Episode 29: Ready to kick-a** in midlife? It’s time for your midlife remix.
Sarah Milken
Hi, good peeps. Welcome to the flexible neurotic podcast. You know that friend that you can call to ask anything? That's me. Dr. Sarah Milken. I'm known to my friends as the flexible, neurotic. What does flexible neurotic even mean? Let me be neurotic while I take out my golden shovel to dig deep for all the golden nuggets in the hottest topics, from parenting, to education to neuroscience, and maybe even some beauty secrets. So we can all start living more flexibly. Come join us for edgy conversations with rad moms, innovative thought leaders and wellbeing practitioners helping you find that sweet spot between chaotic and chill. If you're craving that sweet spot, grab your golden shovel with me. You will walk away with nuggets you can start using today. Hi, good peeps. This is the next episode of the flexible neurotic podcast. I'm Dr. Sarah Milken, the flexible neurotic. Today I have a special surprise for stepping outside of the flexible neurotic box. Although there really isn't a box and we're doing a bonus episode. I'm used to interviewing experts on all topics midlife self reinvention, but today I'm going to be the midlife reinvention guest. I'm going to be talking about what I've been calling my midlife freemax, reinventing myself with the flexible neurotic. And my surprised interviewer guest is Angela Nazarian. Hi, Angela.
Angella Nazarian
Hello, flexible, neurotic.
Sarah Milken
Oh my god. I'm so excited. You're here. I want to remind everyone who's been listening since the beginning or new listeners. This is my friend Angela Nazarian. She was my first flexible neurotic podcast guest. It was an amazing conversation that we had a year ago, and I was actually listening to it again. And I was like, there's really nothing I would have changed about that conversation. It was so real, so many people responded to it. And I'm so excited to have you here a year later into the podcast. I want to tell everyone a quick few things about Angela. First of all, aside from being gorgeous, amazing, inspiring a friend, a mentor, a friend tour. That's a word. She is a four time bestselling author, philanthropist, international speaker. She's the co founder of visionary women, and she's just a fucking badass. Angela Nazarian. I love you.
Angella Nazarian
I love you, sir. I've been waiting to be interviewing you for a very long,
Sarah Milken
I'm so excited. I'm like, Please don't ask me questions that I can't answer.
Angella Nazarian
Never that way you always. And especially when it's so close to your heart. You know, one of the things that I want to remind all the listeners out there is that our friendship goes a while back. And I remember meeting up with you for lunch, for walks. And you always had this yearning to do something, something more, right. And last night, I was listening to your last episode, and you were saying how you want it to forge an identity that was truly your own, where you weren't being defined as a mom or a wife. And here we are a year later. And I'm thinking of what kind of a an incredible platform you have created. And I want to you know, I want to ask you a couple of questions about that. I
Sarah Milken
would love to answer those questions. And I do remember all those walks, and I do remember all those conversations and I just want to tell everyone this is my friend who's I won't say how old she is, but she's a few years ahead of me. And she had her own sort of midlife self reinvention journey and that's what our episode one was, was recreating yourself and the second half of life and it's been a crazy year, a meaningful year was so many you know, sort of ebbs and flows along the way, and I'm excited to talk about it. And I know Angela, listen to my 12 reasons why solo podcast and has a few things to say about ballad can't wait for that one. My husband listened and it was like, oh my god.
Angella Nazarian
It's amazing. First of all, I while I was listening to it, I texted Sarah, and I said, how is it that you could talk and articulate yourself for 40 minutes without having it? Pause or are we doing something is beyond me, which takes me back to something that I wrote about in my first book on leadership in women and it was about knowing your strengths. And then building your life around it. And I said to myself last night, this is clearly your strength, not me. No, seriously, not that many people could sit there and speak on such an intimate level yet the light and also be very open hearted and so fluent with everything that you were saying, did you always know that you had that talent?
Sarah Milken
You know, I think it's funny because when I was in elementary school, the first few years of elementary school, they told my parents that I didn't really talk. And then I didn't talk in class, and my dad was like, What are you talking about? This girl never shuts the fuck up. But there was something about the school environment that I guess I just wasn't a big talker. And you know, as I got older, and my mouth got bigger, and obviously I became more confident with myself, I think it's sort of expanded from there. But you know, growing up, people are always like, Oh, you should be on TV. Oh, you should have your own TV show. And I was like, No, I'm not an actress. I can't do that. But I'm definitely a conversationalist. But I think that this podcast has definitely taken some of my strengths, and kind of blown them up a little bit. And in those moments, where I'm like, like, solo episodes are really hard. Because you're not interviewing someone you're like talking to yourself, which is a cluster, or, at least for me, so I did one solo episode back in February when I had to sort of like have an emergency substitute episode because the guest who was coming on had a life emergency, and I didn't want to air the show. And so under pressure, I was like, Okay, I'm going to do a solo cast right now. And it was interesting, because there wasn't really a script, there was an outline that I had done quickly. But I found that once I started talking, like I could just talk forever.
Angella Nazarian
It feels like you're downloading some Yeah,
Sarah Milken
it's weird. Yeah. If you ask me to, if you ask me what I talked about, I could give you like, General strokes, but I can't remember every single thing that I said. And I was I'm such a sort of like an organized, linear scripted person that I thought, if I read a script, I'm literally going to fucking read it. So I can't have a script, I just have to know that I'm going to do the 12 reasons why. And I'm just gonna start. And another weird thing about me sort of talking off the cuff is that I can't schedule a time like, you know, you and I schedule a zoom time for 430 was solo cast, I have to do it spur of the moment, or I can't do it. It's like being on a diet. It's like the weirdest thing. So the two solo casts that I've done have been like, at night, like this last one, I got off a board call for city or and I was like, Okay, I'm gonna record right now. And there's no rhyme or reason to it. But it just felt like comfortable. And I think that that's part of it is just kind of getting comfortable in your own shoes. And obviously, a year later, you're like, Okay, I can do this. And I think that that's part of it. So talking about being
Angella Nazarian
comfortable in your own skin, and pushing forward and doing things that make you feel uncomfortable, but you forge ahead, which is probably one of the most important ingredients and really growing and extending yourself, what is the one thing that you were fearful of, that you had to face while you were doing these podcasts?
Sarah Milken
One thing I mean, I could list like 13 things. I think, fearful of how the mechanics of the podcast or just like the whole journey in itself,
Angella Nazarian
the journey in itself, because you're putting yourself out there.
Sarah Milken
I think for me, like I've said in other episodes, I've been a performance we've talked about this in the first episode together, like I've been a performance driven person my whole life, it's like go to these schools get these grades, check all these sort of benchmark boxes. But this was the first time where someone else wasn't creating those benchmarks or boxes. For me, I was actually creating them myself in a very sort of messy project. It's sort of inner work project that gets expressed through this sort of outer podcast. So it was kind of like figuring out how to not live by external benchmarks and get comfortable living in sort of the murky, messy swampy land of inner work and within that inner work it's like okay, I'm going to create this personal creation of mine this passion project and I'm going to put it out into the world and is someone going to listen, are people going to care? Our Angela my mom, and you know, my grandma, like who's listening to this? And I think that especially coming at this it you know, at the time, I was 45, and now I'm turning 47 it was like It's very hard to start as a beginner. And it's it feels like you feel so small. And you're like, how am I going to start over in all of this? And I think one of the biggest things that I've learned in this process and it's one of the sort of golden nuggets from my episode with Pamela Salzman, which was Episode Two, is this idea of being scared and doing it anyway. Yeah. And I know you talk about that a lot, too. And I think there's this idea of, well, you're so confident Sarah, and your life? Like, why Could this be fucking hard? How could this be hard, but I think there's a difference between confidence and courage. Like, you can be a very confident person in your life. But you got to have the courage to say, Okay, I'm gonna get naked and run through the mall and start a new Instagram was zero followers, and put out a podcast and is anyone gonna listen to this? And I think it was definitely a matter of trying to find that courage. For a confident person. Like, it's still hard.
Angella Nazarian
So the other one, and you're talking about hard and then having the courage to do things, something that just popped in my head last week, as you know, we had a discussion with Glennon Doyle is so good, wasn't shooting me. But she said something, and I wrote it down because we knowing you because you've always been very achievement oriented. And myself, and a lot of the women around me are doing really wonderful things is she talked about quitting. And she said how important it is sometimes to quit things. Yeah, you define quitting as doing something that gives you freedom. So what are the things that you quit? Like, what are some of the things this year or during the quarantine that you said, I'm going to quit doing that? Because it's going to allow me to be a bigger person?
Sarah Milken
I think one of the biggest things that I've quit is trying to find external validation. Is it
Angella Nazarian
really I'm going to give you pushback. Yeah. Right?
Sarah Milken
Is it what is tough? That's really tough, because I'm a person, like, I'm a very communicative connective person, I like interacting with my friends. I like calling my mom, I like asking people what they think. And I really had to, in this process, like turn down the volume of the peanut gallery, even if people don't necessarily always say what they're thinking like you sort of sometimes feel that energy or vibration. And in this process, I had to make an agreement with myself that I would not be so focused on how many downloads, and how many Instagram likes and how many followers because then I would never get anywhere. If I woke up every day and saw that there wasn't another download, or there weren't 300 new organic followers, like that could be so upsetting and disappointing. So I sort of had to, weirdly pretend that none of that was happening.
Angella Nazarian
And it's a lot I have to say, because I know you Yeah, is a lot because I know how goal driven you are and to say I'm going to do what makes me feel good. I'm gonna keep on track and let my actions follow whatever comes totally lead you.
Sarah Milken
I know, it's actually been an amazing sort of personal course for me in so many ways. But I think the external validation thing has been huge, because I'm so used to like, Oh, you get this award, or you get this grade or you get this degree. But in this situation, because I'm so new to this, like, I can't compare other people's podcasts, metrics and numbers to mine, or even Instagram. Like I literally started Instagram at a podcast a year ago. Like if I'm comparing my metrics to someone else's, like it's a no win for me. Yes. And it's about this whole midlife reinvention journey for myself. And for other people. I think it's really kind of looking at the small wins.
Angella Nazarian
Also, I think you've created a tribe for yourself. Last week, I met up with a friend and she was telling me how she listens to every podcast, every episode that you have, and how we do it was the best and I said, you know, send a note, send a note to Sarah let her know. But you know, sometimes we don't know our sphere of influence, because we don't know what's out there and who's listening and I know Oh, isn't that weird? It is weird. But you know, I think those are the things that we learn to tune, tune out or quit doing. Yeah, I don't know if it was this year. For me. It was a lot of personal changes. But one role that I decided to quit in a big part was saying I'm not going to be the cheerleader of my home, I think during COVID, with family being around, I'm such a nurturer. And I want to have everybody feel good and comfortable. And I think at some point, we all have to decide if you're you have adult children or you have, you know, you have a fantastic relationship with your husband. Let them take care of something's let it go.
Sarah Milken
Yeah, I mean, that was that was one of the biggest things of this podcast is that it changed my family dynamic, in a huge way. That's what I
wanted to know.
I'm reading your mind. Okay. Yeah. And I did talk about that in my solo episode a little bit, too. But you know, like I've said, my kids and my husband are used to I text Sarah, and she responds in a nanosecond. But then when I started this podcast, and then the lockdown and pandemic, and all that came, and then it was the four of us in the house 24 hours a day, while I was trying to do something new that was sort of stretching me in a lot of different ways. Everyone was like, wait, why aren't you answering our text? Why are you know, even if it was from upstairs to downstairs, or whatever. And even my husband like, even though I don't cook or make this huge dinner, we've talked about that 1000 times, Angela, you know, it's like he's like, but you're not like present here. Like you're not downstairs that exactly like, you know, 615 or whatever. And so I think it took a minute for everyone to be like, Oh, wait a second, Sarah and mom. Like she has other things to do other than us. Yeah. And it's sort of like you being the cheerleader like, yeah, I of course, wanted to make sure that like my kids were happy and everyone had their like, perfect zoom setup, and blah, blah, blah. And I think that the shift was a little bit less towards everyone else, and more towards me, and I'd say that that is like one of my biggest takeaways from this whole midlife reinvention journey for me, and I did an Instagram post about it. It's, it's okay to become obsessed with yourself and midlife.
Angella Nazarian
I like that term. And you use that in your last episode. Yeah, I really love that like that.
Sarah Milken
narcissism. Yeah, it's like, it's just a reconnection with like self focus, because we've been moms or wives for so long, that we get so used to sort of being in tune with what everybody else needs. And like, Oh, they haven't played on their team sports for so long. They really need to get outside or whatever. But like, what about fucking me, like, maybe I should get my ass outside, maybe I should start focusing on me. And like, I know with you, you're a flamenco dancer, which is crazy, and beautiful. And
Angella Nazarian
last week, I got a chance I had to do something workwise in Spain, so I have three days in Spain, one day was all work. And the other two days, guess what I didn't. But I went to the flamenco shows two nights in a row. And I felt like I was in heaven. And I thought to myself, just think about the gift that I gave myself, if anybody else is the gift I gave to myself, that I can enjoy things beyond the parameters of home, or even work. I have to say, you know what, some of the women's groups that I used to facilitate, I would tell those people who were working and had family, and that was the only thing that they were doing, like, hey, maybe it's wrong to step out of that, too. Yeah, and do something else, to bring more energy and life back into you. Which reminds me of a great quote by Joseph Campbell saying that the feeling of being happy isn't like elation. It's about feeling alive, that you wake up in the morning and you feel alive. And I do wonder with you this year, because every day you would get off. Did you have that special buzz saying, Oh my god, I have this deadline, I have to figure out my questions. How am I going to make this the most meaningful podcast did it feel like you were revved up with a lot of energy
Sarah Milken
100,000% like, even though there were days that were like 10 hours and felt so long, and I was like, so frustrated with something or I couldn't get the technology to work. I never dreaded the next day. Like I'm doing a recording with you right now. And I have another one in the morning that I'm not 100% finished with but I'm not like Oh, shit, like I have to spend the whole night doing that. I'm like, I love this. And this is something that I really enjoy and get meaning out of and it doesn't mean it's not hard because if it wasn't like if it was easy, first of all, everyone would do it and if it was easy, you wouldn't I wouldn't find as much purpose and meaning in it, because it wouldn't be a challenge. Yeah. And you know, there's always that like intersection when you're getting to that like flow state where it's sort of like the perfect combination between something that you absolutely love. And it's just hard enough to make it like a hair out of reach.
Angella Nazarian
So as you're saying, this, I, there's something else that I've been wanting to ask you, Sarah, and it goes back to one of our walks, and I was telling you how people emit certain kinds of energy. And sometimes you we call it Woo, or the truth, because animals feel it, that each person emits a certain kind of vibration. And oftentimes, it comes from the thought patterns that they hold, then those thoughts themselves have energy. And there's this exceptional book called power versus force, which is saying that if you find your sense of power, it comes from thoughts that have a very high emotional tone. And this author talks about how almost 80% of us spent the majority of the day thinking about lower emotional toned thoughts, such as blaming, actually, what is the craziest thing was, shame is the lowest energy form, there is Oh, so a feeling of shame is the worst, which makes me think that we should never shame anyone ever, or shame ourselves. And yes, and I think that was the other thing that maybe in my 30s or 40s, I'm 53 Now I know that you want but even up to my age, early 40s there were things that I don't know if it was shamed, but I thought I was embarrassed by and now I'm like, Who cares? So get so far? Like what? Embarrassed? I didn't know I think like I would, I noticed how easily I would like everything was about you see, I think when we are in too much of a pleaser energy, we're not really thinking about us, or we're thinking about how we look in other people's eyes. Right? And that is the wrong way of going about things. And I feel like actually when you are like you know, I love your quirky posts because I'm a quirky person Imagine if you weren't feeling comfortable with that Yeah, we would never come out nobody would understand that but you know, some people become so self conscious in everything that they do that they're no longer interesting to me.
Sarah Milken
I totally get that I taught because and that was part of this process for me as I was like, Okay, I can do this podcast and I can never curse and I can do everything perfectly and make it super neat and organized and have this Instagram grid that is this like perfect thing of perfect quotes. And then I was like, that's not me. And there's my personal energy is not going to come through this. So like, I don't have to be like the coolest or the funniest or the prettiest. But I just have to be me. And I feel like this podcast and my Instagram has like you said it's been able to let me express all the different sides of me and be comfortable on that my kids are like, What the fuck is she doing? Why she blowing a fan up her vagina. It
was so funny.
The funniest part is that was even planned. I was literally one to get my hair done. I was profusely sweating. The air conditioning was not on but she had this fan up on the counter and I was like Catherine, I'm gonna stick that fan out my dress. He just video for me really quick. And I didn't plan on posting it. And then I was like, You know what, fuck it. And people really liked it because we're all thinking about wanting to do that sort of crutch Stu fan off.
Angella Nazarian
I swear, that is one of my favorite posts. And I was thinking, you know, I just love it that Sara can, first of all have a sense of humor. But yes, absolutely. Everybody has had that feeling that they want it. Oh, and then so why, you know, I think the courage to be a little bit out there and showing the way is actually shedding light on how we all can find ways that we can liberate ourselves from these like tiny little boxes that we put ourselves in.
Sarah Milken
Totally. And I also think that part of the success of this podcast in this my sort of mid life journey is this idea of being vulnerable. But just also relatable. Yeah, it's, you know, it may not be 100% comfortable for, you know, if you asked me five years ago, if I was going to be talking about like vagina sweat, I would have been like, not a chance in how I would be thinking it. And I would have no problem talking to my friends about it. I just may not do such a public display in a public domain, like Instagram or a podcast. But I think one of the benefits of midlife and getting older is like, you know what, fuck it, it's now or never, this is who I am. And the people who want to be here are gonna be here for it. And the people who are like, not my cup of tea, they walk away, and I'm okay with that.
Angella Nazarian
Well, you know, the other way, like, it's still speaking about vibrations. I really love the way that you rewarded. Like, instead of saying, midlife crisis, it doesn't need to be a crisis. It's an inflection point. And you call it a remix. So you know, in today's term, it's like a different kind of branding. But you know that it the vibration of that word, is so much more positive than somebody thinking that a crisis, you just have to, like, do some crazy ass thing and leave your family? And you know,
Sarah Milken
go well, yeah. And I also think it's part of it is that a crisis is happening to you, you know what I mean, and you don't have a lot of agency in that. But I think a remix is sort of like, Hey, guys, let's take control. And we do have personal agency, there are choices we can make, there are things that we can do to make our lives the way we envision them or want them.
Angella Nazarian
So if you are in the midst of your remix, I wonder because one of the things that a lot of women would tell me was, oh, I don't want to change because if I change, and I do this, you know, so many people would be unhappy at home, or here or there with my new role, and my lack of the role that I had, how has your remix changed a personal relationship in a way that you think that it has empowered someone in your family, because usually, that's what happens, then once somebody sees that that person is empowered by change, it gives them courage to be more themselves as well,
Sarah Milken
I guess that one of the biggest examples, you know, it's hard to say that it was just my podcast, or if it was just like the whole sort of metamorphosis of me over the past year. But I think with my daughter, for example, like she's turning 15, you know, and I've talked about this before, is that I grew up in a house where my mom worked, and she had a big personality, and she's a CEO, you know, her obviously, and a lot of her sort of independent, badass, fiery energy is what I grew up in. And that's what I knew. And I felt like, Okay, well, my I've been a stay at home mom for 16 years, how my daughter views me, you know, in a light in that light as a stay at home mom, but I'm enjoying seeing her see me through a different lens, more similar to the lens that I grew up with, with my mom. And I think that seeing me doing these things that are so outside of my comfort zone, that she's been able to say, Well, she's doing that, so I can do that. So she's signed up for a lot of different classes that she normally wouldn't have taken. Oh, really? That's it? Yeah. And I thought it was kind of interesting. And I was like, why did you do that? And she goes, You know, I don't know, I just have never done it before. And I just felt like, I should try something new. And I wasn't like, oh, you're you learn something from my podcast. But it was just interesting seeing that parallel of, you know, modeling a certain behavior, and sort of seeing it come out in your children.
Right. That's incredible.
Angella Nazarian
And, you know, I'm thinking Do you do like vision boards? I know that you have talked about it.
Sarah Milken
Yeah, you know, I haven't done vision boards. I think my vision board is I have the I should show you I have these like three spiral notebooks that I carry around with me. And this, I have this pink pen with all the colors. I've like, 12 of them. And my husband always laughs He's like, are we gonna live with your spiral notebooks forever? And I'm like, Yes, we are. Because when I get ideas, or I have inspiration for something, I have to put it somewhere, but I think if I had a vision board, it would be a hell of a lot prettier than the spiral. No box.
Angella Nazarian
You know, with a vision board, it's really visual. Yeah, like my vision board wedding fun of my like in my bathroom. So every day I look at it. There's something quite fascinating magical about it.
Sarah Milken
I've heard that I've heard that you sort of manifest what you see right now I'm in post it note land. Yes, yes, I definitely should try a more visually aesthetic, you know, kind of curated, beautiful approach.
Angella Nazarian
It doesn't need to be curated. As a matter of fact, I always say that you just pick and rip things out that look interesting to you without really even knowing what it is. But I asked this question because I want to know what you want to manifest for your next year of thought podcasts. Like, you know, sometimes I was speaking with a friend and I said, I'm putting it out there. I want to get Madeleine Albright and Condoleezza Rice. And you know, at the time, I was like, that's a real push, but who cares? If I don't get it? I guess I just set it out there, put it out in the universe, like put it out in the universe? Who do you want to get next year? Or what is it that you like on your wish list?
Sarah Milken
That's such a good question and such a scary question. Well, in terms of what I see for myself for this podcast, I think that I'm definitely starting you know, we there's been a lot of vagina talk on my podcast, as we know, menopause, sex, libido, all of that stuff. But I think that like, as we you referenced before the Whoo, I'm definitely sort of getting a little bit outside of my box in terms of looking at topics that I know nothing about. Like I've been in, I just interviewed this woman on like, gonna laugh, but it's like vagina yoga. And someone else I interviewed about, you know, accessing your Kaushik records. So they're these sort of, I don't want to say niche, but for lack of a better term, sort of nice and more like exotic topics that I really don't know anything about. So I think this next year is going to be stretching past, you know, the menopause, and the sort of more sort of straightforward midlife topics into things that a lot of us don't know anything about. So that's definitely on the horizon. Because I've been recording my butt off over here the past few weeks. I know a lot of people ask about whether I'm planning on writing a book, I should tell them to come to you, since you're the book Master,
Angella Nazarian
is definitely on the horizon for you. And I remember telling you this, maybe 10 years ago,
Sarah Milken
yeah, I definitely, I see a book I just can't see exactly when. And I think that being such a performance based person and not wanting to put these sort of like benchmarks on myself, and to be so sort of, like self critical. I'm trying not to give myself a date. But I would say like, on the horizon would be fair.
Angella Nazarian
Yeah. And we don't have to give ourselves a date. But the fact that we yearn for something, or we want to make it happen, and we're ready to take the steps toward it, to manifest it, to me is really important. One of the things that I have been thinking about, and it goes back to your talk with Dr. Dr. Sherry, raw, Oh, I
Sarah Milken
love her.
Angella Nazarian
She's amazing. She's amazing. And, you know, it comes to the fact that I I'm so glad that you've had a lot of vagina talk. And you're so it's because a lot of people don't talk about it. And it's like, still a mystery to everyone. I know. She was one of the people that did mystify things. And then you take took it to the next level by bringing in other topics and other experts. But one thing that I once was talking to Sherry about is how there's so many cross cultural differences in the way that you experience certain events in your life. One being menopause. I don't remember my mom ever telling me about this, too. And you know what she I, she never told me about most things that happened with a female body, right? It was if it was shameful to be talking about it, or very awkward or uncomfortable. And the fact that now is out in the open, it's really helpful to me. And I wonder if we were to take a survey of like South American women, or women from the far east or Middle East? What is their take on midlife? Is that
Sarah Milken
such a good question? Yeah. Especially with what's going on in the world right now? It's a fantastic question. We'll have to answer that on the show. Angela,
Angella Nazarian
that's like my wish list for that because I when I was in India many years back, I could see that they look at midlife as such a natural part of one's growth, that's when you actually it's mandatory that you do self reflection, that's part of their culture, that you're not supposed to look or be like a 20 year old or 30 year old, you're supposed to be your age, because your age will bring wisdom and many other experiences that a 20 or 30 year old won't get. And I felt like Oh, that's a really interesting way of looking at it. And why don't we have that more in the western kind of culture? But I wonder how are women's reactions to menopause? Yeah,
Sarah Milken
I it makes me think about, you know, I had a listener DM me, and she's Persian. And she said, You know, I'm so happy I found your podcast, because after I had children, and they got a little bit older, I felt like within my culture, like my life was over, right? Like my contribution to the family. And the world was kind of done. Because my kids were of a certain age and like, sort of what good am I now? And it made me think like, wow, like is I wonder like, how much of that crosses, you know, various cultures? Or if it's particularly that culture, I mean, you could obviously comment on that,
Angella Nazarian
oh, it's definitely part of Persian culture. But I think most traditional cultures would feel that way. Because most of the weight of their identity is based on homemaking and building a family, which is extremely important. I don't minimize it, because it's one of the most important things we all can do if we choose to do it, right. But we never take the step to go the next level and say, okay, who am I without the family? Or who am I as a 50 year old? Who am I as a 60 year old? Why do we feel like 70 year old women are, you know, I even forget about the Persian culture, you know, that through doing all the topic durations in visionary women, I've heard people say, Well, she's an older person, and I'm like, that's ageism. Like, why can't an older person be thought of? She's an amazing person that has this memory bank of experiences. Like, you know, Gloria Steinem, right? She's an icon.
