Remixing Self-Love, Sex, & Spirituality In Midlife

Dec 30

Hot Takes From My Conversation with Kaamna Bhojwani

Hi, good peeps! This week I sat down with Kaamna Bhojwani and we dug deep into finding yourself and creating a better “you” through spirituality, meditation, and sexuality! As you’re entering midlife (or maybe you’re in the thick of it), you may be realizing that you don’t know what you want or what your next step should be. The conversation that I had with Kaamna is going to shine a light on some deep layers and provide you with some much-needed laughter along the way.

Kaamna Bhojwani has been studying psychology for 20 years and is currently studying Spiritual Psychology at Columbia University as part of her midlife remix. Kaamna hosts “KaamnaLive” which aims to dismantle stereotypes and norms, engage in uncomfortable discussions, and help individuals become more open-minded.

We are talking about self-reinvention, using meditation as a tool to find yourself, sexless marriages (and how that doesn’t have to be you), and finding self-love. So get your golden sh*t shovels ready as we dig deep into these midlife layers.

Step Into The Unknown

The first step to reinventing yourself in midlife is realizing you just don’t know what you want or what comes next. Research shows that every five to seven years, we get to the point where we wonder, “What’s next in my life?”

So, what can we do?

Take the pressure off. We think the next thing needs to be this major change or it needs to be huge to be successful. Not true. Get comfortable starting small and knowing that’s okay.
Find something satisfying. Find something that is going to give you meaning and purpose. Whether that is serving your community, finding a purpose that’s higher than yourself, or figuring out what’s going to make you happy. Find one or two things that light you up and figure out how to enjoy them without feeling like you’re taking away from somebody else.
Figure out who you are. You might be coming to the stage where you’re going to be an empty nester soon. This is a scary concept when, for the past couple of decades, your purpose has been predetermined for you. Give yourself permission to take some time and figure out who you are outside of everyone else.
Meditate. There are so many ways to meditate. It doesn’t need to be your traditional “Om” mantra you hear about all the time. It doesn’t need to take up your whole day. Start with 10 minutes. It can simply be whatever brings you peace and shuts out all of the noise around you.
Stop worrying about judgments from others. What works for you might not work for someone else and that’s okay. As women, we are constantly seeking approval. Here is where it’s going to get uncomfortable…find the courage to do whatever is best for you and not give a f*ck what anyone else thinks!

Bringing Sexy Back To Your Marriage

Are you in a sexless marriage? If so, you’re not alone! The number of marriages that are experiencing this is high. As we enter midlife, we need to know how to cultivate sensuality, how to get better at masturbation, and how to get our partners involved. Knowing what feels sexy to us now is part of finding that spark for midlife self-reinvention.

Things to Add to Our Midlife Pleasure Treasure Chest

Masturbation. Awkward topic!? We’re flexible around here! The typical masturbation conversation always centers on men… but what about women? Get to know yourself and what your needs are. Check out the blog on the Midlife Vagina Whisperer and listen to my episode with Dr. Sherry Ross to dig deeper.
Date night. Find time to spend together. Everyone is living such busy lives and it’s hard to stay connected. The more you feel intimately connected to your partner, the more likely it is you’ll want to get creative and freaky.

It’s Your Job to Love Yourself

By midlife, you have more than f*cking earned the right to do what you want! You deserve to do what you want without any fears or hangups. People are going to judge you no matter what you do, so you might as well be doing what you love. The tough part is that the harshest judgments can come from the ones closest to you. Find the courage to listen to yourself and put yourself in situations where you can see your true self unfold.

You might be thinking, “That sounds great, Sarah, but how the f*%k am I actually going to do that?”

Here are some tips to get started:

Clear out the space. Recognize what your needs are and take time for yourself. Yes, go get that pedicure or haircut, but you need something that is going to make you come home to yourself. Something that is going to give you contentment, meaning, or purpose to get up in the morning. Check out the blog on Self Care & Unicorn Space for more.
Find out what your strengths are. We are so afraid to say, “I’m good at this!” or “This isn’t for me.” Take this survey and figure out what your strengths are. This can help you figure out who you are and how to love yourself again.
Take “think time.” You might be wondering what the h*ll is think time… “think time” is where you sit down for 20 minutes, twice a week, and just write. Write whatever is on your mind. You don’t have to show anyone. It’s a place to write what you want without judgments and see what kind of treasures your imagination’s been cooking up!

**What The F*%K Is Manifestation?**

Big buzz word! We hear it all the time… but what the f*%k is it? Kaamna explains that manifestation is basically just directing the energies around you to build what you want. It’s putting something out into the universe that you want to come back to you. So…what do you want? Figure that out and put it out there. Then you can slowly build on it. It won’t work unless you believe that it will.

Midlife Manifestation Starters:

Regularly visualize the state that you want to be in. Feel like you’re there. Use your senses to create the place where you want to be.
Have the vision. Draw it, write it, or create a vision board. Watch TV shows or movies that reflect it. Make friends with people who have it.
Take inspired action. Let your vision inspire your decisions and take action when you feel inspired.

I just loved this juicy conversation with Kaamna! Remember, it takes courage to figure out what you want the rest of your life to look like… and it doesn’t need to happen overnight. Take the pressure off and find something you love. You can start with meditation or manifestation…or by bringing sexy back to your marriage. Whatever it is, your job right now is to love yourself and get in flow with your midlife remix!

Connect with Kaamna: