Midlife Muffin Top: 6 Science-Backed Lifestyle Steps

Kim Shapira (00:00:00) - The reality is they help you lose weight and they help you stay the same weight. That's the side effect of following these six simple rules.

*Sarah Milken * (00:00:11) - Hey peeps, welcome to the Flexible Neurotic Podcast. I'm your host, doctor Sarah Millican. Yeah, you heard that right. I'm a real PhD doctor. Long, long ago, like last fucking year, I was sitting in the midlife funk wondering, was this it for me? That day, I realized I needed to get off my ass and start my midlife remix. I dusted off my PhD, wipe the menopause sweat off my forehead, grabbed my golden shit shovel, and started digging deep to all my midlife bitches. It's not just luck, coffee, and hormones that get you through your midlife remix. It's action steps. Let's do this. Hi peeps, it's me, Doctor Sarah Milken, and this is the Flexible Neurotic podcast The Midlife Self Reinvention Podcast, where we normalize and celebrate all the Uggs and fabulosity of midlife. This is a mini sode, a little short version where I go back to some of my favorite episodes and do the midlife highlight reel.

*Sarah Milken * (00:01:18) - You know, I know we can't always remember everything that we've heard. So I go back into my midlife library and bring you the golden nuggets about midlife motivation, empty nesting, health, wellness, and all things midlife flexible, neurotic style where we dig up the research and we get into it. Today is a golden nugget that I love from an episode that I did with Kim Shapira. I am joined by this amazing nutritional therapist, registered dietitian, and fellow midlife, for she has spent the last 25 years in the food and weight trenches with women like you and me. And she really knows what works and what doesn't. She's on the ground. Her book is called This Is What You're Really Hungry For. Six rules transform your relationships with food to become your healthiest self. Today, we're going over her six rules. You can thank me later for this special mini sode. It's packed with action items that you can literally start right now. I also love it because it's a great reminder that once again, it's about lifestyle, not diet, and the importance of incorporating these six things in your everyday lifestyle and not just in preparation for a wedding, a vacation, your kids wedding, or any of those things.

*Sarah Milken * (00:02:37) - Because we all know that's not sustainable. And Kim is all about sustainability, reliability, on yourself, and consistency. The original episode was packed with amazing midlife stuff on food, wellness, emotional eating, and living a value based life. So make sure you go back and check out the full episode called food, weight, and Me in Midlife. Of course, I'll link it in the show notes. So let's get into the episode. Let's talk about your six simple rules. Okay, so the first part you say before you get into the six rules is you gotta figure out what your Y is. Yeah. Tell me about the Y situation.

Kim Shapira (00:03:19) - So most people will say I'm here to lose weight for this event or I've, I want to lose £30 because, you know, my doctor said I should. And so I want to change the Y from losing weight to keeping weight off and to having a normal relationship with food.

*Sarah Milken * (00:03:38) - Got it. So in your experience, what has been what have been the most successful wise? Is that a word? Is that a does that make sense?

Kim Shapira (00:03:48) - Yeah, yeah.

Kim Shapira (00:03:48) - And it should be in my opinion. I don't love that word should. But I'm going to use it here. It should be for peace of mind. I like to follow these six simple rules. The reality is they help you lose weight and they help you stay the same weight. That's the side effect of following these six simple rules. They improve your health. That's the side effect. And so if you follow them you're actually achieving your why. If your why is normal. I want to have a normal relationship, which is just like the one we have with our bladder.

*Sarah Milken * (00:04:23) - Hopefully. Yeah, exactly.

Kim Shapira (00:04:26) - There are a few exceptions.

*Sarah Milken * (00:04:28) - Now, you say that you want your why. You want your clients wise to be their superpower. How does it become their superpower?

Kim Shapira (00:04:38) - Yeah. So willpower is very short lived. Inner power is a posturing. Right. So in, for instance, and I think I shared this in the book, my daughter, we used to go to the mall and she would get a Wetzel pretzel and she would get a stomach ache.

Kim Shapira (00:04:54) - And so I would say to her, as a dietitian, I had one opinion. And, you know, as what I'm practicing, what I'm preaching. What I said to her was, I wonder if it's the pretzel. Why don't you try eating half and seeing if you still get a stomach ache? And she did and she did. She got another stomach ache and I said, oh, I wonder if it's the pretzel. Maybe. Let's try getting a different snack. So what ends up happening is she became empowered. The pretzel makes my stomach hurt and I don't want it now. It hurting her stomach. I could say to her in a couple months, try the pretzel again. Right? Like it's not a permanent thing, but right now you're sensitive to it. Let's see how you are in a couple of months. Right. And so what happens is we become empowered and that's inner power.

*Sarah Milken * (00:05:38) - So yeah. And you also talk about how instead of saying to someone or saying to yourself, like, I'm not allowed to have that pretzel, you say, let's try or experiment.

*Sarah Milken * (00:05:51) - Not having the pretzel. Yeah. See what happens, because it's less alarming to tell someone to just fucking try something than it is. Like, you can't have that.

Kim Shapira (00:06:01) - Yeah, our mind will go apeshit in any form of restriction. And even for myself, I have to experiment. I'm just going to do this temporarily, trusting I'm going to have it again. Right. It's very that's a very safe thing. It's very important that we feel safe.

*Sarah Milken * (00:06:18) - Yeah. I think the inner power versus willpower is an interesting concept for sure. Yeah. We're all like, can we do it? Can we do it?

Kim Shapira (00:06:26) - We don't want to do hard. And our mind that is discomfort and we like to do everything the way we did it yesterday and we sleepwalk through most of our behaviors. And so if now I have to be intentional and alert and awake, that's hard.

*Sarah Milken * (00:06:39) - Oh, it's so annoying. But in the end it's so good. It's like all of midlife. Every single thing I've done is so annoying and so hard, but I fucking love it in the end.

Kim Shapira (00:06:49) - Yeah, well, staying in the heart and staying in the discomfort is what we realized. Like, that wasn't so hard. That wasn't so uncomfortable. And I'm really proud of myself. Totally. That's in her power.

*Sarah Milken * (00:07:00) - In her power. Okay, so rule number one eat when I'm hungry. Oh my God. But how do I know if I'm hungry? Yeah, if.

Kim Shapira (00:07:10) - You don't know, don't eat. But you will know soon enough. Hunger doesn't go away. Get stronger. Okay.

*Sarah Milken * (00:07:17) - Good answer. Okay, now eat half. Wait 15 minutes.

Kim Shapira (00:07:22) - Yeah, let's.

*Sarah Milken * (00:07:23) - Get into that. I do want to say to you that I had a hairdresser once at and I hadn't seen her for a few months, and I saw her and I was like, oh my God, like, you've lost so much weight. What did you do? And she goes, I just ate half. And I'm like, what? And this was like years ago. She's like, and it made me laugh.

*Sarah Milken * (00:07:43) - When I was reading your book, she was like, yeah, I would like order the fucking enchiladas. I ate half of it and I lost like £30. And I was like, oh, okay, now and then, now you're talking about that. I'm like, that's so weird.

Kim Shapira (00:07:56) - Okay, so here's how it works. We all have this hormone, ghrelin that tells our brain we've had enough food and it doesn't hit for 15 minutes. So we can if we're hungry, we're going to overeat because we're going to eat all our food in six minutes, three minutes, and then we're not going to know for 15 minutes if it was too much. But if we slow down how fast we eat that first half and we wait 15 minutes, that hormone then tells our brain, you've had enough. And sometimes it says you still need more because it's not always the same. But eating half is at fail safe if you want to lose weight.

*Sarah Milken * (00:08:32) - Interesting. But like, do you go through this with clients like, I don't know, like if you didn't sleep well the night before or you worked out extra hard one day like that, 15 minutes might feel really different each day.