Sarah Milken
Yeah, it doesn't mean we're only even going to only live on their old experiences that they've already created. They're still capable of creating new experience. And I think that that is such an important part of midlife is that so many women are like, Oh, it's midlife. I'm just gonna give up. It's done. It's over. I'm not sexy anymore. I'm not needed in my work by my kids anymore. But I mean, if you look at the research, like people are living so much longer, that like our menopause years are going to are going to be long and post menopause years are going to be longer than the years prior to that. That's exactly
Angella Nazarian
what I'm getting at. And I'm thinking, Sarah, if we have another 50 years, that's going to be productive. How do we untap that kind of energy and this associate are, like what we want to do in life with our age. Like, I think that age thing, people going up against 60 going up against them. By the way, I say that when I was 39, you're gonna laugh. I was so the aged 39. I thought, oh my god. 40 that means, like, old, old. And that morning, I woke up, and I was supposed to meet my friend. And it was just like, I don't know why I was so nervous. I had a shot of tequila before going to lunch, and I went out. I had a shot of tequila. I couldn't stand today. Funny enough, my 40 when I turned 40, it was okay. 50 has been okay. But I can feel myself like I'm working with myself to kind of say, don't go with the age. I mean, just do who you are. Be you. Yeah. Going through life. And just figure things out. And it's very hard. I think I see a lot of my girlfriend's having that problem as well.
Sarah Milken
It's sort of like the same reason I don't look at the scale. Yeah, because I feel like when I if I look at the scale, then I always like sort of have this number. It's sort of like age you kind of you don't want to be sort of ticking off years. Because you look amazing. You feel amazing. You're doing so many things, and you have such a sort of vitality of life. And I think part of this journey for me and for this podcast has been like, let's unleash Yeah, midlife. Let's get our midlife juices flowing. Yeah, your vagina could be a little bit like more noise to your kid have, you know, exactly like all of those things, but let's embrace what we have, because we have so many years ahead of us. And I think it is hard to find if you haven't been doing a certain career for a long period of time, it's sometimes hard to like, figure out what those passions are. And how do you turn those passions into a reality? And we talked about that in the first episode. Yeah. And I think sometimes we work on reconnecting back to ourselves. Yeah. And I think you brought up a really good point in that episode that a lot of people resonated with it's sort of like, well, what did you like as a child? What did you like as a teenager? Were you into fashion? Were you into music? Did you paint? Like, what were those things that you used to love? Because chances are you probably still do you just haven't tuned back in for a while.
Yeah,
you know,
Angella Nazarian
Sarah, I know that we're running out of time, and I wanted to do something, and I should have prepared it for you. But I didn't because, you know, I'm winging this. And I'm just talking to my door. And I'm so proud of and I'm thinking, if you could think of a list of your episodes, let's go one by one. And you just instinctively Tell me one thing that you learn from that because this has been as much your journey as it's been for all of us. So okay, we start with me, I think you have a list. Do you have a nice list of all the speakers
Sarah Milken
I don't have. I don't have a list in front of me. I would have to pull it up. Let's see if I could pull it up on my phone. But I would say I would start with Angela, we might not be able to get through all of them because we could be here all day.
Angella Nazarian
One sentence. I'm gonna one sentence. Okay,
Sarah Milken
so Episode One was you and I think some of the biggest things were tapping into your inner strength, figuring out what your gifts are putting together your personal Board of Directors, and I know you talked about that a lot like who are your cheerleaders? Who are the people who bring up your vibrational energy? Who do you want to talk to? About your passions and like who's gonna be there for you at the end of the day, right?
Angella Nazarian
Right.
Sarah Milken
So next one, Pamela Salzman cooking expert, I would say with her she talked about being scattered and doing it anyway. And she talked about say yes sooner. So if things come along in your path that may not 100% be perfect or whatever, to kind of just jump in it because synchronicities happen one door opens the next opens the next but if you never open that first door nothing ever happens right? Okay Danny bind scene finding identity and purpose was spiritual astrology I think with Danny was about tapping into your personal astrology for identity and anchoring Dr. Sherry Ross was Episode Four revamping your vagina I mean, oh my god, she's one of my favorites, just her personality everything about her and I think with her it was treat your vagina the same way you would treat your face.
