Episode 24 transcript

00:00

Hi good peeps. This is the next episode of the flexible neurotic podcast. I'm Dr. Sarah Milken, the flexible neurotic. Today I have another rad guest I love her. I fucking love her. She is cool, smart, real and another fellow female business owner, making her splash in the second half of life. She is stylish, a combo of glamour the high in the low h&m mixed with Dior. And she's real life and tells us all how it really is. She is an influencer lifestyle blogger who specializes in fashion and lifestyle topics and tips. She recently launched her new blog being Caroline and her new merchandise. My shipping email came yesterday and said that my notepads, my merge are in the mail. She is known for her real talks on Instagram. Caroline doesn't just show up in pretty photos in glimpses of her fab life. She shares the blood, sweat and tears. The things so many of us are experiencing and perhaps not openly talking about her name is Caroline, but Dino Vera Oh my god. I'm

01:13

so excited to be here. And I just first and foremost want to say thank you. I really do I

01:17

honestly, I have been wanting to interview you since the beginning of last summer. We never got our shit together. We never got it on the calendar. COVID fucked up our whole schedule. Everything. Yes. Oh, God. made it happen. We made it happen. And

01:33

I'm so proud of you. I've been watching your podcast and listening to your podcast. You're killing it, babe. And I'm so proud of you on

01:39

I love you. Thank you so much. It's women like you supporting other women like me and be supporting you. We all have to do it.

01:48

We have to do it. I think it's become unnormal. Like, honestly, it's like not normal to help or for women to support each other. And I just don't understand when that happened. Like when we became so competitive. I

01:58

know we're going to talk about that. Because that is something that is so important, especially right now and I'm a middle school daughter. I know you have two sons. And let's talk about your amazing husband, john, because I love him even though I've never met him like I love my husband, who was just standing here helping me get this tech in order with her husband. Yeah, we were talking about how our tits are sweating, or blasting the air conditioning. We did a cold rain shower before the interview. You're wearing nipple covers. I'm not I was gonna put them on. But then I told you that I thought I was gonna sweat through the silicone nipple covers. It's a situation

02:43

you guys wait guys don't understand what we go through. Okay, they're always in the hot sweats specially because I know you talk about midlife a lot, which you know, I love to talk about and menopause and the hot sweats and things that women hate talking about. Because I think no one likes to talk about their age. And I don't understand why because I feel like I've earned this age and I want to talk about it. I think I've never felt better. So I'm kind of like, why don't we talk about all this stuff that goes on now? Because the truth is, menopause is crazy.

03:08

Yeah, there are things that we can do. Yes, I'm a little shitty, a little sweaty. But like a dry vagina, like you can deal with that there are things that we can do. You know, and it's, I think the whole thrust of this podcast and people like you and me, it's like you guys, there's shit that's happening to all of us. It's normal. Let's just figure out how the fuck to fix it,

03:32

how to fix it, how to help each other, to let each other up and actually still be able to live our best lives, like your life doesn't end because things get hard or because your body's changing or because your life changes or because your career changes. Your life does not end it's just you know, there's always an opportunity to reinvent yourself. That's why I love when you say that because it's the truth. There is no time limit or age limit to changing yourself.

03:55

And it's not easy. It's fucking hard. It's fucking hard. It is. And it's like I say on my Instagram, it's like, some days I wake up and I'm like, I'm interviewing Caroline. I fucking love today. Today's gonna be awesome. And there's some days I wake up and I'm like, I'm just not feeling it. Should I just shut down? How can I do this? This is too much work.

04:16

I feel gross. Do I really have to work out today? And it's like, there's no perfect I think people have a really ups you know, a weird illusion of what happiness is of what successes of why you know, to actually feeling good in your own skin is and that's the thing it's like everyone thinks that it's like people are walking around just like popping pills with like a rocket up your ass that makes you feel like full of energy. So happy. like things are amazing. And it's just not true. we all struggle. I was like crying last night like we all have so much responsibility, so much going on in our lives. And yet we still want to try to live out our own lives. And in that there's so much conflict and it's like, yes, there are days that are so brutal. And I think the difference between the ones Go into depression and anxiety and allow that to take over. The only difference is is that we choose to show up every day. It's just that choice to get back up knowing that it will benefit you in the end. Because yes, every day can change for better, but we just have to know that and like bet on ourselves. That's the thing. Nobody wants to

05:18

get up. You just have to know like I said on my Instagram yesterday, like there's some days that feel clunky, and shit. And you're like, nothing's working. My hair's not working. my tits are sweating. My husband's being an ad like anything, your kids are annoying, blah, blah, blah, your Instagram doesn't seem to be working blah, blah, blah. And there are some days where there it just feels like flow where you're like, Oh my god, I got this. I got this. I got this. The difference is is like some people can give up so quickly. And believe me, I'm so guilty of that. Some days. I'm like, I can do this for one more minute. But I know at the end of the day that I've tried to remember what my Why is my Why is this midlife journey is for me and I my own Why? None of this other stuff matters other than being my own. Why and whether it's working, not working, being a mom not being a mom married, not married. It's just doing you and what's good for you. Exactly. I

06:19

just it's like it really is. And I know Sarah, you to this too. It's about literally making the choice. It's like what people don't realize is that success and happiness is literally a mind game. It's a fuckin mind game, and you just have to be strong enough to play it. I mean, literally, because it's like it is about just choosing happy, it is an actual choice like the same way you choose to smile in the mirror or frown It is literally a mental choice. So it's about we have we stop using our brains and like working out our brains the same way we all we do is try to get skinnier asses. You know, we all want the big tits, the quick fix to fix it, we starve ourselves. But yet we don't feed our brains, right? We don't feed the largest muscle, the strongest muscle, the one muscle that actually controls how you feel, which is like the most important thing on the planet. We don't feed it, we don't train it. And honestly, it is a training session like same way you allow people to say negative things to you. And you believe it the same way you keep saying positive stuff, and you keep a routine every day of doing things that are positive and good.

07:17

Even if you have to fake it to make Yes, it will work even. And it's not about faking it to other people. It's just yourself. It's like you know what, today is not amazing. But I'm going to work through it. And I know when I wake up tomorrow, I'm going to feel better.

07:32

100% and I think to Sarah, I know you're going to agree with this because you have teenage kids happiness or moments like people think happiness is like a state of mind that you're like always feeling happy. And it's just not like happiness really is moments throughout the day. And just knowing to appreciate them and see them for what they are. But it's not like everyone's just fucking happy all the time. That's not true. I know. It's like, believe me, right? You know,

07:56

the journey, it's totally about the journey, because we all think like, okay, we're gonna get the bigger house, we're gonna get the nicer car, we're gonna get our kids into this school, or they're gonna go to this college. But none of that ever brings us happiness. Because once we get that thing, we're on to the next thing.

08:13

Exactly. Always, we always want more. We're always keeping up with the Joneses. We always want what people don't have. And I got to be honest with you, Sarah, it's like, my biggest thing is honestly, I have realized, and I don't know if that's age, like, you know, comes to you. But you know, especially with all the documentaries that are out right now about social media, right? And all the stuff that goes on when you realize how fake everything that you're trying to attain how fake it all is. And then I realized I was like, You wonder why we're so anxious. why we're so depressed all the time is because we're literally breaking our asses, trying to keep up with the Joneses and attain something that is not real. It's not attainable, so you'll never be happy.

08:51

That's the thing. We have to be our own Jones. Yes. So that's what I say to my husband. I'm like, I can't keep up with the Jones, I am the Jones you have to be your own Jones, because there's always going to be a skinnier Jones and a wealthier Jones and a cooler Jones and all of that stuff. It's just doing you. And then the other part that we're going to talk about is letting everyone else do them not judging and letting everyone stay in their own lane. Because what's good for you or for me, like you and I show up on Instagram. You've been doing it a lot longer than I have. But it's hard.

09:28

It is hard. There are days where you're like exhausted. And yeah, so you feel a sense of responsibility to people. And it's hard and you have to somehow find the strength and find you know, that grid or whatever it is remind yourself like you said remind yourself why, why it's important how good you're going to feel after. And the truth is, it's like remembering the end game. It's about me feeling happy in my own skin. And if that's something that makes me feel happy, you just have to keep pushing through. And it's so true what you said it's like everyone is their own person. And I always say this on Instagram. It's like you have to be brutally honest with yourself and really understand what makes you happy because it's like coming from a mom that told me to marry rich. Actually, the rich like that filthy rich guy never made me happy. I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin in those situations where I knew for me, I want the really nice Midwest guy who was nice to me calls me like, there's no weird, like, I had to be honest with myself that you know what, maybe I'm not going to have the gazillionaire and the house and the this, because genuinely, I wasn't happy in it. But everyone expected me to be in that. And I actually tried it. And I realized, what am I doing? I'm gonna live a lifetime of unhappiness. Yeah, might be rich. Yeah, I might, everyone might think I'm cool. But I don't think I'm cool. And I'm not happy. And I'm not reaching love, and affection and attention. I don't feel seen and heard. So at the end of the day, we'll get what life is that

10:53

there is no, yeah, no, there is no life there and no lighting is there's always going to be something there's going to be someone who's thinner, someone who has the more perfect but someone who has this seemingly easy business plan that's just taken off overnight. But as we all know, everyone has a backstory. There are days where people that we think have the most perfect lives, they don't under present Oh my god, um, you know,

11:17

you know, more than you know, I mean, I think half the people you're watching that you think is like you're dying to be them honestly have so much it, like so many issues or problems, or they probably have like debt and all that, like you don't know, no one ever really knows. And I think that's why I feel it's so important to be more transparent, and to be more open and to talk about real things and show people how you really live because we need to bring normal back.

11:42

Well, I think that that's what your Instagram has done. And I've been following you for forever, I think. And I love what you said here hear about I love what you have to say about every topic. My intentions for this episode. I want to take us and all of us through the midlife remix, we're going to take out our golden shovels I'm sure you have women D Oh yeah, probably have like rhinestone, Dior, h&m, golden, all of it. Now, through these important midlife spots. I want to talk about following your passions and during the bumps and enjoying the hell out of the small and big wins because they all matter. We're going to talk about your path, Caroline, some of the obstacles and your strategies. You ready? Ready? Okay, I'm so excited. Okay, so I've read and heard, and you just mentioned that your childhood had a huge impact on the way you live your life today. So can you give us like a quick snapshot of how you grew up how it impacted you and how it got to where you are today.

12:42

So I honestly I grew up. I was born and raised in New York City, right in the city. And my parents, you know, we're first I'm first generation here. So I actually have Latino parents. My parents came from Cuba, Venezuela, and I was born, you know, I had an older sister grew up in the city. And what's interesting was, I came from a family where they grew up with nothing. So they work their asses off and obviously came to this country. You know, my dad worked in television, he became president of Univision, you know, they went from like living in this tiny country coming here. And he became president of Univision and extraordinary life. I mean, we did he started menudo. I would go on tour on brickey monitor, you know, like everything, like when they were 12. But you know, we lived I was at every concert, every I live, I was driven to school in a limousine. I had bodyguards, people don't know. I mean, that's what's so funny. It's like, I grew up with an extremely extravagant lifestyle, which is not what I live now. But literally, at that time, that's all I knew. I was very fortunate. I was very lucky, I had everything I ever wanted. But with that comes a certain expectation, there comes a certain level of keeping up with the Joneses. You know, I went to a school that was very wealthy, and everybody was very wealthy, like from Woody Allen to you know, like that kind of not that that matters anymore. But you know what I mean? And I did always feel a little bit I wasn't we were not the richest, you know what I mean? We were part of that, but I would think I think we were the least rich out of everybody do. I

14:07

mean? No? Yeah. I mean, I went from public school in Santa Monica, to private school for ninth grade, you know, and I thought, okay, both my parents are doctors, you know, my mom drove drove a BMW, she was a professional, and I was like, okay, but then when I got to private school, I was like, Wait, you're getting a brand new car when you're 16. And not only that, like a Rolls Royce. It's not like it's just any car. Yeah, you're you're allowed to buy $100 bathing suit. And my mom said to me, she's like, Sarah, you're never buying $100 bathing suit, whether I can afford it or not. That's never happening. So it was always constantly like sort of figuring out like, Okay, I'm here. I'm here for the education. My parents are upper middle class, but wow, the extraordinary like wealth differences. It's

14:56

a lot of stances. It's a lot. I mean, there is, you know, there's one thing you Having a great apartment in New York, there's quite another when you're walking into Fifth Avenue, the top penthouse that's three floors, full floors with full staff, you're like, Okay, I have a slight difference here. And I know that there's a little bit of a difference here. And I think growing up in that I had a vision of what that was. I always knew what that was. I also knew what the little bit of a struggle was. And I know for me, there was an expectation from my parents growing up with nothing, you know, they were like, you're pretty, okay, you're gonna marry Well, they were like, you know, you just study you do good, but you're going to get married, you're gonna be taken care of, and you're going to live a fabulous life. And that was literally my expectation. It wasn't to work. It wasn't to have a great career. It was literally to marry.

15:40

Well, did you and did your mom work? No, no, no,

15:45

she married? Well, you know, like they, they together struggled in the sense of they made their own, you know, they kind of came here, they made it. But she wasn't the one she never had a career never had a job, you know, in that sense. So I she was always stay at home. And so there was really no expectation of me doing that. And for me, what was funny was, I never felt comfortable in it. So it was like one of those things where like, I always wanted the job, or I wanted to go work, or I wanted to go travel or and my parents would be like, Oh, that's sweet. But like, you don't need to worry.

16:15

I see my parents, like, um, if you think you're getting a used car when you're 16, maybe, but like, you're gonna be working like I was working at the guest store. I was working to choose things. And, you know, I look back on that and I'm like, thank God, my parents did that.

16:35

I'm going to tell you, I do. That's what I would do. Now, if I'm going to do it differently. I'd be honest with you. I tell my boys at all times, work, work, work, make

16:43

my daughter's dance on your own two feet. Yeah, my daughter's 14 and a half. She decided not to go back to sleepaway camp this summer where she goes for seven weeks. And I said well, that's fine. If you don't go to sleepaway camp, but just know that like, you're not sitting at home on your phone watching Tick Tock all day and like going to lunch in the Palisades. Like you're going to be working. And she was like, oh, okay, so she's working at a summer camp all day. graders sweating on a football field.

17:15

Playing hurts,

17:16

you know, when I pick her up, and she's like, hot and tired, and she's like, Mom, this one kid peed on the other counselor accidentally, when she goes, and then we walked across the whole football field. And the little girl was like, wait, Marin, I need more water. And she was like, wait, why? Why didn't you tell me before we left, and I go, oh my gosh, Marin, welcome to Vigo fucking, literally, this is the best lesson for the best. It's the best God,

17:47

I think the biggest mistake parents make is, you know, spoiling to a certain extent, you know, just like everything.

17:54

That I'm 100% guilty of it, like, yeah, I'm married and you've got like a new pair of leggings to wear to your job that would probably take you three weeks to make the money to pay for the leggings. But we'll talk about that. That's not the point. That's not the point. But she's, uh, you know, she's just three sweating bullets outside, being a slave to little kids. And I'm just like, welcome to the real world lady.

18:21

Agreed. And I totally agree. And I think that's what was missing from me, I'll be honest with you, that sense of working, making your own money, you know, struggling for it, you know, having to earn it. And then like, yes, that's something that I did not learn at a young age. And I'm learning it now in my 40s. You know what I mean? And it's, it's hard. That's what we talk about, like, that's what makes it hard to reinvent yourself. When you literally haven't done anything for yourself in 20 years, and all of a sudden you find yourself 47 trying to start a business. You don't know how to use the computer, you don't know use the phone. I'm like tech, I don't know how to use it. I mean, I'm like, what, and I consider myself pretty damn smart. And I really didn't know how to do any of the things I needed. But I

19:02

feel like I try. I'm trying to be so transparent and public about how this self recreation journey and creating this podcast, I have no fucking idea what I'm doing. No one either. Like, I literally had zero followers in September. I just started Instagram, and people are like, how are you doing? And I'm like, I don't know. I'm just being me. I'm throwing shit at a wall seeing what sticks and everything else. I have no idea. And they're like, how are you getting guests? I'm like,

19:35

I have no idea. I'm like, I'm texting Caroline are dming her I don't even know her. But if you don't put yourself out there, you'll never know. If you never asked for what you want. You'll never get it. No one's a mind reader, especially husband. It's so hard to put yourself out there but the truth is, and I'm going to say it too because I think it's so important for women to know when I started this zero followers never picked up the phone. Like, I don't know anything about technology. I literally start with just taking a photo in the mirror. And like when I say like now when you're reading brand deals and negotiating, you've got five different platforms going on. And you're like, no clue how I did it. But I did it on my own. And I just read I research, I asked questions, I humbled myself, I would ask friends, I would ask john to help me. And yes, it's hard, but to say that you can do it is a total life. I'm 49 going to be 50 years old January 5, and just now I actually feel like I've got a company and I'm doing it. And it took I started to 4740. Yeah.

20:36

So tell me do you can you can you feel in three years that you've created something?

20:43

I do, I do feel the difference between that first day starting and crying and being like, I don't know what I'm doing. This is so scary, too. And I'm like, haha, you know, just gonna put a picture out there. Let's see what happens to which we'll talk about later that opening up and talking about more about the messaging and the coffee talks and all that that just evolved. And I think that's more where things took off, to be honest with you. Because I think it's the combination of I think at the end of the day authenticity is what specially this pandemic I think has taught us is that we're not necessarily in the mood for just ballgowns, in new york city streets, you know, with no cars. I think people are really craving women, especially at our age Sarah are really craving connection. They want they're craving you know, to be seen and heard.

21:26

Everybody wants to be see everyone, whether you're a little kid, two year old, nagging your parents knee, you're a middle schooler trying to fit in, all of us want to feel seen and heard. All of us know, at the end of the day, and it's not necessarily a popularity contest. It's just, Hey, I see you, you're relevant. You mean something in this world.

21:48

100% It's just even that just I always say like, people, but surround yourself with people who are nice to you. And it's not about kissing your ass. It's not about blowing smoke up your ass. It's not about people telling you, you're fabulous. It's about somebody who tells you you can when you really think you can't. It's those people who keep pushing you keep motivating you and keep telling you that you're incredible. You're smart, you're beautiful, you can fucking do this. Stop being lazy. Those are the people you fucking surround yourself with. And there's many women, there's just as many women who make fun because trust me, I have it too. You think I don't have the group of moms at school who like talk, share, and like are jacked up and like, what's the stupid Instagram and all that bullshit. And I'm like, really, because I make more money than you. But okay, you make fun of the Instagram all you want. That's where people don't understand there's women who are snickering because honestly, I really truly believe jealousy is only what one person, they're just pissed that they're not doing what you're doing. You know, they're just pissed that they didn't have the balls to take the chance. That's all jealousy is. And then you have the group of women who literally like Monica, Andrea, Pam, you know, all of my good friends who literally every day are like, You're killing it good for you. Let's do this. How can we work together? How can I help? What can I do for you? Can I promote? What can I do? There is those women and I think it's like women, especially at our age, Sara have to start really defining who your real friends are, who you're surrounding yourself with. Because I think it really says something about you. And I think it's what really motivates you.

23:15

No, I think you're right. I mean, I got a text last night from a friend who said, Oh, I just started this business. And not one of my friends is really stepping up. And I'm the person showing up for them. And I just and she's like, did you ever have that? Or do you have that now? And I said, Of course I do. I have so many old good friends who are like yes, yes, yes. And they're commenting on my Instagram, and they're listening to the podcast. And look, we all have limited time. And then I have all these new friends like you that I've met on Instagram, and we're all here to support each other. But like, Look, yes, there are some friends where I'm like, do you see me? Like I'm here? I'm putting myself out there. Like, can you just like jump in for a sec? And at the end of the day, you know, I would talk about it with Jeremy and he's like, Sarah, just remember your why like this is for you. I know you're disappointed and some of your friends perhaps not showing up. But it's not a reason to not keep going

24:18

100% I mean, I look at people's emotions. I'm like, You liked Gwyneth Paltrow photo but you didn't like mine? Yeah, literally like a third of your life

24:26

human nature and it sounds like we're keeping tabs

24:29

you're not it's just more of like no it's interesting to me the human like I you know me I love the psychology of understanding why and I just find it fascinating that like we feel the need to kiss ass to celebrities who know nothing about you will never call you never gonna hold your hand. Time doesn't give two shits about you, and it's filthy rich, but yet we won't buy let's just say the notepad or like the photo or Notepad. Yes, I know you did, trust me. And you. You see that's the point. You see who buys Yeah, like we all know, you see it and you're kind of like, it's interesting to me that and that's again, why I say it's we're all keeping up with something that's unattainable when they realize that that person is never going to do anything for you. But yet your friend who's starting a business, that friend who comes and is that night when your husband didn't call you, I mean, that friend can actually do something for you. So I don't know why we're not putting our eggs into the baskets of the people that surround us who really did

25:26

not hold grudges, like, what's your,

25:29

it's hard. It's hard. You know, what I realize is that it's not personal. This is honestly what I've cut out.

