The Secret Sauce For Fair Play In Your Household
Hot Takes From My Conversation with Eve Rodsky
Hi, good peeps! I’ve got a question for you. Is there anything hotter than seeing your partner do the dishes? How about finding the clothes folded without having to ask?! It might seem like a dream, but it doesn’t have to be. That’s why I want to dig into my conversation with Eve Rodsky. She’s helping women find the secret sauce to make our households fair and equal so we can find the time to find ourselves.
Eve is a Harvard Law graduate and organizational management expert. She is also the New York Times best-selling author of Fair Play - A Game-Changing Solution For When You Have Too Much To Do (And More Life To Live. Her newest book, Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too-Busy World was just released this past year. Eve helps us ask ourselves what we would do if we had more time to do the sh*t we want to do instead of all those household chores and obligations. She’s creating a movement and change in how we view women’s time and I am here for it!
So how does more sex and less nagging sound? How about more time for your midlife remix? Get out your golden sh*t shovel! We’re digging deep into fair play, unicorn time, and so much more.
Our Time = Diamonds
Our time is just as important as men’s time. It seems pretty obvious, right? Not quite. According to Eve, research shows that we treat men’s time like it has limits and we treat women’s time like it is endless… like we have all the f*cking time in the world! Because our time is valued less, it usually leaves women with a to-do list that never ends and no time for ourselves. Sound familiar?
Our time isn’t sand, it’s as precious as diamonds. We need to change how we think about our time. We need to see that our husband’s work schedule and meetings are just as important as running carpool and setting up dentist appointments.
So what do we do? We have to carve out time to be unavailable. This can feel difficult at first, but it’s a crucial part of finding that secret sauce in our households.
Here are some reflection questions to help you get started:
How many times have you tried to say you are unavailable… but then, without a doubt, you are “needed” for something? Men have it a lot easier when it comes time to be able to completely check out and focus on their passions.
How often do you cancel on you? This is crucial to the midlife remix. We have to stop canceling on ourselves and start reclaiming our own time.
Finding Your Unicorn Space
We talked about Unicorn Space in the blog about self-care, so let’s dig a little deeper. This isn’t the space where you go to get your hair done or sit down and watch your favorite TV show. Unicorn space is an active pursuit in reclaiming who you are as a person. This is your time to discover what it is that makes you interesting. This may show up as learning something new or pursuing your goal of having your own podcast. You can learn all about it in Eve’s new book, Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too-Busy World.
Some Questions To Ask Yourself To Find Your Unicorn Space:
What are you passionate about? What makes you excited?
What gets you going in the morning?
What would you want to create if you had the mental and physical space to do so?
Reclaiming Our Time
You may be thinking, “That sounds nice, Sarah, but how am I actually going to take the time for my unicorn space? How do I actually make myself truly unavailable?”
There’s no way that one day your husband’s going to come home and say, “Wow, you know, you have so much on your plate… let's sit down and divide up these household tasks!” You’re going to have to get confident in the fact that you’ll be the one bringing up the concept of fair play in your home.
Here are some tips to help you get started:
Have the tough conversation. This is where fair play comes in. You’re going to have to sit down with your partner and have a conversation about redistributing household duties. Talk about who is going to do the dishes or the laundry and actually complete the task from start to finish.
You need to let some tasks go. Remember that “having it all” doesn’t mean you have to do it all.
Start where you are. Decide what it is you want and do it. Do it without the fear of being judged and stand your ground in the fact that your time is precious!
Be purposeful in what you do. Be intentional in the way you live, the conversations you have, and in the friendships you keep.
Check out Eve’s book and her Fairplay deck of cards. If you need more help finding the secret sauce for your household, Eve spells out exactly what to do. Check out her newest book, Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too-Busy World to get studied up on unicorn space.
When it comes down to it, the thing I want you to take from this conversation I had with Eve is that your time is just as important as your partner’s time. Make the time and have the difficult conversation to bring fair play into your household. If you can work together to share the household responsibilities, you’ll finally be able to take the time to be unavailable. This is the time where you can be intentional in what you do and find your own unicorn space. This is where you get to scratch those midlife itchies!
FINDING EVE RODSKY:
BOOKS BY EVE RODSKY: