hanging. I like to hang them from the top. Because when I fold them, I have to dig through 5000 pairs. And then I make such a mess that I hang all my jeans and all my leggings from the top off to show you a picture of that. Okay, so they're all folded up. Two months later, I try them on again. And they fit like are they loose? No. Can I like just get them done? Yes. This time, I was lucky. But next time I might not be lucky. I don't weigh myself like I told you. I'm not willing to starve myself. So it's going to be what it's going to be for me. That's basically my mantra good enough. I hope my daughter takes this message too. I always say that my jeans are four different sizes. It is what it is. I'm not willing to starve and I'm not willing to sweat enough to wash my hair. So my good enough self has to be good enough in midlife. Guess what? There have been times when I know I'm never going to fit into something again. I was going through my closet a few years ago and I had a pair of I think it was current Elliot leather pants that looks so tiny. I was like Guess what, guys, these are never fitting again. This is like from a season of life ago and these have to go by. So if you have shit that needs to go by Saipa by you don't need to hold on to it if it's never ever going to fit unless it has like some weird sentimental value like it was your grandmother's jeans from the 1800s. I don't know. Okay, nothing is forever, especially in jeans sizes. The new stretch machines have really helped with this scenario. Except then you don't really know exactly what size you are because you again you could be size 25 to 30. Like if I order Levi's they have no stretch. So I swear I'm like a 30 I order them in a different cut. And I'm a 27 I like nothing makes sense. The best part of the jeans now with the stretch is you can kind of like pull them over your muffin top. You can kind of like jiggle it up, jiggle it up. I mean, let's be honest. How many times have you talked to your muffin top into your jeans? I mean, let's be honest with ourselves. I know some of you guys. You'll never have to do that. And some of you guys who are like workout people have never done it but for like regular people like us, it's happening. Okay, I do the bare minimum plus a little bit more just to stay good enough. You might ask what is good enough Sarah What is this good enough in midlife thing? What does that even mean? My good enough is can I look in the mirror be content with what I see. Not Oh my god. I'm going to be a bikini model and take out

Sarah Milken  35:00  

over Instagram, just content content with what I see. Does this mean bikini ready body? No. Does this mean Brazilian Butt Lift Jean model? Hell no. It means I can put on my clothes and be happy with what I see in the mirror. Could things be cleaner, more refined, slimmer? Yes. But it's happy enough, good enough to get through my day, live my life. I find that the more I stress about food and exercise, I actually have the opposite effects. Ask yourself what you're good enough is some people can really live with cutting things out of their diets completely, and working out to the point where they have to wash their hair from sweat every single day. But not me. Find what works for you. 90% of diets fail because their diets their temporary plans. Look so many people say Sarah you shouldn't eat oatmeal for breakfast. It's carbs, it spikes your blood sugar. It's Oh, it's inflammatory. It's blah, blah, blah. I also add collagen powder, chia seeds, cinnamon, and a big handful of crushed organic walnuts. But guess what? If I don't eat that oatmeal, which is part of my morning routine, what uniquely satisfies me? Then I'm starving for the rest of the day. When I start my day satisfied with my routine of fiber oats crunch and seeds. It soothes my soul. It nourishes me. It feels so so nourishing and grounding. It's part of my morning ritual. Then my coffee with its 19 parts the other fucking science experiment is so soothing for me. Who knows if it's the caffeine? Who knows if it's the alkalizing powder in it? Who knows if it's the one drop of dates here up? Who knows if it's the you know non dairy, no gum filler, plant milk, three trees. Look, as I always say midlife is a time when self obsession is allowed, permitted and encourage self obsession is not to obsess over everything you did or didn't do, or how you could look if you took away all the carbs and got kidney stones. Dehydrated yourself couldn't find exercise endorphins, never looked at a scale and increased and decreased your muffin tops nine different times. Put four pairs of jeans on hiatus in a cabinet bought some new jeans that you could actually sit down in without fat rolls and the muffin top. My midlife remix journey as I have been calling it has not been about getting super skinny, or becoming a meditation master. It really has been about jumping off my midlife hamster wheel of sameness, looking for some novelty, finding some meaning. And of course, what I love the magic bullet for midlife muffin tops, the need for creating muscle for bone density, and a magic pill for not fucking sweating enough in exercise, so I don't have to shower and wash my hair. da ta I think I am realizing that what I got out of that year in college when I only ate protein and gave myself kidney stones. That life is about moderation. The fucking middle, this idea of good enough, good enough is what you're good enough is not what your friends is not what your spouse is, is it's just yours. You have to figure out what yours is. I want you to think about what you're good enough is when I say good enough. I don't mean accepting mediocrity and sameness and just kind of puddling along and last, that's what you like. And that's what you want. I mean that you're willing to do 300% more work on what is good enough to just patter along. What are you willing to put more work into. I'm not willing to only eat protein and skip all sugar and carbs and dairy, but I'm willing to cut it back a little and maybe pick one sugar treated day. And in terms of exercise. Like I said, I'm still Indiana Jones looking for those damn post workout endorphins, but I can't fucking find them. But I do know that exercise is good for my mental and physical health. And I have to keep my bones in good shape. I did tell you when

Sarah Milken  40:00  

An old episode that I had a bone density scan after I flipped off a bike at age 45 and Hawaii and broke fucking bones. If you missed that episode, you have to go back and listen to it. I think it's called thing so why that was rad. I don't know. I almost divorced my husband when I told him I couldn't fly home because I couldn't sit up. He told us that we were going to move to a cheaper hotel and use points. Yet he had just bought a sports car so he's going to save money on like, my fucking health. I can't even sit up. I have a broken rib, a broken wrist and a crack shoulder played. I mean, honestly, go fuck yourself. Okay, you can imagine how that conversation went. Guess who won da women can be more emotional, yes. But more rational at times, even though he would 100% Disagree with me. So my good enough is a few walks a week with the SWAT team weighted vest. Yes, we all look like we work for the SWAT team. If you don't know that much about the weighted vest situation. Let me quickly fill you in. My husband started wearing a weighted vest for walks. And as I researched it, the evidence actually showed that you could build bone density with it. So I got one. Mine's eight pounds. His is 20. Of course, he's upgrading to 30 because he's a fucking overachiever and a show off. Okay, I do Pilates one to two times a week if I don't cancel, and I'm definitely cranking up the strength training. My bone density scan was not bad, but it was definitely not great. And that's definitely something that we can put more time in. It's just, I don't know, strength training is so annoying. It's not my fav it feels good when I'm done. But treadmills and walking outside they don't require that much thought you can kind of like space out. And when you have a trainer you have to talk. And I feel like with my podcasts and my Instagram, like I'm talking all day, sometimes I just want to shut the fuck up and be quiet. I don't know, I am still like tinkering around finding a new groove and schedule for strength training. It's finding something that's good. That works for me. That's good enough. I have not found the perfect solution yet. And classes in LA are gonna require masks again. I'm sorry, I can barely work out without a mask put me in a mask and you might as well kill me I just can't the midlife heat and the moisture and the humidity. It's just like too much. So I gotta like still continue with figuring out at home.

Sarah Milken  42:36  

All right, I want you guys to think about this episode. And what you're good enough SAR again, good enough are not accepting mediocrity, they are giving yourself reasonable goals. Rome was not built in a day. If you woke up one day and suddenly say I'm not going to eat sugar, carbs and dairy, most likely you are going to stick with it. And if you do, I want your DNA and you should sell it. So my developing muffin top, my lack of need to see the scale for my weight. Not working out hard enough to require hair washing. These are my good enough and midlife. I'm working on getting more firm in my strength training schedule, a better meditation routine because I still have not found one and 47 other things. What about you? Oh, and a solution to underboob SWAT and crotch swamps. Those are works in progress. I have little fans and tricks that you guys see on Instagram. They're definitely doing a decent job. But obviously carrying a battery operated fan through the streets of New York City when I went to visit was not the sexiest. And I'm not suggesting that you don't reduce your carbs, dairy and sugar. And I'm not suggesting that you don't work out hard enough to not have to wash your hair. And I'm not telling you not to step on the scale. Some of us need that serious accountability and check in. I need a little bit of course, but I find that for me if I go too far past my good enough zone for Sarah. It's all self sabotage from there. Okay, peeps, there are a few things you could do to help me with this podcast first. Subscribe, da. The more you subscribe, the more apple podcasts suggest my podcast to new listeners. Second share with some friends who liked midlife shit. There's so many of us you guys. Share it on your Instagram and third, write a fucking Apple view. It's so annoying to do, but it's so helpful. I love you guys. If you DM me, I'm the only one on my Instagram. I respond to everyone. I love this podcast. I love the listeners. I love this whole community that we're creating here. Stay cool, love you. Talk soon!