25:34

That's the one I remind myself

25:35

to show I really, it's like coming into my 50s. And I think people fear the 50s yet, I think the 50s are the best fucking years because it's like, you are so secure in yourself

25:46

as long as you exactly what you lasticity and all that stuff in order, then you're it you just get a little you know, get some coconut oil. Yeah, baby. But bring john back in.

26:05

Gonna be more mortified by this

26:09

whole thing.

26:10

He's like, when you're talking about our sex lives, I just listened to the podcast walking the dog. He's like, you just said that I was average size. I didn't say your average size. I said that Sherry Ross held up a 16 inch dildo on the zoom. And she said, if your husband's like this, and I said, No, my husband's just normal. And so then he got so much shit that he's average. I was like, No, I was just saying you didn't have a 16 inch. I read our poor has to deal with it. They're so good. I know.

26:42

But I think that's and I think our husbands also bring in that reality of I realized in my 50s that people are dealing with so much I realized that everybody has so much shit going on in their lives in their heads that they're dealing with on a day to day basis. And they actually don't give a shit about you. Like, they're not really thinking about you. They're not really talking shit about you like it really is. It's like it's not personal, I think that was realizing that, you know, they probably have something going on. And for whatever reason, they're not supporting right now. And that's okay, you wish them well, and you move on. That's truly how I just think about it now.

27:13

Yeah. And I've also used it as an opportunity to like teach my teenagers and I say, like, we have to show up for people. And look, you know, I'm in the same situation. It's not just teenagers or high schoolers or middle schoolers. It's like, sometimes my friends don't show up for me, or I don't get invited to something or I see a picture on Instagram of, you know, six girls at lunch and wow, I wasn't included in that. And I show them that.

27:40

Me real you have to, especially in the world we're living in with Sawyer, like he doesn't have you know, literally doesn't have Instagram yet. And literally the conversation I had with him last night why I was so upset was like, how much of an effort you have to go baby, you don't realize when you get Instagram, it's gonna be so hard for you. I go down I think you realize what it is to be watching other people do the things you want to do or not be included. I go this is where that dynamic of having that strength and that mental strength and having that confidence to know, I agree with you. I think it's so important to talk about because the social media aspect, all of us. I know. We didn't

28:16

grow up with that. So like you wouldn't get invited to a party, but maybe we would hear about it three days later or something like a week later. It just now it's like real time like, Oh, I wasn't invited to that gathering before graduation. I wasn't invited to this or I wasn't invited to that like post graduation dinner, but I was invited to this one. And you can't help but compare

28:41

you can't I agree with you. I think it's just human nature. We are like, would her I have best friends who have been out to dinner or out to lunch with like family, you know what I mean? And I was like I saw it and you're like, but then you realize you can't be invited to App No, you can't I sometimes have to pit you know certain situations. And it's like it is teaching that even as an adult learning our own confidence, learning how to stand on our own two feet and not be affected by everyone else's opinions. Everyone else's thoughts like John's Oh, john literally says to me every day, you should not let other people control how you feel like your emotions

29:15

that you're not getting that's that's this that's like Jeremy's mantra. He's like, Sarah, because your kid has a shit day or our kid as it should day or your friend did this or this or that. You can't let that change your flow of your day. But I feel like men are so much better at compartmentalizing than women the same emotions

29:35

we do they just don't don't even like sit in his office all day do work has no clue what's going on. Where the kids are doesn't realize that like, I have a counselor You know, my friend's son here help like playing with them. We have to be here we have to be like men I honestly that's why it's so hard I think in marriages to and why it's so good to have good girlfriends and stuff because I do think differently and we they do see things do differently as much as we want to change. I

30:02

know. Like, I have a great husband and so do you like my husband does like the morning drop off most of the time, you know, he helps make lunches in the morning like he does all of that. But at the end of the day, it's like, I'm the one who's getting the text about the shitty day or the shitty comment from the friend or, you know, setting up the whole social life to don't you set up all of this now, they're always there. But when they were young now, yeah, when they were younger, I did, but now they're at the age where they have to do it on their own, obviously, you know, it's so it's so weird, but like, I still get the tax like, oh, like, I'm standing here. And this doesn't feel right, and blah, blah, blah. And my husband's at work, and he doesn't even he doesn't know. Yeah, and he but at the end of the day, he's like, Sarah, I could never ever do what you're doing. There's never sort of this condescending, pejorative, like, yeah, you're just like the stay at home mom. So that's your project. He's like, I just couldn't do it.

31:04

See? and john, this is what frustrates me because john actually makes it seem like it's not that hard. You know,

31:10

my husband, I thought that never ever, my dealing with that shit.

31:15

That's been my hardest thing to be honest with you is that difference between john and i were he everything he does, he's very calm. And he does it right. And he just doesn't freak out. He doesn't get overwhelmed. He's not super emotional. So it's like he kind of just goes into bump, bump Bump, he just gets things done. And it just is what it is. And it just doesn't fluster him. When I deal with the emotion. I'm dealing with, like running around. It's just

31:39

like sofa with my kids until midnight, somebody is crying. This happened that happened. And he gets up to there. And he goes, I'm so tired. I just have to go to bed. And I looked at him and I was like, What? So I'm up with like, you know, a, you know, upset. 17 year old or 14 year old and I come upstairs. I'm like, he's been sleeping for fucking 30 minutes, and my eyeballs are being like, my eyelids are being held up with a tooth back. My eyes are bleeding. My adrenal glands are completely busted. And he's like, Sarah, I just can't do that.

32:12

Right. JOHN is asleep on the couch. I mean, he's blacked out, like I saw. And I'm like, that's just I think, again, it's just again, and I think with marriages there, I hope we touched base on it. Because it is that it's just we're also different. And it's so important for us to figure out those dynamics, and where you work together where you can help each other and like, because honestly, marriage again, just like kids so hard, no matter how in love you are, no matter how fabulous Your husband is, because I can honestly say we have great husbands genuinely, I feel very grateful to have somebody who's really kind, you know what I mean? But at the same time, it does not mean it's not a roller coaster ride and it does not mean you don't have to have the deepest, darkest, hardest conversations arguments. You know, it's, it's, it's hard. And I hope we touch base because I think so we

33:05

are away. So, first I want to do your mantras, okay, because their mantras speak to me because I speak a lot of the same one. So tell me, mean, I know what they are. But I want you to tell everyone listening. What are your main mantras? Okay, so

33:22

my main mantras are Get up, get dressed, let's do this. And then look good, feel good, do good. So the first honestly, with the look and feel good, do good. It became a situation where and I know we were talking about this, and I'm sorry, I got redirected. But like with my upbringing, again, what made me change now so much was truthfully being engaged to the gazillionaire as was expected of me. So I went, I went to college, I did my duty, I did all the things I was supposed to do. I met the gazillionaire. And we went down that path. I was so unhappy. I felt so not myself. I will never forget my best friend from high school till this day, who literally looked at me not joking. You will understand this era. She looked and she goes, I gotta be honest with you. She goes the light that's usually burning inside of you that makes you this incredible person. Why I love being friends with you is dead and put out if you marry him. She goes like, honestly, not sure we're gonna be friends. I was like, What? And she was like, you're not the same person. She goes, You have changed so much. She goes, I just don't like what I say. And what I realized was I had made myself small. I had made myself okay with being unseen and unheard.

34:40

I made myself like a sidekick.

34:43

I was like, you know what he wanted me to be, which is nothing of what I am and why we conflicted a lot because it's like, I had an opinion. I was like, This is so stupid. Why would you do this? Like, you know, it's like I could see the people using him. He didn't want to hear it. It was just that the competition for power. The For the attention because he was so wealthy and powerful that he hated if I got any attention. So it was a strong power struggle. And I was like I am I remember feeling sick, like I was miserable. Like I remember I would the anxiety would kick in when he was coming home, because I wasn't sure what mood I was going to get, you know, did he would make a million did he lose a million that really changed things. And it was always about money. And I just remember my head be like, I'm miserable. I'm miserable. This isn't fun. I don't care about that house.

35:28

And that's such yucky energies

35:30

such as like, I had the house in the mansion in the Hamptons with a helicopter taking me there. And I was sitting like this. Yeah, this is great. Amazing, isn't it? Right? So that's where that change came. And then so cut to now. So I made that change. I didn't get married. And God. I went off to LA to start my career. And wait,

35:51

you didn't mention you were in a spanner so proper in Miami. I did my research. I did. So you did this Spanish soap opera in Miami. I know. You're laughing You get signed by an agent in LA.

36:03

Yes. So we did the Spanish so for Univision, it was crazy as your experience of my life, but actually changed my life Sarah and the reason I say it's important is because that job that making money that being on my own two feet, that being surrounded by people and doing something that I love. I was like, to my axe.

36:23

Yeah. Camera.

36:25

Yeah, I just flipped. I was like, Go fuck yourself. I was like, I don't need you. I need me. I need me to be happy. So it really was that I went into

36:33

man and how john powermat

36:36

individually went to Miami, I shot the soap opera got signed by an agent out here. I moved to LA that's probably like 20 years ago now. And you know, started my life here. But what brought me to those words, were becoming a mom at 38 and 40. I wasn't a young mom, I was 38 and fucking 40 having kids. Wow, it is that's

36:56

normal. Now that's more normal now, but way more. Jake when I turned 30 and I had already finished my PhD taught in graduate school and married. Like, that's impressive. Now, when I look back on that compared to what everyone else is doing now, I'm like, that's not normal.

37:14

Honestly, all my friends got married in their 40s. And

37:18

it's not normal.

37:19

And what's funny to me was it's like, I don't think I would have been okay, like, I was so independent. I wanted to travel the world. I wanted to be with my friends. I wanted to like do things. So I think for me, genuinely a 30 and 40 I was very ready to be home. I didn't feel like I was missing. I wasn't having FOMO I wasn't like trying to hang out. john and i had been married for years already. We have bought a house like we were ready and settled. So we you know, once I had kids So bottom line, I have the two kids back to back literally two years apart. And I was like whole Lee fuck. I was four years old with two babies. no help. No nanny, no Night Nurse. 60 pounds overweight, no job, not making my own money up all night, not sleeping. And I was literally like, I loved the kids. I love the babies. I was like

38:07

three, you're like I'm the hot mess Express.

38:10

I was like what the fuck happened to me. I was like, This is crazy. And I didn't realize how hard it would be. I didn't realize like no one talks about it. Everyone is like, Oh, I lost the way like in two minds. I'm too skinny. I'm out. I'm working and you're like, right, because you've all fucking full staff, a trainer every day and you're starving yourself. It's not normal. And no one ever tells you the truth that you're exhausted that you miss your old life. You miss your old self. And it's not because you don't love your kids. It's because we're independent fucking human beings. And it's not normal to sacrifice everything that you are for everyone else. It's not a normal response. So especially at that age, when you have been traveling and doing whatever the fuck you want to suddenly have kids was a brutal adjustment. So bottom line, I kept walking past the mirror. This is the truth. I wasn't liking what I saw. I was like you were a hot fucking mess. I was like, you're like you just don't look like yourself. And I just remember constantly saying to myself, I Miss Caroline. I miss my old self. I miss like, I miss her. That always looked great. I was always dressed. I was always smiling. I was having fun. I had a friend. I was like, I just remember two years ago thinking like I miss her. I miss her. Yeah. And I just was like, You know what? I need to like what I see in the fucking mirror. I need to like the person I see because I don't like her right now. And then I remember feeling like you know what, when I look good, I feel good. I go there's a puts a pep in my step. When I look in the mirror and I look fabulous. I'm kind of like fuck yeah. All right, I'm ready. Let's go do stuff. I'm in a better mood, my mind. You know, I've taken time for myself. I've had a little time to work out to feel fit to feel strong. I put some makeup on and I started to realize, okay, so when you look good, you actually feel good. And when you feel good, you actually go do good. You're in a better mood. You're nicer to your kids. You're nice to your husband. So I literally was like, look good, feel good, do good. That's what I'm going to fucking do. And then I literally was like, and nothing happens if you don't fucking get up, you got to get up, whether it's from the disk from the deepest, darkest despair, or just lazy fuck overweight, don't feel like working out, you got to get up, nothing happens lying down in bed looking like shit, nothing, you will never get anything you want. So that's where I was kind of like every morning I'd be like, get the fuck up. Let's fucking go. I was like, you've got to get up, you've got to get dressed. You've got to be ready, and we're going to fucking do it doesn't

40:31

mean that you're perfectly happy doing it? No, it's fucking hard. It means you're faking it to make it for yourself. Sir, I

40:39

got a big fight. I set my alarm when I made that decision to bet on me and to make a change because I was like, no one's gonna hand it to me. No one's gonna ring my doorbell and make me skinny. No one's gonna ring my doorbell and bring me a career. You

40:50

don't have to explain that to me, Caroline. Because one of my biggest things is, you know, I have a lovely husband who's very supportive. He was like work if you want to don't work if you don't want to blah, blah, blah. I think you know, he always thought I was gonna have a full time career because my mom did. And then when I just had my first kid, and I was like, I'm not leaving. He was like, okay, like, do you whatever, but I think I secretly hoped because he's a successful entrepreneur, blah, blah, blah. I was like, he's gonna come up with a business plan for me. And I'm gonna get it and it's going to come in this like blue Tiffany box. I'll even fucking take an Amazon box. And it's gonna be a perfectly recreate self recreated like midlife identity. But the box never came, never comes. It never comes. And I mean, it's not like I asked him, like, go create this for me and bring it to me. But he knew even if he did that, and it wasn't my own, and it wasn't self generated, I would never take it. And so I woke up one day when I was 45. And I was and my daughter gave me this gift of, you know, all these inscriptions from my friends. And I thought, Okay, this is my, this is my job. This is my job to create this. For me, it's my job to choose me 100% of the time, because no one is going to hand it to me. And that's one of the main themes of this self recreation journey in this podcast is, yes, it's fucking hard, but it's normal for it to be hard. And some days you're gonna want to lay in bed and some days, you're just gonna have to force yourself to get up. And look, I'm a makeup or just like you are.

42:32

I know you are we that's how we were like you put it you put your face on no matter what,

42:36

no matter what, and that it was interesting. Even in COVID I woke up every day, even though I wasn't going anywhere, anywhere. And I put my makeup on. And some of my friends were like, why do you have makeup on? Like, if I'd FaceTime them or whatever? And I'm like, for me? And they're like, What do you mean? And I said, Well, when I walk by a mirror, I want to see who I want to see. Even if no one else is seeing it. It's just for me. And I grew up in a house where my mom was always dressed in a power suit, makeup hair done everything. And she was very proud of that. Even on the weekends, she was like dressed up at a YSL games, you know, so during COVID sometimes she would FaceTime me and she'd have no makeup on and she'd be like in sweats and I go Mom, this is not you. Don't call me unless you have makeup on. And so my friends are like, That's so mean. That's so mean. I'm like, it's not mean it's fucking real. That's who she was. And she let COVID take that away sometimes. And I'm like, No, no, no, nobody's taking that away. I want you to text me a photo of yourself dressed with makeup on and then FaceTime and she was like, Sarah, you're so right. You're so right. I feel better just feeling like myself. And it doesn't mean you have to wear makeup or not wear makeup or wear leggings or not wear leggings even though leopard leggings in my opinion. I mean, that's still an outfit. Yeah, it's still an outfit over. My daughter says why don't you just wear black Lulu lemons? Because all that's what 14 year olds wear. And I'm like, because I'm 40 fucking sex and I want to wear a leopard one. I like the cute outfit. It's Yeah, and you just feel better about yourself. But it doesn't matter. Like there are some people who are just No, no makeup people. That's fine. I'm not suggesting that you wear makeup. I'm just suggesting that you do whatever it is that makes you and you don't let anyone else take that away from you. or COVID or anything. It's just staying on track with you.

44:39

And I just I just want to add to that. I just think it's so important for women to understand, because I did get I remember when I would talk about you know, looking like at the end of the day, it's about putting your best foot forward for me. And I always say to people do whatever it is that makes you feel fabulous. Is it blowing? I have one friend who's like I could give a shit about makeup but if my hair isn't blown out, she's like, I don't know why and another A friend was like, for me, it's nails. Like I don't care about makeup. And I was like, that's what I'm talking about though. Whatever it is that makes you feel put together gives you confidence makes you feel good makes you feel like yourself. Because at the end of the day, that's why I say every makeup video I said, this is never a judgement. It's never about putting anyone down. It's never about being like, you know, you're not pretty. If you're not this way. It's about figuring out for you. What is the best version of you and fucking bringing her out tapping into her every fucking day? Yeah,

45:30

and it's not for other people. It's for you.

45:34

It's for you. And I'll just tell you one more story because I thought it was one of the best eye opening. I will never forget getting a message on Instagram. And it was a you know, mom saying, You know what, I just wanted to say thank you. You've changed a few moms perspective. And I was like, really like what? She goes, You know what, we come from a small town. She goes, there's a mom that we're friends with that is always dressed up and always decked out. And we do She goes, I'll be honest with you. We do make fun of her. We think it's ridiculous. We don't understand she goes and listening to you every day, I realized that it's for her. It's not for us. She's like, I have a newfound respect. She's like, we all were like, you know what? We're fucking bitches like she's just happy. It's for her. And I was like, yeah, that is exactly it. It's about stopping judging each other for the things that we're doing differently. And accepting them as whatever it is that makes you feel fucking great. I'm happy for you. Good for you. And it's about changing that conversation.

46:30

Yeah, and it's staying in your own lane. Because like, I mean, look, I'm the first to admit Botox hair color, filler, this that whatever. I'm not ashamed of it. I just got it done the other day. Yeah, but I'm not great. But then other people say, Well, I don't want Botox. I'm not into dyeing my hair. And I'm like, great, you do you I'm dreamy. It's just letting everyone do them. Whatever that is. Exactly. Agree. 100% is Middle School's over for us. For all of us, we've already been there done that, like, our second half of life is about doing what we want to do our own way. 100% every judgment is brutal.

47:13

We got to stop the judgment. We have to start supporting each other because I literally I say this every day. And it's my one thing that rings in my head. If you're married, if you're a mom, if you're a daughter taking care of elderly parents, whatever, if you're single dating, I always want you to remember that no matter what you're supposed to be happy to. Yes. It's like you're supposed to be happy. It's you're supposed to be happy to so everyone including you, you're supposed to be happy. And I just feel like women make everyone happy. But themselves. They forget we put ourselves last, we forget about our needs and wants. We allow other people to dictate who we are, what we wear, what we do how we feel. And I'm done. I literally was like, I'm done. I am going to do what I fucking want to do.

48:03

Yes, I completely agree with you. I mean, like I put makeup on before I leave the house. I put makeup on when I drive carpool. And I know there are people that are like Why does she have a full face and makeup on? It's 8am and I'm like you know what? It's 10 minutes of my time to make me feel good like other other people are working out before carpool. I don't work out before carpool. But I put makeup on you know so it's like 10 minutes it's not a glam squad, your glam squad? It's not you putting on makeup. Okay, yeah, I covered my darks or goals, my Italian dark circles. I put my mascara on and I'm running

48:42

and I feel good about me a great i no matter what I will always do whatever like people 100% do say like you're always decked out. Someone told me I looked like they were him. I reminded them of Sex in the City. Cool. You're like you're Sarah Jessica Parker. You're always so decked out but she meant it. I thought she was she was like I just love it. Good for you. So as much as we think women are making fun sometimes are talking shit. I was like the greatest mom who was like, You know what, I just wanted to tell you I thought you were fabulous. Good for you for dressing up. And I was like thank you for accepting me justice.

49:17

I've done some Instagram reels about that. I've gotten so many messages from women who are like, thank you. You put on the neon yellow heels you're wearing the pink hard sunglasses. That doesn't mean they want to go ahead and do that but they're like, thank you for showing what makes you feel good about yourself. Whatever mission

49:37

right giving permission for people to like honestly, um, another one was, you know how I always talked about cellulite right and feeling good in your own skin and like again, another reinvention is about self confidence because we all have cellulite. We're all getting older. There is no escaping aging like as much as we all want to believe it. There is no escaping it. So once we start embracing it and seeing the beauty and sharing that and being open about that. Can I tell you how many pictures I've been sent of women rocking their bathing suits in the pool and being like, I love feels so good. I rip the towel off. or someone's like I wore short shorts. I can't believe it. And it's about again permission for us to fucking feel good and look good and do whatever it is that makes us happy.

50:20

You might get a spray tan, I might get a spray tan. Someone else's may not get a spray tan, but that's okay. Do whatever. But don't judge don't judge Caroline for getting a spray tan and putting it on Instagram with her shower cap on or showing my tits. swipe through that like,

50:43

No, I do. I was literally at my cheeks were out. I was holding my nipples. And john comes out with a video camera. I was like, I fucking hate you. He's like, but this is the reality is like everyone. It's not natural. No, we all work at it. That's why I show the insight show the Botox I show when I get things done, I'm not gonna sit here and pretend that all my life isn't a filter. It's not we all do shit. And you need to normalize where you know, we're wearing clothes, ripping the tag off and wearing it the first day getting a little Botox doing whatever it is that makes you feel like your best self. Like we have to normalize that. And what do you think

51:18

about this whole notion of starting small? I mean, we talked about it initially were at 47 for you at 45 for me, coming out and going okay, I'm gonna I'm used to sort of being at the top of what I'm doing or I'm this Spanner soap opera star Baba, blah, blah, blah. What is it about starting small at this age that's so hard for us. Like we all want to be seen. But like how do we like people will say, Well, how did you get over yourself and just put yourself out there on Instagram and a podcast? And I'm like, honestly, I don't know. The only thing I can say that is that. If you're scared and you don't do it, you're always going to look back and go What if What if? What if, but my thought was okay, I'm going to go big, so that I can't go home. Right, right. And I'm not saying everyone should do that. That's just the only way that I could jump into the pool naked or run through the mall naked.

52:17

Right. And for me, it was again, it was like figuring out humbling myself. Because it really is like taking out that ego because I honestly think ego and fear are the greatest thieves of joy, success, happiness, because the truth is, we're all scared. We're all nervous. We all have anxiety, it is scary to put yourself out there. It's scary. It's scary to start something new and fail because God forbid all your friends laugh at you or your husband laughs at you. But at the end of the day, it's like, when I look at my mom at 83 genuinely, and I listened to all of her regrets. There is nothing more empowering and more motivating and inspiring. To live your best fucking life and enjoy every single second and just no fear. Try it all because there is nothing and failure and everything and never trying you will live a lifetime of regret. If you don't try things failure, you get up and you fucking move on and you know you couldn't do it. That's fine. You find something else you try again. The truth is watching two people face death like my parents because I know you guys will start to understand like as your as you get older in your parents get older. It is so eye opening. I don't I never really understood how much I would learn from them at this age. To be honest, I think we all blow our parents off and we don't we don't have those deep conversations. But genuinely It was like, seeing how she can't do anything. made me be like, fuck it, I'm gonna try it. I'm just gonna try it because even if it's just two people that at least have something for myself. That gives me purpose every morning to wake up and just get dressed and go do something and I can talk about something else rather than just whether you know the playdate happened or what the sporting event or asking john what he did. And then I mean making things up of what I did throughout the day just because I want him to think I was really busy and important to

54:09

Yeah, you got to spray you got to spray tan you went for filler you went disturber

54:13

Yeah, but I was like that, you know, I took the kids to here I went to the park I had to go here I had to go to the playdate.

54:18

You have to like feel when it was 90 degrees at the park. And I was just

54:24

like, you have to like make all this shit up. And I just realized, like, you know what, I'd rather have two people, three people and just have something to wake up to, that makes me feel good and happy and have my own and having you know, something to figure out and learn and ask questions. I realized I was like, that actually makes me feel good. I was like, I really enjoy that. So to me, I was kind of like, let's start small because true. I asked I talked to Andrew I have a best friend who's in the business also and who had started two years before me and was really growing and thriving. And I kind of looked at her and I was like how do you do this like this is really hard and honestly It was the most brutal answer, but the honestly the best fucking answer. And she's like, I don't have any answers for you. She's like, you got to figure it out on your own. I

55:08

know isn't that so the truth,

55:11

and it's brutal, but it was like, Fuck, and it was like you will never know it has to be your own. You got it. So what your message is what your voice is like, how you know what your filter is, like? how you're going to do your answer, like all of it, like no one can tell you how, why. You gotta dig deep and be like, What do you want, and then just start small, because you know what, I don't know what I would be doing right now, if I didn't have everything I have. To be honest with you. It makes me so fucking happy to wake up every day, and get on and talk to people and, you know, help people and talk to businesses and make deals and do photos and edit and all the things I never knew how to do. I am a one man show. And I feel so capable, that it has given me so much power and like just so much confidence that I never had in my 20s and 30s. And that's when I looked my fucking best. But yet I feel my best at 49 my most confident my most happy my most satisfied like I actually feel good in my own skin in my own fucking life. I love that. And I feel like I feel so lucky for that. I really do. I feel grateful that I started small. And it's still small. I'm from

56:22

like, Sarah, you're killing it. Like I get all these messages like yesterday, this girl's like, You're killing it. How are you doing this? And I'm like, I'm killing it. Like what? What? Like, you still don't believe it? You're like, What? What do you mean? I'm killing it? Like, I'm my own person all by myself in my house with my Instagram, on my computer, interviewing people, and they're like, but how do you do the Instagram? I'm like, honestly, I have no idea. All I can say is that no one can do it for you. No, it's just not even possible. Like, if somebody wanted to replicate what I was doing, or what you were doing. You couldn't even come up with a 13 step plan for it. I mean, I'll be honest with you is different.

57:04

Everyone's different. And I have and I'll be brutally honest on here. I'm not gonna mention any names. I'm not gonna say anything, but it's true. You know, you have seen people try to copy or emulate, you know, word for word, what you're saying what you're doing, and it doesn't fucking work. It just it's so unauthentic. It's brutal to watch and makes you uncomfortable. Because you know that it's not authentic. And you're like, why are you doing that when you're incredible on your own. And you're kind of like why you have to find your own message, you copying someone's message does not serve a purpose does not help you build anything, and you can't sustain it. Because somebody else is leading the way. You have to lead the way so that you have your actual thoughts, your own process, your own journey. And I think that that's what people don't realize everyone's trying to copy each other. And the truth is, what makes you succeed is your authenticity and you being your own person. So I will always tell everybody, like Do not ever copy anybody don't copy sayings don't copy, we're like, you've got to figure out what your message is. That's the most important has to be authentic to you

58:07

have advice for women who, who are looking for like, Oh, I'm good at this. I'm good at that. But I just can't figure out what my passion is. Or I can't figure out what my next business identity would be. Do you have any advice for that?

58:21

You know, I say for me, genuinely Sarah, like, you know how like, now the motivational stuff has taken you know, is is actually what I realized is really a passion for me. And it really started from just fucking starting. I think the biggest advice is I agree, just fucking do it. Just start somewhere. Because I'm telling you in that path in that working hard because yes, you will be working hard. You're gonna be doing research, you're gonna be reading every article on Instagram technology.

58:48

feel like you have no progress for days. And you're like, Wait, am I on a hamster wheel? Like, what have I accomplished? What's happening?

58:56

Sometimes for months, and for years, a rabbit or rabbit hole, but like, you've got to do it. And once you figure out and you start doing it and it is authentic, and it is genuine, little things start to pick up. It's funny what sticks. It's like all of a sudden you'll see that something fulfills you more something, something just clicks more some connection and would and I think you start to find your own way and your own path. I don't think you have to have a specific answer a specific idea because the truth is when I started genuinely was because everyone was always asking me what I was wearing. It was really about the clothes because it was just like I can't constantly be so it was like Okay, I'll start tagging which led into the you know, reward style, which got bigger, but what really took off was the fucking pandemic, and me actually opening up about everything that's happened in my life and how I feel about it and what I've learned from it, and I realized me motivating people and inspiring women. And you know, is my real passion. Like, I love it. And then it's Again, the fact that I love clothes, it's just the icing on the cake. It's more of just like, you know what you can have this life and look good doing it, you know, I mean, but I realized that the motivation was it. Yes,

1:00:12

totally. And it's, I think it's your raw, I think it's your raw relatability. It's like, yeah, for you. And for me, I'm like, Yeah, I like to get my hair blown out. Yeah, I put makeup on. Yeah, I like to layer jewelry like Mr. T, just like you do. I wear lots of leopard, blah, blah, blah. But at the end of the day, I'm just a 46 year old woman with two teenagers, a husband and dog, trying to figure out my second half of life journey. And it's like, I get so many messages from women who are like, thank you so much for sharing how fucking hard it is. Because it's so hard. And I can see you doing it, and sharing about it. And it makes me feel like I can do it too. And I think those days where I'm like, Fuck, I can't do this for one more minute. This is so hard. And then I get those messages from women who are like, I quit my whatever job and now I'm doing XYZ because I saw you doing your podcast, I don't even know I can't even tell you their responsibility that you feel like that's what I mean by that responsibility.

1:01:13

Because it's like a real people think, Oh, you don't have real friends on like, I speak to people on Instagram. I say 400 times, and I do my some of my closest friends for real like message every day. I know people's deep, deep secrets lives, people have literally turned around their careers. I have had, I can't even tell you how many husbands that messaged me thanking me for bringing their wife back. I love that I cannot even tell you some of the most incredible messages from our husbands that I'm like, you know, we're all craving, we are craving that. And even if it's just the tiniest, smallest change, it is worth it. It's worth just trying. Because at the end of the day, it is the I'm like you it's that that connection, that conversation that like watching people grow and succeed makes me so happy. Like every

1:02:02

single person who follows me or messages me, I respond to every single person I mean, so you have to be single, every single person, even if I'm tired, even if it's like anything. I'm like, you know what, and my daughter and son are like, Mom, you're like spending so much time with all these like responses. And I'm like, Yeah, but every single person who wrote to me or made a comment spent their personal time engaging with me, and everybody wants to feel seen and heard the same way I want to be seen and heard. They want to be seen and heard. And it's going on advice and reciprocity.

1:02:44

100% of people say like, what's the secret? The secret is the connection like your audience, you have to have a real connection. Like you really have to be friends with them. And you really have to understand. So for me, yeah, I'm up till 3am responding to every single hundreds of dams, I will send every link, I will comment on every post. Because at the end of the day, 100% agree with you, if anyone is kind enough to spend the time to give me a like, or a comment or a message, I absolutely have enough time for them. So I genuinely believe the greatest form of success is that humbling yourself and realizing you're not I always say I'm no one special. I'm a mom at home with my two kids. I do my makeup, I get dressed. And I have something to say that's it. Like there was nothing. There's no difference between me and you. I'm just working it. That's it. I bet on myself. That's the only difference is that I got up and got dressed and did it. You can too.

1:03:39

Like I'm telling you anyone can. And it doesn't even matter what your topic is figure out something you love. Like I'm doing a podcast, you're doing a blog, you're more focused on clothes, and I'm more focused on sort of like mid life cell free creation topics. It doesn't even matter what it is as long as you love it. And it's relatable. And I think Yeah, and I think so many women are looking for other women who are in the same boat, who feel what they're feeling.

1:04:13

which is I think why it's incredible. I just feel like there's like a new era like I really do. I feel like moms are killing it now. Like all these women like when I look at my Instagram and I look at the DMS and I think about from the first day to now and how many people have started their companies that are killing it. You know, jewelry this that like it shows I honestly it makes me so proud to feel like I'm a part of anything, even the tiniest bit of like recreating women's happiness and anyway, it's like we deserve to be happy. We should be happy We are the matriarch we have the heart of the house. And if we don't feel good I honestly don't believe anyone else feels good. So I always think moms but this themselves last and I actually think they should put themselves first like on an aeroplane you put your mask on first then yeah For everyone else, it's just the truth.

1:05:03

And I think also like for me, like I've said, like, I grew up in house where my mom worked and modeled a certain identity for me. And then I chose not to work outside of the home. And I think it's interesting now having my kids who are teenagers see me start this at at 45 and start so small with zero followers. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. Oh, my God. But they see like, it's hard. Some things work. Some things don't. I'm upset. I'm happy this like and you know, it's so funny because my daughter go, Oh, I can't believe I have homework. And I go, Well, yeah, I have to finish a podcast. She goes, Yeah, but you chose to do that. I'm not choosing to go to school. I go, I get what you're saying. But you'll see everybody wants to have an identity. And just because it's hard, doesn't mean I don't love it. It's just hard. When if something's easy, you don't tend to love it.

1:06:01

I agree. And the truth and I love what you just said about your kids, because even though my kids are nine and 11, they know, they know when I tell you they will be the first to say mom so proud of your like, Mom, you sold her Notepad or, you know, good for you or they see me struggling, they see me cry, they see me want to give up and they see that I don't and there is something in that, that I love showing my boys that I am willing to work hard. I am willing to humble myself, I am willing to ask for help. I'm willing to get back up. I think it's just all incredible lessons, and also the fact that they see me meeting all these incredible people. And I always say to them, like, you don't have to put up with bullshit from anybody someone's not nice to you will fucking on because there are incredible people. Yeah, you know what I mean. And I think it's such a good example for our kids. And I think for our marriages to get to for our husbands, I also think I think women obsess on their husbands too much. I genuinely think that money controls you in every way. I think it changes who you are, it changes your voice. It changes like, it makes you fucking small when you don't have a say, in your finances. So that's why I think it's just so important. Even if it's fucking $5 a day, to have something that you're earning that you can do whatever you want. It does make you feel more powerful.

1:07:12

It does all of that. I think it's good for our kids to see that. I read it when I we were talking a few minutes ago, I interviewed Yves Brodsky, who wrote that book, fair play. And one of her topics, one of the main topics is to be interested and to be interesting. And it resonated so hard with me because I thought, you know, for so long people are like, what do you do? And I was like, I'm a mom, and I have a PhD and I serve on a lot of boards. And I was like, Why the fuck am I justifying that? Right like, and then sometimes I'd be like, I'm just a mom, but you're not just a mom, nobody's just a mom.

1:07:52

Moms are the heart by first of all mom is the hardest job. But

1:07:55

it's such an easy response. Like, I'm just a mom. But I think that we all have to work on especially in the second half of life. Like you said, when you're like working with your spouse, and you've been married a long time. And that added on, it seems like Groundhog Day, we do have to work as women as on being interested in the world and in topics and interested in ourselves and interesting. Because like you said, when john is done with work and like you guys are having dinner, you don't want to just say like, Oh yeah, I went to the park. There's nothing wrong with that. But at age seven, you want to be able to say like a little extra thing. Like maybe you started playing marshawn or you took a tennis lesson. It doesn't matter if it's a business or a hobby, whatever it is, but just finding something that sparks your interest because when your energy is lit, other people feel that especially you're in your process,

1:08:55

especially your spouse, and when you have something of your own. It does change the dynamics it just does the team

1:09:03

knows that I'm not looking at the clock waiting for him to walk in the door or for anything

1:09:08

like John's not like he's not waiting for like he knows I'm not waiting for him to entertain me make me happy. Take me somewhere do something for me. It is one of those things where it is this like incredible dynamic to come to dinner and be like, I've got this podcast right like wait, you got to read this deal for me because I'm not sure if that's gonna go. I mean, literally it used two years ago was literally like, yeah, we went to gymboree. Yeah, like Oh, I'm so tired. Yeah, um, what else? What did you do?

1:09:37

And look, there isn't Look, there is Yeah, there is a time and a place for that. Believe me. I did like a lot of years of gymboree and I went to the market and blah blah blah and listen

1:09:47

and it's all fine if you really love it because I do have an I am going to put that out there because I do have moms who are the fucking best moms and are so happy to be stay at home moms like they genuinely love being moms. They want to be with their kids. All day. So I am saying more fucking power to you if you are genuinely happy Yeah, that's I just want to put that preface that because you're right there are people who really do love it for me. I needed something more. So it is personal.

1:10:14

Oh 100% I yeah, I waited until my kids till Jake was 16. So there's no judgement, I was doing the version of Jim Murray until Jake was 16. And I kept saying, Okay, I'm going to go back to work when I'm 35. I'm going to go back to work when I'm 37. And I think what filled me in between work, you know, all the boards that I serve on and the philanthropy. So I'm like, Yeah, yeah, all of that stuff. But then when it got to last year, I was like, Okay, these are all great things that I'm involved in, and I love them. But I want something that's my own, that I can like sink my teeth into. That's a creative outlet. That's my own. It's not somebody else's. Yeah.

1:10:55

And Sarah, can I just put this out there too, because I just think it's important for moms to know that at the end of the day, you guys like motherhood is really hard. It's really hard. And it's like, it's it should never be a judgement. But there is something to be said. And like what you said, I like what I tell my kids all the time, you do at the end of the day, want to be an interesting person. And I think you're right, there is some there's a lot of monotony in it. And a lot of and a lot of boredom. And it's not to say that you don't love your kids. But I was like you I filled in because I have been doing my shows and all of a sudden I stopped working and stopped having a life and to become a mother and serving on the boards like I was like you I volunteer, I was real mom, our chosen president, you know, vice president of the board for the last three years doing all the fundraisers. And you know what, and that's incredible, because I do feel like a lot of but I just want to put this out there, I felt the pressure to do that. And it made me think like people will think I'm a really good mom, if I do that. And I just want to take that pressure off of all of you if you're feeling that, because it didn't genuinely fill me the way that I thought it would. And I just I'm being brutally honest, and there might be judgment out there. But I personally did not enjoy being on the board I didn't enjoy so much. Like constantly being at school and dealing with all the parents and dealing with all the things I didn't, I realized I was doing it to say I was doing it and to be a parks, I wanted to be at school with my kids. And I thought it was it was the right thing to do as a mom. But I realized, like, if it doesn't genuinely make you happy, I just want to put that out there. Like it's not for everyone. And it's okay, if it doesn't make you happy. It's okay, if you don't love being at school all the time, or with all the moms and on the boards and volunteering. I just want to remind people that it's okay. I didn't love it either. And that's why I had to be brutally honest with myself and walk away from it this year and be like, you know what, I really want to focus on something for me now, because I've been doing this for 10 years. And it's not filling me the way I thought it would and I'm not coming home super happy. So I just want to put that out there because we're all different.

1:12:59

Yeah. And I think it's so important that there there's also a time and a place for everything. Like when my kids were in elementary school, I was like balls to the wall like you I was like school board, room Mama, like the whole thing. And at that time I you know, I wasn't I was super into it. And it was great. But then when my kids switch schools, and we're in a new place with new families, new everything, I was like, You know what, this is my time now. And I hope the new school is okay with this. And I hope all the parents are okay with this. I'll do my version of what works for me in my life. And I can't do what I did before. But there's a time and a place and it's okay to change your mind.

1:13:45

Exactly. That's the thing honest with yourself. It's like always, I feel like we always go back to it. It's just be honest with yourself. Don't do it for other people. Yeah. For you, like really figure out what makes you feel good. And you know, I'm telling you, they

1:13:59

say no, but I got a call a couple of weeks ago what I chair a certain committee, and you'd be so good at it. And other than that, and I i hate saying no. And she's like, what do you think about it? And I was like, I just have to be honest, because I never am. I can't think about it. I just want to be honest and just say I can't do it right now because I'm doing my podcast. But a few years ago, I wouldn't have been able to do that. I would say yes. Because we're

1:14:27

people pleasers and I say yes to everything. And john literally every year was like, stop. Yeah. Like, what do you pick, I would literally get sick every single year during the event. Like when we had the huge gap I would get literally deathly ill always stressed always anxious because it wasn't genuinely what I wanted to be doing. I felt so much pressure to be doing something that wasn't necessarily I love seeing my kid. But I didn't love all the dynamics that came with it. And I was just like exactly what you said. I'm like, you do hit a point. I genuinely think you hit this point that you're like, it's my time now My time is my time.

1:15:04

And it doesn't mean you're selfish bi tch far from me, you're here taking the time to make yourself interesting and interest at 10 rods, because it calls it permission to be unavailable.

1:15:20

I love it. And my biggest thing now is being able to say no, to realize that like, my time is precious to me and to my family, and I'm doing things that I love. And you don't have to give an excuse anymore. I realized I can just like no, I can't make it and I feel the need to be like, Well, my mom's here. And you know, she's not doing well. And my friend Monica literally said to me, why do you give so many excuses? Like why do you give an answer? Like you don't have to explain your side. Now my husband says

1:15:44

that all the time. He's like, Why are you giving like a five part essay? And I'm like, I don't know I'm justifying it. He's like, just you can't sorry, but that's us women

1:15:53

again, second half of life. We have to stop pleasing everybody and actually doing what's good for us. It's okay,

1:16:01

we basically normalize that you don't have to be a hot mess of a mom or a wife. Yes. Right. Yep. normalizing it, normalizing it. You don't have to be a

1:16:12

hot mess. hot mess Express is over. It's all about moms and their shifts together looking fabulous. living out there. My thing is,

1:16:20

I want to keep my shit together for myself for my husband for my marriage. And the thing is a marriage is just like anything else. Like there's gonna be like good weeks, yucky weeks, weeks, where you have sex three times weeks where you don't or a month you don't happen. Sorry. And I

1:16:40

yeah, and I feel like we have to just normalize it. because nobody's sex life or marriage is perfect. No far from guys. It's like far from you have to work really hard. And john and i have gone to the depths of it. deepest, hardest conversations, whether it's about money about life about whatever it is the kids, you've got, you know, it's hard, and it's about loving each other enough to be willing to work at it and to be willing to say, Okay, I hear that. And let me see. Let me see if we can work it out. Let's see if we can make the changes so that you're happy. I'm happy. I'm all about john and I constantly talk about how can we both be happy?

1:17:20

And what's your seat? What's your sexy secret sauce, Caroline?

1:17:23

I think truthfully. Laughter we laugh a lot. Um, I think me always keeping myself looking good to be honest with you don compliments me daily. He'll always be like, Damn, you look good. Or dance. Like I think that attraction is still there. And we've been together 17 years.

1:17:42

Yeah, my husband tires, the other 27 married for 18 Oh my god, I

1:17:46

love hearing that. But it's the truth. It's like keeping that spark. Like, I still want him to look at me and think you're hot. So I feel like we keep that up because I keep him on his toes. I'm brutally honest. I am not a kiss ass I you know, I am. I give my real opinions. I don't make myself small. You know, I really say what I need and want. I actually really I realized that john is not a mind reader. And I'm constantly disappointed. There's

1:18:09

no, mind readers aren't things like, I know, I keep telling him. I'm like, you need to learn how to fucking read my mind. It's like, it sucks.

1:18:18

And that's why we tell women like ask for the gift or make a list of the gifts that you want different price points, so you don't fight about it, or he doesn't get you something you don't want. It's like there's all these easy ways to avoid constant disappointment

1:18:30

by we went on a walk a few months ago. And he goes, I figure I finally figured out after 27 years, the five tips for making it through your birthday, as like the best husband and I was like dying. He's like, it just cracked me up so much. I was like, seven years. And he's like, if I had just put together the five steps. A few years ago, I would have saved myself a lot of arguments. The reality is we say we don't have expectations, but we fucking do. We all do. And we have to stay within high ones.

1:19:08

And that's why it's like don't fucking pretend to be somebody you're not ladies when you're dating. Do not pretend to like everything he likes or to be less you know, diva ish or Oh,

1:19:19

are you kidding? My husband said the reason one of the main reasons he married me is because he's a very calm Yeah, he's like, john, straightforward person and I'm like mentally drained like you. And he said, the only reason I one of the main reasons I married you is because you're the only person who can piss me off and tells you the fucking truth. And I was like, Good answer. He's like, you can piss me off.

1:19:46

And you put them on their toes. You keep them on their toes. So it's not like here it's like I've always been honest from day one of what I like where I want to travel, what I want to do, how much money How would I you know, what are my feelings? What are my needs? What are my expectations? Okay,

1:20:01

so before we wrap up, I want to talk about a couple things I want to talk about if you have a favorite part of your business, and what you think your biggest obstacle has been,

1:20:13

okay, my favorite part of the business genuinely is the the talking with people, the motivational stuff. I just love connecting with people. I love seeing people succeed, I love people taking a chance and it actually working out and then feeling like their entire life has changed, or just waking them up to like feeling their best self has honestly been the absolute greatest pleasure out of this entire business. And the greatest obstacle is wanting to do more. And it's not always easy to do more like it takes time and growth takes time. And you know, nothing comes easy, and you got to work really hard. I've been doing this two and a half years and you still feel like you're hitting your head against the wall at times. So it is about keeping the faith and keeping motivated. Even when things feel like they're not happening, I think has been the biggest obstacle to keep going even when you feel like you can't

1:21:04

and I also think it's important to define what kicking ass is because so many people are like Caroline, you're kicking ass Sarah, you're kicking ass. Like kicking ass can mean selling three notepads or 3 million notepads?

1:21:18

Yes. Listen, I haven't sold the 3 million notepads but me selling even one? That's I was like, Yes, I was like I started I was like, and someone actually bought it. I was like, I thought that was huge. I was like I thought kicking ass. Literally kicking ass is me feeling happy every day. That is literally all it is. I am not making a shit ton of money. I am not this super success having

1:21:40

a purpose having meaning.

1:21:42

100% that is the what I think kicking Astor's is that I look in the mirror and I like the person I see. 100 that is me kicking ass.

1:21:51

You'd like your makeup. You like what you're wearing? like the way you look? You like your energy, like do you like how you feel? And you like what you're doing? 100% but it doesn't mean it always feels good. It doesn't.

1:22:04

It's not a shit ton of money. I'm not on a magazine cover. It's not like this whole thing. Everyone's walking around like oh, Carolyn, it's just me, Jamie I'm real. I'm happy. Yeah, all that matters.

1:22:15

I love that. Okay, so tell me about your blog.

1:22:21

So basically the blog was we just we literally just launched because it became an idea of people wanting to know all different aspects like it was like they liked knowing about the travel they liked knowing about the fashion now that people you know they asked me what you're eating what you're cooking the house so I realized it was more about I had a friend once asked me What's it like being Caroline and I we were like, she's like like all of it like What's it like being you and I was like, that's interesting and that's where being Carolyn came from like that's really where the words came from. Yeah

1:22:49

make is your Instagram is shop with Caroline. But your blog is being Caroline

1:22:56

exactly the shop with Haley is more about you know the shopping and the clothes and I you know, I tag everything I link everything. But being Caroline is more a lifestyle blog. I talk about all my feelings, my emotions, what I've gone through life, also have all the links all the shopping. So it's a combination. It's all my travel. It's basically one place to not only number one, own my own business because Instagram again, ladies, that is not your business. Instagram is his own business. So Instagram goes away, you've lost your entire business. So you have to have your own business. So we decided, Okay, I need to have my own thing. So that's the website and we thought, okay, we can do all my merge there. You know, we created the notepads to remind somebody you know, just to remind you daily to live your best life to get out.

1:23:41

Yeah, tell everyone what the notepads are.

1:23:43

So the notepads really are just like incredibly just incredible paper. I'm a paper person I'm old school I love writing things now

1:23:49

otherwise off when it was coming. Oh my god, I

1:23:54

need to do post it notes, coffee mugs, sweatshirts, like, my God, I need no comments. It's all coming. But it's been an amazing it's like I'll show you this is the notepad.

1:24:02

It's on mine comm today, I

1:24:05

just love it. And it's a reminder on the back, I put a personalized quote with all my hand. Just like a motivational quote to remind you so being Caroline is like my life, you know what I mean? And the merge and the links and the discount. It's like everything about me is there. And then Instagram is more the fun. The motivational speaking the coffee talks the fashion. So that's how I kind of split it up.

1:24:28

I love it. And in terms of your one last question before we do the fun shit about Caroline is when you do the coffee talks and you're opening up about your personal life and crying and talking about john or your parents. is john ever like oh my god, she's oversharing TMI like my kids are like TMI TMI. Jeremy's like can we not talk about you know, whatever. Yes, everyone kind of goes with it, but like Where do you find the balance? Or do you just say fuck it? Everyone has to just deal? Yes. Okay,

1:25:05

so we deal I said the only time it's been hard actually was my mother once, literally rip me a new asshole, and was so offended by something I said about Thanksgiving. And literally, I have never been yelled at like that. Wow. And it was because she felt like I had, you know, said something and talk shit about her made her look bad. And I was like, but it's true. So why are you so offended? And I really I was like, we all hide behind these fake identities and these fake personas. But the truth is, we all struggle, we all have hard days, you weren't perfect. I'm not perfect. And john actually is very much like he actually is like, You know what? I watched your stories last night, he'll be like, I was so motivated. Like, john, actually, it's been a lot. And he's not embarrassed at all. Because I think when you realize that, once you put it all out there, no one can talk about it anymore. And then once you say it all talk all you want. I already said it, it takes away that pressure and that fear of being found out. So people know like, yeah, my parents were not happily married, like, Yes, all that money. We were unhappy at home. It's like I said it, what do I talk about? So I realized, like releasing all the truths actually was very freeing for me. I'm very therapeutic.

1:26:14

And you find that people relate to it.

1:26:16

I mean, that's where I'm everything took off. And I have hundreds of messages daily, of women all talking about their lives, and not about fashion. So people really do want to have real conversations. I know and it's so

1:26:29

interesting, cuz you're like, do you think sometimes it's easier to have a conversation with an Instagram friend? Because it doesn't feel as personal?

1:26:39

I don't know. I feel super personal with a lot of these. It's funny. I feel like I know people know that meaning

1:26:43

like they're not friends from a lifetime ago.