Kim Shapira (00:08:46) - I didn't say it was going to be comfortable. And again, our brain doesn't like discomfort. Right. And so it's up to us to then say to our minds like, hey, you're fueled. The other half is sitting right there. I'm just going to experiment to see how I feel. And if you can distract yourself, it's like almost 99% of the time. Enough food for right now. Because again, like, if I pee right now, it doesn't mean I'm not going to pee later. Like I'm going to need food again. So I'm only eating what I need now. But I'm going to eat again. I might eat again in two hours. I might eat again in three hours if I eat and I'm not hungry for 4 or 5 hours, I overeat. You want to be hungry every three hours.

*Sarah Milken * (00:09:30) - Interesting. Okay. And then you say, I like how you say that. You have this. You have your clients repeat this mantra like ten times when they're triggered and they're like, fuck, am I hungry? I don't know what's happening.

*Sarah Milken * (00:09:42) - And you basically say, I have everything I need inside of me to survive this moment.

Kim Shapira (00:09:48) - Yeah, that's inner power.

*Sarah Milken * (00:09:50) - That's what I'm going to be saying when I'm dropping my son off. And you're right.

Kim Shapira (00:09:54) - That's it's true. And again, like, that's so posturing like the opposite of willpower, like willpower is like, I need a little bit of everything to survive this moment. We have everything we need in us to survive this moment.

*Sarah Milken * (00:10:06) - So.

Kim Shapira (00:10:07) - Hard. I know we're not going to like all the moments I know.

*Sarah Milken * (00:10:10) - Rule number two eat what you love. Okay, that can be kind of confusing. So break that down for us.

Kim Shapira (00:10:16) - Okay, so it's what you love, but make sure the food loves you back. So again this is the pretzel for my daughter right. So she loves the pretzel. But the pretzel didn't love her back. And so anything that causes like headache problems with your eyes, your nose running, clearing your throat, heartburn, burping, bloating, nausea, stomach aches, sour stomach, diarrhea, constipation, joint pain, things like that.

Kim Shapira (00:10:39) - They don't love you back.

*Sarah Milken * (00:10:41) - Right? What if I eat macaroni and cheese and I don't get a stomachache and I'm like, oh my God, I love that.

Kim Shapira (00:10:47) - Then whoever's been telling you it's bad is been lying. So I am completely lactose intolerant. That might not be a good choice for me. It doesn't love me back. So maybe I find a mac and cheese that is an alternative that doesn't upset my stomach, right? This is just an opportunity for you to grow and to get curious. I have a client, the other who was saying to me, I really just love apples and peanut butter as a snack. And I'm like, okay, is there anything else you'll eat? And he said, well, why? That's what I like. And I said, okay, but I'm picturing a supermarket and like, apples and peanut butter or like 1/1000 of an entire supermarket, like you're not even looking at how many other things you can have, right? So you can love mac and cheese, but do you have to have it like, I love Hawaii, but I don't need to be there right now, right?

*Sarah Milken * (00:11:35) - So you can love it, but not have to have it all the time.

*Sarah Milken * (00:11:39) - Yeah.

Kim Shapira (00:11:40) - And find alternatives that agree with your body. Because ultimately our job is like, my job is to make you feel or for you to feel. Well, see, I'm still mastering it. Yeah.

*Sarah Milken * (00:11:48) - No, I mean, honestly, we all are. Okay, so we talked about the chocolate shake. We talked about the banana. And let's talk about the Lucky Charms. You said you almost called your book Eat the Lucky Charms for breakfast.

Kim Shapira (00:12:02) - Yeah. Why? You should eat the Lucky Charms for why you.

*Sarah Milken * (00:12:04) - Should eat the Lucky Charms for breakfast. And why is that?

Kim Shapira (00:12:07) - So you can see if they agree with your body or not. We can say it's. You know why you should have mac and cheese for breakfast or not. It's just basically to see the food that you've been restricting or thinking is bad. Is it bad for you? Is it making you sick? And it could, it could 100% not agree with you, but it's more important for you to have the Lucky Charms and recognize I don't really like Lucky Charms.

Kim Shapira (00:12:30) - I don't really want that shake. That's not sad.

*Sarah Milken * (00:12:34) - I guess if you eat the Lucky Charms and you, maybe you don't get sick from it, but you're hungry in 20 minutes, right?

Kim Shapira (00:12:41) - There's a lot of things.

*Sarah Milken * (00:12:42) - Yeah, that's not loving you back either.

Kim Shapira (00:12:44) - Right. And so you figuring out what satisfying to you is more important.

*Sarah Milken * (00:12:50) - Yeah. So you don't. So if your client said to you, I want to eat Lucky Charms every day for breakfast. Yeah. Would you be okay with that?

Kim Shapira (00:12:57) - I would, and I would tell them to have a small bowl and start with half and see how they feel. Yeah, yeah. And I can pretty much guarantee how that's going to go.

*Sarah Milken * (00:13:09) - Tell us.

Kim Shapira (00:13:10) - I don't think that they will end up seeing it as a love affair, and they will start craving in their mind something that is more like substantial. Right. So like I, they might want to add vegetables or eggs or toast. I could see that that would change. A lot for them, but it.

Kim Shapira (00:13:35) - You know, I had one client who. Was pretty much verbally assaulted in her house every time she wanted a pastry or something sweet by her husband. And so I said, go for it. You you have permission to eat anything you want. And so she just ate pastries for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She lost £10.

*Sarah Milken * (00:13:57) - Oh my God.

Kim Shapira (00:13:57) - And she was completely flabbergasted because she was eating chocolate croissants and foods that she had never allowed herself to eat. And so she was thrilled that she had lost weight. And after about three weeks of eating the pastries nonstop, she decided she was ready for something heartier that was more satisfying. And I'm pretty much sure she's never gone back to pastries.

*Sarah Milken * (00:14:21) - Wow. And what did her husband have to say during that whole time?

Kim Shapira (00:14:25) - He had to bite his tongue. I told him he wasn't allowed to police her.

*Sarah Milken * (00:14:29) - Oh, my God, it's so complicated. Okay, I know.

Kim Shapira (00:14:33) - But three weeks of pastries are a lifetime of bingeing on them.

*Sarah Milken * (00:14:36) - No, it makes complete sense.

*Sarah Milken * (00:14:38) - Okay, rule number three. Eat without distractions. That's so hard.

Kim Shapira (00:14:42) - Yeah. So we have to put away all the things that are in front of us. The physical distractions. Food is really, really, really, really boring. We we love food. It is fuel, but we don't want to be alone with it. Yeah. And so the challenge is just sit, sit and be with your food, taste your food, enjoy your food. And what you're going to find is your hand is already readying the next bite, even while you're chewing food. We have a really hard time being with our food, and this isn't a permanent thing. You don't have to, you know, stay away from distractions. You know, family can be distractions, lots of things, but you have to get mindful. You have to kind of see, why am I putting that next bite in my mouth before I'm even done with this bite? You know, where's the reward? Yeah.

*Sarah Milken * (00:15:28) - And you say you you should put your fork down.

Kim Shapira (00:15:31) - You should put your fork down. You should chew your food a little longer than you think necessary because you're in a relationship with your body. And your body needs your mouth to break down the food, to get the vitamins in the food.

*Sarah Milken * (00:15:43) - And what about leaving the glass of water on the kitchen counter? That kind of piqued my interest a little bit.

Kim Shapira (00:15:48) - Yeah, people do a lot of walk bys, like where they go in and they grab grapes and they might rationalize they're healthy. I don't not sure for a lot of reasons. They're bored, they're tired, they're stressed. And so I like the idea of everybody putting a pitcher of water with a pretty glass on the counter and creating a new habit that every time they walk into the kitchen, they start with water. It puts space between the thought to eat and the action to eat.

*Sarah Milken * (00:16:12) - I know my husband said to me, he goes, I realized, like when I actually thought about it, like I probably had three handfuls of cashews.

Kim Shapira (00:16:19) - Yeah, he's.

*Sarah Milken * (00:16:20) - Like, I didn't even need to eat those cashews. Yeah. And we all have them. We?

Kim Shapira (00:16:25) - Yeah, yeah. And we rationalize them. Maybe we're not aware.

*Sarah Milken * (00:16:28) - Should be like in a different floor than the main floor that you're on all the time. You know what I mean? It like, needs to be in its own basement or something.

Kim Shapira (00:16:35) - Yeah. That sounds about that sounds like a great idea. If anybody if everybody had the ability to have that, that'd be awesome. Yeah, exactly.

*Sarah Milken * (00:16:41) - It's like the kitchen just like, can't be near me. Oh my god. Okay. Rule number four 10,000 steps. Oh my God. That gives me like a panic attack.

Kim Shapira (00:16:51) - Yeah. So then the average American gets between 3 and 4000. So even if we're getting 7000 we're doing great. And this is like supposed to be about progress. This is not supposed to be about perfection. And your you ultimately do want to have those 10,000 steps. You want to be active. You want to move your body.

Kim Shapira (00:17:10) - We have a lot of stress. We have a lot of things that need to be moved. And we do that through moving our body and through breathing. So 7000 steps helps people, like, decrease their risk of sudden death by 50%. It also lowers your risk of Alzheimer's and tons of other diseases. But 10,000 steps is really important for maintaining your weight. And ultimately, that's what we all want.

*Sarah Milken * (00:17:35) - Now is a step like if you're wearing a Fitbit or some kind of wearable and you do a weight workout, are those are part of those movements considered questions?

Kim Shapira (00:17:46) - Yeah, it's a good question. It should not be.

*Sarah Milken * (00:17:48) - Steps 10,000 steps. Like I mean, isn't 10,000 steps like five miles.

Kim Shapira (00:17:54) - It's five miles. Yeah. So no, the weights are included, right. Like anytime I move my hands I'm stepping. It just got it. The way we're using steps is not great. The word but movement move 10,000 times.

*Sarah Milken * (00:18:07) - Because I'm like, God, I hope I do because, I mean, if you think about it, walking five miles takes a I mean, unless you're like really fast, it takes a long time.

*Sarah Milken * (00:18:16) - And unless you're, like, willing to commit that kind of time every single day to walk five miles, it sounds like a lot.

Kim Shapira (00:18:22) - It's a very important part of taking care of you, doing something every day to, you know, have that time. Yes, we need it.

*Sarah Milken * (00:18:31) - We need it. Rule number five. Water.

Kim Shapira (00:18:34) - Well, it's a way that we detox, you know, just talking, breathing, sleeping, pooping, urinating. We lose water. And if we don't drink enough, it basically our body starts. It stores fat and toxins. So it's a way to help our inflammation. It's a way to help our body lose weight. It's really good for every single organ.

*Sarah Milken * (00:18:53) - Now what are your thoughts on adding things to water? Because some people say, well, if you drink water at a certain point, it's not really hydrating enough. You should have electrolytes or you add like sea salt or whatever to the water so it has some kind of mineral capacity. What are your thoughts on that?

Kim Shapira (00:19:11) - I think every body is totally different and some people have a hard time absorbing water.

Kim Shapira (00:19:16) - And if you eat a high protein diet, you're not going to be able to absorb water. So you definitely need to be adding salt. So minerals are important for people who are not getting them. And. If we're having a hard time absorbing water. And it depends, like if you're living in Arizona and it's 110, you know, every minute of the day or 120, you're going to need help absorbing water and drinking, making sure you're getting enough water. Right. So it really is dependent on what's going on in your particular case. In general, we can get water from the foods we're eating from the sodas or coffee or soups, but those are not what I would count as water. So I just like eight cups. And depending on what's going on with you, you might need a little help. But in general, most of us don't.

*Sarah Milken * (00:20:03) - Now, do you have a routine for your water where like, I know some people are like, oh well, I drink one cup at the end of every hour or whatever.

*Sarah Milken * (00:20:10) - Do you have any mind games that you play with yours?

Kim Shapira (00:20:13) - I just keep this big thing of water on my desk. And so this is a mason jar with four cups, and I just make sure that I drink two of them a day. While I'm walking, I try and drink three cups, like, I just try and bring water where I go. It's definitely not an easy thing to do, but I think making sure that you have a plan and being consistent. So yeah, I mean.

*Sarah Milken * (00:20:34) - I can see okay, rule number six sleep. That is like oh my god.

Kim Shapira (00:20:38) - Yeah. So there's lots of sleep issues, but we need to make sure that we're consistent again with what time we go to sleep and what time we wake up. And our body actually will thrive hormonally, physically and in all ways when we get a consistent sleep system going. if we miss an hour of sleep, it's a little bit like being jetlagged, and we tend to choose foods that are more inflammatory or higher in fat.

Kim Shapira (00:21:03) - We we tend to make poor choices, and our motivation is lower in all things. So sleep is important. Yeah. okay.

*Sarah Milken * (00:21:12) - So of all your midlife female clients, what do you think is the hardest step? Is there one.

Kim Shapira (00:21:19) - I think a lot people struggle with to start with the half. but I think, I mean midlife people start the water is hard to everybody. You know, has urinary issues or doesn't, you know, might not be able to make it to the bathroom. So definitely do those Kegels. There are these amazing drum systems that gynecologists now have in their offices. We need to drink the water. So if you're having a like a urine issue, you definitely need to figure out what's going on there. But don't get in your own way. You got to figure it out.

*Sarah Milken * (00:21:50) - Hey peeps, it's me again. Okay, so those rules were fucking amazing. I'm so glad I revisited this episode because, you know, I can't even remember what I wore yesterday. So I have to remind myself and all of you, I will definitely be re incorporating some of these rules into my life ASAP.

*Sarah Milken * (00:22:08) - Such a good reminder on health, wellness, consistency and values. And honestly, how much water do I even drink per day? UG, there's so many things but we can do it. We got to just go one step at a time. Uggs and fabulosity. As I say, Kim refers to these six rules as a way of helping people towards a normal relationship with food, which improves their confidence, their health, and their well-being. Amen. Because we all know how easy it is to fall into boredom. Snacking, emotional eating especially when teen son is leaving the nest again. Oh, the reason I love this is because not only are her six rules super easy, but they're based in science. Here's a super fast recap on the rules. If you have a midlife brain like me and can't remember number one, eat when you're hungry to eat what you love and make sure it loves you back. Number three eat without distractions. Number four 10,000 steps a day. Oh my God. Number five.

*Sarah Milken * (00:23:10) - Water. Stay hydrated. And number six, get enough sleep. Let's face it, we're all in an exclusive, intimate and long term relationship with our bodies. And we need to take this into consideration because it plays a huge role in how to choose to take care of ourselves. Kim emphasizes the importance of getting inside our bodies and listening to the messages we're sending ourselves. Kim explains that we have a physical body and an emotional body, and that separating the two will lead to big wins in weight loss, well-being, and making sure that our bodies are getting the nutrition that we need to thrive. The least we can do is try to incorporate these six rules. And just like in rule number two, we will see the positive effects in how our bodies will love us back. Mid lifers. Don't worry about digging through your old notes. From all the amazing information we got today. You can go to my website, The Flexible Neurotic com and search Kim Shapiro. And there's a full set of show notes and you can listen to the full length episode there to stay tuned for more golden nuggets that you probably forgot in the midst of midlife parenting teens becoming or maybe already being an empty nester career and so many other things.

*Sarah Milken * (00:24:27) - And of course. There are three things you can do. First, subscribe to the fucking podcast. Second, share it with some friends who might like midlife shit. And third, write an Apple review. Writing reviews is kind of annoying and an extra step, but guess what? It really helps the podcast grow. You think you're a little review won't matter, but it does. If you went to a show and everyone said my clap doesn't matter, there would be no clapping. You all matter. DM me. You know, I always respond and of course follow my Instagram at the flexible, neurotic duh. Love you.