Episode 28: The 12 Reasons Why I Started My Midlife Remix: Rant-Style

Sarah Milken

Hi, good peeps. Welcome to the flexible neurotic podcast. You know that friend that you can call to ask anything? That's me. Dr. Sarah Milken. I'm known to my friends as the flexible, neurotic. What does flexible neurotic even mean? Let me be neurotic while I take out my golden shovel to dig deep for all the golden nuggets in the hottest topics, from parenting, to education, to neuroscience, and maybe even some beauty secrets. So we can all start living more flexibly. Come join us for edgy conversations with rad moms. Innovative thought leaders and well being practitioners, helping you find that sweet spot between chaotic and chill. If you're craving that sweet spot, grab your golden shovel with me. You will walk away with nuggets you can start using today.

Hi peeps, this is Dr. Sarah Milken, the flexible neurotic it's six o'clock at night. My son just got home from beach volleyball. He's in the shower. I don't know if you can hear the shower running. And everyone is downstairs about to eat dinner. And I have been putting off this solo episode because I stressed about solo episodes by first and last solo episode was Episode 10. And it did really well and I got so much good feedback on it. But for some reason I have this like full blown fucking anxiety attack about talking to myself into a microphone. And I'm not really sure why because I talk basically for a living. I talk on podcasts all day long. I talk on the phone, I talk to my friends, like I'm like a master conversationalist. But there's something about like talking to yourself that it's just really stressful. And I didn't want to write a script. And I didn't want to bore you guys. So I'm basically going to kind of go with this without a script and see where we go. I kind of wanted to start thinking about the wrap up to my year. This is coming up on almost a one year anniversary of the flexible neurotic podcast which is it's like fucking insane to even say that I have been doing this for a year. So basically last September, I started an Instagram account from zero. I didn't even have Instagram. Before that I started a podcast, I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. I was googling, like, how do you make a podcast and now suddenly? Well, it's not really suddenly after a year of basically busting my ass. I have put together a podcast that is resonating with so many women. And I'm so excited. I mean, I get so many messages every day from all of you guys who are like, Oh my god, Sarah, I love what you're doing. I love the messages that you're sending. I love the posts, I love the podcast, and everybody's super engaged and interested and wanting to share their stories that like any day where I'm like, Fuck, I can't do this anymore. This is so hard because you have to remember like being 46 years old and not being a technology person every single day is like mental fucking gymnastics. It's like Wait, how do you attach the document? How do you upload the file and my husband and my kids are like how do you not remember how to do that like you've been doing that for like six months and I'm like, my brain cannot get around that. So I've posted notes literally all over my computer. So as I approach this one year mark, I'm just thinking about how we're all so scared to do new stuff in our lives and how sometimes we just have to take the first step and I know it sounds really basic and like what but it's really true. It's like okay, you want to start a podcast Okay, you're gonna Google how to do a podcast then you're going to try to find someone who can help you set it up and it's just sort of like this next step next step next step and you guys know from my solo Episode Number 10 that I work with a life coach and a life coach like I've explained they don't tell you what to do they're not like oh and then do this and then do that. It's sort of like just reflecting back to your inner thoughts in a semi linear way so that you can kind of make sense of it. It was like hey, I want to put myself out there again. I have the midlife itchy Geez. I don't want to have a midlife crisis. I want to have a midlife REMAX. And I don't even know what that is or what that means. And I think there's so many other women like who have no idea what that means either. And what if I created this podcast and I interviewed all these different experts in the realm of menopause, revamping our vaginas, revamping our mental health, physical health, all of it like Where could we get to like can we collect all this rat information so we could quote live more flexibly So the whole idea of the flexible neurotic which my kids and my husband still laugh about to this day cuz they're like on a scale of one to two like how fucking flexible Are you really? And I'm like thanks for that. I mean all my kids friends think like I'm a cool mom and they're like, Yeah, but when you close the door and you leave like she's like a raving lunatic, I mean, I hope I'm not a raving lunatic. I mean, I'm sure I am sometimes which is fine. I mean, I feel like our kids are all going to be in therapy for something so if they're in therapy over the fact that I wear leopard leggings instead of like black Lululemon leggings like I'm cool with that. So coming up on this one year I just have to say thank you to everyone and I just don't even know what to say your support literally one by one from hi Evan Instagram was zero followers to like being somewhere over 5000 right now in a totally organic way. Like I haven't bought followers I haven't bought likes I haven't done any of that. It was like you know what, people are gonna find me the people who need to find me will find me and the people who resonate with this feeling and this message of I have a fucking midlife remix to be had and let me do it in kind of a sassy, irreverent, but smart way. Here I am. So I hope I've gotten your midlife juices flowing with this flexible neurotic podcast and with this random six o'clock at night, I just got to get this solo episode off my chest because I'm overthinking the fuck out of it like I do with everything and I just get it to go. So here we go. You guys like the 12 reasons why I started my midlife. REMAX. First of all, I wanted my own thing. I mean, look, I went to an Ivy League school, as we all know, thanks mom and dad for paying for that project. I went to USC and I got my masters and PhD in educational psychology. Thank you mom and dad for that project. And I always thought that I was going to be a working mom, just like my mom was like, it wasn't even an option for me, like in my mind that I was going to stay home and with my kids. And because I didn't grow up like that. And I'm sure most of you know at this point, my husband and I met in ninth grade when we were 13. And like he knew my mom, he knows my personality, who knows, like big personality, like I was going to do what I wanted how I wanted and he was supportive of either way. So when I said after I got my PhD, I was teaching at USC in the Graduate School of Education, I had Jake, my first kid and I was like, You know what, I'm not going to work and it was kind of stressful in the sense that I really felt like I was like letting down the whole peanut gallery. But at the same time, I just really felt like I'm one of those people who really tries to listen to my intuition because I feel like my intuition is pretty spot on. I mean, you can ask any of my friends like if I meet someone and I'm like, Oh, that's like a stomach ache person. They'll come back to me a year later and be like you know that girl that you said was like a stomach ache person she totally is. So I feel like I have really good people radar and personal radar. So my radar was like Sarah, just stay home with your kids look, I loved and love continue to love because they're only turning 15 and just turned 17 being a stay at home mom, but at the same time, like come on you guys like it gets like a little repetitive, a little Groundhog Day, a little hamster wheel and you're like get me the fuck out of here half the time. But looking back on it. I mean, it's not even like my kids are gonna listen to this episodes. It doesn't even matter what I fucking say. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's what worked for me. And that's like, the whole point of this podcast is like, no matter what stage you're in, but especially midlife, we have earned the fucking right to be obsessed with ourselves. And I feel like I was a really good mom, like I was really present and a pretty good wife like I don't cook. I'm not like don't clean very well and I have a lot of junk drawers and I pile up books on the side of my bed, which is really annoying for my husband who's totally fucking OCD. I'm like the biggest experiment in like exposure therapy for someone who's OCD because I don't like to give things away. I'm like an organized mess is basically what I am. It's like a juxtaposition. It's like flexible, neurotic, organized fuckin mess. It's like, everything's a mess. But I like know where everything is. Anyway. So back to my 12 reasons why the wanting my own thing was a huge thing. My kids have their own things. They have their own lives. My husband has his own life. He runs his own company. He's also a fucking hobbyist, which is really annoying to me, because I don't have any hobbies and he has 100 hobbies. He's like a TV cross drawn electronic programmer like he literally got Like a tutor online to like figure out how to like program TVs it's actually sort of insane he started playing the piano 10 years ago I'm super mean about that I shouldn't be because you know a lot of husbands are like getting into like porn and gambling and minds like obsessive compulsively playing the piano and he also got like a mini piano so he wasn't like bashing the piano keys as he was practicing which was super cool of him so the secondary piano he has has earphones so that's like such a gift because I'm definitely one of those people who can't handle sensory overload I can't have like a TV blasting or news playing in the background. I can't have 1000 voices or noises so that's been super helpful but back to the wanting Mian thing thing so I felt like at 45 I got the midlife issues obviously I had issues before that, but I just shut them up for a while because I was like, I have to do my life and seasons. And what does that mean? That means I just wasn't one of those people who was like I can do a full time career and have kids and I think it's amazing that people who can do that look I grew up in that that's what my mom was that's all I knew. But I just being such a perfectionist and like psycho and like neurotic I just couldn't handle not changing almost every diaper or like not being there when my kid woke up from a nap. It's totally psycho I used to write down on a piece of paper there was like a clipboard and I would write down how many boobs how many peas what time the bottle went on. I did all of that yet like if you ask me like when Jay started talking or his first step, no idea because I'm like the worst Pinterest mom known to man. I like did not take notes on that stuff. Everything's like a rough estimate. I only have photo albums until the kids are two and they're 17 and 15. So I don't know like maybe when they graduate. I'll hire someone who can help me put together photo albums I'm not sure. So this podcast basically became my passion project, my midlife remix project, kind of like a senior project in high school. Like let me figure out what the fuck I'm going to do with my mid life and I know there's so many women out there who's who are in that same position. It's like, do I want to hobby do I want to find a passion? Do I want to start a business do I want to play pickleball? Do I want to play marshawn? Like I can't play games I'm like the worst fucking game player on the planet like my husband's whole family. It's like they're playing like montage on and rummy cube and cards and Scrabble and I'm like oh my god, can I just scroll Instagram like that's just like way too many mental gymnastics for me. So not being a hobbyist and wanting to find something of my own. This podcast became my project and just like talking to people and researching and nerding out and so for me like my husband's always like you don't really compartmentalize your work very well. It's kind of like going in through the night and all day long and all the weekends and blah blah blah and I'm like yeah, because I don't play the piano and I don't do cross drawn and I'll play tennis like I don't have that skill set or those interests. And so for me, my podcast is kind of like my passion project. My job my hobby, like all of those things at once. Okay, second reason 12 reasons why I'm heading off into empty nest Jake 17 he's a junior in high school. My daughter is turning 15 Marin she's turning 15 in November and she they are both amazing kids but like oh my god, I am stressed that they are leaving I God Jake's gonna be gone in a year and a half he like really only has one more summer at home Marin is 15 and fucking killing me because girls and their moms like oh my god I mean I know she's obsessed with me and like would like to steal all the clothes in my closet and text me like 465 times a day and facetimes me like where are you from upstairs but then it's like if I breathe or I chew it's way too fucking loud for her and she can't take it and then I'm like wait aside this means my mom and I'm so mean to my mom. I mean not mean but I'm like okay mom like you don't know like how to order a pair of shoes from New Balance Come on really like mom. Anyway so the empty nest thing is super stressful for me because Jake is leaving in a year and a half and then you know you guys know if you have older kids or kids are already off to college. It's like okay, well it's gonna be a lot of alone time with my husband and he does have all these hobbies. So okay, I gotta find something that I am going to be able to do once both of my children leave so I'm not driving my husband crazy or trying to become a golfer and I have no athletic ability at all. Okay, third reason I don't know exploring spirituality. Like the whoo caught up to me. People are like, what do you mean Woo. Like that's one of the questions I asked and my rapid fire is like, what boo things do you do? Some people are like what the fuck is whoo Whoa, like woo to me. It's like everything my husband is like what the fuck are you talking about? It's like, oh, you're doing a Kaushik records, you're doing psychic readings you're doing Reiki supplements crystals meditation. Look, I grew up basically in like a very linear box. Like I lived in a container It was like I went to school, got good grades, checked all my boxes, got a Master's and PhD, got married had a kid but and I was like, I've told you in the first episode, I was raised Jewish, but I'm not a super religious person. And I'm not a big God person. Like, I believe that there is a God and I believe in like a higher being, but I can't say that, like I'm a super spiritual or religious person. So I feel like with this podcast, I've really started to begin to explore my spirituality in sort of more a less linear way and a more curvy, woo, open way. All the different people that I interview all the different, like research papers that I read that I come across, you know, so I've been able to, like, introduce my kids to all sorts of shit where they're, like, really, like, Are you joking, but they're kind of into it. And I have to say, my husband, like for as sort of black and white and linear as he is he's gonna hate that. I just said that. But I always say that to him. I'm like, really, that kind of person who I'm not like super spiritual, but I'm definitely nuanced. Like, there's definitely like, a lot of gray, I'm an over thinker. I really try to see things from like other people's perspective. And so I feel like this podcast has given me sort of all these doorways, open doorways to new people, and new experiences and self growth and spiritual expansion and just cool shit that like I've never really had a chance to explore before and haven't really been introduced to like, I'm interviewing some people and like, I was like, What the fuck is iosa you know, you drink a certainty and you get in touch with yourself at all this stuff and I know my husband thinks I've like totally lost my mind, but I think he sort of appreciates it at the end of the day. I do want to interview a tantric sex person because I feel like number one, it would be cool number two, we've talked about the vagina and the libido situation in the second half of life gets like a little bit like Oh, so that leads me to Reason number four Dr. vagina of why I started this podcast, I had a C section so my vagina is very intact as I told my friend Allie last night like I could literally like pick up a blueberry probably because of the juicy sections and no stretching and jet but as you get older, and your hormones are changing, and blah blah blah a becomes as a lot of the doctors that I've had on this podcast have said it becomes like inelastic and you're like, Okay, do I do this? Do I do that? So all the different doctors I've interviewed it's like Sherry Ross coconut oil in the vagina and episode four people went crazy about that it was like the vagina had never been spoken about before. And I somehow became a vagina expert but it was so cool because I got so many fucking messages from you guys that were like, Oh my god, I am taking a bath and coconut oil three times a week and like slapping it up my vulva and all over the place and sex doesn't hurt anymore. So just being able to open this like conduit to vaginas and libidos and CBD in the vagina with Dr. Suzanne Gilbert lens and all of these things these are all things that are kind of embarrassing for 46 year old women to like think about and talk about but I'm basically taking the head and like throwing myself under the bus and saying like Hey guys, I will put my marriage on the line and like fuckin ask these questions for you and for me, and like the funniest part is I my husband's gonna kill me for saying this but you know he listens to every single episode because he has to because I quiz them No, I'm just kidding. Well, sort of. But anyway, so when he walks a dog he listens to my episodes and the other day like we were gonna have sex and he like pulled out the lube and it was literally the lube that Dr. Suzanne Gilbert lunz had recommended in the episode and I almost died I hope my kids aren't listening they never listened they haven't listened since in angelyn is era and I think episode one because they're still trying to get over like being mortified by the fact that I share too much information but anyway so that was reason for Dr. vagina inelastic vagina libido blah blah blah. Okay, number five, exterior maintenance rabbit hole. I mean, the exterior maintenance rabbit hole is a big topic for me. I want to talk about wrinkles. I want to talk about upgrades fucking two knobs we talked about the vagina tune up now the exterior tune up also in As a vagina because you got to keep like all of your outside parts on task and on point and like you don't want nipple hairs and all these like random things that menopause brings but exterior maintenance has been an interesting topic to cover because it's kind of controversial like there's so many women who are like oh my god I can't believe you put filler in your face and oh my god Botox and oh my god you wear makeup everyday blah blah blah blah blah yes, I do all of those things. I don't deny it but you guys like the reality of is like we all did Middle School already, like middle schools over midlife is the fucking time to do it your fucking way. Whatever that is, like, if I want to wear makeup and go into an infrared sauna. I should be able to do that without anyone judging me if you want to never wear makeup for the rest of your life, and like whatever go do that that's how I see it it's like it midlife let everyone just live in their own lane. I am like no one's ever said to me like oh my god I can't believe you or makeup but it's sort of like I used to get comments from my kids friends it's more like oh my god it's 730 in the morning and like you're already put together but like the reality is is I've talked about on this podcast million times my exterior maintenance is not because of vain it's not because I think I'm like you know a supermodel I'm far from it but it's just for me it's like I want to look walk past a mirror and be like okay like I feel put together I have some mascara on I'm have some concealer on covering like the dark Italian circles under my eyes. Yes, I'm half Jewish half Italian I'm not really I guess considered like a real Jew I think maybe because my mom is Italian Catholic but I was raised Jewish had a bar mitzvah all of the things my mom was like even president of the temple just kind of funny when I think about it But back to exterior maintenance and the rabbit hole of that Jason diamond amazing best plastic surgeon ever. I haven't had plastic surgery yet but I'm definitely fuckin signed up for my facelift just kidding like I told my husband I'm like I think I'm ready in like three years and he's looking at me like I'm crazy. While I'm like pulling on my neck pulling on my job. Jason diamond has been managing like the filler and the wrinkles situation along with Jessica Wu who's been doing the Botox as well in between we talked about hair we talked about makeup in the show we talked about everything basically that is exterior maintenance because the reality of it is whether you care you don't like exterior maintenance is part of midlife and there's a million ways to skin the cat but I don't know I guess I just want to feel like if I can keep my shit together I want to but I totally appreciate that people who are just like fuck it I'm gray. I can't do that. Like I feel like I have like furry eyebrows. I don't have gray hairs yet which is totally weird. My mom doesn't have gray hair either and she's 74 which makes no sense and we both have Italian skin which is super privileged in a way because it's like a little bit tan a little bit all of and soft, but it's like really elastic on like my vagina. The plastic surgeon was like yeah, you have very saggy skin because it's so supple and soft from being like Italian all of skin and so like that's why like my boobs it's like they fall down my face like falls down is because it's like super sloppy skin anyway. Okay, reason number six insane hormones I talked about in the three part menopause episode with Shiva Ross that hormones are like a major fucking project and everyone has different reactions. Everyone's like going through something slightly different but everyone in menopause basically feels like a little left of center or totally fucked up half the time and sweaty and neck sweaty and like sweaty under the boobs and sweaty inner thighs and like, Okay, I need to wear nipple covers, but they're made out of silicone. Is that going to make my nipple sweat? I don't know. I don't even know if nipples do sweat. But I actually think that they do because there's like little perforations. But I do talk about in my menopause episode that I do take birth control pills. I know that's fucking controversial, too. We go in depth on that. But you know, for me, and again, we're not in middle school anymore for me and for my life and for my body. I am a fucking lunatic if I'm not on birth control pills, like I breastfed both of my kids I talked about that in the first episode too for six weeks. And like literally the first day of the six week I was like okay, pediatrician you said get to six weeks like I love my children, but I have to go on birth control pills, like, I'm bonkers. birth control pills, like make me feel normal again. And it's one of those funny things where most people are like, Oh my god, birth control pills make me crazy, blah, blah, blah. But I had so many women reach out to me and they were like, Oh my God, thank you so much for talking about the fact and like being honest that you're on birth control pills because my doctor wants to put me on them and I just keep hearing all these terrible things. Then like I'm so happy you're doing it too so it doesn't matter what you're doing I think the point is I tried to be relatable person I tried to be honest you can like agree disagree, whatever, but it's like let's just have the conversation Let's just be open to the conversation, which leads me into the seventh reason why I started this podcast. I'd say judgment city like let's do a judgment detox guys, let's see if we can be 46 years old and have been a mom stay at home mom for 16 years and then suddenly decide like hey, I'm going to start a podcast and it's gonna feel like I got naked and ran through the Century City Mall with like, no clothes on and not firm and not toned and with a muffin top and then everyone's gonna watch me on Instagram and I'm gonna have this podcast come out and would have for people listened to me and people think it's stupid and how can she put herself out there in such a public way? And Who does she think she is? And like these are the things that were like going on in my mind like a crazy person like what are people gonna think of me? Like, you know, it's like that whole peanut gallery it's like I have my inner mean girl going on which is like blah blah blah Sara, then I'm like presuming that like everyone in my outside world is gonna be like criticizing me but like you know what the fact is, if they are I haven't even heard about it like everyone's been super cool and super supportive and I think my fear of judgment city like really kind of calmed down pretty quickly because I think women were like, Wait shit she can do it so can I so I started getting like all these messages that were like oh my god, I can't believe her doing this like oh my god, I can't believe you're doing this. Like I'm starting my this or I'm starting my that and like most of the women that didn't even know and like in different states, and then suddenly, I was like, creating all these new midlife friends. And my judgment, detox just like started once I started kind of just living my life and saying, like, you know what, even if only four fucking people listen to my podcast, even if I only have four Instagram followers, that's gonna be okay with me. I mean, I'm not sure it would have been like in the long run, but like for the first five minutes, it was fine. I'm just kidding. But I got really lucky because I had people like you guys listening, sharing it with your friends, talking about it with your friends, sharing it on social media and that like, you know, it just sort of became like an organic Crossfire and wildfire. And it's been exciting. Number eight, eight. The reason why being a mom of teens like fuck, that's hard. Like I had an episode with Vanessa Crowe Bennett, the teenage expert and like, we dove deep into so much teenage parenting shit. And I feel like that's one of the reasons why I started the podcast. It's like, Hey, you guys, like being a parent of teens is really complicated. You're taking like puberty hormones with menopausal hormones, and you're putting together this like huge fucking stew of hormones and like, Who's gonna win? I mean, I hope it's me. But definitely my daughter is like winning right now. My son was winning when he was 14 Bush, but he's my favorite child right now, because he's not questioning me as much because he drives so he's not here as much, where she's kind of much more dependent on me because I have to drive her from thing to thing to thing 565 times a day. So don't tell him he's my favorite kid right now. And don't tell her either. So mom of two kids, I've loved every second of it, but it's trying and you don't know exactly what to do, and you don't know what the answers are. So it's been an amazing opportunity with this podcast to you know, talk to people like, you know, Vanessa Crowe Bennett and her partner card Madison and they're doing the puberty podcast together, which is also awesome. And with Vanessa like we talked about like getting your period like having open lines of communication with your kids like my kids are like please stop talking to us about porn and like how we shouldn't use porn too much or we're not going to be able to get an erection or like I talked about in Episode Four was Sherry Ross like uh, when he gave my son manscape or like a pubic hair trimmer and everyone was like what why did you do that? I'm like well I didn't like trim it for him I just was like here like I don't know what your situation is down there but like it's best if you like try to clip it and keep yourself organized and whatever and I have like a very open line of communication with my kids. My kids are probably horrified by it but secretly like it and you know, they'll text me or call me and be like, Mom, I have like this weird thing and like blah blah blah My husband is like definitely mortified by it but totally fuckin relieved that he is not in the crossfire of having to answer a lot of those questions. And like I said in the Vanessa episode, like he's a potted plant. Some At the time like he's like in the room to sort of like pretend that he's part of the like puberty awkward talks but it's not saying that much but he's there and he's supportive of it he's gotten better at it though because I'm like dude you gotta like say something because I can't just be like a broken record over and over and he's like oh yes you can you've done a great job of it just keep going. They do not like talking about at the dinner table like I'm not allowed to talk about poop I love talking about poop and diarrhea like which bathrooms like can you use at school and all that stuff? They do not like that at all. Like not amusing but whatever. Okay, reason number nine ready for the next season of my life. I talked about this earlier I got my PhD thought I was gonna have a full time career and I decided against that and decided to be a stay at home mom so this is my time to say like this is the next season in my life midlife I'm going to become obsessed with myself I wish I worked out more though like when does self obsession become like you actually like enjoyed working out I always say to my trainer who I have to cancel 500 times a week because of the podcast but I always say like I've worked out with her since Jake was four and he's 17 so that's like kind of crazy but I always say to her I'm like do I have to do this for the rest of my life? And she's like yeah, Sarah you do and like I don't know that just seems like so long, but I'm doing it because I did get a bone density scan this year because I fell off a bike in Hawaii and broke my wrist and my rib. And I don't know I just felt like okay, those are all healing it seems like they're taking forever I want to get a bone density scan to like, see where I am. And I have to be honest, like it wasn't a great scan. They're like yeah, you have some areas of deterioration. So I'm sticking with the workouts I'm sticking with the weights and I am embracing the next season of I guess just being less of a mom in the sense that my teenagers don't need me as much anymore and like entering the season of like, more me more podcasts more figuring out like me time not canceling on me showing up for my fucking self. And that's my ninth reason why okay 10th reason why mental fucking health I mean, mental health is like probably related to almost every single one of these reasons why but just generally speaking, it's like, am I okay? Am I happy? Am I depressed? Am I like in the dumps? Am I you know, reaching for my next goal? Like it doesn't have to be a massive goal, just a small goal. And a lot of women in midlife face a lot of mental health issues. Like it's depressing. Sometimes when you're like getting older and you're like, Am I invisible? Does anyone care if I'm here? Do my teenagers care about me? Everybody's fucking busy, or my kids are going off to college and like, Am I going to be fucking relevant anymore? Is my husband going to talk to me and you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I think that mental health is like a humongous issue. And I've interviewed so many people on this podcast that have touched on various elements of mental health. I mean, including Steve leader, the rabbi at Wilshire Boulevard temple like we did a whole episode on mental health as it relates to grief and loss and aging parents. You know, I mean, my parents are getting on the older side like you think your parents are going to be young forever, but they're not you know, and I remember enjoying the company my grandparents so much. And the thought of like, my, my parents were like grandparents to like kids who are almost in college is just crazy to me. And as health issues creep up here and there and with the pandemic, there's just, I don't know, that's like major mental health issues going back to Reason number 10. And aging parents in COVID is been really stressful. My dad's like, okay about it, my mom not okay about it, you know, she's a very neurotic person like me, and the COVID thing has been hard. I'm not going to lie. So we've been working through that and everyone's coming out on the other side right now. So that's good. Reason number 11. libido we kind of touched on that a little bit with the Dr. vagina and number four, but libido in midlife. You know, it kind of like gets humdrum. I mean you can adore your spouse and all of that and I've been with my husband for 27 years and believe me I'm no porn star I don't have like special like treasure chest pleasure chest but I will say I'm starting to interview people who do so and I've interviewed a few