1:26:46

Right? And all my friends from a lifetime ago. Follow they're all watching. Like all my college friends. Like boy ex boyfriends are watching all the

1:26:52

shit. I'm just saying it's just so amazing that you can create this level of intimacy. Yes. through Instagram.

1:27:00

A social media is an insane play you crazy. It's crazy, like crazy. Like our friends in Canada, London. Somebody invited me to Dubai to come visit. I'm Dr. Sarah Jessica Parker. I'm gonna wear that fucking outfit. Do you could rock it for sure. I mean, so I think Instagram is hard. But I do find it to be an incredible place.

1:27:24

Got it. Okay, so where can people find you?

1:27:27

Okay, so you can find me on being Caroline that is the blog and shop dot with dot Caroline is my Instagram. And I want you guys

1:27:36

to Okay, all of this will be in the show notes. But before we finish I want to do fun shit about Caroline mid lives. 10 things. So here we go. What's next on the bucket list? Hot lady travel.

1:27:50

It's all I think about and want to do. And I want to take the kids to Africa. Again, I went for my honeymoon and I want to take them on us. Oh,

1:27:57

good. We did it. We did my honeymoon. We did the same thing. And then we took the kids a few years ago. It's dying to dazing so good. Anything that you have learned that's now on your bucket list after quarantine.

1:28:12

After quarantine. my bucket list would be people's opinions of me. I literally feel so good after like quarantine really made me realize I don't really give a shit. I don't give a shit. Like what I care about is how I feel and how my kids or my family feel. And I just it really gave me the power to say no. And to focus on me. I love that. That really is we have to stick with it. That's the thing. We can't go back everyone's like what's the new normal it is but once you keep doing it, it does become a routine and a habit just like all the shitty things you do become a habit. Keep doing the good things that'll become a habit too.

1:28:48

Yeah. And I think it is about designing our own new normal. Absolutely. We don't have to go back and do the shit that we didn't want to do before we can say no, you have

1:28:58

the power. We have the power to create. Everyone talks about this fucking fairy tale. It's not a man on a white horse. The fairy tale is the one that you write about. Whatever makes you feel happy. That's the fucking fairy tale

1:29:10

you write it? It's so crazy that you feel like someone else should do it for you. It's like it's an interesting thing. If you think about working out like you can't buy a toned body. You have to do the work. Yes, you can have a trainer Yes, you can have this but you have to do the fucking work. And that's how I think about the midlife self recreation journey or the midlife REMAX. It's like you like we said before, no one can do being Caroline.

1:29:41

And no one can do it overnight. It's been three years like it takes a lot of time. Every successful story is 10 years in the making. Everyone thinks everyone wants instant gratification does not exist. So you have to work hard and no one's willing to work hard. So the ones who are willing to work hard. Those are the ones You're seeing out there doing it.

1:30:02

That's the only difference. Yep. And there's people like you who show the sweat and tears. And then there's people who just show the perfection. I think it's important to show the sweat and tears. I really do. People need to know that they can too. I love that one. Okay, secret pleasure. Other than john. massages. Me too. If I could get a massage every single day, that would be my secret pleasure. Oh, what is that? Me too? Oh, love it. It's just I don't know. It's like sort of just resets my energy. I totally agree. Okay, favorite beauty treatment.

1:30:38

I love threading is my favorite. I love the threading of the lips and the eyebrows. And I love Botox little lips. I am all for a little something that makes you feel fabulous.

1:30:49

Me too. Okay, favorite makeup tricks? I know you have to have some

1:30:54

I just like the smoky eyes so for me it's always having that and I mean I have Monica here who's a famous you know makeup artist and we talked you know, she knows how much I love makeup. For me. I just I love the pop of the eye. Like for me it's just like having that little bit of a highlighter in here in the corners. I was like a little how do you use I either use the Marc Jacobs gel liner I use I've even used thrive I've used Mark Jacobs like their liquid liner that has some sparkle in it. I like a little touch in the eye because I'm all about the eyes. I like a smoky eye. I like the eyes to pop. So

1:31:24

do you love it? You can feel naked when you don't have eye makeup on? Yes, genuinely. You soda. Why? What is that? Like? Me too. I just love it. I just think it's fun. I love it. So do you wear makeup to the pool?

1:31:38

Yeah, I'll put something on like a little cover up a little bronzer or some mascara and just still look like myself. And the truth is the foundation has sunblock in it or I put sunblock and then they put a little like I put Monica Blender when we were in Cabo. I put Monica Blender under the eye around my face. I looked flawless. I put a little bronzer on a little mascara and you look great and you get wet. Yeah, totally get what you wear waterproof mascara.

1:32:02

Nobody I'm saying so you get your face wet even with makeup on. I do I hear Yeah. Nice. Yeah, I run around. I can go work out. Yes. I Oh my god. By the end of the day. I'm like it's my whole face gonna slide off. Yeah. Oh my god here. Do you wear a setting spray? I don't. I know. I have to try that out a little but I feel like now that it's so hot. I'm like, why do I have even with a waterproof mascara? I know meet you but even with waterproof mascara, I sometimes find it under my eyes. So I know. You have to ask Monica the secret for that. I will. Okay, so three things that you couldn't live with live without on a desert island. bug spray because I can eat alive too. I'm allergic to mosquitoes literally me to shit What else would I take? Like they can be no but they can just be like frivolous things like your makeup like three things? Yeah,

1:32:57

I would definitely take makeup a cute outfit and a good book. Or you know what I mean? Something like that something to entertain my brain and then still look and feel good

1:33:07

as well. Okay, do you have a special lash curler? I don't. I don't because I haven't mastered the lash curler thing Melinda Maria is got me hooked on a lash curler, but I'm still trying to figure out how to work it. Okay, so what woo things do you do? Um, what do you mean by woowoo? like meditation?

1:33:33

I love tarot cards, astrology. And I like prayer. Hmm.

1:33:39

And how do you incorporate that into your daily life or you don't

1:33:42

I do prayer in the morning I will be say what I'm grateful for remind myself, you know who I am. I usually say I just remind yourself who the fuck you are before kids before marriage before life took you down? So I just try to remind myself and the tarot cards. You know, my mom does them she were really into astrology and tarot cards. So it's like if I have a question or there's something important coming up like I will ask her to do the tarot cards. That's so cute. I

1:34:07

love that. Okay, favorite TV show from the past or what you're watching now.

1:34:12

all time favorite mayor of East town, the crown, Outlander. And reality shows.

1:34:22

Love it. What was the last thing you ordered from Amazon?

1:34:27

dog treats and a bathing suit. Eating I get tons of bathing suits and a float for the pool. Last thing I returned to Amazon Oh my gosh. Did

1:34:36

you try the bathing suit on yet? You bet I did this fabulous. Oh my god do the best bathing suits. How do you guys keep order?

1:34:45

You bet because that's what I have an eye for I am and I can order anything online and I just know exactly what

1:34:50

this is that I'm being Caroline.

1:34:52

It'll be on being Caroline. All my Amazon links. My whole Amazon shop is on there. I updated all the time. You can find all of my favorite things on there. You tell

1:35:00

us what size you wear? Yeah, I'm a small or two. Okay? No because sometimes with bathing suits I find that I wear like a bigger size because I don't want it up my butt.

1:35:11

Yeah, I know with Amazon I always let people know how it fits because they are they do fit differently you know?

1:35:17

More button coverage Yeah. Okay, was intuition natural or did you have to work at it? intuitions natural to me. And how do you instinct? How do you listen to it? How do you not fight against it?

1:35:30

I just feel it in my stomach and what am I feeling in my gut I do feel some some sort of anxiety or like butterflies in my stomach and that usually does really tell me like whether to do something or not. I

1:35:41

know I've been teaching my kids that since they were little because you have to have that you cannot ignore that. Okay, favorite t shirt.

1:35:50

Shop ambitiousness the bodysuit t shirts are fabulous. They fit great. They don't come up your butt. They don't like come out of your jeans. I have to say she did an incredible job. They're great.

1:36:02

Love it that's going to be in my show notes favorite jeans brand. are 13 Okay, favorite beauty trick? Is that the eyes? beauty product?

1:36:12

I would say Monica Blender cover foundation. And Mark Jacob gel liners are fantastic to

1:36:19

now the foundation or how do you pick the color?

1:36:22

Monica usually my I was fortunate that Monica was able to color you know, color match me but her team is fantastic. And all you have to do is dm her message her message her team send a photo and there's also on her website. You know, I think like an answer survey you can fill out too but it she's there her team is fabulous about getting back.

1:36:40

What is the smallest thing we can do today to start our shift towards self recreation.

1:36:46

Remembering that you are important to choosing you choosing you you have to bet on yourself.

1:36:52

And it's not selfish. It's not selfish. No.

1:36:55

Nope. It's never selfish self care. self love is never selfish

1:37:00

and to be interested in interesting. Always. Oh, always. What would your bottom line advice be on finding the sweet spot and the second half of life other than john

1:37:12

saying no to what doesn't serve you and to keep taking chances and trying new things and having fun? I think we've we forget you know as kids, we're always having fun. I think we forget as adults to have fun.

1:37:24

I agree. That's my greatest piece of advice to sort of laughing on a yes, it is key, especially after the last year. Yep.

1:37:33

You have to just find it. You've got to find it for yourself. Hmm.

1:37:37

Okay, now that we have shoveled our shit for today, I hope you love Caroline's golden life nuggets. I have Carolina I love digging deep with you with our golden shovels today on this podcast. I know we talked about it before but let's repeat it again if listeners want to find Joe shop dot

1:37:57

with dot Caroline on Instagram and being Caroline is the blog.

1:38:02

Okay, I want everyone to start thinking about what shit they can start doing today. One small step as Caroline would say choosing you get up happy choosing happy choosing you. I want to thank Caroline for being fucking real and telling us the highs and lows of self recreating and thank you for the inspiration on how looking and feeling our best in the second half of life for ourselves and no one else and hence this podcast Caroline budino of shop with Caroline and being Caroline.

1:38:34

I love you so much Sara Thank you for everything. Thank you for having me. I adore you

1:38:39

know thank you so much. I think you're fabulous and I'm so proud of you and I feel lucky to know you baby. Well thank you. Thank you for everything and ladies you can do soon Santa Monica. I will