Midlife Hacks & Habits

Abbie Crane (00:00:00) - Allowing myself enough grace to check in with how I'm feeling on the inside and get out of my head and everything I've prescribed for myself, not talking myself out of the joy of the moment. Be there now and be where you're going to be next when you're there.

*Sarah Milken * (00:00:22) - Hey peeps, welcome to the Flexible Neurotic Podcast. I'm your host, doctor Sarah Millican. Yeah, you heard that right. I'm a real PhD doctor. Long, long ago, like last fucking year, I was sitting in the midlife funk wondering, was this it for me? That day, I realized I needed to get off my ass and start my midlife remix. I dusted off my PhD, wiped the menopause sweat off my forehead, grabbed my golden shit shovel, and started digging deep to all my midlife bitches. It's not just luck, coffee, and hormones that get you through your midlife remix. It's action steps. Let's do this. Hi peeps, it's me, Doctor Sarah Milken with a new golden nugget mini sode of the Flexible Neurotic Podcast.

*Sarah Milken * (00:01:14) - The Midlife Podcast, where we celebrate the Uggs and fabulosity of midlife. So fun in these Minnesota, I go back to some of my best episodes and remind us of some of the amazing and important golden nuggets that we dug up and maybe have forgotten with our midlife brains. Yeah, you heard me right. I'm going into my midlife library and bringing you golden nuggets about midlife motivation, empty nesting, health and wellness, and all the things flexible, neurotic style. Today I have some rad golden nuggets about midlife emotional and physical health from a rad guest. When we first spoke, we talked for over two hours about all the things midlife, relationships, mindset and wellness, marriage, and she gave us all the action items and I'm laying it all out for us today, so get ready. Today's guest is an integrated health coach, brand marketer, nutrition enthusiast and mother and should I say drop dead gorgeous. She says she lives from the inside out. And today we're going to dig into what this really means so that we can all do the same shit.

*Sarah Milken * (00:02:25) - Her name is Abby Crane, and as a fellow midlife or she knows all things physical, mental, and nutritional health, check out her Instagram. You might get hooked. I found her on Instagram and I love her because she does all the things that she preaches for other people to do to find their best selves. So when I see her posts, I'm like, oh yeah, duh, I can do that. Time for the mini trampoline because that's what Abby is doing. Hope I don't pee on myself. So if you aren't following her ready, follow her. It's an easy way to remember to take action. This episode was packed with great reminders about how to show up for ourselves and trust ourselves in all areas of midlife. Make sure to check out the full episode with Abby called midlife ten Things Freedom for reinvention in self-awareness, marriage, nutrition, and Empty Nest. You can also find the whole list of show notes in my website w Dot the flexible, neurotic.com. Let's get into it.

Abbie Crane (00:03:31) - What does it mean to live from the inside out? It means that I'm allowing myself.

Abbie Crane (00:03:38) - Enough grace to check in with how I'm feeling on the inside and get out of my head and everything I've prescribed for myself, and trust that if I want to have this cookie for breakfast because that's what I'm feeling right now, that I'll trust my next choice to. And that, you know, not talking myself out of the joy of the moment and allowing the chips to fall where they may in my next. And if I want to have the cookie for breakfast, then be there now and be where you're going to be next when you're there. Because I'm always a forward thinker, a planner, a list maker, and you know there are benefits to that. But that's just not where I want to be living right now. I'm trying to learn to be more in the moment and more inclusive of how I feel. And if I'm going to feel joyful one moment, then allow that to happen. And if I'm going to feel grief or sadness in the next, then welcome that to. And it's not easy.

Abbie Crane (00:04:51) - I don't know why it doesn't come more naturally for me to allow all of my parts to just exist out, but I feel like part of the midlife benefit is having more space to check in with myself. Because I was all in with my three boys. It was the best job I ever had. I loved it so much and I can't believe how fast it went went by. But we were so busy and we were running here and there and doing this and doing that, and you know, it was the joy of my life. I'm sad to see that time go, but there are so many hidden benefits that I'm starting to live into, as that is part of my past. And I love being their mother and will love being their mother forever in the phases that they're in now as adults, as is so satisfying to see. But I'm just giving myself more, just more time right now to get to know myself in a whole new way and just let it be.

*Sarah Milken * (00:05:53) - I love everything that you just said.

*Sarah Milken * (00:05:55) - First of all, I'm a master ruminating over. Okay? My husband is the opposite. He is. What's the next step? What's the next step? And a lot of times I want to, like, punch him and be like, this is not normal. Like, you can't think about everything in such a compartmentalized way. Like, why are you stressed about this or this or that? And he's like, Sarah, because it hasn't happened yet. And I'm like, oh, and he's like, no wonder your cortisol is off the charts. I'm like, I know. I'm like, I'm warring for 12 people here. What are the sort of, quote benefits you're seeing of kind of your kids being off and you having more space?

Abbie Crane (00:06:39) - I love that life just continues to expand and grow and everything that we've learned just builds on that. Who am I now is probably something that I'll continually always ask, and it's like a visual of like dropping down into my skin instead of like climbing up, up, up.

Abbie Crane (00:07:03) - You know, I feel like I'm trying to, like, just drop down more into who is happy and who am I giving her freedom to be.

*Sarah Milken * (00:07:12) - It's so interesting for you and for me because it's similar in terms of age, but like you were with your husband at such a young age. Yes. And then you had kids very soon, and your whole sort of identity has been you, Abby, as a wife and you, Abby, as a mom. And you sort of then get to this midlife point when your kids are older and your husband's going to work and all these things where you're left with just. Abby. Yes, I'm still a mom, but my mom role is different. Yes, I'm still a wife. And maybe that's going to become even harder because it's my husband and I together. More hours without our kids and without all the games and the surf and all the stuff. But it's not just accepting it and taking it. It's like accepting it and making it better, accepting it and building upon it.

*Sarah Milken * (00:08:03) - Evolving.

Abbie Crane (00:08:04) - Yeah, it's so well said. I've been spending a lot of time thinking about who I was from the beginning.

*Sarah Milken * (00:08:10) - Totally.

Abbie Crane (00:08:11) - So much time reflecting about like, who young Abby was. And it's just so fun giving myself, you know, the permission to be who I want. Now, give myself a lot of forgiveness and know that we are all survivors and have made it thus far. What a gift life is.

*Sarah Milken * (00:08:29) - That leads me into midlife marriage.

Abbie Crane (00:08:31) - You know, I heard Gwyneth Paltrow say something once, and it was like I'd never heard it. Quite like this. But she's in her second marriage. But all of her girlfriends from high school or college are all still in their first marriage. But they're living a second marriage within their first.

Sarah Milken (00:08:51) - Yes.

Abbie Crane (00:08:51) - And I was like, exactly. That's what we're doing. We have been married for so long, and we're the same people, but we're also not. And they love that. We give each other enough space to just be who we want to be.

Abbie Crane (00:09:06) - And, you know, we have established a certain cadence, a certain dance, a certain rhythm up until this point. And we're like, do we want to keep that same two step going? We want to switch it up a little bit. And it's been a lot of really hard conversations, you know, about what do we want for our relationship moving forward, and do we like the habits that we've created? And, you know, we kind of have this visual of like, whatever our issues are. Let it be the elephant in the room and just talk about it always. And just like, be willing to sit there and be uncomfortable and have the hard conversations because he and I need to do that. We've needed to go to therapy, talk about where we've been and what we want. And I kind of takes me back to who we were when we were, when we met, when we were young. It's like we were willing to dream big and talk about what kind of relationship we wanted then and now.

Abbie Crane (00:10:06) - We kind of are renegotiating, you know, do we want what we've had? And when you.

*Sarah Milken * (00:10:11) - Look at research, it shows that, like as human beings, we crave novelty every 5 to 7 years. So it's like when you're married to the same person, it's like, okay, how am I going to kind of reinvent this wheel here? How am I going to date my husband again? Within a marriage that's been going on for so long.

Abbie Crane (00:10:32) - To be honest, I think the hardest thing for me personally is to have something new. I've had to let something die and it's being willing to feel the death. I look to nature for that. And when you see a fire it's like you don't just have a fire without feeling the fire. I mean we've had to really allow. Of discontent, but it's intentional. We will feel like we're not really bonded at the moment, and we're aware of that. And it's that's hard. It's like when you're going through like, have you heard like the repotting phase when you're just like growing in your roots and then you like, pull them out and you got to go into another pot so you can grow into that.

Abbie Crane (00:11:13) - It's really those in-between moments for me that are the hardest because, you know, you're committed to each other and you know you want to work on it and you know you're going to get to that next phase of connection. But it's really like allowing the disconnection. That's the hardest part. It's like being in the death. Of the past or of the old way before you see the new growth, before you experience springtime, before you see the little buds of hope. It's just sitting in the shit.

*Sarah Milken * (00:11:45) - I could not agree more. Let's talk about your alternative modalities, Miss Health Queen. Let's talk about the cold plunge first.

Abbie Crane (00:11:54) - Yeah, it's so funny because I had always had this attraction to try it, and I have no idea where that came from. But I had seen it, and I know that it was trending, but I knew that it was, you know, a technique that's been around from the beginning of time. And I had bought a sauna during Covid and my girlfriend had it. So I went to look at her sauna and she had a cold plunge.

Abbie Crane (00:12:18) - And I was like, I've always wanted to try this cold plunge. And she's like, okay, let's do it together. And so the very first time I did it was with a neighbor, and she sat me down in her living room. She got an app out and we did a breathwork app, like ten minute breathwork class. It was funny because she had so much reverence for what was about to happen, and I was sort of like, so new and excited. I was like, let's just do it, you know? But once I got in that cold plunge, I understood and appreciated the little ceremony she gave me before I did it, because you really have to sort of, like, draw from deep within and be really ready to work with your breath and just kind of have like this calm, steady, you know, there are those people that are just natural and they can step right in and they can just deal with it. But there is this fight or flight that kind of kicks up about that minute mark.

Abbie Crane (00:13:22) - And when you know that it's going to come and you know that you're safe. It helped me that I sort of had that little backstory. She talked me through it before I got in, so when I did hit that mark, I could just focus on my breath and like, you know, kind of write it out. I was hooked. I was like, I came home, I'm like, Eric, you've got to go try Rachel's cold plunge. It was so amazing. And he loved it too. I mean, oh my God, yes.

*Sarah Milken * (00:13:49) - So I want to tell listeners it literally imagine like a white bathtub. I guess it doesn't have to be white, but Abby's is white. Yeah, it's like a white bathtub with freezing cold water. How cold is that water?

Abbie Crane (00:14:03) - 39 degrees.

*Sarah Milken * (00:14:05) - Okay. I can't even get into my pool at 65. I know that's not normal.

Abbie Crane (00:14:12) - It's. It's not. It does not. And, you know, you can pick the temperature, and you don't have to start at that cold.

Abbie Crane (00:14:20) - That's the coldest that it goes. But it is all in our mind. And, you know, of course, if you have pre-existing health conditions, it's always good to have, you know, a conversation with your doctor about it. But because I don't I felt very comfortable stepping into it. You know, science shows that if you're in there for three minutes, then that's when you get most of your health benefits from there.

*Sarah Milken * (00:14:43) - I read something about 11 minutes a week. Is that true?

Abbie Crane (00:14:47) - You know, it depends. Everybody's different and every season is different. So like right now my acupuncturist is actually having me pull back and not do it as much. I'm craving my broths and my soup.

Sarah Milken (00:14:59) - Totally.

Abbie Crane (00:14:59) - You know, it's just cold out more. So she's like, just do it a couple times a week. To be honest, it's hard for me to step back from it because I'm so addicted to the good feeling that I get after I do it, and the the.

*Sarah Milken * (00:15:12) - Benefits of cold.

Sarah Milken (00:15:13) - Plunge.

Abbie Crane (00:15:14) - Well, the brain clarity is amazing. It activates brown fat so you know, it encourages your metabolism to speed up. It's really good for immunity. It regulates your hormones.

Sarah Milken (00:15:26) - Okay, what.

*Sarah Milken * (00:15:26) - About Chlorella algae?

Sarah Milken (00:15:29) - Oh, yeah.

Abbie Crane (00:15:30) - So that's funny. So when I went to Hawaii to visit my dad, I'm like, dad, you're 70. You look amazing. I think he did his first Ironman when he was 60. I was like, what supplements do you take, dad? He's like, none. Like, I don't take any supplements. I don't take any vitamins. But because he lives on the Big Island, they do have this spirulina, chlorella. I think that spirulina, maybe it's huge in the athlete world. Yeah. And it's a real clean protein. It's, you know, it's really full of it's green.

Sarah Milken (00:16:00) - It's it's a superfood. Yes.

Abbie Crane (00:16:03) - One of my followers sent me a DM because Doctor Cole was interviewing a woman who had just created a brand. I think it's called Energy Bits or something, and it's chlorella and spirulina.

Abbie Crane (00:16:13) - I listened to that on the way home from Hawaii, and that's my latest addition to my protocol is spirulina. It's good for skin, hair, nails. It's more potent than the collagen powder.

Sarah Milken (00:16:24) - We all do. You do.

*Sarah Milken * (00:16:25) - The do. You do the liquid dropper that you put in your water, or you do these little pills that come in the bag from Amazon.

Sarah Milken (00:16:32) - All of it.

Abbie Crane (00:16:34) - Just like I have it all around so I can just get it in however however I can.

*Sarah Milken * (00:16:39) - And do you have any side effects from it? Like does it make you nauseous? Do you have to have it on an empty stomach with food?

Abbie Crane (00:16:46) - No, you can eat it with food. The spirulina. I like to put it in my protein shake. I like to eat it with nuts, but it gets kind of stuck in your teeth. I have that during the day.

*Sarah Milken * (00:16:57) - Those are the little bits?

Sarah Milken (00:16:58) - Yes. What are.

*Sarah Milken * (00:16:59) - Those called? So I can put it in the show notes.

Abbie Crane (00:17:02) - Yeah.

Abbie Crane (00:17:03) - There's one called Beauty Bits okay. And it's really just the way she calls them beauty bits because that's how she's marketing it, because I feel like women understand being marketed to for their hair, skin and their nails.

Sarah Milken (00:17:15) - Totally.

Abbie Crane (00:17:15) - But there's also another one. I forget what it's called because I don't buy it, but it's the same ingredient of spirulina. But it's a different package.

Sarah Milken (00:17:22) - Got it.

Abbie Crane (00:17:23) - But then the chlorella I take at night because it cleans your blood.

Sarah Milken (00:17:28) - And is that the dropper?

Abbie Crane (00:17:31) - They have it in a dropper form too, but they also have it in the in the little bits.

Sarah Milken (00:17:35) - Now when.

*Sarah Milken * (00:17:35) - You say bits, are you chewing them or swallowing them.

Abbie Crane (00:17:38) - Either one. Oh you can do either one or you can put it in your shake. A lot of people don't like the flavor. I don't mind the flavor, so I don't mind doing it. But you definitely have to have floss afterwards.

Sarah Milken (00:17:50) - Yeah, I don't know. I don't know about that. Like everything. Okay.

Sarah Milken (00:17:54) - Let's talk about your exercise routine.

Abbie Crane (00:17:57) - I mean, I love to move movement as medicine. I've had to, you know, accommodate my aging body as I've grown older. So I've had to find other ways to move. Why the rebounder has felt good. It's easier on my joints. I used to run. I used to do yoga. My orthopedic surgeon told me that I need to stop. Both of those.

Sarah Milken (00:18:18) - Are.

Abbie Crane (00:18:19) - I was born naturally flexible, so when I would do yoga, I would just rest in my ligaments and I have a torn labrum in my hip. So I incorporated swimming. I swim with a group of women at least once a week. I pick that up later in life. I feel like it's the most adventurous thing I do is like swimming in the rain outside. I mean, it's not even adventurous when you're wet.

*Sarah Milken * (00:18:44) - Are you swimming in the ocean?

Abbie Crane (00:18:46) - We swim in a pool. It's an outdoor pool. It's gorgeous. It's really fun.

Sarah Milken (00:18:51) - And are you just swimming laps?

*Sarah Milken * (00:18:52) - Are you racing? What are you doing?

Abbie Crane (00:18:54) - We do.

Abbie Crane (00:18:55) - We swim laps. We used to have a coach before Covid and she would, you know, watch our strokes. She would teach us how to swim like a group of women. It was called swim like a mother. And it was like we were all.

Sarah Milken (00:19:07) - I love it. It was really, really great. We weren't even.

Abbie Crane (00:19:11) - Able to swim with the masters, like some of the women that I swim with used to swim in college. They hadn't swam for a while. We were all looking for an alternative way to, you know, stay active. And this woman that we knew as a coach and put a group. Gathered for all the moms and I just fell in love with it. I mean, it is like an all over body workout, but you're in the water and it just feels otherworldly sometimes. I don't know, it's beautiful. Kick on your back and look at the clouds. And so I love to swim, I walk, I hike, I do the rebounder like I have a trainer.

Abbie Crane (00:19:44) - You know, we do Pilates and strength training because we all know as we age we need to work on our muscles.

Sarah Milken (00:19:51) - And oh gosh.

*Sarah Milken * (00:19:52) - Why do I know that so hard?

Abbie Crane (00:19:55) - But I do feel like I've gotten a little bit more limited in my movement, which is why I have a trainer, because, you know, I feel like I'm more injury prone than ever before, and I want to work out to stay more active.

*Sarah Milken * (00:20:08) - You've done a bone density test. Yeah.

Abbie Crane (00:20:11) - It's on the list.

Sarah Milken (00:20:12) - It's coming out with your colon.

*Sarah Milken * (00:20:14) - Coffee, too. That's hot.

Sarah Milken (00:20:16) - Oh, my God, I know I've got the.

Abbie Crane (00:20:18) - Long list of things I need.

Sarah Milken (00:20:20) - To do, but I.

*Sarah Milken * (00:20:21) - Feel like the list doesn't end.

Sarah Milken (00:20:23) - Yeah.

*Sarah Milken * (00:20:23) - Do you know what I mean? It's like I check off the blood work. Okay. Yeah. Okay, I got this. Yeah. And then. And then I get, like, the mammogram reminder. I'm like, didn't.

Sarah Milken (00:20:32) - I just do something? Didn't I just get my teeth clean five minutes ago?

Abbie Crane (00:20:37) - But honestly, like, I will.

Sarah Milken (00:20:39) - Do whatever.

Abbie Crane (00:20:39) - I have to do to keep living this life. I'm so like, I don't like doing any of it, but I'm just like, so grateful that we do have I.

Sarah Milken (00:20:48) - Go to.

Abbie Crane (00:20:49) - All of this, so I'm just like, okay, here we go. We're doing it again.

*Sarah Milken * (00:20:53) - Hey peeps, it's me again. I know it gets overwhelming out there when it comes to staying on top of our health in midlife. And I know life gets in the way because mine sure does. And before you know it, your elbow deep in a bag of pretzels for dinner, too tired to work out, and being a mom and empty nester and almost an empty nester, a hobbyist and non hobbyist, it can be more than a full time job. Trust me, I'm living it. Thankfully, we have people like Abby Crain here to remind us that shit can be hard, but also good and the importance of taking care of ourselves. But the steps involved are key. I love steps, I love action items, and I know you do too.

*Sarah Milken * (00:21:32) - Abby's biggest philosophy is living from the inside out, which basically means checking in with how you're feeling before you take action on something. This means checking in with yourself about your cravings. Am I hungry? Do I want this cookie for breakfast? And then trusting your answer, your intuition, yourself, then taking action based on that inner voice? This philosophy really calls for us to live in the moment and not get so fucking stuck in our heads about it. If something is right or wrong. I mean, believe me, I'm rumination station. I totally get it. I need this because I am the master illuminator, as you heard me say in this episode, and it takes up a lot of time too. And not to mention causes so much stress on our bodies. I mean, my cortisol is probably through the roof right now, but that's for another episode. Peeps. This is midlife. We have to trust. Trust ourselves now. We have too much to do and too much to think about it.

*Sarah Milken * (00:22:27) - And we should not be second guessing ourselves, our actions, our wants, and our cravings. You guys, this next part is crucial. If we evolve in midlife, our relationships will too. Our marriage will too. I know you know this, but we're not going to be in the honeymoon phase forever with our partners. I loved hearing Abby talk about this firsthand. She said that like everything in marriage, it's hard and good, and it takes work just like everything does. Long term relationships can feel like a hamster wheel of their own. Groundhog Day Abby and her husband do therapy and couples therapy, and they find common ground in valuing the process of therapy, reconnecting, and conversations that are essential for them to grow together. Aside from this, Abby's midlife toolkit involves cold plunging supplements and exercise. The cold plunge helps detox your body, strengthen your immune system, and regulate your hormones. I'm not going to fucking lie, I still haven't done it. If you can stand for three minutes, you're already receiving the benefits.

*Sarah Milken * (00:23:29) - I'm scared, but I need to try this. Okay, on to the supplements. Abby takes chlorella, algae and spirulina algae linking in the show notes. Of course. The flexible, neurotic. Com search Abby Crane. Crane E she says that the chlorella helps prevent cell damage that may lead to diabetes, heart disease and Alzheimer's. And the spirulina has benefits to lower cholesterol levels, gut health, and promote weight loss. I am not a doctor neither. She clearly check with your own doctor, so I'll be adding these to my ever evolving supplement routine. Okay? Also, movement is medicine. I love this one so much. That's a great takeaway, especially when I'm dreading the dumb fucking weights or jealous of my husband getting more time on the treadmill. Abby jumps literally at the opportunity to get movement in, including on her mini trampoline, which she uses. Every day to get her body and her lymph moving. Working out in movement can look different all throughout our lives. We know the weights are crucial, but swapping the treadmill for a trampoline jump once a week.

*Sarah Milken * (00:24:37) - Maybe I could do it if I peed first. Hopefully I don't pee in my pants. Mid lifers, don't worry about digging through your old notes for all the amazing information you get today, you can go to my website, dot the flexible neurotic.com and search Abbie Crane for a full set of show notes, and you can listen to the full length episode there too. Stay tuned for more golden nuggets that you probably forgot in the midst of midlife parenting. Teens becoming or maybe already are, an empty nester career and so many other things. There are three things you can do. I hope you have this memorized already. First, subscribe to the fucking podcast. Second, share it with some midlife friends. And third, write a fucking review. Writing reviews is kind of annoying and it's an extra step, but guess what? It really helps the podcast grow. You think your little review won't matter, but it does. DM me, you know. I always respond and of course follow my Instagram at the flexible, neurotic duh.

*Sarah Milken * (00:25:35) - Love you!