who have so I'm getting a lot of gifts sent to me in the mail by podcast guests thanks doctor ferry for your vibrator. But I that's not hasn't been like a huge part of me. Like I feel like I'm a sexy sexual ish person, but I'm not definitely not like, I don't know like a porn star my husband's like, but the amount of fucking like topics and episodes that you have related to sex and sex drive. I would think I'd like be benefiting more I mean, whatever. So that's definitely on my list. Like I said, I will definitely want to interview like a tantric sex person because then he would have to be involved and like do some of the work to you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But libido is a huge, huge thing in midlife. And I think that by talking about it, and understanding the basis of it and thinking about solutions for it and interviewing experts, like I've gotten so many messages from you guys that are like, Oh my god, I didn't know this, or I didn't know that or I'm trying this CBD thing that Dr. Suzanne mentioned, or blah, blah, blah, or I'm going to lemon new, and getting, you know, the vaginal ultrasound done. I mean, these are things that are like, a little, like, left of center, semi embarrassing, like whatever. But if we don't fucking talk about it in some capacity, we're never going to do it. And here I am to say, I'm daring myself, I dared myself and I'm daring all of you to just step in, step into the midlife remix, like we're doing it and we're doing it together. Like, you don't have to be a guest on my podcast. But as long as you're there, and you're listening, and you're hearing all of it, and we can have these like rad conversations and funny comments and comments, we are creating a community of women who are willing to talk about midlife issues in a very open way. And that leads me to number 12 of 12 reasons why I started my midlife remix, and my flexible neurotic podcast is fucking boredom. Nobody wants to be bored. Like our kids don't want to be bored. We don't want to be bored. I mean, it's fun to be bored. Sometimes when you have other things you want to do, and you're procrastinating. But boredom is like a killer. It's like a buzzkill. And every five to seven years, we our brains are like looking for something novel. And I think that's why a lot of marriages have issues and relationships have issues because we're all looking for novelty at the end of the day. And in last for putting in the work to create like sort of novel energy and novel experiences within our marriage and within ourselves just for ourselves, then like, I don't know, if we're not willing to do the work, then we're going to kind of like pay for it. So here I am saying like, I'm doing the work for myself. I'm trying to do the work on my marriage. And I'm trying to collect all of these golden nuggets of information from these experts so that we can work on issues like libido, boredom, mental health, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I am so psyched that you guys have resonated with all of my podcast and I hope I've gotten your midlife juices like just pumping and running and moving. I know that I'm an overshare it's like the TMI Express but I think that that's part of the fun of it is I don't know if I just interviewed people and just gave you guys information it would like be like you were back in fucking high school, at least if I like take a piss at myself take the piss at myself. And like throw myself under a bus and you know, just talk about things that I'm thinking about and feeling then I think a lot of us can feel more comfortable and having these awkward conversations or just even if you're not ready to have the conversation about something awkward like you're not going to sit at my dinner table and talk about like your vagina or your libido or any of those things at least like you're thinking about them in the back of your mind or you're like my husband who like maybe he's not talking about it but it's like buying the lube on the side and like surprising me with it but in all of this I don't really even know if this is like my anniversary episode I haven't decided yet but I am going to say that I can smell my daughter's meal almost being finished because I've told you guys this before I think she became like a chef and COVID because I'm the worst parent ever and I'm the worst cook I hate cooking I'm not good at it everyone's mean to me about it and my husband's like please don't cook because you're super bitchy mean your food is kind of gross anyway and when you cook you're in a bad mood so we either have to order it or my daughter cooks that's like basically what it's down to but I feel like the meal is almost ready and it's 645 and I've been talking for 45 minutes and I'm so sorry hopefully all maybe added some of the shit out but I hope you have enjoyed this like midlife unleashing by Dr. Sarah Milken, the flexible neurotic because I love you guys and I'm so excited that you're here and I'm excited to I don't know bring you guys into a whole nother year of the flexible neurotic. Talk soon.

Good peeps. Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed finding our sweet spot today, and digging through layers of shit with your golden shit shovel the Subscribe Subscribe, subscribe. DM me on Instagram at the flag. Several neurotic, tell me which golden shit nuggets resonated with you, the ones that you're going to start using today to start getting your shit together to find our sweet spots, screenshot it, send it to a friend. This is Dr. Sarah Milken, the flexible neurotic, inspiring you to gather, curate, incorporate, maybe even meditate.