Angella Nazarian
That's right, right. You moisturize a hard time with that. Let me tell
Sarah Milken
you moisturize it You take care of it and you use coconut oil and you take a bath and it three times a week for 20 minutes. Okay, even Brodsky you don't have to do at all to have at all. I think my biggest thing with Eve rods ski and Episode Five was to be interested and be interesting. Right? And I know that resonates with you a lot too, because that's what you're doing. Tracy tutor, how to be smart, hot and fearless at 45. I love Tracy because Tracy's saying and doing what a lot of us are thinking but maybe don't have sort of the courage to say, and I just love her fierceness. She's a badass. We're talking about vaginas. And she's talking about her 29 year old boyfriend. And it's funny because some people were like, interesting. And I thought well, yeah, it's interesting because she's doing shit that we may never do, but it's really cool to listen to it and to know someone who's doing it. So love Tracy Ryan had in finding your center and identity in the second half of life. We talked about how you have to be your anchor to yourself. Yeah, and that's how you sort of limit those triggering responses is by staying anchored within yourself. Alyssa Goodman thriving not just surviving. She's a cleansing juice. seeing an expert I mean, she's episode eight I mean, are we ever gonna get through this Angela? She talks about cleansing the importance of self love, nutrition and juicing in life. Dr. Jason diamond this quote anti aging episode we go through all the pros and cons of a million different procedures and how doing plastic surgery can sometimes lead to judgment, but it's no different than going to the gym or doing something else for yourself and how everyone just needs to live in their own lane. My solo episode being my own why in the second half of life, that's self evident, do things because you want to Okay, Dr. Laura Berman, intensifying sexual and personal energies in the second half of life. Her basic premise is like every five to seven years, we're craving intensity and novelty and how we have to live in the vibration of that.
Angella Nazarian
Wow. That Yes, psychologically you also change every 700%
Sarah Milken
so that was fascinating. Episode 12. Live like no one's watching with Kevin nealon and his wife Susan, yay, clay. Amazing. They talk about being comedians and parenting in a pandemic and their amazing Episode 13 turning a passion into a business and the second half of life was Laney Schwartz, she talks about having a small idea like you and I talked about and it started as a hobby. And then she turned it into a business just by going one step at a time. Episode 14 sex mood and menopause with Dr. Shiva ghofrani. That was a three part episode on menopause. And she blew everyone out of the water with all of the different approaches and just her sort of zest for life. Mallika Chopra, who am I living in the second half of life living with intent. She talks about how the difference between like an intent and intention and the importance of meditation and anchoring to oneself Melinda Maria passion, style and jewelry, are people still listening and
Angella Nazarian
they are but you know, I'm just Okay, I'm gonna take a little pause here and say, This is when I know you're living your work in the most profound way. Because look, you listening and you take those nuggets, and you just bring it out for the speaker for the listener in one second. One second. Yeah, you are. So one with the content that you're doing that for me, is watching my friend. Talk about each one of those things, which by the way, I'm like, Oh my god, I missed that one.
Sarah Milken
We're gonna have we're gonna have an exam. So I don't know if I should finish these or if I should just let everyone go to the website and see all the podcast episodes. Yeah,
Angella Nazarian
well, I think we I think this is the first 13 is fantastic. And I'm sure that each one has something to give. But I I do think, Wow, what a year you've
Sarah Milken
had, what a year. And I think that that was part of the podcast, too, is like, we can all listen and read hours and hours of information. But if you can listen to an episode in an hour or an hour and 20 minutes, and you can pull out one thing, one actionable item, like then I've done my job. Yes, because we can't use everything. We can't remember everything. We're all bombarded with so much information all day long. But if you can take it walk away with one thing that makes mid life more fun for you or more meaningful than I've checked my box.
Angella Nazarian
Well, you've checked my box because I've gone through this journey this year listening to you. And this is one of the greatest things about a podcast, you could be walking, doing, you know, driving, listening, and you feel that you're taking in information that is relevant to you. And it's interesting. It's funny, there's great banter in it, and I'm really looking forward to your next year's. You know, launch.
Sarah Milken
Oh my gosh, thank you. Me too. And I'm sure my husband and my kids are too they're like the queen of TMI. When is she going to Viking stuff is this almost over? But Angela, I want to say thank you for being such a good friend. Thank you for saying yes to everything. I want to thank everyone, every listener, every podcast listener, every Instagram follower, everyone who has said yes to me and who has supported me along the way. I'm so happy That you know my Why is being satisfied and all of this just my own personal meaning in life, but also all the messages I get from women every day who are like, I love your podcast, you're speaking to me You're relatable. Like keep going. I'm like, okay, so I just want to thank everyone. It's been a crazy crazy year, but so awesome.
Angella Nazarian
Thank you, Sara.
Sarah Milken
Thank you, Angela. You're amazing. Good peeps. Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed finding our sweet spot today, and digging through layers of shit with your golden shovel, subscribe, subscribe. Subscribe. DM me on Instagram at the flexible neurotic. Tell me which golden shit nuggets resonated with you. The ones that you're going to start using today to start getting your shit together to find our sweet spots. screenshot it, send it to a friend. This is Dr. Sarah Milken, the flexible neurotic, inspiring you to gather, curate, incorporate, maybe even meditate